CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT
I turned quickly, but didn’t need to change
position to know what was coming. Who was coming. The goose
bumps on my arms, the uncomfortable prickle at the back of my neck,
were warning enough.
The scene played out like a Bogart film. She looked
as glamorous as I’d ever seen her, lithe body tucked into a pair of
black wide-legged pants and a black cap-sleeved top, her wavy black
hair in soft curls across her shoulders. But while she might have
channeled Katharine Hepburn aesthetically, I knew who she really
was, the nihilistic core of her.
She strode toward me with feline grace, heels
clicking on the wet asphalt, gleaming in the light of the overhead
streetlamps.
I swallowed, fear and adrenaline tripping my heart
into a quick, staccato beat, and gripped the scabbard at my
side.
“I could have you before you unsheathed it,” she
warned.
I forced myself to keep my chin up, my body flexed
and ready in case she moved. It took every ounce of strength I had
not to recoil, not to take a step backward, not to run away. I
couldn’t
have been less confident, there in the dark, the Cadogan gate a
block away. So I bluffed.
“Maybe,” I said, giving her a small smile. “Maybe
not. What do you want?”
She tilted her head at me, tucking one hand around
her side, one hip cocked. She had the look of a supermodel feigning
confusion, or a mildly intrigued vampire. It was pretty much the
same expression. “You haven’t quite figured it out yet, have
you?”
I arched a brow at her, and she chuckled in
response, the sound low and throaty. “I don’t think I’ll tell you.
I think I’ll let you figure it out. But I’ll enjoy it when the time
comes.” She suddenly snapped to attention, hands at her hips, chin
thrust forward. A look of control and defiance. “And the time will
come.”
Celina did love to talk, to wax prophetic. Maybe
she’d give me something I could use, something that would hint at
her larger plans, something I could pass along to Ethan and Luc, so
I asked the follow-up. “The time? For what?”
“You took Navarre from me. All of it, all of them,
from me. Certainly, there are benefits—to take a House from a
Master, a Presidium member, it’s hardly done. That gained me no
little bit of sympathy. So thank you, pet, for that. Nevertheless,
Navarre was mine, bricks and mortar, blood and bone. You take from
me, I take from you.”
“Is that why you set Peter up?” I asked. “Because
you’re pissed that your plan to take over the Chicago Houses didn’t
quite pan out? You figured starting a world war between shifters
and vampires was the next best thing?”
She smiled coyly. “Oh, I do like you, Merit. I like
your . . . moxie. But the war wouldn’t just be between shifters and
vampires, would it? It was Cadogan House that threatened the
Breckenridge boy. The war would be between Nicholas and Ethan.
Between the old lover and the new, yes?”
I nearly growled at her.
“At any rate,” she said, “two of Chicago’s Houses
would remain uninvolved. Untainted by the scandal. Grey House.
Navarre House.”
Celina reached up and fingered a thin gold chain
around her neck. Moonlight glinted off the disk of gold that hung
from it.
My stomach tightened.
It was a House medal. A shiny new pendant to
replace the one taken from her by the GP.
“Where’d you get the medal, Celina?”
She smiled evilly and rubbed the medal like she
expected a genie to pop out.
“Let’s not be naïve, Merit. Where do you think I
got it? Or perhaps I should ask, from whom?”
I suddenly had a little less sympathy for Navarre’s
new Master.
Celina may have kept her sway over his House, but
I’d be damned if she poisoned mine. “You’ve made your play, Celina,
twice now, and you lost. Learn your lesson—stay away from Cadogan
House.”
“Just the House, Merit? Or its Master as
well?”
I felt the blush rise along my cheekbones.
She blinked at me, and her eyes—and smile—grew
wide. She laughed with obvious delight. “Oh, I had no idea my luck
would be that good. Are you sleeping with him, or just lusting
after him? And let’s not feign misunderstanding, Sentinel. I meant
the one you want, not the one you have.” She looked up, her
expression thoughtful. “Or maybe the one you lost, if I learned
anything from that last little scene.”
“You’re hallucinating,” I said, but my stomach
knotted. She’d been there, had watched Morgan and me fight. Had he
set this up? Had he asked to talk to me outside in order to get me
out here where she could find me?
Celina looked me over, head to toe, an appraisal.
She’d kept her glamour in check, but I felt the slinky tendrils of
it branching out, testing. “You’re not his type, I hear. Ethan does
prefer blondes.” She cocked her head to the side. “Or redheads, I
suppose. But I guess you know all about that. I hear you were a
firsthand witness to his . . . prowess?” She looked at me
thoughtfully, apparently expecting an honest appraisal.
She was right—I had been a witness to his
“prowess,” having inadvertently walked in while Ethan was servicing
Amber. But I wasn’t about to share that information with her. “I
couldn’t care less who or what he prefers.”
“Mmm-hmm. Does that self-righteous anger keep you
warm at night?”
I knew she was baiting me. Of course she was
baiting me. Unfortunately, she’d picked the right bait, the
conversation I was sick of having, the accusations I was sick of
defending against. I could feel my blood begin to warm, the vampire
I’d so carefully, cautiously, forced down peeking through,
wondering at the worry, the adrenaline that woke her from sleep. My
breathing quickened, and I knew my eyes had silvered. My fangs
descended, and I let them.
I wouldn’t fight her; I wasn’t stupid. But Catcher
had taught me about the benefits of bluffing. Assuming I could keep
my vampire in check, I owed it to the impotent Presidium to see
what happened when I played Celina’s game.
I took a step forward, a step toward her, and ran
the tip of my tongue across the tip of a needle-pointed canine.
Vampire aggressive behavior. “Do you want to play, Celina? Do you
want to know how strong I am? Do you want to see?”
She stared at me, magic flowing full force now, and
I watched her eyes silver, like flipped coins catching the light.
She took a step toward me, still eighteen or twenty feet between
us.
“You’re hardly worth his time, Sentinel. Why would
you be worth mine?”
I took another step forward. “You came here,
Celina. To find me.”
“You’ll never be as good as me.”
There it was. The crack in the beguiling facade.
Celina, beautiful and powerful and self-absorbed to a fault, was
insecure.
I repeated the mantra. “You came here, Celina. To
find me.”
She stilled, glared at me beneath half-lidded eyes,
shadows and moonlight sharpening the angles of her face. She took a
breath, seemed to calm herself, and smiled. And then she fought
back.
“I know who you are, Merit. I know about your
family.” She stepped forward. “I know about your sister.”
I flinched, the words as effective as a slap across
the face.
Another step, and this time she grinned. She knew
she’d landed a blow.
“Yes,” she said. “Best of all”—I could see the
whites of her eyes and as if the cant of the words wasn’t threat
enough, the hatred in her gaze—“I know about that night on
campus.”
“Because you planned it,” I reminded her, my breath
coming faster, my heart beginning to thud again.
“Mmm-hmm,” she said, tapping a red-manicured finger
against her chest. “I had plans for you, I’ll admit. But I wasn’t
the only one with plans.”
My heart sped at the insinuation. “Who else had
plans?”
“You know, I forget. But it’s a pity you’ve had
Peter extradited. He has so many interesting connections around
town, don’t you think?”
It was trickery, I reminded myself. She was behind
it. She’d planned my attack, my death, to wreak havoc in the city.
She’d
planned it. But she wasn’t the only one with knowledge, I reminded
myself.
“I know about Anne Dupree, Celina. Did you and
Edward have fun plotting and planning? Did George cry out when you
beat him to death?”
Her smile faltered. “Bitch.”
I was really beginning to dislike Navarre vampires.
Thinking they had much arrogance in common, I used the phrase I’d
used before on her apparent protégé. “Bite me, Celina.”
She snapped her fangs at me. I flipped the thumb
guard on my scabbard.
All right, that’s it. “Bring it, dead
girl.”
She growled. I gripped the handle with my right
hand, my heart thudding like a drum inside my chest.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, I thought, for
baiting the crazy, but a little too late.
Moving so quickly that her body was a shiny black
blur in the night, she advanced and kicked. She kicked with the
force of a thundering freight train, and the unbelievable pain of
it buckled my knees. I hit the ground, unable to catch a breath,
unable to think or feel or react to anything but the crushing pain
in my chest. A single kick shouldn’t have hurt so much, but my God,
did it. A screaming, ripping pain that made me wonder that I’d ever
doubted Celina Desaulniers.
One hand braced to keep my face from hitting the
ground, tears spilled over, and I gripped my chest with my free
hand, to rip out the pain, to rip out the vise that was squeezing
the air from my lungs. I struggled for breath, and a wave of pain,
a morbid aftershock, convulsed my spine.
“Ethan did this to you.”
I fought for air, looked up. She stood over me,
hands on her hips.
I ground my fingers into the concrete, tunneled
holes in
the sidewalk, and tears pouring down my cheeks, watched her,
hoping to God she wouldn’t kick me again, wouldn’t touch me again.
Reminded myself—it was her plan. “No.”
She bent down at the waist, put a fingertip beneath
my chin, raised it up. I heard a growl, realized it was me, and
when another shock rocked my body, realized that if she hit me
again, I’d be completely unable to fight back.
One kick, and she’d brought me down, even after two
months of training. She called my bluff, and had taken me down.
Could I ever be as strong as she was? As fast? Maybe not. But I’d
be damned if I’d crawl away like a wounded animal.
Then and there, I swore to myself that I would
never be on my knees before her again.
Heaving for breath, I pushed my way up, one slow,
devastating inch at a time, black fabric shredded around knees I’d
bloodied when I fell to the ground. Celina watched, a predator
enjoying the last licking sighs of a wounded animal.
Or maybe more accurately, alpha predator, enjoying
her victory over a lesser female.
Slow, agonizing seconds later, I was
standing.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I cradled my ribs with my right hand, lifted my
eyes to hers.
Bright, nearly indigo blue, they fairly twinkled
with pleasure in the moonlight. “He did this to you,” she said.
“Caused this pain. If you weren’t a vampire, if he hadn’t made
you—if he’d taken you to the hospital instead of changing you,
converting you for his own purposes—you’d be in school. You’d be
with Mallory. Everything would be the same.”
I shook my head, but something about that sounded
right.
Was it right?
In the midst of the pain, the fact that he’d saved
me from her, from the killer she’d loosed on me, didn’t cross my
mind.
“Confront him, Merit. See what you’re made
of.”
I shook my head. Mutiny. Rebellion. He was my
Master. I couldn’t fight him, wouldn’t fight him. I’d already
challenged him once, my first week as a vampire, and I’d failed.
I’d lost.
“He left you here for me to find. They both
did.”
My ribs screamed, probably broken. Maybe internal
bleeding. A punctured lung?
“All that effort,” she said, “just to breathe.
Imagine if it had been a real fight, Sentinel. All that work, all
that practice, and what have you to show for it?” She cocked her
head, as if waiting for me to answer, but then offered, “He didn’t
prepare you for me, did he?”
“Fuck you,” I managed to get out, gripping my
side.
She arched a carefully shaped black eyebrow. “Don’t
direct your ire at me, Sentinel, for teaching the lesson you
needed. Blame Ethan. Your Master. The one who is supposed to care
for you. Prepare you. Protect you.”
I ignored the words, but shook my head anyway,
tried to will myself to think, but it was becoming more difficult.
The pain was blurring the borders, forcing the reconciliation
between whatever humanity was left, whatever predator lived inside
me. I didn’t know what would happen if I let the vampire peek
through, but I wasn’t strong enough to hold her back, not with the
pain. The instinct was too strong, my defenses too weak. I’d
repressed her, and she was tired of being relegated to some deep,
dark corner of my psyche. I’d been a vampire for nearly two months,
but had managed to shield myself in the remnants of my
humanity.
No more, the vampire screamed.
“Don’t fight it,” Celina said, a tinge of lusty
voyeurism in her voice.
The pain was too much, the night too long, my
inhibitions too low. I stopped fighting it. I let it go.
I let her breathe.
I let her out.
She burst through my blood, the power of the
vampire flowing through me, and as I kept my eyes on Celina, locked
my limbs to keep from staggering back from the surge of it, I felt
myself disassociate. I felt her move my body, stretch and test
muscles inside my body—and sink into it.
Merit disappeared.
Morgan disappeared.
Mallory disappeared.
All the fear, the hurt, the resentment, of failing
friends and lovers and teachers, of disappointing those I was
supposed to care for, of ruining relationships. The discomfort of
no longer knowing who I really was, what role I was supposed to
play in this world—all of it disappeared.
For a moment, in its place, a vacuum. The
undeniable appeal of nothingness, of the absence of hurt.
And then, the sensations I hadn’t known I’d been
waiting two months for.
The world accelerated, burst into music.
The night sang—voices and cars and gravel and
screaming and laughter. Animals hunting, people chatting, fighting,
fucking. A raven flew overhead. The night glowed—moonlight bringing
everything into sharper relief.
The world was noisy—sounds and smells I’d
apparently missed out on over the last two months, the senses of a
predator.
I looked at Celina, and she smiled. Grinned
victoriously.
“You’ve lost your humanity,” she said. “You’ll
never get it back. And you can’t defend yourself. You know who’s to
blame.”
I meant to stay silent, to say nothing, but I heard
myself answer her, ask her, “Ethan?”
A single nod, and, as if her task was accomplished,
Celina
smoothed her shirt, turned and walked into the shadows. Then she
was gone.
The world exhaled.
I glanced back and saw, only yards away, the glow
of the breach in the Cadogan gate.
He was there.
I took a step, ribs still screaming.
I wanted someone else to hurt.
I began walking. We began walking, the vampire and
I, back to Cadogan House.
At the gate, the guards let me pass, but I could
hear the whispers, could hear them talking, reporting me to the
vampires inside.
The front lawn was empty, the door ajar. I took the
steps slowly, one at a time, a hand on my ribs, the pain a little
less, the healing begun, but still profound enough to bring tears
to my eyes.
Inside, the House was silent, the few vampires
frozen, staring as I moved between them, determined, my predatory
eyes slitted against the harshness of electric lights.
Merit?
I heard his voice in my head.
Find me, I ordered, and stopped in the
crossway between the stairs, the hallway, the parlors.
Down the hall, his office door opened. He stepped
out, took one look at me, and moved forward.
“You did this to me.”
I don’t know if he heard me, but his expression
didn’t change. He reached me, stopped, and his eyes widened, and he
searched my own. “Jesus Christ, Merit. What’s happened to
you?”
My sword whistled as I unsheathed it, and when I
gripped it in both hands, I felt the circuit close. I closed my
eyes, basking in the warmth of it.
“Merit!” This time, there was an order behind the
words.
I opened my eyes, nearly flinched, wanted
instinctively to bend to the will of my Master, my maker, but I
fought it and through trembling limbs, I forced back the urge to
yield.
“No,” I heard myself say, my voice barely a
whisper.
His eyes widened again, then flicked to something
behind me. He shook his head, looked back at me. His voice low,
intimate, insistent. “Come back from this, Merit. You don’t want to
fight me.”
“I do,” I heard, in a voice that was barely mine.
“Find steel,” she advised him.
We advised him.
He stood there for a long moment, silently, still,
before nodding. Someone offered him a blade, a katana that glinted
in the light. He took it, mirrored my stance—katana in both hands,
body bladed.
“If the only way you’ll come back from this is to
be bloodied by it, then so be it.”
He lunged.
It was easy to forget that he’d been a soldier.
The perfectly cut Armani, pristine white shirts, and always shiny
Italian shoes were more the workaday wrapping of a corporate CEO
than of the leader of a band of three hundred and twenty
vampires.
That was my mistake—forgetting who he was.
Forgetting that he was head of Cadogan House for a reason, not just
for his politics, not just for his age, but because he could fight,
knew how to fight, because he knew how to swing a sword through the
air.
He’d been a soldier, had learned to fight in the
midst of a world war. She’d made me forget that.
He was amazing to watch, or would have been, had I
not been on the receiving end of the slices and cuts, the kicks and
turns that torqued his body nearly effortlessly. The lunges and
blocks. He was so fast, so precise.
But the pain began to ease, and repressed for so
long, held back by my human perceptions, misgivings fears,
she—the vampire—began to fight back.
And she was faster.
I was faster.
My body knifed toward his, and I swung, used the
katana in my hands to slash, to force him to move, to spin, to
slice his own sword in ways that looked comparatively
awkward.
I don’t know how long we fought, how long we chased
each other in the midst of a circle of vampires on the first floor
of Cadogan House, my hair wet and matted, tears streaking my face,
bloodied hands and knees, broken ribs, the sleeves of my shirt in
tatters from half a dozen near misses.
His arms were equally sliced, his twists and turns
still not fast enough to avoid my parries. Where he’d once let me
play the game, had moved in close enough to give me an opportunity
to make contact before slipping away again, now he spun to save his
skin; the expression on his face—blank, focused—told that story
well enough. This wasn’t play fighting. This was the real
challenge, the fight I’d tried to bring to him months ago, the
fight that he’d mocked. He owed me a fight, a real fight, in
recognition of the fact that I hadn’t asked to become a vampire but
had acquiesced to this authority anyway because he’d asked it of
me. This was less a challenge, I thought, than an acknowledgment.
He was my Master, but I’d taken my oaths and he owed me a fight. A
fair one, because I’d been willing to fight for him. To kill for
him. To take a hit for him, if necessary.
“Merit.”
I shrugged off the sound of my name and kept
fighting, dodging, and swinging, smiling as I swung the blade at
him, parried
and countered, torqued my own body to stay out of the line of his
honed steel.
“Merit.”
I blocked his blow, and as he reoriented and
rebalanced his body, I glanced behind me, just in time to see
Mallory, my friend, my sister, hand outstretched, an orb of blue
flame in her hand. She flicked, and it came toward me, and I was
enveloped in flame.
The lights went out.