42
She was aware of being warm. But when she
stretched like a cat in the morning sunshine, she instantly
realised where her limbs were lying. In his bed. Again. She opened
her eyes and found his face only inches from her own, watching her.
Again.
‘Good morning,’ he said softly.
‘Hello. How did I get here?’
‘You needed sleep. Not in a chair. You feel
better?’
‘Much. And you? Did you sleep well?’
‘Yes.’
She knew he was lying, but it felt so odd to be
having this conversation with him while she was flat on her back in
bed with him that she didn’t contradict him. He reached across and
touched her ear for a brief second. She noticed that the swelling
in his fingers was less and she wanted him to touch her ear again.
Her ear, her face, anywhere he wanted. This close to him she could
see a slight stubble on his jaw but it was only light, not like
Alfred’s. Chang’s chest was hairless, and she decided she liked
that. That smoothness.
They lapsed into silence, just staring at each
other, but the silence was easy, not stiff or stilted. It felt as
natural as the sunlight that spilled under the curtain, so that
when she leaned toward him after a while and gently kissed his
lips, there was no embarrassment, just a sense of wholeness. And a
fierce sense of wanting more. The wanting was so strong it made her
body ache. But just when she least expected it, he closed his eyes
and shut her out. The disappointment made her swallow hard, but she
reminded herself he was ill, seriously ill, and needed rest. When
she slid out of the bed, he did not try to stop her. He lay there
breathing hard, as if his chest hurt, his dark head immobile on the
pillow that still bore the imprint of her own.
She gathered together some fresh clothes and went
to the bathroom. Gospodi! She must stink. She ran a bath and
emptied a stream of her mother’s bright green bubble bath into it,
plunged in, and scrubbed herself hard. To scrub the ache away.
Afterward she wrapped her wet hair in a towel and put on her other
dress and the new lambswool cardigan Valentina had bought her, all
soft and primrose yellow.
She looked in the mirror above the washbasin,
trying to see what Chang would see, but she couldn’t. There was
some flesh on her bones these days, which was an improvement. And
it seemed that her mother was right because in the last few months
the good eating, which was thanks to Alfred, had filled out not
only her cheeks, but her breasts too. They weren’t as good as
Polly’s but they were getting there.
She smiled. At the mirror. And was surprised by
what she saw. It was a whole new smile.
When the doorbell rang this time, Lydia was half
expecting it.
‘It’ll be Polly,’ she said and went down to open
the front door.
‘Hello, Lyd, I’ve come to see how you’re getting
on. Bit lonely?’
‘Oh Polly, now is not a good time actually. I’m
just . . .’
‘Hello, Lydia, dear. My word, you are looking well.
Positively blooming. And that colour really suits you.’
‘Thank you, Mrs Mason. No need to check up on me,
honestly. I’m doing fine.’
‘I’m just making sure you are managing all right,
as I promised Mr Parker I would. We were worried the bomb might
have frightened you yesterday, weren’t we, Polly?’
‘I wasn’t. I thought it was exciting.’ Polly
grinned. ‘I told Mummy you wouldn’t be scared.’
‘Have you time for a few of your favourites?’
Anthea Mason held up the cake tin in her hand and smiled
enticingly. ‘Macaroons.’
Lydia was not exactly in the mood for
macaroons.
‘Mummy made them specially,’ Polly said pointedly
and beamed when Lydia stepped back into the hall, allowing them to
enter.
She seated them in the drawing room.
‘Isn’t this a pretty room?’ Anthea Mason said
cheerily. ‘Adorable colours.’
Lydia gave it a glance. ‘The colours are Mama’s and
the furniture is Mr Parker’s.’
The cocktail cabinet and leather chesterfield were
a bit dark and gloomy for Lydia’s taste but her mother had already
started to soften their impact with her own personal touches, warm
textured cushions and curtains. But at the moment Lydia’s mind was
on other things. She remained standing, shifting from foot to foot,
pushing a toe into the thick Chinese carpet.
‘How’s Sun Yat-sen?’
‘Fine.’
‘And the cook? Is he looking after you?’
‘Yes.’
‘So you’re eating well?’
‘Yes.’
‘But I’m sure you have room for one of these, don’t
you, dear?’
‘Yes. Thank you.’
‘A cup of tea perhaps?’
‘Oh. Right. I’ll go and make one.’
‘Ask the cook to do it, dear. I know you’ve
dispensed with your houseboy, though for the life of me I can’t
understand why.’
‘I won’t be long.’
She headed quickly for the kitchen, made a hurried
pot of tea, carried it on a tray back into the drawing room, and
froze.
‘Where’s Polly?’
‘Oh, I think she popped upstairs to take a peek at
your bedroom, dear. You don’t mind, do you?’
Lydia dumped the tray and ran.
She was too late. Polly was standing in the
bedroom. Her cheeks were scorched red and she was absolutely rigid,
staring at Chang An Lo. He lay in the bed and was clutching the
carving knife in his hand.
‘Oh, bloody hell, Polly, you should have waited.’
Lydia seized her friend’s shoulder and swung her around to face
her. ‘Listen to me. You must say nothing. Do you hear? Nothing to
anyone. Not even your mother.’
Polly’s eyes strayed back to Chang and regarded him
in the same way she would a tiger in Lydia’s bed. ‘Who is
he?’
‘A friend.’
Polly’s eyes widened. ‘Not the one from the
alleyway? The Communist?’
‘Yes.’
‘What’s he doing here?’
‘He’s injured. Polly, if you tell anyone, it will
be dangerous for him. You must keep quiet or he could be
caught and killed.’
Polly gasped and ran a nervous hand through her
bangs, unintentionally flipping them up in a jerky gesture that
revealed an ugly bruise on her forehead. The sight of it made Lydia
angry.
‘And don’t ever tell your father about Chang An Lo
either, will you? Promise me.’ Lydia put her arms around Polly.
‘It’s all right, don’t get in a flap about it. We’ve done nothing
wrong.’
Polly stared at her in disbelief. ‘Don’t you think
keeping a Chinese man in your bed while your mother is away is
wrong?’
‘No, I’m just nursing him, that’s all. There’s
nothing wrong in it. Anyway, he’ll be gone as soon as he’s well
enough, I swear.’ Lydia looked hard into Polly’s eyes and saw
something there that made her stomach drop.
‘I still don’t think it’s right,’ Polly said
quietly.
‘Please, Polly.’
‘But if I told my mother . . .’
‘No, don’t tell anyone. You must remain silent
about this.’ She held on to her friend’s wrist and gave it a little
squeeze. ‘For my sake.’ Suddenly she kissed Polly’s cheek and
murmured, ‘Please, Polly. Do it for me.’
‘I’ve been thinking,’ Lydia said quietly as she
limped Chang An Lo up and down the room. ‘I’ve worked out what to
do on Saturday.’
Chang was sweating. The effort was killing him but
he wouldn’t stop.
‘Saturday I leave.’
Her throat tightened. It was the first time he’d
said it. ‘No, that’s my point. You can stay.’
He turned his head and looked at her with a slow
smile. ‘Ah yes, your mother and new father will be happy to welcome
me as their guest.’
‘I want you to stay.’
His arm around her shoulders pulled her closer but
he didn’t cease his shuffle.
‘You see, I’ve worked out that you can stay in the
shed, the one Sun Yat-sen is in. I’ve put a padlock on it, so no
one will be able to open it except me. They’ll never know you’re in
there. Alfred and my mother will be too busy with each other to
notice and I’ve put all the gardener’s things in the back of the
garage, so . . .’
He chuckled. A rich mischievous sound that was so
full of life it made her pulse thud with delight.
‘I love you, Lydia Ivanova,’ he laughed. ‘Not even
the gods can stop you.’
He hadn’t said no. That was the main thing. He
didn’t say yes, but he didn’t say no. She held on to that.
By the evening he was exhausted and seemed to fall
into a deep troubled sleep. He moaned and muttered in his dreams,
but it was in Mandarin. They had both been severely rattled by
Polly’s intrusion, but Lydia had assured Chang that her friend
would say nothing. She was pleased her own voice sounded so
confident and wished she could be certain of it herself. Polly had
been shocked. No telling how she’d react when she’d had time to
think about it.
‘Polly,’ she murmured to herself, ‘don’t let me
down.’
As the night rolled in, she gazed out the window
before she closed the curtains and, considering the precarious
position she was in, she felt extraordinarily safe. She knew it was
absurd. So absurd it made her laugh out loud. A known Communist in
her bed, her mother about to return and a prickly new stepfather
coming to turn her world upside down, yet . . . still. She felt
good.
She watched a bedraggled pheasant pick its way over
the snow on the back lawn, scratching for grubs, and for the first
time in her life it dawned on her what it was like to be on the
inside. No longer a hungry creature out in the snow. She turned her
head away from the cold wintry scene outside and studied her room.
It was warm. It was softly lit by the green lamp. There was food on
a tray and a white nightdress waiting on a chair. This is how
people were supposed to live. But she knew it wasn’t the nightdress
or the tray that was making her feel so good.
It was having Chang An Lo in her bed.
He woke her in the night.
She was lying on the bed. Like the night before,
under the eiderdown but on top of the blanket. She had cleaned her
teeth, put on the pretty nightdress, and taken up her position
beside him in the bed while he was asleep. The lamp was off and in
the silent mix of shadows in the room her senses slowly grew more
alert. She could hear his breathing and smell the male scent of his
skin. She did not hurry to fall asleep.
‘Lydia.’ His hand was on her arm, the grip
strong.
Instantly she was awake. ‘What is it? Is the pain
worse?’
He was shaking. She could hear his teeth. She sat
up.
‘No,’ he said. ‘Just the pain of the dreams.’
She lay on her side and wrapped an arm over his
chest, holding him tight to her. Even through the blanket she could
feel the pounding of his heart. He rested his damp cheek against
her forehead, drew a deep breath, and released it slowly. For a
long time they lay like that.
‘You never asked,’ he said at last into the
darkness of the room.
‘Asked what?’
‘What happened?’
‘I thought if you wanted me to know, you’d tell
me.’
He nodded.
‘But maybe if you tell me now, it will be released
and leave your dreams in peace.’
He breathed deeply again and when he spoke his
voice was flat and hard. ‘There is not much to tell. It was simple.
They stripped me and put me in a metal crate. I survived. Three
months, perhaps more. I’m no longer clear. A box with air holes. An
arm’s length square, the same high. They fed me when they felt like
it, so most of the time they didn’t. They only took me out of the
box for amusement. Finger cutting. Chest branding. Other things. I
don’t want your ears to hear.’
Lydia lifted a hand and stroked his cheek, his
throat, long slow strokes. But she didn’t speak.
‘One day they grew careless. They left knives too
close while they played their games with me. They believed I was a
dead rag. No threat to them. But they were wrong. My hand still
knew how to sink a blade into a well-fed stomach.’
His words stopped. The shaking had passed. She
could feel the anger in him, like a coat of steel under his
skin.
‘I escaped. But I could go to no one who was known
to be my friend. It was too dangerous.’
‘So you went to Tan Wah.’
‘Yes. Nobody knew of him. The hovels are used by
opium addicts. No one goes there. I thought he was safe.’ He let
out a low-throated groan. ‘I was mistaken.’
‘No, Chang An Lo, no. You were right. He died only
because of me. Because of my stupid coat and somebody else’s greed.
I’m sorry.’
‘We are both sorry, Tan Wah,’ he whispered.
The silence in the room was short-lived because
Lydia’s own anger was swirling up in her.
‘Who did these things to you? Who are they?
The Black Snakes? Or the Kuomintang? Tell me.’
He moved his head on the pillow and looked at her.
It was too dark to make out his expression but her fingers touched
his face and she was amazed to feel a smile curving his lips.
‘Why do you need to know, Lydia? Will you rush out
and kill them for me?’
‘It’s what they deserve.’
He gave a soft laugh and moved closer.
‘Is it hard to kill someone?’ she whispered.
‘Lydia, you would kill a man if you had to.’
Then he kissed her lips and it wasn’t gentle this
time. It was a fierce hungry kiss that made the ache flare
throughout her body.
‘Who was it?’ she asked again when she drew
breath.
‘You never give up.’
‘Who?’
He sighed. ‘It was Feng Po Chu. His father, Feng Tu
Hong, is the leader of the Black Snakes and the president of the
council.’
‘Po Chu? The one who stole the explosives? Why did
he do this to you?’
‘Because I did something. It made him lose
face.’
‘What kind of something?’
Chang was silent at first and she thought he was
going to keep his secrets from her, but slowly he started to speak.
‘I walked him naked and bound to his father and made him beg. I
thought I had the protection of Feng Tu Hong but . . .’ He paused
and traced a finger around the curve of her ear. ‘I was
wrong.’
Lydia abruptly recalled what Mr Theo had told her
about Chang making a deal with Feng, and she nodded. ‘Thank you.
Now I know.’
After a moment of thought she rolled away from him
out of the bed, felt her way over to the small green lamp on the
table, and switched it on. When she returned to the bedside, she
stood quite still for a moment, gazing down at him intently. Slowly
she slid the nightdress up over her head.
She saw his black eyes fill with desire.
She lifted the sheet and lay in the bed next to
his naked body. He was warm. Like silk all down one side of her
skin. She stroked a hand gently over his bandaged chest and down
his thin ribs to his hips. She knew his body so well, each bone and
muscle of it.
But suddenly, stupidly, she felt awkward. She
didn’t know what to do next. Her heartbeat was thudding in her ears
and she was frightened he would hear it, but just when she was
thinking she’d made a complete fool of herself by climbing into his
bed like a common slut, he lifted himself up on one elbow and
studied her face with a dark, serious gaze. So intense it stripped
away her fears.
Slowly his lips found hers. Tentative at first.
Small lingering kisses on her mouth, on the tip of her chin, the
corners of her eyes and the sweep of her cheekbones. They made her
whole body surge with something that felt almost like pain, it was
so fierce, a burning heat. It swept from her lips to the tips of
her breasts and rushed down between her legs. Her nipples ached.
She heard herself moan in a soft mewing sound she had never heard
before.
‘Lydia,’ he murmured as his mouth claimed hers
again. His hand caressed her naked breast and slid in slow teasing
circles down the slope of her slender stomach.
It was as if her skin became something other than
skin. It grew so alive it leaped out of her control, rubbed itself
against his body, her hip pressing against his, her hands touching,
searching, stroking, seeking out each bone of his back, his flat
wide shoulder blades, the curve of his buttocks. Her lips opened to
his and the unexpected sensation of their tongues entwining sent
such a shiver of delicious shock through her body that it made him
stop, lift his head, and gaze at her with concern.
But she laughed, almost a purr, and wrapped her
arms around his neck, drawing him back to her once more. His lips
explored her throat with open-mouthed kisses, as if he would eat
her up, and his tongue started to lick her breasts, tasting her,
discovering her, making the lines of her body melt until they
moulded perfectly to his. It amazed her that two bodies could do
this. Become one.
As he bent his dark head over her breast she let
her own tongue trail along the back of his neck, twirling the short
hairs and nuzzling each bone of his spine. His skin. It smelled of
herbs. But the salty taste of it set her loins throbbing. When he
took her nipple into his mouth the heat inside her seemed to
explode in her chest and the need for him became unbearable. Her
hand reached down to where she could feel his penis thrust hard
against her thigh but when her fingers curled around it, it
startled her. This was not the penis she recognized, the one she
had cradled in her hand before. This was different. Big. Too big.
How could anything be so hard and yet so soft?
He moaned the moment her hand touched it. It
twitched between her fingers as if electric shocks were sweeping
through its blue veins and she felt a fierce choking desire to hold
it, keep it, protect it, own it forever. It was as if it were a
part of her. As he was a part of her.
Abruptly she could hold back no longer and she took
his good hand, placed it between her legs. Instantly he lifted his
head so that his mouth and his tongue could merge with her own, and
his fingers started to caress the moist heart between her legs,
gently at first, then firmer, harder. She moaned, and under it she
heard a low breathless growl that was him. She lost track of time.
A minute or an hour, she had no idea. She wrapped a leg up over his
hip and felt his penis tight against her cleft, the pulse of it hot
and needy.
And suddenly he was above her. His lips kissing her
eyelids until she opened them and found his dark gaze looking down
at her with an expression so tender and so full of longing that she
knew she would carry it with her till her dying day. His mouth
moved against her own.
‘My sweet love,’ he breathed. ‘Tell me this is what
you want.’
For reply she bucked her hips so that the tip of
him slid inside her and she heard his quick intake of breath. His
teeth bit down on her lip. Slowly, gently, with infinite care he
entered her. At one point a sharp pain made her cry out but he held
her close, murmuring, whispering, eating her up.
She could barely breathe. All thought ceased. Her
whole world became this one moment. A fierce pounding heat that
crashed over her body, burning new pathways through her flesh.
Through his flesh. Through their flesh. Moulding it
into one flesh. And when the final shuddering climax tore through
them both, she thought she was dying. Literally dying. And that
Chang An Lo’s gods had carried her to a new afterlife.
No nightmares. Not that night. She had banished
them.
Chang An Lo could not take his eyes off her, even
in the dark. Her head lay curled on his shoulder as she slept and
he brushed his cheek against her hair, just to feel it again, to
touch its flames. His mind kept rushing ahead, twisting and turning
around the hidden coil of the future, but he drew it back. Back to
the present. To this moment. This now. This perfect point of
time.
He struggled to centre his mind. Focus his senses.
But all he could feel was the joy of her, the physical wonder of
her, the sweet smell of her. His fox girl. He relived each second
in his head as he lay awake in the hours before dawn. Heard again
the little yips of pleasure. Felt her teeth on his collarbone. The
strong muscles inside her. That moment of certainty when . .
.
No. He dragged his mind away and forced it to be in
the now. Not in what had passed. Nor in what was to come. But now.
To breathe each breath completely and not think about the next. The
gods had granted him a treasure few ever come close to experiencing
in this life. He would not waste it by fearing that some thief
would come and steal it from him tomorrow or tomorrow’s tomorrow.
He touched her forehead with his lips and kept them there against
her skin. It was warm and musky with sleep. His eyes held on to the
shadowy tangle of her hair, and he listened to her breathing. He
had to clear his brain. To think what was right for her.
‘Are you tired?’ Her eyes were huge. Great amber
pools of light.
‘No.’ He smiled at her as she lay beside him on the
pillow in the darkness. ‘I feel better. Much better. Strong inside
again.’
‘Good.’
He kissed her ear. ‘You have perfect ears.
Priceless curls of porcelain.’
She laughed and wrapped her leg lightly over his
body. Instantly he was aroused. He touched her breast and felt the
muscles spring to life under her skin. This time she made it easy
for him. She sat astride him, rocking with an urgent rhythm while
his hand caressed the soft swell of her breasts, firm and taut and
infinitely inviting to his tongue. He watched her face. It was so
mobile. It showed so much. He painted the picture of it into his
head the way an artist paints a delicate portrait on a porcelain
plate.
The freedom of her passion as she threw her hair
forward and seized his lips with hers, arching over him with open
longing, was something new to him, and it fired his need for her to
even greater intensity. But it moved him too, deep down inside
where no one else had ever touched before. And he wondered, as he
danced his fingers down her sides and saw her tremble, whether he
was the one who was the virgin.