Chapter 30

That's what it all started with, a Friday night with nothing to do. I wanted to be with Kara and Jenna so badly, and not always be the follower. I had always been like a puppy trailing behind them, eager to do their bidding. I would have done anything for them. But I wanted to grow up in their eyes, too. Not that a few months younger is a big deal, but it still seemed like I was always one step behind them. For once, I wanted to be a step ahead.

And maybe it was something else, too.

My brother had come by the new house that day. He always made sure he came before my parents got home from work. He didn't have a key, but I let him in. Even though he was twenty-two now and had been gone for four years, I always had this stupid hope that maybe he would come back for good. Our mom still cried. I'd hear her in her room before a big family gathering, trying to hide it from the rest of us. Even though I had played the good child role for years, she still had a hole that only her firstborn could fill. So when he came, I let him in, even though I shouldn't have. He barely said hello.

"Hey, kiddo. Another inch taller." He brushed past me to the kitchen. I was sixteen and almost as tall as him. I was no kiddo. I followed him, and he pretended like he was hungry and opened the fridge. He looked over his shoulder at me. "You going to watch me eat?"

"It's not there, Cory. They moved it after the last time you came. Why don't you just get a real job--"

He slammed the refrigerator door shut and pounced on me, pinning me against the wall. "Then where is it?"

My parents kept money in an old cheese tin in the refrigerator--a habit left over from the days at our old house.

"Mom and Dad were right. You are messed up." I thought he was going to punch me, but instead he got a disgusted look on his face and let go, like he couldn't even stand to touch me.

"You think I'm messed up? Look at you. A parrot for Mom and Dad. That's all you are. You're a big fat zero. A nothing. That's all you'll ever be." He turned away and began rummaging through drawers and cupboards, slamming them when he couldn't find the tin.

I searched for a comeback, something that would cut into him the way his words cut me. "Oh, and you're a big somebody? Look at you. Stealing from your parents." But even I could hear the weakness of my reply. It wasn't the words, it was the delivery.

He turned and looked at me, his nostrils flaring and his upper lip pulled up like I even smelled bad. "Grow up, Locke."

He didn't search the rest of the house, just grabbed an apple from a bowl on the counter and left.

I had a whole afternoon to stew, but I tried to slough it off. He was a jerk. A deadbeat. No brother of mine. I tried to turn my thoughts back to Kara and Jenna and what we could do that night. I wanted to take charge for once. So later, when I overheard my sister writing down directions to a party that sounded wild--and maybe just a little out of our league--I paid attention. This was something that would impress Jenna and Kara, and maybe my brother too. My sister ended up not going to the party. But because of me, Kara and Jenna did.