20
I NOW KNEW HOW
MATTHIAS FELT. MY HEART HAD been ripped out of my chest,
too.
I’d believed. Maybe a
little too quickly. Declan sired from dhampyr to vampire and, other
than a bit of initial surliness, he was exactly the same as before.
Better even. His dhampyr rage was gone. He was able to resist my
blood. He no longer had the side effects of the serum that dampened
his emotions and desire.
It had been the best
of both worlds. Or so I’d foolishly thought.
When Kristoff’s men
grabbed me, I used what little energy I had left to fight against
them, but it was in vain. They subdued me easily. My blood was the
only dangerous thing about me.
I’d trusted him
completely. I hadn’t even questioned whether or not I
should.
My
mistake.
I’d been used. And
I’d gone along for the ride one hundred percent, all too willing to
believe he couldn’t be changed or coerced just because he’d grown a
set of fangs.
“See you later,
Jill,” Declan said as the vampires began to drag me out of the
basement.
“Eat me, you
bastard,” I snapped, feeling the anger rise up past my initial
stunned reaction.
“Been there, done
that. You can go down on me next time to keep things fair.” He
smiled, and it chilled me to see how cold it was.
“In your
dreams.”
His smile held. “Or
yours.”
The vampires dragging
me away laughed at this fantastic hilarity as we moved up the two
sets of stairs leading back to the bedroom I’d been in before with
the ashes on the floor. Declan had taken those two vampires out,
sacrificing them so I’d believe he was trying to help me escape. I
was shoved inside and the door locked behind me.
As I stood there in
the darkness, my bottom lip quivered but I refused to cry. My heart
was broken, but it was still beating. I was still alive. Which
meant only one thing—they still needed me. I’d proven that I could
kill a VIP vampire. My usefulness outweighed me being a liability
to them.
Declan . . .
No, I couldn’t dwell
on him. He’d always said he hated vampires. I guess that changed
the moment he became one. I still couldn’t believe he’d accept
Kristoff so readily after everything Matthias had told us about
him. Kristoff was dangerous to humanity—a vampire with a deadly
widespread agenda.
And Declan was okay
with that? Would stand by his father’s side?
Carson had been a
horrible father, but his morals were in the right place, generally
speaking. The man saw things as strictly black or white, but he
knew the difference between good and evil and he’d ingrained that
in his adopted son. He’d taught Declan that vampires were evil
right across the board.
I’d wanted to see the
good in Noah. In Matthias. In . . . Declan. But maybe there wasn’t
any good to see. Maybe I was trying to fill in the blanks when they
should remain blank.
Matthias hadn’t
claimed me because he was madly in love with me and wanted me to
stay alive despite the Nightshade in my blood. No, he’d wanted to
use me in a failed attempt to defeat his newly awakened brother.
Noah was confused right now, trying to get a grasp on what it means
to be a vampire. But would he stop himself when it came to killing
someone when his new thirst overwhelmed him? I wanted to believe he
could, but I wasn’t sure.
And Declan. He hadn’t
been given any choice in the matter. I’d decided for him and that
decision had turned him into the monster I’d just met downstairs.
Cool, calculated, willing to lie to get what he wanted. So
different from the rage he’d had to deal with as a dhampyr—the
exact opposite, actually.
It had felt so real
between us earlier. I’d even told him I loved him.
But he hadn’t said it
in return.
I was on my own.
Again. And I had to get the hell out of here before it was too
late. I figured I had two choices: become Kristoff’s assassin or
try to escape.
Escaping sounded good
to me. But I also had to think about my nieces and Sara. I hadn’t
signed up to be Mother Goose, but my instincts kicked in. The
children were my main concern. I had to get them safely out of
here.
I paced back and
forth for what felt like forever, but no good plan came to me. I
had no idea what time it was but it was late. Or, possibly, early.
We’d returned from the vampire club after midnight and that already
felt like hours ago. Sunrise couldn’t be that far off.
A plan came to me,
but it was far from being a good one. Unfortunately I didn’t have
enough time to think too much about it; I had to act now while
there was still a chance to get out of here. I looked around the
dim room until I saw something that might be able to help me. A
lamp.
I unscrewed the
lightbulb, then smashed it against the ground. I stared at the
broken glass for several minutes, willing myself to find the
courage to do this.
My sister’s face came
to mind. I wondered if she was sleeping right now or if the mental
influence had worn off and she was beside herself with worry about
Meg and Julie. She’d never understand what was happening. Kristoff
said he’d release them, but I didn’t believe him. Putting that much
power in his hands—the lives of my nieces—without question was not
something I wanted to do. Ever.
Using this thought as
my strength, I sliced the edge of the broken lightbulb over my
wrist. The act made me flash back to another time when I’d done
something similar. In my bathroom, staring at my red-eyed
reflection in the mirror. Things had seemed pretty damn bleak that
evening. Had I really wanted to die when I pressed that razor blade
to my wrist and watched the bright red blood spill into the
sink?
Maybe for a moment.
But, thankfully, that moment passed.
It was just the
opposite tonight. I was slitting my wrist because I wanted to
live.
The dark red blood
felt hot on my skin as I watched it well up from the wound I’d
made.
I waited another
moment before I dropped the broken glass and went to the door. I
pounded my fist against it.
“Please help me,” I
shouted. “I’m hurt.”
There was somebody
waiting on the other side of the door. Guarding me. Watching for
any trouble.
They’d come to the
right place.
A minute later the
door creaked open and a pastyfaced guard peered
inside.
“What?” he
snapped.
I held my wrist out
to him. “I’m bleeding.”
His nostrils flared
and I could practically see the drool as the scent of my blood hit
him like a two-by-four. I wasn’t sure if he already knew who I was
and what my blood could do. Maybe Kristoff hadn’t shared my secret
with everyone yet. Actually, I was counting on it.
The guard’s eyes
narrowed. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that it’s not healthy to
offer your blood to a vampire?”
“I cut myself on a
piece of glass.”
“I see that.” His
eyes were black and hunger branched across his face.
Blood dripped from my
wrist to the floor as I held it aloft and tried to ignore the
stinging pain. “Will you please help me?”
It was as close as I
could get to tearing my clothes off and begging him to take me.
Desire snaked over his expression. I had no idea who he was, where
he came from, if he was a nice guy once, or if anyone might miss
him if he died.
He’d been the one to
open the door. Game on. I tried desperately to look like a sexy,
bleeding victim in waiting.
“They warned me about
you,” he whispered as he drew closer, his gaze locked on my
wrist.
That was worrying.
“What did they say about little ol’ me?”
“That you’re
dangerous.”
“Me?” I tried to look
innocent. “Dangerous? That’s crazy talk. I’m just a weak little
human trapped in a house full of thirsty vampires. Are you thirsty
right now?”
It was too dark in
the room for him to notice my blood was an unusual shade of red. Or
maybe he was color-blind.
“Damn, you smell so
good.” He took my arm and brought it to his lips, before sliding
his cool tongue over my wound. “You taste so good.”
I felt a mix of
disgust, regret, and victory. They didn’t blend well together.
“I’ve been told that before.”
He began to suck on
the wound, drawing more blood into his mouth. I didn’t try to stop
him.
“I see why Matthias
claimed you. Your blood is—” He gasped and looked at me with wide
eyes.
“Very bad for
vampires with no self-control.” I nodded. “Bye now.”
He opened his mouth
to scream, but the flames took him over before he had a chance. I
stepped away so I wouldn’t be burned and batted at the bits of ash
that fell down and caught in my hair.
Without waiting a
moment longer, I grabbed the door handle and swung it
open.
Declan stood there
blocking my way. I felt surprise and painful defeat. I’d been so
close. He wore a shirt now, a long-sleeved black one stretched
tight across his muscular chest. It looked borrowed from someone
smaller than him.
His gaze moved to my
bleeding wrist and he hissed. “Cover that.”
“Or what?” I snapped.
“You’ll be tempted to have a taste?” I held my arm up toward him
and he flinched away from me. I didn’t think I’d ever seen Declan
flinch before. He’d been affected by my blood as a dhampyr enough
to be drawn to it; to me. I could only imagine how much harder it
was for him now. “Why are you here? To kill me? To drag me in front
of daddy dearest? How could you do this?”
His jaw tightened,
the tattoolike spiderweb appearing on his face only making him look
scarier. “Maybe you should have let me die when you had the
chance.”
Frustration spilled
over inside of me. “Why, Declan? Do you hate me so much that you’d
string me along like a fool? Just to try to get some answers about
Alex and Matthias?”
He glared at me. “In
case you haven’t realized it, my real father is also my sire. Do
you know how powerful that combination is? He does. He controls me
now.”
“So what does that
mean? You need to do what he says?”
“Yes. I’m compelled
to follow his orders, no matter what they are.”
I faltered. “So he
ordered you to sleep with me?”
“It was a test on
whether or not I could resist your blood. I agreed to it. In fact,
I requested it.”
“You
resisted.”
“Yeah, I
did.”
My eyes narrowed.
“Just like Matthias’s test. He resisted me, too, when he had me
naked and vulnerable. Only he didn’t follow through and fuck me
when his heart wasn’t really in it. Even though—just an FYI—I would
have let him.”
His lips curled back
from his fangs and his expression darkened. “I guess he’s way more
of a saint than I am, isn’t he?”
“Get the fuck out of
my way, Declan.” I sounded so much stronger than I felt. In reality
I was ready to give up. But I couldn’t.
“Or what? You’ll
bleed in my general direction?”
“The guard couldn’t
resist me.”
“I’m not some stupid
fucking guard. My whole life I was taught self-denial. This is no
different.”
“What did Kristoff
send you here for right now? Let’s just say I’m not feeling very
friendly at the moment if you were looking for another quick
lay.”
He glared at me.
“You’re not going to beg me to help you? Rely on my fondness for
you to help you escape?”
“Fondness? I wouldn’t
know if you felt anything at all for me. You’re not exactly the
expressive type. Not much with the flowers and
chocolate.”
He was silent for a
moment. “You’re wrong. I’ve brought you a gift. It’s the reason I
came here. No one knows where I am right now.”
“Keep it. I don’t
want anything from you.”
“I think you’ll want
this.” He held out a glass jar to me. “Take it.”
My mouth dropped
open. Inside it looked like something from a medical lab—a bloody,
fleshy organ the size of a fist. I knew exactly what it was. Mine
had been broken only a few hours ago down in the basement.
“That’s—”
“Matthias’s heart. I
stole it from Kristoff’s room. It won’t be long before he realizes
it’s gone.”
I looked at him with
so much shock that it made it difficult to speak. “Why are you
doing this?”
“Why do you
think?”
“Before, you—and
Kristoff—when we came up from downstairs—”
He grabbed my hand
and placed the cool jar containing the bloody organ in it. “As my
sire and father, I can’t disobey him. But it doesn’t mean I agree
with what he’s making me do.”
I couldn’t believe
what I was hearing. “Are you trying to tell me that you’re not . .
.” I didn’t know how to say it.
“Not evil?” His lips
twitched.
“That’s what I—I
don’t know what’s going on, Declan. I don’t understand any of
this.”
“Kristoff expects me
to be one way with him now. That’s what I showed him downstairs. He
thinks I’ve changed.” His expression was tight. “I have changed.
But not the way he thinks. This is the one chance I’ve got to get
to you, to give you this so you can get Matthias and get the hell
out of here. He’ll protect you now.”
I grabbed on to his
arm. “You’re coming with me.”
He shook his head. “I
can’t leave. Kristoff will find me—our bond isn’t the same as yours
and Matthias’s, but there are some similarities. If he can find me,
he’ll find you.” He watched my confusion for a moment as everything
pieced together in my head, his brow creasing. “You really thought
I’d betray you like that? You didn’t even give me the benefit of a
doubt after everything we’ve been through together?”
I was overwhelmed by
all of this. “I didn’t know for sure. You’re—you’re a vampire
now.”
“Yeah, thanks for the
reminder. But other than an unnatural thirst for blood”—his teeth
clenched—“your blood in particular—I
don’t feel much different than before. Maybe that’ll come over
time, but not yet.”
I had thought the worst of him. I’d been too afraid
to even hope for anything other than total betrayal. That was
messed up and I was ashamed of it, but it protected me from any
paralyzing disappointment that would have made me curl up in a ball
somewhere, unable to help my nieces get out of here.
“You have to come
with me,” I said. “We’ll deal with Kristoff later.”
“I
can’t.”
“Please, I don’t
think I can do this by myself.”
“That’s not true. You
can do it. You’re stronger than you think you are. Just go, get
Matthias, help him—and he’ll help you.” He looked over his
shoulder. “I can’t stay. Go now while there’s time and leave here
as fast as you can.”
I reached for him,
but he was already gone.