Chapter 69

Kara walks down the porch steps. She wears Jenna's clothes. She spins to model them. "The pants are way short, but the shirt fits great. Looks like you and I are still almost the same size. But really, Jenna, you need to jazz up your style." She is smiling like I have not seen her smile in the last year.

"Kara." Jenna hurries to greet her, and they hug for another eternity.

When they let go, I ask, "Are you feeling okay?" making sure Kara has firm eye contact with me. She only smiles, like that is all I am trying to ask her. Like we haven't had a deeper connection. Kara. But I get nothing back from her.

"I'm feeling great. Crazy, huh? But you know me--a good night's sleep works wonders--and whatever Jenna put on my feet worked like magic. No more blisters." Classic Kara. Flip breeziness. I used to love that about her way back then, but now it makes me uneasy. She grabs our hands and squeezes them. "Can you believe this? The three of us together again. At last."

I stare at her, trying to make sense of the grin still plastered on her face. "Yeah. Amazing."

I watch Jenna's hesitant smile. "Kara, there's so much we need to talk about--"

"I know, Jenna. I hope we haven't put you at risk by coming here. We just didn't know where else to go."

"No, of course not. I'm glad you came. That's not what I was talking about. I mean the past. Everything that's happened. I had no idea that--"

Kara lifts her hands like she's trying to halt the conversation. "Please. Can't it wait? I know we need to talk but--" She looks up at the sky, her eyes wide open and glistening. She nods like she is gathering strength and then looks back at us. "Yes, there's a lot to talk about. We've all been through so much. But after all these years ... I think I just need some time. Rehashing the past is all I've done for eons. I don't want to ruin our very first hours together with more of that. For a few hours, anyway, can't we just..." She shrugs. "Actually live? Like old times? Is that too much to ask?"

"But--"

"No buts." She blinks away tears. "Look how life took such an unexpected turn for all of us. Who knows when it could happen again? I know there are things we need to discuss--like that nutjob Gatsbro--but I desperately need a breather, even if it's just a short one. Please. Let's go have breakfast. Go for a swim in this pond. Anything." She looks down at her ankles and too-short pants. "Shopping. That's something we used to love to do together. Let's go shopping."

Jenna looks at me like I might know what's going on, but I am more mystified than she is. She looks back at Kara. "I can have Allys pick some things up for you. The shopping colonnade requires approved ID."

"Oh." Kara's smile fades and she sighs. "Sure."

Jenna glances at me again briefly and then grabs Kara's hand. "But there's the open-air bazaar where you don't need ID. It's a place the Non-pacts can shop too. They don't have the variety that--"

"Perfect," Kara says. "This is exactly what--"

"Wait a minute," I say, stepping forward and pushing them apart. "You can't be serious. Shopping? Have you both lost your minds?"

Kara puts her hands on her hips. "You're right, Locke. On our very first day together, let's sit around here and be all mopey and serious. Oh, wait, been there, done that for the last year. Or we could do something really outrageous and try to act like normal people for an hour or two. What a silly concept."

"But there's still the small matter of the nutjob you mentioned. I think it would be smarter to lie low."

Kara rolls her eyes. "Right. Gatsbro is sure to be out shopping for pants at an obscure little bazaar when he's hell-bent on finding us."

"And Miesha and Dot did say he was in Mexico," Jenna adds.

And it's settled. Just like that. We are going shopping. All of us. When Miesha and Dot hear of the excursion, they want to go too. Jenna mystifies me as much as Kara does, the way she went along with it so easily. I almost think she's glad to get Kara away from the house, like maybe that will be a safer place to be. Maybe she's right. Or maybe it was just the guilt and not being able to deny Kara such a simple request.

I watch Kara closely as we get breakfast ready, and I see what Jenna sees--an unreadable face. Yes, there are smiles, questions, surprise, and reactions, but nothing that goes deeper than the surface of her skin. I used to be able to read the anger and disaster that lurked there. Now I only see the superficial movements of cheek and bone, lips and brow, carefully orchestrated, carefully moving on cue.

In the middle of the busyness and chatter, Kayla toddles into the kitchen still in her pajamas, clutching a small pink bear.

"And who do we have here?" Kara asks, kneeling down to Kayla's level.

You know exactly who it is. You've been watching the house for a week. But I get no response from Kara, not even a flinch.

Jenna walks over from the counter and stands behind Kayla, placing her hands on her shoulders. "Kara, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Kayla. Say hello, angel."

"Hello."

"Your daughter?" Kara's surprise seems genuine. Is it possible that as she watched from a distance, she mistook Kayla for Allys's child? Her lashes flutter briefly, but then the perfect control is back. "You've been busy, Jenna," she says. I listen for sarcasm, but her voice is only thick with admiration. I wait for the explosion, but there is none. I push. Yeah, she was busy living a life while we were crammed in a hellhole. Nothing.

"She's beautiful," Kara says. She holds out her arms, and Kayla moves forward, and they hug. I watch the cautious, stilted movements of Jenna, right behind her, trying to act casual but staying within a few protective inches of Kayla. There seems to be no need. Kara happily chats with Kayla about pink bears, bumps in the night, and the need for chocolate syrup in oatmeal.

As with all new experiences, Dot is eager to get under way and is out the door the minute we are done with breakfast. Miesha is mostly quiet.

Just before we leave, when I'm standing at the kitchen sink getting a drink of water, I spot Jenna and Allys through the window by the garage whispering. Allys is shaking her head.

I know, Allys, but what could I say?

You could say no. You saw--

--but it might be better to be away--

--a public place. Maybe so, but--

--and she seems to be trying so hard.

But the--

Locke said--

--but what does he--

--I owe her this.

I set my water glass on the counter and stare into the empty sink. Locke said. I begged her to give Kara a chance. That's what it comes down to. We owe one another. There are all kinds of friends you make in life.... But there's something different about someone who spreads their wings with you. Especially if they become more than friends.

"Ready?"

I spin to see Kara's smiling face just inches from mine. She snuck up on me as quietly as a shadow. I look at the lips that kissed mine two nights ago, but there is only the mask of a smile on them now.

Don't shut me out, Kara. Please.

But there isn't even a flicker of connection, and I wonder if there ever was. Either I'm crazy, or she is.

I nod. "Ready," I say. Maybe the open space of the bazaar is a good idea after all.