1987
January 1:
Another New Year. Another promise. I will find it, Mary. And kill it.
Tracked down the complete Rituale Romanum, the version the exorcists like to use when they have plenty of time. Hope I’ll never need it.
OREMUS ORATIO
Deus, et pater Domini nostri Jesu Christi, invoco nomen sanctum tuum, et clementiam tuam supplex exposco: ut adversus hunc, et omnem immundum spiritum, qui vexat hoc plasma tuum. Mihi auxilium praestare igneris. Per eumdem Dominum. Amen.
EXORCISUS
Exorcizo te, immundissime spiritus, omnis incursio adversarii, omne phantasma, omnis legio, in nomine Domini nostri Jesu Christi eradicare, et effugare ab hoc plasmate Dei. Ipse tibi imperat, qui te de supernis caelorum in inferiora terrae demergi praecepit. Ipse tibi imperat, qui mari, ventis, et tempestatibus impersvit. Audi ergo, et time, satana, inimice fidei, hostis generis humani, mortis adductor, vitae raptor, justitiae decinator, malorum radix, fomes vitorium, seductor hominum, proditor gentium, incitator invidiae, origo avaritiae, causa discordiae, excitator dolorum; quid stas, et resistis, cum scias. Christum Dominum vias tuas perdere? Illum metue, qui in Isaac immolatus est, in Joseph venumdatus, in sgno occisus, in homine crucifixus, deinde inferni triumphator fuit. Sequentes cruces fiant in fronte obsesi. Recede ergo in nomine Patris et Filii, es Spiritus Sancti: da locum Spiriti Sancto, pero hoc signum sanctae Cruci Jesu Domini nostri: Qui cum Patre et eodem Spiritu Sancto vivit et regnat Deus. Per omnia saecula saeculorum, Amen.
OREMUS ORATIO
Deus, conditor et defensor generis humani, qui hominem ad imaginem tuam formasti; repice super hunc famulum tuum (N.), qui dolis immundi spiritus appetitur, quem vetus adversarius, antiquus hostis terrae, formidinis horrore circumvolat, et sensum mentis humanae stupore defigit, terrore contrubat, et metu trepidi timoris exagitat. Repelle, Domine, virtutem diaboli, fallacesque ejus insidias amove: procul impius tentator aufugiat: sit nominis tui signo (in fronte) famulus tuus munitus et in animo tutus et corpore (tres cruces sequentes fiant in pectore daemoniaci). Tu pectoris hujus interna custodias. Tu viscera regas. Tu cor confirmes. In anima adversatricis protestatis tentamente evanescant. Da, Domine, ad hanc invocatem sanctissimi nominis tui gratiam, ut, qui hucusque terrebat, territus aufugiat, et victus abscedat, tibique possit hic famulus tuus et corde firmatus et mente sincerus, debitum praebere famulatum. Per Dominum. Amen.
EXORCISMUS
Adjuro te, serpens antique, per judicem vivorum et mortuorum, per factorem tuum, per factorem mundi, per eum, qui habet potestatem mittendi te in gehennam, ut ab hoc famulo Dei (N.), ad Ecclesiae sinum recurrit, cum metu, et exercitu furoris tui festinus discedas. Adjuro te iterum (in fronte) non mea infirmitate, sed virtute Spiritus Sancti, ut exeas ab hoc famulo Dei (N.), quem omnipotens Deus ad imaginem suam fecit. Cede igitur, cede non mihi, sed ministro Christi. Illius enim te urget potestas, qui te Cruci suae subjugavit. Illius brachium contremisce, qui devictis gemitibus inferni, animas ad lucem perduxit. Sit tibi terror corpus hominis (in pectore), sit tibi formido imago Dei (in fronte). Non resistas, nec moreris discedere ab homine isto, quoniam complacuit Christo in homine habitare. Et ne contemnendum putes, dum me peccatorem nimis esse cognoscis. Imperat tibi Deus. Imperat tibi majestas Christi Imperat tibi Deus Pater, imoerat tibi Deus Filius, imperat tibi Deus Spiritus Sanctus. Imperat tibi sacramentum Crucis. Imperat tibi fides sanctorum Apostolorum Petri et Pauli, et ceterorum Sanctorum. Imperat tibi Martyrum sanguis, Imperat tibi contentia Confessorum. Imperat tibi pia Sanctorum et Sanctarum omnium intercessio, Imperat tibi christianae fidei mysteriorum virtus. Exi ergo, transgressor. Exi, seducor, plene omni dolo et fallacia, virtutis inimice, innocentium persecutor. Da locum, dirissime, da loocum, impiissime, da locum Christo, in quo nihil invevisti de operibus tuis: qui te spoliavit, qui regnum tuum destruxit, qui te victum ligavit, et vasa tua diripuit: qui te projecit in tenebras exteriores, ubi tibi cum ministris tuis erit praeparatus interitus. Sed quid truculente reniteris? Quid temerarie detrectas? Reus es omnipotenti Deo, cujus statuta transgressus es. Reus es Filio ejus Jesu Christo Domino nostro, quem tentare ausus es, et crucifigere praesumpsisti. Reus es humano generi, cui tuis persuasionibus mortis venenum propinasti. Adjuro ergo te, draco nequissime, in nomine Agni immaculati, qui ambulavit super aspidem et basiliscum, qui conculavit leonem et draconem, ut discedas ab hoc homine (fiat signum crucis in fronte), discedas ab Ecclesia Dei (fiat signum crucis super circumstantes): contremisce, et effuge, invocato nomine Domini illius, quem inferi tremunt: cui Virtutes caelorum, et Potestates, et Dominationes subjectae sunt: quem Cherubim et Seraphim indefessis vocibus laudant, dicentes: Sanctus, sanctus, sanctus Dominus Deus Sabaoth. Imperat tibi Verbum caro factum. Imperat tibi natus ex Virgine. Imperat tibi Jesus Nazarenus, qui te, cum disciplulos ejus contemneres, elisum atque prostratum exire praecepit ab homine: quo praesente, cum te ab homine serparasset, nec porcorum gregem ingredi praesumebas. Recede ergo nunc adjuratus in nomine ejus ab homine, quem ipse plasmavit. Durum est tibi velle resistere. Durum est tibi contra stimulum calcitrare, Quia quanto tardius exis, tanto magis tibi supplicium crescit, quia non homines contemnis, sed illum, qui dominatur vivorum et mortuorum, qui venturus est judicare vivos et mortuos, et saeculum per ignem. Amen.
OREMUS ORATIO
Deus caeli, Deus terrae, Deus Angelorum, Deus Archangelorum, Deus Prophetarum, Deus Apostolorum, Deus Martyrum, Deus Virginum, Deus, qui potestatem habes donare vitam post mortem, requiem post laborem: quia non est alius Deus praeter te, nec esse poterit verus, nisi tu, Creator caeli et terrae, qui verus Rex es, et cujus regni non erit finis; humiliter majestati gloriae tuae supplico, ut hunc famulum tuum de immundis spiritibus liberare digneris. Per Christum Dominum Nostrum. Amen.
EXORCISMUS
Adjuro ergo te, omnis immundissime spiritus, omne phantasma, omnis incursio satanae, in nomine Jesu Christi Nazareni, qui post lavacrum Joannis in desrtum ductus est, et te in tuis sedibus vicit: ut, quem ille de limo terrae ad honorem gloriae suae formavit, tu desinas impurgnare: et in homine miserabili non humanam fragilitatem, sed imaginem omnipotentis Dei contremiscas. Cede ergo Deo qui te, et malitiam tuam in Pharaone, et in exercitu ejus per Moysen servum suum in abysseum demersit. Cede Deo qui te per fidelissimum servum suum David de rege Saule spiritualibus canticis pulsum fugavit. Cede Deo qui te in Juda Iscariote proditore damnavit. Ille enim te divinis verberibus tangit, in cujus conspectu cum tuis legionibus tremens et clamans dixisti; quid nobis et tibi, Jesu, Fili Dei altissimi? Venisti huc ante tempus torquere nos? Ille te perpetuis flammis urget, qui in fine temporum dicturus est impiis: Discedite a me, maledicti, in ignem aeternum, qui paratus est diabolo et angelis ejus. Tibi enim, impie, et angelis tuis vermes erunt, qui numquam morientur. Tibi, et angelis tuis inexstinguibile praeparatur incendium: quia tu es princeps maledicti homicidii, tu auctor incestus, tu sacrilegorum caput, tu actionum pessimarum magster, tu haereticorum doctor, tu totius obscoenitatis inventor. Exi ergo, impie, exi, scelerate, exi cum omni fallacia tua: quia hominem templum suum esse voluit Deus. Sed quid diutius moraris hic? Da honorem Deo Patri omnipotenti, cui omne genu flectitur. Da locum Domino Jesu Christo, qui pro homine sanguinem suum sacratissimum fudit. Da locum Spiritui Sancto, qui per beatum Apostolum suum Petrum te manifeste stravit in Simone mago; qui fallaciam tuam in Anania et Saphira condemnavit; qui te in Herode rege honorem Deo non dante percussit; qui te in mago Elyma per Apostolum suum Paulum caecitatis caligine perdidit, et per eumden de Pythonissa verbo imperans exire praecepit. Discede ergo nunc, discede, seductor. Tibi eremus sedes est. Tibi habitatio serpens est: humiliare, et prosternere. Jam non est differendi tempus. Ecce enim dominator Dominus proximat cito, et ignis ardebit ante ipsum, et praecedet, et inflammabit in circuitu inimicos ejus. Si enim hominem fefelleris, Deum non poteris irridere. Ille te ejicit, cujus oculis nihil occultum est. Ille te expellit, cujus virtuti universa subjecta sunt. Ille te execludit, qui tibi, et angelis tuis praeparavit aeternam gehennam; de cujus ore exibit gladius acutus: qui venturus est judicare vivos et mortuos, et saeculum per ignem. Amen.
January 24:
Dean turns eight today. Second grade is treating him well. I hope we can stay. He’s at school, and they’re going to have a little party for him. Then when he gets home, we’re going to do the family thing. We’re going to Chuck E. Cheese’s, and we’ll eat pizza and play video games until the kids go nuts.
May 2:
Sammy is four today. And sure enough, we’re in Colorado. That’s three out of four birthdays we’ve been visiting Daniel. The mountains are a good place to spend early May. Maybe we should make a tradition of it —but I have a feeling that we’re not in any place to start traditions. I had to pull Dean out of school when I got a note from Ellen that someone passing through the roadhouse had just exorcised a demon that knew where we were.
I think hunters call something a demon when they don’t know what it is. The word is easy to throw around. But whatever it was, if the Winchesters were on its mind, it’s the enemy. So we’re moving for two reasons. One, the enemy knows where we are. Two, I’m going to go after him where he is… as soon as I figure that out. So we’re in Colorado, on our way to Texas. Dean understands.
Sammy gets Daniel’s books down from the shelves and pretends to read them. He can pick out some words, but what he’s really after the pictures. Like any kid his age. We stopped by here because I took out a strange kind of revenant in April, one I’ve never seen before. It was in Greektown, Detroit. Daniel figured it out right away.
VRYKOLAKAS: Unconsecrated burial, returns to either murder people in the graveyard or cause problems in the house it left. Sometimes appears as human, other times as a sort of werewolf (although in some versions, the vrykolakas is destroyed by being dug up and eaten by a wolf). Can drain the life force of the sleeper, similar to succubus/incubus or mara.
stories vary widely, often incorporating elements of the poltergeist. Sometimes the vrykolakas attacks and kills people; other times it plagues their sleep; other times only children die; other times it is only waiting to be dispatched by its surviving family members’ fulfillment of a promise. Much overlap betwen vrykolakas lore and that of vampires. Not sure if one is a subspecies of the other, or if confusion in the lore has obscured the real differences.
VETALA: Hostile spirits from Indian lore, will animate corpses —their own or others— to move around. Haunt cemeteries and creation grounds. Will attack in cemeteries; can also drive people mad. Will kill children, possibly to eat, and are known to induce miscarriages. Trapped between the material world and the afterlife, can be dispelled by the performance of funeral rites. NOTE: Exorcism will not work on a vetala. They aren’t demons in the sense of the Judeo-Crhistian ritual. If caught in the right mood, a vetala might tell you the past and future, for this reason they’re much sought after by sorcerers… mostly resulting in fatal mishaps for those sorcerers, since if caught in the wrong mood, a vetala is lethal before you know it’s there. Best idea is to get on with the funeral rites and send them on their way.
May 17:
This would have been our ninth anniversary. Pottery. How is six years iron and nine pottery? I wonder if we would have had more children. Mary talked about a girl sometimes. I would have liked having a daughter.
It’s summer, we’re on the move. Already I’m trying to figure out what to do about school in the fall. I’m starting to figure out that you can move a kid from school to school every month, and the schools deal with it because they have to. A part of me wonders how the kid deals with it.
But sons have to be soldiers. And soldiers adapt.
July 13:
From the mouths of babes… we were in Portland, Maine, because I’d heard of a Miqmaq shaman named David Fowler who lived there. I told him some of my story, and he agreed to raise a manitou and let me ask it some questions. We went down into the basement of his house and he started getting the divination ready. I’m the only white man who’s ever seen it, he said, and he was only doing it for me as a favor to the other hunters he knew. He burned sacred tobacco, and some other herbs I didn’t recognize. The room got more smokey than it seems like it should have. The manitou appeared, and I got right to the point, I asked it who or what killed Mary. And then things went wrong.
I still don’t know whether Fowler made a mistake, or whether a different spirit rode up into our world with the manitou. But whatever happened, it turned out into something physical and real. Like a bear, kind of. And before I could stop it, it killed Fowler. It almost killed me too, but I fought it. I don’t know if I would have won, because the spirit let go of its form, animated Fowler’s body, and went out through the basement window. I got the hell out of there and picked up the boys. We were almost to the New Hampshire state line and I’d told Dean a little about what had happened, because I was so frustrated and ashamed that I had to talk to someone. Sammy was asleep the whole time.
Then Dean asked me one of those killer questions that little kids come up with. “Dad,” he says. “Won’t the manitou go after other people now?”
That’s a hard thing to face. Not that he asked the question, or that he was right, but that he had a better sense of right and wrong than I did. We were back at Fowler’s house an hour later, and that night I tracked him down and killed him. He was prowling around the edges of a Cub Scout campout in a place called Bradbury Mountain. God knows what would have happened if Dean hadn’t spoken up.
I came this close to going completely off the rails. I almost let this quest overwhelm what I know is right, and a bunch of kids almost died because of it. A hunter never passes up a hunt, and a hunter never bails out on a hunt. That will never happen again. Never. I will not fail Mary’s memory, and I will not fail the boys.
The Miqmaq chenoo is a winter spirit with a heart of ice, created from a human which wants to kill those it loves. In the period of transformation, the person who is becoming a chenoo eats snow and refuses other food. He will be ill-tempered and angry. After the transformation, the chenoo will attack and kill other members of the tribe —or anyone else. If it is killed, the body must be completely burned, or else the smallest part of it can be used to create another chenoo. Much in common with the wendigo legends found farther west. I don’t know if that’s the kind of spirit that caught Fowler. It was summer; I don’t think so. But when I went back to his house, I took a book. I read a dead man’s book. Next time I’ll be ready.
November 2:
Mary has been dead for four years. Dean asked me today what she looked like. He never talks about her on any other day but this one. I couldn’t even show him a picture, so I told him what you tell a boy who asks about his dead mother. I told him that she was beautiful and kind and she loved him and Sammy more than anything in the world.