WE ARE ON A PEACEFUL MISSION AND WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE IN

AUTHORITY, PLEASE.

“You are in violation of USO Space as set out in Space Treaty four one nine seven eight six three zero dash five, section seventeen sub-paragraph twelve. I have to instruct you that one, repeat one, more warning will be issued before you are deemed a hostile force and your presence terminated. Please leave the area immediately.”

I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER, PLEASE.

“Pardon?”

YOURMANAGER. I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER.

“Err. Mr Hoskins isn’t here at the moment. He, ah, stepped out a moment ago.”

I’LL HOLD.

The sound of someone covering a microphone ineptly and the muffled murmur of voices came over the communications link. Marshia started to hum gently. Discussions were obviously getting quite heated when the nasally voice asserted itself once more. “You may not speak to Mr Hoskins,” it said testily.

“Unless you give me an identification I can cross reference I must assume you are a hostile craft and dispatch fighters to escort you from the area.”

IS MR HOSKINS ILL?

Phoenix could not refrain from tittering.

“Mr Hoskins is ... This is your final warning. Fighters will be dispatched if you do not leave the area immediately.”

Marshia kept quiet.

For five seconds.

Ten seconds.

Fifteen seconds.

“Hello?” the nasally challenged person ventured tentatively.“You still there?”

MY POINT EXACTLY.JUST WHERE WOULD YOU DISPATCH YOUR FIGHTERS TO?

HUM?

“Well ...”

YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE WE ARE. DO YOU?

“That’s ...”

SO WHY DON’T YOU STOP ALL THIS MESSING ABOUT AND ANSWER A COUPLE OF

SIMPLE QUESTIONS?

“But I’ve got orders. You haven’t got a recognisable identification. It’s more ...”

“THAN YOUR JOB’S WORTH” I KNOW. LET MESEE ...

“Here! What’s going on? Are you doing that? My screen’s gone all funny!”

AHA! YOU ARE EXPECTING THE GRAND EMIR OF PWANTON -JUNCTION IN A

COUPLE OF HOURS?

“How ...?”

HIS IDENTIFICATION IS “GOLF-ECHO-PAPA-JULIET-MINES-A-LARGE-ONE.” WILL

THAT DO?

“I ... suppose ... If I answer your questions will you go away?”

YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I SHALL RELOCATE FROM THESE CO-ORDINATES WHEN

YOU HAVE ANSWERED A FEW QUESTIONS.

“OK. Go ahead,” the operator said in a stage whisper, “but make it quick.”

IS THERE A HUMAN CALLED DJANGO TWIP IN USO CITY?

“Hang on, I’ll have a look.” There was a short pause. “If you’re so clever, how come you couldn’t ask my computer yourself?”