Chapter 10

Gamma lived in a two-bedroom house, a couple of blocks from where I lived. I could have parked my car at home and walked to her house, but I wanted to show her my new car. Anxious to see her, I quickly ran toward the front door and banged on it, as if I was going to break it down.

“I’m coming,” she exclaimed in her loud voice, which wasn’t very loud.

When she opened the door, I flung my arms around her tiny body and kissed her on her cheeks several times. It always amazed me how beautiful her short curly white hair looked on her. Most elderly people have gray hair, but her hair was a pure shade of white. And it was all natural, not dyed; that was the beauty of it.

“I missed you! It’s been too long,” I said even though I saw her practically every Sunday.

“Come in. Come in.”

My eyes automatically went to her hands that were holding a wooden red rosary. I felt a little uncomfortable interrupting her, assuming she was praying. It amazed me how her house always looked so tidy, not a picture frame out of place.

“I see you got a new car, but then again, I knew before you,” she teased.

“You knew I was getting a car?” I asked excitedly. “Mom told you.”

Of course she would share that kind of information with her since they spoke practically on a daily basis. She led me to the window. We could clearly see my parked car.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, and I noticed the wrinkles on her forehead.

She looked tired and older today. She sat in her rocking chair and took a deep breath.

“Tired, Gamma?” I asked while I helped her place the blanket on her lap.

“I’m just old, honey. You know, I’m eighty-eight years old.”

“You don’t look that old,” I stated.

She smiled, and her eyes fixated outside the window toward my car. “You know, when I was your age, I had a car too. It was the most exciting feeling. That was a very long time ago. Now, I’d rather not drive. Tell me, what are your plans?”

“I’m meeting Mom for dinner, but you probably already know.”

She smiled. As I continued to speak, I sat facing her to give her my full attention, and that was when I saw her eyeing my necklace.

“Beautiful,” she commented while placing it gently on the palm of her hand. I froze. I had forgotten to hide it underneath my shirt. I didn’t want to make it obvious that I was trying to keep it a secret, so I relaxed after my initial shock.

“This gift was not from your mother. Who could have given such a beautiful gift to you? Perhaps a gentleman?”

I didn’t say a word. I didn’t know what to say.

“Love is everything when you find it. It can take you places and make you feel like you’ve never felt before. It makes you strong, and at the same time, it can make you feel vulnerable because you give all of yourself completely. Humans are unique because we can feel it and give it. Am I boring you with love talk?” Her eyes widened questioningly.

“No, Gamma, not at all.” I knew what she meant because I felt it. I wanted to tell her the truth, but what would she think? When words fail me, my emotions take over. I didn’t know what possessed me; I lunged into her lap and started sobbing. I couldn’t stop. I was overwhelmed with all that I had endured lately, and I just broke down. I thought about my friend Claudia, angels, alkins, fallen, and Michael. Everything happened so fast.

“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked, worriedly. “Did I say something to offend you?”

Gamma was always there for me when I needed a bandage on my cut. She was always there for me when I needed a good cry, and she knew how to comfort me and make me feel safe. This was the first time I couldn’t open up to her, and I felt crushed. I felt like I was doing something behind her back, but this was one secret I couldn’t tell her, no matter how guilty I felt. I couldn’t answer her. I just continued to sob.

“Are these tears of pain, sadness, or happiness? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me,” she asked tenderly.

They were tears of all the above. I finally managed to stop and wiped my tears. I wanted to ask her questions, but I didn’t know where to start. I thought of many different ways to approach it, but I had to start with the first question that came to mind.

“Do you believe in angels?” I asked, hesitantly.

She looked stunned, and answered with a troubled look on her face. “Yes.”

“Why? How do you believe in something you cannot see?”

She was searching for words. She closed her eyes tightly, then reopened them. I don’t know what I had expected her to say, but I was disappointed. I thought, being as religious as she was, she would have some answers.

“Well, I…that’s a good question. I just do, honey. Why do you ask this question? Did something happen?”

I didn’t answer her, instead I immediately asked another. “Do you believe in God?”

“Yes,” she said, as I had expected.

“I don’t know what I believe,” I said, worried about what she would think of me. “I don’t understand why He would allow bad things to happen to good people and why He would allow good people to suffer.” I was thinking about Claudia and her tragic death.

“Well, it is difficult to believe in someone you can’t see. I don’t know why some people just believe and some people question His existence, but you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t question it. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Humans are special beings because we have the freedom to make good or bad choices. Bad and good things happen to all people. If things happen beyond our control, then it was just meant to be. Everything in this universe is about balance. If there is good, there must be bad. If there is happiness, there must be sadness. But one thing is for sure, there is always a light at the end. You just have to be patient and believe. Humans are all different, and life experiences mold us to become who we are. I cannot tell you to believe or not to believe. You, and only you, will find the truth. It might be tomorrow, or in a year. Who knows? It is something you will find in your own time.”

“Do you think less of me?” I asked, not able to look her in the eyes.

“Of course not, Claudia,” she said, lifting my chin. “You have much to experience, and I will never judge you.”

She had never judged me. I had been perfect to her in every way since the day I was born. In her eyes, I was special, and I could do no wrong. She was my comfort zone, and that was one of the many reasons why I loved being with her. Listening to her words of wisdom, I placed my arms around her small belly and lay my head on her lap again. As I let Gamma’s words sink in, I felt like a little girl longing to feel safe and accepted.

We continued to enjoy each other’s company, with me chatting about school and work, when we were interrupted by Gamma’s phone. I immediately thought of Mom. I hadn’t realized that I had been there for two hours, and I was late for dinner.

“I’ll tell her to meet you there,” she said quietly. “No, no, no…you girls catch up. I’m sure. Talk to you later,” she said and hung up the phone.

I stood up, not wanting to leave. Gamma walked me to the door.

“Why won’t you come out to dinner with us?” I asked.

“I want you to have your time with your mom. I’ll only get in the way.”

“Gamma, that’s not true,” I said, thinking she was always considerate of other people’s feelings. She wanted Mom and me to have our quality time together, since I didn’t get to see her that often. And I knew that once she made up her mind, she stuck to it. I knew there was no way I could convince her to come out with us, so I didn’t bother to pursue it.

Gamma opened the door. “Have a wonderful dinner with your mom. Oh! I almost forgot,” she said as she placed an item around my wrist. “I had this made especially for you. It was blessed by Father Roy. May you find comfort and peace in whatever lies ahead.”

It was a bracelet made with brown-colored stones. In the center was a cross that blended with the bracelet so it was hardly noticeable. There was a symbolic meaning behind her gift, and it was a fashionable way for a teenager to hold a rosary.

“This one is for you to wear, and this one is for your car.”

They looked exactly alike. “Oh Gamma, they’re beautiful. I will wear it all the time, and I will put this one in my car.” I placed my gifts over my heart to show her how much I appreciated her thoughtfulness. “I love you,” I said, as I kissed both of her cheeks and hugged her before I headed out to my car.

“Happy birthday!” she said excitedly. “And drive carefully! Don’t stay out too late! And call me later!”

I turned to wave good-bye, blew a kiss, and drove away to meet Mom for dinner.

“Mom!” I waved to her where she was seated at a booth waiting for me. “I’m sorry. I lost track of time.”

She got out of her seat to hug me. “It’s all right, honey. It’s been a while since you got to spend some quality one-on-one time with Gamma. How is she?”

“She’s fine, but she looks so frail,” I said worriedly.

“That’s what happens when you get old. Don’t worry. I’ll go check on her later. She is strong, and you know how stubborn she is. I guess you couldn’t convince her to come out with us.”

“Nope.”

“What would you like to eat?” she asked, changing the subject.

“The usual, the house special hamburger, please,” I replied. “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse.”

“That hungry, huh?” She laughed softly. “Anything else?” she asked lovingly.

“How about some curly fries?”

“Anything for the birthday girl.”

The waiter came by our table. I didn’t look up at him until I heard his voice. He was tall with a cute, friendly face.

“Hello. I’m Austin. I’ll be your waiter tonight. Care to order your drinks first while you decide on what you would like for dinner?”

“Sure,” Mom and I answered back simultaneously.

“I’ll have the peach iced tea,” I said, looking straight at him.

“Good choice,” he said quickly and smiled. “And how about you, ma’am?” he asked Mom politely.

“That sounds refreshing. I’ll have the same, but could you take our orders too?”

“Sure, what would you like?”

“The house special burger for my daughter, with curly fries, and I’ll have your cob salad with chicken.”

“Thank you. I’ll be back with your drinks first.”

As he walked away, Mom giggled like a teenager gloating over a cute guy. “I saw the way he was looking at you, honey.”

“Mom!” I hissed quietly, leaning against the table with a shy smile on my face. Although I was flattered, I felt uncomfortable talking to her about guys.

“Whaaaat?” she asked. “Can’t a mom say something when a good-looking guy seems interested in her beautiful daughter?”

“No, especially not on her birthday,” I whispered.

“All right,” she surrendered and changed the subject, becoming serious.

She leaned toward me as if she was going to tell me a secret. “How are you, honey? I mean, you look so tired these days. Is everything all right?” She placed her right hand over my left hand that was resting on the table.

I wasn’t all right. I was hiding a secret, a kind of secret I couldn’t even share with my mom. “I’m fine, Mom,” I answered, unable to look her in the eyes.

“Honey, you can tell me anything. You know that, don’t you? We didn’t get to talk much after Claudia’s death. How are you dealing with it?”

“Of course I’m sad, and I miss her, but it’s a bit easier to let her go since our friendship had drifted apart. I know she will always be a part of me, but I’m dealing with it, so don’t worry,” I reassured her, forcing a smile on my face. “Don’t worry too much, it’s not good for your skin,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. “But seriously, I’m fine. Better than I thought I would be.” And that was the truth. When Claudia had given me the last hug in my dream, I was able to let her go in peace.

Mom squeezed my hand before letting go. “Okay, take it easy. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Did I look that bad? I didn’t even notice.

Austin came to our table with our food, smiling. “Let me know what else I can help you with.”

“Ketchup and Tabasco, please?” I asked.

“Anything for you. I’ll be right back.” His tone was flirtatious.

I shyly looked down as he left.

“I told you he’s interested,” Mom teased.

“Mom,” I said, feeling my face get warm.

“He has a nice, toned body too,” she added.

Before I could say anything, Austin returned. “Here you go.” He placed the ketchup and Tabasco bottles gently on the table. “Anything else I can do for you?”

“No, thank you,” I responded. I noticed his smile as he walked away.

Mom and I had such a wonderful time eating and bonding that we promised to do it more often. As I lay in bed that night, I stared out the window, recapping what a peaceful night I’d had. I was wishing it hadn’t ended so quickly. Then thoughts of Michael burned through my mind, as they always did when he was away. I rubbed the crystal necklace he gave me as if I was rubbing a magic lamp, wishing for him to appear. He was my first thought as I woke in the morning and my last thought as I fell asleep at night.

Looking in the darkness, I could see a few glittering stars, and wondered if Michael was looking at them too. I couldn’t help but be amazed every time I thought of him. Why me? What was so special about me that I was able to cross over from my dream to his world?

The next day, after church, Patty and I went to work. Sundays were usually slow, but it was fun for us because we got to catch up on our gossip and even try on a few new clothes.

“I have something else to give you,” Patty said, gleaming.

“Another gift? But you already got me something,” I said, thinking about the dress she got for me on my birthday.

Patty looked very nervous and started to play with her hair. That told me that she was up to something. “Okay, it’s not new. In fact, I’m just letting you borrow it. I… well…I knew you wouldn’t go, so I’m making you go ’cause you’re my best friend…and…I really would like for you to be there.”

“Where?” I was short with her, wondering what on earth she was talking about.

“Camping! I know you don’t like camping, but—”

I didn’t let her finish. “That’s right.” I agreed quickly, and pretended to be busy with the cash register.

“Come on, Claudia. It will be fun. It’s only for two days. Please!” She begged with her hands clasped together.

“You know I don’t like bugs, bears, and especially snakes!” I grumbled with a disgusted look, envisioning the night I got attacked by Julia, the demonic snake.

She gave me a pleading look. “You’ll be sleeping with me, and I’ll take care of you.”

“Bathrooms?” I asked.

“For sure, toilets and hot showers. I promise.” She gave me the sign of the cross.

“I’ll think about it.” I said, to get her off my back.

“Well, don’t think too hard because…you see…I kind of…sort of told Mrs. Lee that we needed next weekend off.”

“You did what?” I was furious. I hated it when she made decisions for me without consulting me.

“I’m sorry, but I really want you to go. I know you’ll have a wonderful time, and plus, when will we get this opportunity again? I know your mom will be fine with it since we would be going with our church youth group.”

“It’s not my mom I’m worried about. You can’t mention a word to Gamma.”

“Don’t worry; I know how protective she is of you. A bit too much, if you ask me.”

“She’s just old-fashioned. But seriously, I don’t want her to know. She’ll get really upset and I don’t want to disappoint her.”

“What are you going to tell Gamma? What excuse are you going to give her for not being at church on Sunday?” Patty asked, worried for me.

“I don’t know. I guess I’ll tell her that I’m sick or something, and Mom will have to cover for me. We just have to be careful and not mention the word ‘camping’ around her,” I said, already feeling guilty for contemplating the lie I was going to tell Gamma.

“Don’t worry. I’m not doing anything to ruin our chance of going camping together. You turned me down several times before. I know it’s because Gamma thinks it’s too dangerous, but it’s not. I’ve been so many times, and I’m in one piece.”

I frowned, wondering if this was a good idea. “All right then, I’ll go since you took such great efforts to arrange all this,” I said, debating whether I should be mad at her or thanking her.

“Open!” she said with a huge grin. She placed an oversized box in front of me.

I was hesitant to open it, but I did as told. It was a dark brown sleeping bag that looked very warm. I didn’t bother to take it out, knowing I would have to fold it back into the box.

“Sorry it’s not new, but you know how expensive these things are.”

“Yes, I do. I have tons of these,” I said sarcastically. “But don’t worry, I promise to take good care of it, and I’ll return it back in mint condition,” I said, this time more obligingly.

“So, are you going to bring him?” she asked, as curiosity sparkled in her eyes.

“What?” She completely caught me off guard.

“Michael. Did you forget about him already?”

She had no idea how much he was embedded in my head. “No. He won’t be going.” My voice was low.

“Oh, that’s too bad.” She looked disappointed and strolled away.

Several customers walked in, and we went back to work. We were busy, which was odd for a Sunday, but I didn’t mind because it distracted me from my thoughts of him.