2002

January 24:

Dean turns twenty-three today. It’s a good age, twenty-three. You’re starting not to be a kid anymore, and you’re still young enough that you feel invincible physically. Forty-eight doesn’t feel like that at all.

February 2:

Demon’s Alley, West Milford, NJ. Entire neighborhood of abandoned houses. Stories of cult massacre, ritual sacrifice. Unable to substantiate.

March 3:

Leonardo NJ. Dempsey house. Murder/suicide, bodies burned in basement boilers. Haunted by policeman who killed family, also his wife and children. The rope was hard to burn.

March 8:

Sam told me and Dean today that he is going to Stanford. I told him that if he goes, he better stay gone. I think Dean would have taken a swing at him if I hadn’t kept my cool. Barely. Trying to work out what to do about this. We can’t tolerate any of us quitting. We’re better as a team. I’ve protected Sammy his whole life, and so has Dean. Could be I’ve gone too easy on him. Dean always responded to discipline because he believed in the mission. I thought that by giving Sammy more room, I’d let him find his own way to dedication like Dean’s. Doesn’t look like that worked out. Now he’s a straight-A student, computer whiz… I think he’s gone a little soft. How many tight spots have we been in since he was a baby? And now he’s going to college? He can go to hell, is where he can go.

March 29:

I got a call from Missouri. Stull Church was torn down last night by persons unknown. The building was rickety as hell, but still I can’t help wonder if it’s related somehow… but if it is, why now? There’s nothing about the date, nothing else going on in the area that I’ve heard about. Its spirits will still be there, though. They don’t care about the building. Whatever goes up in the church’s place is going to have bad atmosphere. Wonder if the foundation was torn out, and what might be in there.

April 10:

Daeva: Zoroastrian creatures/demons. Once characterized as false gods, later demons of chaos and disorder. More recently believed to be incarnations of pure evil. Younger Avesta opposes them to the gods of light? Named daevas: Angra, Mainyu (later Ahriman), Sarva, Indra, Nanghaithya, Tauru, Zairi, Nasu. Also another demon, Paitisha. Daevas vulnerable to fire, and drawn to the physical processes of the human body. Also they are attracted by speaking during meals. Tradition in medieval Zoroastrianism discouraged eating after dark, since daevas were out then. Book of Arda Wiraz describes them spreading across the Earth at nightfall, causing destruction —both personal and on a larger scale. Daevas sometimes blame for natural disasters that happened at night. Occasionally they are given incubus-like properties. About three dozen daevas named in Zian texts, and more referred to.

May 2:

Sammy is nineteen today. He’s got some decisions to make.

May 17:

This would have been our twenty-fourth anniversary. Funny how after twenty years, there’s a five- or ten-year gap between special gift years. What would I have given you, Mary? A clock, for 24 hours in the day? A Tanakh, which has 24 books? A piece of 24-karat pure gold jewelry? Gold doesn’t come until 50 years, though. Getting a little too drunk to keep coming up with ideas.

June 13:

Sam graduated. He didn’t go to the ceremony. I think he’s still carrying a grudge that it took him an extra year. What do yo want me to do, Sammy? Should we have stayed in Lawrence while whatever killed your mother came back for you? Should we have sat around fat, dumb, and happy even though war had been declared? How long would we have lasted that way?

July 30:

Now in Hibbing County, Minnestoa —this county has more missing persons per capita than anywhere in the state. Very few of these cases have been solved. There are people here who speak of a “phantom attacker.” Is Hibbing a possible hunting ground? Why are there so many missing from here? Some of these date back generations. I have spoken to a few of the locals, there are rumors about a dark figure who comes out at night, takes a victim, and vanishes. No trace of victims. Some people hear unusual sounds close to the place the victims have disappeared. Is this just a local legend or some kind of phantom? (Like Springheel Jack, phantom gassers, etc.?)

A few people here will talk but no one seems to know anything. You can tell they are scared. The police have nothing to go on. Talked to an officer who said all those cases are unsolved. There is absolutely no evidence, and no bodies have ever been found. This is likely a phantom attacker of some kind, I am almost certain. The local folklore is similar to Springheel Jack, for example. In London, he terrorized people starting in 1837… strange sightings of a cloaked figure that breathed blue-white fire. It targeted women mostly. Never solved and is still a mystery. Other legends of this type include Nain Rouge, Mothman, and phantom gassers. There are definitely similarities to this Hibbing area phantom.

August 31:

Sam left. I told him that if he was going, it was permanent. I meant it.

November 2:

Mary has been dead for nineteen years. I haven’t kept the family together, Mary. I’m sorry. Sam’s gone because he’s headstrong and because I couldn’t make him understand how important this is to all of us. Now Dean tells me he’s cut off contact with Sam, and it’s killing me. I can’t stand the idea of the boys separated. It’s one thing for me to take a stand. I’m the father, I have to lay down the law for the family. Maybe that’s the Marine in me talking, and maybe it’s not the right thing to do all the time, but it’s gotten us this far. Now I’m questioning myself. Brothers have to stick together.