When we set out on this project, my plan was to take a picture of Anthony and me to celebrate the very moment we wrote our last word. Y’all are so lucky I didn’t. We were scaring me. Remember Heaven’s Gate? It was that bad. After months of purging my life’s highest and lowest moments and weeks of staring at nothing but each other lit by the creepy glow of a computer monitor, we were ready for some fucking spaceship to land and for the little green guys to abduct us. They never did. They probably thought about it until they got a good look and whiff of us. We were on a mission and everything else—showering, eating three square meals a day, assuring concerned third parties that we were still alive—none of it mattered anymore. We had to deliver our message. We’d only remember what life was like before when we caught glimpses of the outside world on our way to restock the fort with the essentials: cigarettes, more cigarettes, liquor, frozen pizza, the occasional fresh vegetable, and more liquor.

Don’t worry, it’s all okay now. We’re done, thank God, because we reek like a marinating loaf of wrong. The test results haven’t come back yet, but I don’t think any permanent damage was done during this experiment. We’re no more insane than we were before, right? Hey, Anthony, we’re no more insane than we were before, right? “We’re insane! Yaaay! Yaay, we’re insane! Yaay!” Dude, I said, we’re not insane. “We’re insane! Yaaay! We’re insane!” Well... maybe Anthony is. We’d better go, he’s not looking so good and he thinks he’s Special Ed from Crank Yankers right now. We’re out of here. Goodbye! And good luck. *