Chapter 57

"I'm sorry about your back," Jenna whispers.

"My fault. I was warned. And you were right about the work. It did distract me."

We sit on a bench near the pond. The others have all gone to bed. When Jenna said she was going to take a walk to the greenhouse to get something, I said I would walk with her. We never made it to the greenhouse. I spotted what I thought was an enormous bright star, but Jenna told me it was the Galactic Radar Defense satellite. "Here, let me show you some of the new stars in the night sky." We whisper in the quiet about the twinkling lights above us.

"There. See that bluish one? That's the quarantine and border station for Mars travelers. Sort of an Ellis Island in space." She tells me that Mars was colonized a hundred fifty years ago, but only a couple of hundred thousand live there so far. It's a long trip and expensive, with a six-week quarantine period each way, so not too many people can be persuaded to make the journey.

"And over there, that reddish star is the remnants of Z65, an asteroid that was intercepted before it collided with our moon." She leans back. "But most are the same stars, same orbits, same everything, that our parents and grandparents and even Galileo looked at."

"Nice to know that at least some things don't change."

She doesn't respond for several seconds. "There's a lot that doesn't change, Locke."

Not from my perspective. Not right now. People, especially. "Why didn't you tell me you were part of the Network?"

"I'm not part of any--"

"Jenna, come on. I could shine a light in your face right now and see the backtracking all over it. You're trying to figure out how I know. I'll help you out. Dot spilled it. Allys confirmed it. And your meeting with Father Andre nailed it."

"Really, Locke. I'm not part of it. At least not anymore. I quit all that when I had Kayla."

"Just what is 'all that'? I really don't even know what the Network is. I only know some shady basement types helped us in Boston with some fake IDs."

"That's a good description. Shady basement types. That's basically it in a nutshell. The Network is just a very disorganized group of undergrounders who try to help others out."

"Since when did helping others have to be done in secret?"

"When you're helping people that others would prefer you didn't help."

"Like Non-pacts?"

"Among others. Non-pact has evolved into a catchall term for anyone who doesn't fit into the so-called norm."

Like me. "Are land pirates Non-pacts?"

"Who?"

I realize that's my own label for them. "I met what I thought were Non-pacts out in the middle of nowhere, and they called themselves pirates."

She nods like she understands exactly who I am talking about. "Yes, those would be Non-pacts," she says. "They choose a lot of different names for themselves. I can't say I blame them. Who would want to be given a label that makes them sound like they're a nonperson?"

"How does the Network help them?"

"Mostly they provide new IDs. Non-pacts are excluded from most public life. Buildings, transportation, even most roads. When they violate public space, they're tagged. The third violation results in removal to a camp in the desert for R and R--Reformation and Reassignment. But it's rare that anyone ever gets out of there or is heard from again."

I think about the man next to me at the train station who was grabbed by guards. Was he tagged like an animal that roams too close to human habitats? Or is he on his way to the desert for R and R? Is that where I would have ended up? Or maybe I don't even rate as high as a Non-pact, since I don't have that magic ten percent.

"Sounds like a decent cause. Why'd you quit?"

She sighs like it is a tired thought. "I worked for decades with Ethan and then Allys for legalization for those like us who didn't meet FSEB number standards. And then I worked decades after that on education because laws don't instantly change minds. I thought I was finally done for a while, but after the Civil Division, the Network contacted me for help, first with Non-pacts who were Runners, then with Bots who were Escapees, and then--"

"Bots? You helped Bots escape?"

"There's actually not that many who want to escape. But every now and then ... sometimes..." She looks up at the stars like the words she needs are there and then she shakes her head. "I don't know what happens. I can't explain, and I don't judge. I don't even know if I'm right in helping them escape. But..."

She doesn't finish. She doesn't have to. I can fill in the blanks. Dot. Sometimes.

She turns to face me. "But I've done it for years, Locke. Years. That's what happened to the Fox fortune--mostly unfounded penalties because both governments suspected I was involved in the underground. And when the penalties didn't stop me, there was the fire. I don't care about the house or the money, but now I have Kayla. She'll be a child for such a short time. I have to think of her."

"Sure you do, but your meeting with Father Andre wasn't exactly about your soul."

She smiles. "You're right. He knows I'm not active anymore, but we're there for each other if necessary. After all these years, I still have a lot of history and plenty of connections with the Network."

I stare at her, wondering who she has become, and a strange hungry feeling grows inside me. It's as strong as a starved stomach. I'm hungry for what Jenna had, hungry for the life I didn't live, hungry for the purpose I don't have. Hungry for something or someone to need me as much as I need them.

My house. My uncles. My parents. Someone. Something.

I feel myself beginning to lapse, losing the moment, searching my memories for a time when I was needed, but I don't want to leave Jenna either--not again. I want at least that much from this world. Stay, Locke. Focus. I jump up and face her. "I saw and heard and knew at last..."

She tilts her head back to look at me and even in the dim light I see her confusion. Slowly she turns her head to the side and understanding spreads across her face. She laughs. I stand there waiting, and she stands, finishing just the way she used to. "The How and Why of all things, past." She claps her hands like I just recited the whole poem. "I can't believe you remembered that."

I shrug. "It's not that big a deal," I say. "When you only have sixteen years of memories to fill decade after empty decade, you tend to remember every detail you can." I step closer to her. "And maybe some things are more worth remembering than others."

Was it only for her, Locke? Did you memorize poetry only for her? I flinch at the unexpected thought. I look over my shoulder but see only the quiet black pond with a shimmer of reflected starlight. I shake the thought away and take another step closer to Jenna so we are just inches from each other. She looks up at me, tenderness in her eyes, calmness in the ocean of blue that used to keep me afloat.

Locke.

I hear it, the faintest sound in my head. Jenna saying my name, and I know that, even though we didn't have the years together that Kara and I had, even though our thoughts don't flow back and forth in the same way, the time that we did have together is not gone. Our connection survived.

Jenna.

Locke.

I--

She steps back. "We should go in," she whispers. "It's getting late." And she grabs my hand and pulls me up the slope before I can say or do anything else.