Chapter 21
Phoenix leaned back and hissed over his shoulder, “I thought this Django character was a man.”
“He is,” said Bev.“Or was, anyway. He seems to have undergone substantial modifications.”
“Substantial modifications?!” snorted Phoenix.
Marshia’svoice sounded behind Phoenix’s head. He knew no one else could hear her. I CAN’T LOCATE COMMANDER APRICOT OR HIS TEAM.
Phoenix became still. His features turned to horizontal lines.His brow, his lips, his chin, his eyes. Lines.
... pik -kapok, pik -kapok, pik -kapok, pik -kapok ...
Marshia briefed Phoenix on the survivors. One hundred and seventy-eight enemy casualties ported to sick bay. She estimated fifteen hundred enemy deaths in total.
Twenty-one crew either dead or unaccounted for.
Phoenix barely registered the information. “Tell everyone,” he whispered. UNDERSTOOD.
Phoenix felta hollowness where his heart should have been. He was dimly aware of Bev lowering his head, of someone sobbing off to his left, of hisfailure ...
... pik -kapok, pik -kapok, pik -kapok, pik -kapok ...
Phoenix stared unblinkingly at the screen. This ... thing ... playing in front of him was no human being. Sacrificing so many to try to get away? Trying to create a diversion with people’s lives?Deaths.
... pik -kapok, pik -kapok, pik -kapok, pik -kapok ...
Phoenix felt cold. He shivered involuntarily. “Marshia?” he growled. CAPTAIN?
“Destroy that damn ball.”
YES, CAPTAIN.
... pik -kapok, pik...
The small white ball heading back towards Twip collapsed on itself. The pathetic crumpled shape fell to the table, sliding off the edge to the floor.
Marshia was impressed. She had not been sure of such control at the very limits of her senses. Phoenix was impressed. He wasn’t sure Marshia had that amount of control. Twip was obviously impressed too. He looked from the former ball to Colin and back, nodding sagely. He put the bat down on the table, placed his arms behind his back, pushed out his breasts and faced the camera.
“How can I be of assistance?” asked Twip amiably.
“You are Django Twip?” demanded Phoenix coldly.
“Some of me,” replied Twip. “And who, pray tell, wants to know?”
“I am Captain Phoe ...” started Phoenix.
A voice rumbled through the air cutting him off mid sentence.“Captain Phoenix of the S B C Marshia.”
“Thank you, Colin,” said Twip.
“My pleasure, sir,” rumbled Colin.
Phoenix looked puzzled. “... ’Some of me’... ?” he asked.
Twip made his lips imitate a thin smile.
Bev stepped forward holding up an index finger. “Might I interject, Mr Twip,” he said. Phoenix noticed an uncharacteristic catch in Bev’s voice. Bev’s finger trembled slightly as he said, “We are emissaries of Earth, Horridoa and Edenia , and are here to ascertain the validity of your identity.”
“I’m sure my identity is as valid as the next man’s,” said Twip with a smirk. Bev ignored him. “Should you indeed turn out to be Django Twip, which you clearly are, you will be returned to Earth for trial, sentencing and punishment.”
“How clearly am I?” asked Twip.
“How clearly are you what?” asked Bev.
“How clearlyam I Django Twip?”
“Exceptionally clearly,” said Bev.
“You think I am Django Twip?”
“I know you are Django Twip.”
“How?”
Bev flushed. “I recognise you, of course,” he said.
“I must say.” Twip leaned forward, squinting mockingly at the camera. “You look a little familiar yourself.”
Colin’s voice rumbled through the control room. “He is your brother, Bev, sir,” it said.
“Thank you, Colin,” said Twip.
“My pleasure, sir,” rumbled Colin.
“But I was aware of that already,” continued Twip.
An uneasy silence filled the control room, broken suddenly by Vick striding in with Streemly in hot pursuit.
“What in God’s name ...” Vick’s voice trailed off.
“Ah,” said Twip with a friendly smile, “brother Vick. And how are you, you obnoxious little turd ?”
Vick ignored the insult. “What on Earth have you done to yourself?” he asked, gaping at his long-lost brother.
“Done to myself?” Twip look puzzled for a moment. “Oh,” he said, “you mean this.” He looked down at his body. “Nice, don’t you think?” he said, giving his ample bosoms a gentle heave. “Sadly, though, the novelty has worn off somewhat.”
“But why?” asked Vick incredulously. “Why do that to yourself?”
“Bit of a cock-up on the old transporter front. You know how it is.”
“No,” said Vick, wanting an explanation, “I don’t.”
“A damn transporter failed,” said Twip airily.“Left me with a foot missing. Young missy here was the best table tennis player and had the best pair of tits on board. So ...” Twip paused, turning to Colin.
“How’s it going?” he asked his cubic companion.
Bev took a step forward. “What are you up to?” he demanded.
“Just seeing about the damage report, brother dearest,” said Twip. “Don’t fret now. I’m not at all cross you spoiled my little game.”
“What game?” askedVick.
“He was playing table tennis,” volunteered Phoenix.
Twip snorted derisively. “Not that game, Captain.The Big Game.My empire here. The one I’ve spent so long building. I’m not cross.Not at all. Wouldn’t dream ...” Twip’s voice rose to a scream, “... OF
WREAKING REVENGE ON YOU INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE SHITS!”
“GRAB HIM!” shouted Vick as the screen turned to slate grey. The control room lights flickered and sparks flew from two of the consoles.
“Marshia?”Phoenix asked the air.
ONE MOMENT CAPTAIN.
“Marshia, what’s wrong?” demanded Phoenix.
I HAVE BEEN ENCASED IN AN ULTRA-HIGH FREQUENCY FIELD, CAPTAIN. I AM
MOMENTARILY BLINDED.
The screen snapped back to show a scene of devastation. Bits of dust and chunks of asteroid drifted about.
Twip’s ship, however, was gone.
: Limpets