18
DECLAN STOOD UP. HIS
CHEST WAS BARE AND ALL HE wore were black jeans. His scars were
still there, of course, but they seemed to have lightened slightly
against his pale skin.
He was a vampire now.
Just like his father.
This was the
experiment. Kristoff wanted me to be in the same room with Declan
now that my blood could kill him. It was a test to see if he was
strong enough to resist biting me. Maybe a rite of passage as he’d
done with Noah—a job interview.
Bite me and die or
resist and live. But Noah had a full day before he’d been given the
opportunity to test his strength around me. Declan would have been
sired only hours ago. And he already had fangs.
Cold fear slid
through me.
“Declan—” I
began.
“Shut up.” There was
pain in his voice.
I pressed my lips
together.
“This is your fault,”
he growled at me.
“That you’re still
alive?” My voice shook, not sure if I should be encouraged or
terrified that he could form complete sentences. “Yeah, I guess
that’s all on me.”
“I was supposed to
die tonight. I agreed to it.”
“Well, that’s just
too fucking bad, isn’t it? Suck it up. Noah did. And—and don’t come
any closer to me.”
He ignored my request
and drew nearer to where I was tied up like a sacrificial offering.
As predicted, six feet away he froze, his nostrils flaring.
“Fuck.”
“Different now, isn’t
it?” I cringed as I watched the alltoo-familiar spiderweb of veins
appear around his eye and eye patch and down to his jawline. His
hands were fisted at his sides, his muscles tense.
His face was
shadowed, but his single black eye glittered in the near darkness.
“Your scent . . . is complete . . . and utter
torture.”
I pulled at the ropes
but they didn’t give in the slightest and only cut painfully into
my wrists. “It’ll be worse if you bite me.”
“He’s . . . testing
me.”
“Brilliant
deduction.” I eyed him warily as he drew closer still. There was
dark anger on his face as he glared at me.
“He’s sure only one
of us will leave this room.”
I gasped as he
clutched my throat. “You can’t bite me.”
“No. But there are
other ways of dealing with you so you’re not a problem for me any
longer.”
My breath caught. I
was right. He was going to kill me. “Let go of me.”
He tilted his head as
he stared at me. He seemed suddenly as emotionless as he’d ever
been, the rage disappearing from his expression completely. He
looked like a stone-cold killer. “This relationship can only end in
a couple of ways, Jill. My death or yours. I might slip up and bite
you now and that’s a risk for me. I’m strong—stronger than he
thought I’d be when he did this to me. Stronger than Noah was. But
I’m not that strong. It’s hell being
this close to you knowing I can’t taste you.”
I couldn’t see the
scars on his face for the pattern of dark lines that showed his
hunger. “Noah says my blood is like crack to him now.”
His grip on my throat
tightened. “You’re like crack to
me.”
I struggled to keep
the fear out of my eyes. “Such a sweet talker when you’re talking
about killing me.”
He shook his head and
grimaced, his lips curling back so I could see those sharp white
fangs again. I shuddered. The sight of them made me mourn for the
Declan who was now gone forever. He pushed my head to the side so
he could see Alex’s fangs marks on my neck and hissed out a
breath.
“It was only a matter
of time. You’re too soft, Jill. Too human. You don’t have the
killer instinct like I do. If Kristoff decides to keep using you as
an assassin, you wouldn’t last more than a couple days before some
vamp snapped your neck.”
He believed it, every
word. I could see it in his gaze. I was soft, weak, and I needed
someone to protect me. Now that he couldn’t do it I was on my own—a
baby bird that had fallen out of the nest.
I wasn’t as weak as
he thought I was.
He brought his other
hand up to my throat so he would be able to squeeze the life out of
me the moment he made the decision to end this conversation. “I
don’t understand why you’d do it, Jill. Why would you get Kristoff
to sire me when you damn well knew I’d never want something like
that?”
His grip was nearly
too tight for me to speak. I felt a wash of emotion—fear, anger,
frustration, despair—as I stared at the vampire in front of
me.
“You were
dying.”
“Why didn’t you let
me die?”
“Because I needed you
to live.”
He shook his head.
“Why would you have me made into something I hate?”
“I knew you’d want to
kill me for this.”
“And yet you asked
Kristoff to sire me anyway. Why?” His brows drew
together.
“Because I wanted you
to live, no matter what. I was too selfish and too stubborn to let
you die like that.”
“Why?” he
demanded.
“Because—” My voice
caught. “Because I love you.”
He didn’t move,
didn’t react, but his hands loosened on me. My heart pounded so
fast and hard that I could hear it loudly in my ears. Tears slid
down my cheeks.
And then he released
me completely and took a step back. The air in the room felt cool
on my throat.
He was frowning
deeply. “You love me.”
I inhaled shakily.
“Is—is that really such a big surprise to you?”
“No one has ever—”
His jaw tightened.
He didn’t finish the
sentence. He didn’t need to. No one had ever told Declan that they
loved him before—probably not even Emily, the woman who’d looked
after him as a little boy. Not Carson in all the years he’d raised
him. Declan had had no previous girlfriends since he couldn’t
experience true emotion or desire while on the serum. And his birth
mother had never told him the truth, had never loved him a day of
his life.
No one had ever loved
Declan enough to make a stupid, selfish decision like this on his
behalf.
I’d known I loved
Declan for a while now, but I’d been afraid to admit it even to
myself. Lust was easy. But love was an emotion far more dangerous
and unpredictable than the thirstiest vampire.
I licked my dry lips
as the silence spread between us. “Matthias said vampires don’t
love the way humans do. They have detached emotions, I guess. They
can see things more objectively. So they can’t become emotionally
attached to anyone.”
His gaze hardened
again. “And yet he claimed you.”
I cringed. “You say
that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It is.”
“It’s the only thing
keeping the Nightshade from killing me. I feel better than I have
for weeks.”
His eye widened
slightly at the news that my death watch could be called off. “So
do I.”
“Your
serum—”
“Gone. The vampire
blood . . . it burned away any remaining serum. And since I’m not a
dhampyr anymore, I don’t have the mindless rage to deal with,
either.”
“Just a little
bloodlust and an aversion to sunlight.” I grimaced. “Sounds like a
fair trade.”
“I’m not sure about
that.” Declan pulled his silver blade from the leather sheath at
his hip.
So much for my
heartfelt admission. It hadn’t made any damn difference. He was
still going to kill me. “You don’t have to do this. You need to
untie me, and then we have to find Matthias and get the hell out of
here.”
“I find it difficult
to give a shit what happens to Matthias, actually.”
“My connection to him
is no different than your connection to Kristoff. A means to an
end, that’s all.”
His eye narrowed.
“The only difference is I didn’t have to fuck Kristoff for our
connection, I just had to drink his blood.”
I stared at him. “I
didn’t have sex with Matthias.”
Surprise flickered in
his gaze. “I don’t believe you.”
“It’s
true.”
He pulled back enough
that I could see his shadowed face and that fiery look in the black
as midnight eye. “I don’t know how he can be so close to you and
not lose control of himself.”
I eyed the sharp
knife he held. “Maturity. Practice. Self-denial.”
“It was a rhetorical
question, but it’s great to know you’re such a fan of the former
vampire king.”
Anger burned away
anything else I was feeling. “I’m sick of talking, Declan. I’ve had
my say. Do it. Get it over with.”
“Okay.” He raised the
knife.
So much for my bluff.
I couldn’t die, not before I knew Meg and Julie were okay. “No,
wait! You’re not the same as the others. You can control yourself.
You’re not like Noah was last night. And Kristoff has no power over
you. He’s your father, but that doesn’t mean a damn thing. I know
you, Declan, and I know I’ve hurt you, but you don’t have
to—”
“I’m not going to
kill you, Jill. I never was.”
I sucked in a
mouthful of air so deeply I nearly choked on it as his words
registered with me. I glared at him. “Then stop fucking around and
untie me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He
moved behind me to slit the ropes with the knife, freeing my hands.
I rubbed my rope-burned wrists gingerly as he sheathed the knife. I
didn’t move an inch from where I stood. Neither did
he.
“Tell me again why
you asked Kristoff to sire me,” he said softly, raising his gaze
from my wrists to my eyes.
I blinked. “Because I
need you.”
“Why
else?”
“Because I didn’t
want you to die.”
“Why else?” He slid
his hand down my right cheek and wiped away a tear
there.
I touched his hand,
still warm unlike Matthias’s cool skin—the difference four hundred
years as a vampire would make. Relief washed over me. “Because I
love you so much I knew I’d die if you did.”
He shook his head.
“That’s your bond with Matthias, not ours.”
“Maybe on paper. But
not where it counts.”
His frown deepened
and the dark veins were still there on his face. “He’s
better-looking than me, richer, more powerful. And he can control
himself around you.”
“I’m sure you’re
trying to make a point, but it’s lost on me.” I flattened my hands
on the broad, muscled slabs of his chest. His warmth was more a
relief than I thought it was. I guess vampires took time to cool
off, since Declan was still hot to the touch.
His expression showed
dark hunger as his mouth closed over mine. I kissed him, pulling
him against me. He growled against my lips and it sounded pained
and uncertain.
“Fuck,” he whispered
harshly against my lips. “This is pure torture.”
I tried to catch my
breath. “You don’t have to be this close to me.”
“Wrong. I’ve dreamed
about this for days. About you.”
My fear from earlier
had been replaced with something else, something like cautious
optimism and relief. And as he kissed me again, I felt a deep
aching need inside me. I wanted him so badly, and I never thought
this could happen again between us. Especially not now that he’d
been changed.
But he hadn’t changed
that much. He just had a couple more issues to deal with
now.
He grabbed the sides
of my black dress and pulled it up over my hips, then hooked his
fingers into the sides of my panties and pulled them down over my
legs so I was naked from the waist down. He grasped my buttocks and
pulled me against him firmly so I could feel his erection straining
against the front of his pants. He’d barely stopped kissing me the
entire time. He ground himself against me as if he couldn’t control
himself. The bedpost dug into my back, but I barely felt it. I just
felt him. And he felt good.
He pulled back a
little to look into my eyes. “Jill . . . this isn’t easy for me . .
.”
“I
know.”
“I want to taste
you.”
Panic fluttered in my
chest. “You can’t. Declan . . . maybe this is a mistake. It’s too
soon—”
“Do you want me to
stop?” His face was so tense for a moment.
“No.” I slid my hand
from his shoulders up over his face, tracing one of the dark veins.
It was flat against his skin and looked like a tattoo this close
up. “I just don’t want you to lose control and bite
me.”
“I’ll
try.”
“That’s not good
enough.”
“I won’t bite
you.”
I smiled. “That’s
better.”
He swallowed, his
Adam’s apple shifting as I brushed my lips over his throat. “Tell
me what you want, Jill.”
“Other than you not
biting me?” I kissed his mouth again. “I want you inside of
me.”
That blunt request
made him swear harshly under his breath.
I slid my hands down
his broad chest, over the hard ridges of his abdomen, to the
waistband of his pants. I unbuttoned and unzipped and slid my hand
inside, wrapping my fingers around his length while I worked his
pants down over his hips. His breathing became more erratic as I
began to stroke him.
He swore under his
breath as my mouth met his again, nearly hard enough to bruise, and
a low groan escaped his throat.
Moving a little away
from the bedpost, he leaned me back on the waiting bed, pulling my
dress off over my head, breaking the kiss only long enough to do
so.
Maybe this was only a
dream. When I’d asked Kristoff to turn Declan into a vampire to
save his life, I was convinced he’d be different, more monstrous,
only interested in feeding and filled with rage that I’d made this
decision for him. He’d been confused, of course. He didn’t know my
motivation. He knew it now. I loved him, fangs or no
fangs.
Being a dhampyr must
make the transition easier. Some dhampyrs got worse, more violent
and uncontrollable, as Kristoff said—but maybe he was just saying
that to scare me. Or maybe Declan was the exception. He’d been
sired by a king—a centuries-old vampire who’d been conserving his
strength for thirty years. Declan had been sired by his real
father. That had to make a huge difference.
I moaned as I felt
Declan’s weight cover me, his hands stroking my inner thighs as he
spread my legs. I fumbled to grasp his thick cock and guide it
against me. He growled, his lips curling back to show his fangs,
and he grasped my wrist to pull my hand away from him, bringing
both of my arms up over my head.
“It’ll be over too
soon if you keep touching me like that.”
I grinned a little,
but it faded as I felt him push against me, stretching me as he
guided himself inside slowly . . . so slowly. He released my wrists
so I could grip his shoulders as he filled me.
I held his face
between my hands and stared up at him. We stayed exactly like this,
unmoving, just feeling—skin to skin, his body deeply inside of
mine—for a few moments before he began to rock his hips against
mine.
I gasped. “Declan . .
.”
“You have no idea how
this feels.” His voice was raw and ragged against my ear. “Pleasure
and pain.”
“Fifty-fifty?”
He brushed his mouth
against mine. “Sixty-forty.”
“Better.”
I was shocked at how
this night had ended up. I half expected a fit of rage to take him
over like last time, but nothing happened except for the exquisite
sensation of his body sliding in and out of mine.
“Just . . . don’t . .
. bite me,” I managed to whisper against his lips.
He made a broken
sound and it could have been a laugh. “I’ll try my
best.”
I groaned as he
suddenly pulled completely out of me. “What are you doing? Is
something wrong?”
His mouth was on my
throat, kissing me there. I tensed so I grabbed his face and
brought him up a little so I could look into his eye. He looked
serious and his breathing was labored.
“What?”
“I thought you were
lost to me.”
“When?”
“Kristoff told me
about Matthias’s claim on you.” He pressed his lips to my
collarbone before moving his hands and mouth to my breasts. I felt
the sharp edge of his brand-new fangs against my left nipple and it
made me jump.
“Be careful,” I
warned.
“Careful . . .” He
slid his tongue between my breasts and down to my belly button,
leaving a damp circle behind, as he moved even lower on my body.
“Not sure I want to be.”
Worry mixed with the
pleasure he was giving me. “Promise me you’ll never bite
me.”
“I won’t bite you.”
He kissed my inner thigh. “But I can still taste you.”
I felt the rasp of
his stubble a moment before the hot, wet slide of his tongue
against me. I arched my back and cried out. His mouth on me was
enough to send me right over the edge. It didn’t take long before
the pleasure was too intense and my orgasm crashed over me, leaving
me moaning and crying his name over and over. The world appeared to
grow dark around the edges and I thought for a second I was going
to black out.
Declan gathered me
into his arms, pulling me up off the bed so I was seated on his lap
and I felt him slide into me again. I felt boneless and liquid and
I clung to him as his thrusts became deeper and
harder.
“Jill . . . fuck . .
. so good . . .” He kissed me, openmouthed and ravenous, and I
tasted myself on his tongue. I’d forgotten everything apart from
this moment. Nothing else mattered. I forgot that he was a vampire
now, that he couldn’t bite me, that anyone had ever touched me
before except him. It was his touch that burned. It was his touch
that made me crave more.
I hadn’t lied. I
loved Declan no matter who or what he was—or even what the
consequences might be.
The last vestige of
control left him as he approached his own climax. His lips curled
back from his fangs and he dove for my throat. I feared for the
worst, bracing for the pain, but he didn’t try to taste my blood.
He roared against my skin as he came deep inside of
me.
I held him tightly,
stroking his back, his face, wanting this moment to last forever,
even though I knew it couldn’t.
“I claim you, Jill,”
he whispered hoarsely against my lips. “You’re mine.”
He kissed me
again—the dark web of hunger had never left his face for one moment
while we’d been together. At that moment I was his, body and soul. But I knew he could never
claim me completely.
After all, another
vampire had already gotten there first.