2005
January 1:
I’m fifty years old, and Mary has been dead for twenty-two of those years. I only knew her for seven. Every year those two numbers get farther apart, because only one of them can change. This year I will find who killed her. This year I will end this and let it all go. Dean turns twenty-six in three weeks. When I was twenty-six, I’d spent two years as a soldier. Dean’s been a soldier his whole life. When I was twenty-six, I’d been married for two years and had a toddler. Dean’s never been with a woman for more than a couple of weeks at a time. I’ve prevented him from being a father.
By the time Sammy turns twenty-six, I swear this will be over.
January 5:
Twelfth Night (by the old calendar, when a day started at sunset). The Lord of Misrule is out there somewhere, making peasants out of kings, and behind him the ghosts of Samhain and Saturnalia. I talked to Jim tonight, and the conversation has me spooked. Why? The first time I met the guy, he showed me Mary’s spirit and it turned itself into the guise of a hellhound. Since then, the things we’ve seen… Why should anything I see or hear from Jim spook me after that? Don’t know. When I hung up the phone, I felt like… not like someone had walked over my grave, but like I’d just walked over his. I asked him if he was okay, he said he’d never been better. Maybe I’m jumping at shadows, but I’m worried about him.
March 21:
Saturnalia. Agrippa’s seals of Saturn:
January 24:
Dean turns 26 today. When I was 26, he was a baby. Generations pass. Not handing off the family business to him anytime soon, though. He’s got his piece of it, and we’re both pulling toward the big goal. I’m starting to tell him more about the demon problem. He doesn’t have the head for esoterica that Sam does, but what Dean wants to learn, he learns.
April 7:
To make holy water:
1. Invocation
EXORCISO te creaturam salis, pero Deum vivum + per Deum + verum + per Deum sanctum + per Deum qui te per Elizieum prophetam in aquam mitti jussit, ut sanaretur sterilitas aqua, ut efficiaris sal exorcisatus in salutem credentium; ut sis omnibus te sumentibus sanitas anima & corporis, & effugiat at que discedat ab eo loco, qui aspersus fuerit omnis phantasia & nequitia, vel versutia diabolicæ fraudis, omnisq: spiritus immundus, adjuratus per eum, qui venturus est judicare vivos & mortuos, & seculum per ignem, amen Oremus:
Immensam clementiam tuam, omnipotens æterne Deus, humiliter imploramus, ut hanc creaturam salis, quam in usum generis humani tribuist bene + discere & sancti + ficare tua pietate digneris, ut sit omnibus sumentibus salus mentis & corporis, ut quicquid ex eo tactum fuerit, vel respersum careat omni immunditia, omniq; impugnatione spiritualis nequitiæ, per Dominum nostrum Jesum Christum filium tuum, qui tecum vivit & regnat in unitate spiritus sanct Deus per omnia sæcula sæculorum, Amen.
2. Address the following to the water.
Exorciso te creaturam aqua in nomine + patris + & Jesu Christi filii ejus Domini nostri & in virtute spiritus + sancti + ut f as aqua exorcisata, ad effugandam omnem potestatem inimici, & ipsum inimicum erad care & explantare valeas, cum angelis suis apostatis, per virtutem ejusdem Domini nostri Jesu Christi qui venturus est judicare vivos & mortuos, & sæculum per ignem Amen. Oremus.
Deus, qui ad salutem humani generis maxima qua que sacramenta in aquarum substantia condidisti adesto propitius invocationibus nostris & elemento huic multimodis cationibus præparato, virtutem tuæ bene + didionis infunde ut creatura tua mysteriis tuis serviens, ad abigendos dæmones, morbosq; pellendos, divinæ gratiæ sumat effectum, ut quicquid in domibus, vel in locis fidelium hæc unda resperserit, careat omni immundicia, liberetur à noxa, non illic resideat spiritus pestilens, non aura corrumpens scedant omnes insidiæ latentis inimici, & si quid est, quod aut incolumitati habitant um invdet aut quieti, aspersione hujus aquæ effugiat, ut salubritas per invocationem sancti tui nominis expetita ab omnibus sit impugnationibus defensa, per Dominum nostrum Jesum Christum filium tuum, qui tecum vivit & regnat, in unitate spiritus sancti Deus per omnia sæcula sæculorum, Amen.
3. Say the following as you sprinkle salt into the water, moving your hand in the shape of a cross. Have also heard that you can consecrate with a rosary or cross, or other sacred object.
Commixtio salis & aqua pariter fiat, in nomine patris & filii, & spiritus sanct Amen. Dominus vobiscum, Et cum spiritu tuo, Oremus: Deus invictæ virtutis author, & insuperabilis imperii rex, ac semper magnificus trumphator qui adversæ dominationis vires reprimis, qui inimici rugientis sævitiam superas, qui hostiles nequitias potens expugnas te Domine trementes & supplices deprecamur ac petmus ut hane creaturam salis & aquæ aspicias, benignus illustres pietatis tuæ rore sancti fices, ubicunq; fuerit aspersa, per invocationem sancti tui nominis, omnis infestatio immundi spiritus abjiciatur, terrórq; venenosi serpentis procul pellatur, & præsentia sancti spiritus nobis misericordiam tuam poscentibus ubiq; adesse dignetur, per Dominum nostrum Jesum Christum filium tuum, qui tecum vivit & regnat in unitate spiritus sancti Deus per omnia sæcula sæculorum, Amen.
In a pinch, you can skip from the “exorciso te” right to the “per Dominum nostrum Jesum.” I tried it. It works.
May 2:
Sammy is twenty-two today. Saw in a Colorado paper that a couple of hikers have gone missing at a place called Blackwater Ridge. Twenty years ago, maybe, eight people were killed up there. Cops called it grizzly attacks.
May 17:
This would have been our twenty-seventh anniversary.
Johann Weyer, student of Agrippa. List of demons: Bael, Agares, Barbas, Aamon, Barbatos, Buer, Gusoyn, Otis, Bathym, Burson, Abigor, Oray, Malaphar, Foraii, Ipes, Naberus Caacrinolaas, Zepar, Byleth, Sytry Paimon, Bune, Fornesu Ronove, Berith, Astaroth, Forcas, Furrur, Marchocias, Malphas Vepar, Sabnac, Asmoday, Gaap, Chax, Pucel, Furcas, Murmur, Caym, Raum, Halphas, Focalor, Vine, Bifrons, Gamygyn, Zagam, Orias, Volac, Gomory Carabia, Amduscias, Andras, Androalphus, Oze, Aym Orobas, Vapula, Cimeries, Amy, Flauros, Balam, Alocer, Zaleos, Wal, Haagent, Phoenix, Stolas.
Almost all of these have one thing in common, that once forced into a human shape they will answer questions truthfully. Asmoday an exception? Names mutate in different texts. Some of these demons are probably invention, but the idea of demonic orders is common to all demonologists. Lesser orders are unnamed specific instructions on summoning in entry on Bileth. Silver ring mentioned again in Astaroth entry. Sigil of Salomon.
… to allaje his courage, let him
hold a hazell bat [ro, staff, or stick] in his hando, wherewithall
he must reach out toward the east and south, and make a triangle
without besides the circle; but if he hold not out his hand unto
him, and he bid him come in, and he still refuse the bond or chain
of spirits; let the conjuror proceed to reading, and by and by he
will submit himselfe, and come in, and doo whatsoever the exorcist
commandeth him, and he shalbe safe. If Bileth the king be more
stubborne, and refuse to enter into the circle at the first call,
and the conjuror shew himself fearfull, or if he have not the
chaine of spirits, certeinelie he will never feare nor regard him
after. Also, if the place be unapt for a triangle to be made
without the circle, then set there a boll of wine, and the exorcist
shall certeinlie knowe when he commeth out of his house, with his
fellowes, and that the foresaid Bileth will be his helper, his
friend, and obedient unto him when he commeth foorth. And when he
commeth, let the exorcist receive him courteouslie, and glorifie
him in his pride, and therfore he shall adore him as other kings
doo, bicause he saith nothing without other princes. 
Also, if he be cited by
an exorcist, alwaies a silver ring of the middle finger of the left
hand must be held against the exorcist face.
Dean: 785-555-0179. As of June 1.
June 19.
Grimorium Verum states three instruments necessary for conjuration: knife, graver, and lancet. Knife and graver should be made on the day and in the hour of Jupiter. The knife should be large enough to decapitate a sacrificial animal —machete-sized.
After completion, recite the following:
I conjure thee, form of the instrument, N., by God the Father Almighty; by the virtue of Heaven and by all the stars which rule; by the virtue of the four elements; by that of all stones, all plants and all animals whatsoever, by the virtue of hairstorms and winds; to receive such virtue herein that we may obtain by thee the perfect issue of all our desires, which also we seek to perform without evil, without deception, by God, the Creator of the Sun and the Angesl. Amen.
Then recite the 7 Penitential Psalms: 6, 32, 38, 51, 102, 130. Invoke angels.
The lances should be created in the day and hour of Mercury, with the same recitation. The knife must be inscribed ELOHIM JTOR.
Reginald Scot has it different.
July 20:
Bingo. California, New Jersey, Arizona. House fires. In each case, a mother killed and one of the survivors a six-month-old baby. Need to go back and see if there were others on 11/2/83. Either way, this is a hard lead. Looking at locations, survivors, other associated phenomena. Unusual weather, spikes in violence or crime. Any of those things can signify demonic involvement. But the fires are enough. Six of them, within a couple of days, each with a six-month-old involved. You gave yourself away, you bastard.
Almost twenty-two years I’ve been after you. It’s not going to be twenty-three. I’m going to look into your yellow eyes and watch you die.
I want to tell the boys, but won’t just yet. Dean might go off half-cocked, and Sammy… I was about to write that he wouldn’t care. Maybe that’s not true. But he might not care enough, and I don’t think I could stand knowing that.
August 14:
Last three weeks: Tallahassee, Baton Rouge, Jackson, Birmingham, Atlanta. State records offices all look the same. Then same thing across the Rust Belt: Columbus, Lansing, Harrisburg, Indianapolis. Libraries in every county seat in West Virginia, looking for patterns in the weather records. Feel like I’ve been everywhere, like I’m living in a Johnny Cash song, only with demonic evil. Come to think of it, “Ghost Rider in the Sky” is a version of the Wild Hunt, isn’t it?
September 19:
Autumnal equinox might be the next big breakthrough. Will know in 48 hours. Haven’t slept in more than 24 already. Remember old battlefield advice. Eat when you can, sleep when you can, because you never know when the next time will come. Should sleep. Not hungry.
October 3:
Equinox a bust. Dean in New Orleans. Me in Jericho, CA. Trail of the demon that killed Mary cooling a little. People keep going missing from the area right around a bridge here. Started to look around, and it has all the hallmarks of a Woman in White. Almost feel like I should drop this one and keep running the demon down. But to do that, I’d have to let people die. And after all these years, I remember what H told me: A hunter never passes up a hunt. I had to kill him, but he was right about that.
October 4:
La Llorona
Long ago, the story goes, a beautiful Indian princess, Dona Luisa de Loveros, fell in love with a handsome Mexican nobleman, named Don Nuno de Montesclaros. The princess loved the nobleman deeply and had two children by him, but Montesclaros refused to marry her. When he finally deserted her and married another woman, Dona Luisa went mad with rage and stabbed her two children. Authorities found her wandering the street, sobbing, her clothes covered in blood. They charged her with infanticide and sent her to the gallows.
Ever since, it is said, the ghost of La Llorona walks the country at night in her bloody dress, crying out for her murdered children. If she finds any child, she’s likely to carry it away with her to the nether regions, where her own spirit dwells.
Lovell, Wyoming. Reports of a ghostly woman looking for her children, but will take unlucky passersby instead.
Lampasas, Texas. White girl has a baby by a slave. He was hanged, and she jumped into sulphur spring with the baby. Now said to walk near the site of the old slave quarters calling out to him to show him the baby.
Woman in White legends all over the world. Often related to vanishing hitchhiker.
List of recorded Vanishing Hitchhiker incidents: Ya-ta-Hey NM (along 666!); Chicago —Resurrection Mary, Greensboro NC; Buffton IN; along Hwy 365 in Arkansas; Delmar NY; St. Louis; White Rock Lake TX; Tompkinsville KY; Toronto; Spartanburg SC; Berkeley CA; Los Angeles; San Francisco; Clinton Road NJ… older stories from all over the world. Korea, China, Japan, Russia, Slovakia, other European countries. Mormon tradition of Nephites.
Interesting variation: Lauderdale, AL, the ghost of a jazz musician in a white zoot suit. If you give him a ride, he will talk about his trumpet before disappearing. Local story is that he was killed while on his way to Florence.
Vanishing hitchhikers often prophesy or tell drivers some secret. Stories like this were especially common in World War II, and in pre-automotive Europe. Related to the myth of the Wandering Jew. Matthew 16:28. Jesus says that some of his witnesses will not die until the Second Coming. Later said to be a shoemaker Cartaphilus, who spurred Jesus along the Via Dolorosa; or Pontius Pilat’s footman; Longinus, the Roman soldier who stabbed Jesus with a spear; the servant Malchus, whose ear St. Peter cut off. Goes all the way back to Cain, condemned to wander because of his crime. Later Gypsies said to be descended from the blacksmith who forged the nails for the cross. Various combinations of these stories exist. What they have in common is the theme that as penance, the wanderer must go from place to place testifying about the Second Coming and his own error. Occasionally a female, sometimes Herodias, who laughed at Jesus before the Crucifixion Wandering Jew appears and disappears without warning.
Always dangerous, because it preys on one of the best human qualities, the impulse to help those in need. The problem with the vanishing hitchhiker is that it never stays vanished. It leaves a token sometimes, which leads the person who offered the ride to try to find it again. Usually that search leads straight to a graveyard, and there’s one less Good Samaritan in the world. Some spirits know they can’t approach directly, and some just love the game of taking advantage of the better sides of human nature.
October 5:
Glowing eyes: Allocer, Balam, Flauros, Hellhound, puca, leszy, wendigo
October 6:
Too much news about exorcists, exorcism lately. It must mean something. Something’s on the move, something big.
Azazel: first mentioned as the intended recipient of a scapegoat cast out on Yom Kippur. Leviticus 16:8. Name connotes strength, impudence —cognates have been translated as variants of Angel of Death. Book of Enoch says Azazel was one of the fallen angesl who fathered the Nephilim of human women. Enoch also claims Azazel was the first to show men how to make metal weapons and armor. (Also cosmetics, so blame him for that too.) “To him ascribe all sin.” Conflict here with the stories of Enoch himself given in the Book of the Watchers. Enoch himself supposed to be an angel descending, to give gifts of knowledge and science. Azazel always associated with goats. Also sometimes with the Lilim.
October 28:
Got a phone call from the roadhouse, and the last piece fell into place. I’m on the trail. Twenty-two years, and I’ve finally found the sonofabitch. Now I’m going to take him down.
