I went to Vegas in the summer of 2003 with a bunch of my friends. We went to The Palms hotel, up to the Ghost Bar, which is at the very top of the place. It’s got this amazing deck with a clear piece of Plexiglas in it so that you can see the street, hundreds of feet down, while you dance. We’re partying up there and it’s fucking retarded. Later we go back to the Hard Rock casino to gamble. I’m not a huge gambling guy, mostly because I don’t know how to play most of the games. My friends want to play craps, which I’ve never played before. But I don’t care! I take two hundred bucks out, throw it down, and pick up the dice. My friends are like, “Dude, just roll the fucking dice. But no matter what, do not roll a seven. You roll a seven, you crap out, and we’re fucking done.” I roll the dice. Boom! Everyone at the table is all “Yaay!” Everyone wins. I have no idea why or how. I just know I did something right. I don’t know how to bet or where to place my chips, so one of my boys bets for me. And I roll again. Boom! Again, the whole table blows up. They’re yelling, “Fuck! No way!” I hit it again somehow.

Twice in a row would have been good enough for me, but dude, I keep on going. I roll the dice for almost an hour without crappin’ out. I must have had a fucking horseshoe up my ass that night. Everything was just right. I would roll whatever my boys said we needed. We need an eight? Boom! They’d put a thousand dollars on the table, and they’d tell me to roll a six. I’d be like, “Six? Okay.” And I’d roll it.

By the time I was done, the combined winnings at that table were $101,000. My friends loved me. The strangers who won loved me. The hotel hated me. The host from the Hard Rock came up to my room in the morning to inform me that security watched the tape several times because they thought I had been cheating but had decided that I hadn’t. How could I cheat when I’d never played craps before? According to him, never, ever in the history of the hotel has anyone ever rolled the dice nonstop for almost an hour. I thought that was awesome and I asked him if I could get the tape. It was the most epic night that will never, ever happen again. I’m not even gonna try.