Randall

"WE need to change this up," Randall said, stopping and looking back at Jenny. "Can you take the lead? I'll make sure they don't hit us from the rear."

Jenny looked a bit confused, but nodded. "Sure. Why?"

"I'm not so good with stairs right now. I don't want to fall and crush anybody."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just a little dizzy. If I fall, it'll be better if I'm in the back."

"All right." Jenny appeared concerned as Randall stepped out of the way and let her get in front, but she said nothing else. They resumed their ascent. Randall felt like he was slowing them down and almost told them to leave him and go on ahead...but, no, it was better to move at his slow pace if he could help keep them safe.

They'd all be fine.

Happy endings for all.

As far as Randall was concerned, if you couldn't defend four boys from a dracula invasion with a roaring chainsaw, then you didn't deserve to carry a roaring chainsaw, right? He'd get them and Jenny to the roof, no problem. Then they'd all get rescued, drop the kids off at a fun water slide, get his leg patched up, and hurry back to Jenny's place. A quick stop at the kitchen for a couple of cold beverages, and then they'd stampede into her bedroom. She'd have to be on top because of his injuries, but he could live with the bottom position until he healed up. They'd get remarried, take their honeymoon on a luxury cruise through Alaska, and have a daughter who looked just like Tina, who would go on to live a long, healthy life.

An excellent plan.

He knew it wasn't really going to happen like that. Hell, ten seconds after they flew off in that helicopter, Jenny might say "Oh, sorry, Randall, but you can't expect me to honor something I said while we were in the midst of a dracula attack. I can't be with you." Then she'd use a big word that she knew he didn't understand, laugh about his injured leg (legs now, goddamn it), and rush off for a Clay/Jenny/Shanna threeway.

Jesus. What was wrong with him?

He knew exactly what was wrong. Right now, almost every part of his body hurt, but what concerned him most wasn't the parts that hurt, it was the part that tingled.

A mild, unpleasant tingle, like that moment after you'd had a filling when the Novocain was just starting to wear off.

A tingle right under his teeth.

Shit.

Why the hell had he bit the clown? What kind of stupid idiot would do a thing like that? He'd saved the woman he loved, was probably going to save a bunch of kids, and he might have irreparably fucked it up by getting caught up in the heat of battle.

Or not. They didn't know how this dracula stuff worked. They couldn't. Not this quick. Blood might not have anything to do with it. There could be some fuckin' sorcerer in the basement, waving his Harry Potter wand and creating these things. And he'd washed his mouth out with rubbing alcohol.

He wasn't necessarily screwed.

Jenny glanced back at him.

He smiled. See? No dracula teeth.

He was fine. The tingling meant nothing. Could be anything. It wasn't even that bad. He could barely feel it unless he concentrated. No way was he going to get this far, go through this much crap, and ruin his happy ending. Randall Bolton was going to be a hero, a muscle-bound lumberjack taking out dozens of monsters with his trusty chainsaw, not the asshole who turned into one of them.

Or the asshole who suspected that something was happening and didn't tell anyone.

"Jenny...?"

She stopped. "Yes?"

"No, keep moving. We'll talk while we walk." His mouth had gone dry. "Jenny, I...I really shouldn't have bit that clown."

"Oh, God."

"No, no, no, don't panic. I'm not...I haven't...I think I'm fine. None of the other draculas are as big as me, and it would take longer to affect me even if I were...I think you were right, swishing around that rubbing alcohol helped, but I just...I didn't want to not say anything, in case, but I swear I feel fine."

They passed the next landing. At least there were no draculas in the stairwell. That was something.

Almost there.

Almost to the magical helicopter that would whisk them away from all this.

"I just want you to know, I'm not gonna be dumb about this if anything happens," Randall said, hoping that the kids didn't pick up on what they were talking about. "I'll never hurt you. I promise."

"I know."

He was just overreacting. He posed no danger to anybody but the draculas. Hell, he was going to get Jenny and the kids out of danger, not put them in--

No.

No!

He wanted to scream as one of his bottom teeth fell out.