CHAPTER XXIV
The roarings that had stretched in a long line of
sound across the face of the forest began to grow intermittent and
weaker. The stentorian speeches of the artillery continued in some
distant encounter, but the crashes of the musketry had almost
ceased. The youth and his friend of a sudden looked up, feeling a
deadened form of distress at the waning of these noises, which had
become a part of life. They could see changes going on among the
troops. There were march ings this way and that way. A battery
wheeled leisurely. On the crest of a small hill was the thick gleam
of many departing muskets.
The youth arose. “Well, what now, I wonder?” he
said. By his tone he seemed to be preparing to resent some new
monstrosity in the way of dins and smashes. He shaded his eyes with
his grimy hand and gazed over the field.
His friend also arose and stared. “I bet we’re
goin’ t’ git along out of this an’ back over th’ river,” said
he.
“Well, I swan!”an said
the youth.
They waited, watching. Within a little while the
regiment received orders to retrace its way. The men got up
grunting from the grass, regretting the soft repose. They jerked
their stiffened legs, and stretched their arms over their heads.
One man swore as he rubbed his eyes. They all groaned “O Lord!”
They had as many objections to this change as they would have had
to a proposal for a hew battle.
They trampled slowly back over the field across
which they had run in a mad scamper.
The regiment marched until it had joined its
fellows. The reformed brigade, in column, aimed through a wood at
the road. Directly they were in a mass of dust-covered troops, and
were trudging along in a way parallel to the enemy’s lines as these
had been defined by the previous turmoil.
They passed within view of a stolid white house,
and saw in front of it groups of their comrades lying in wait
behind a neat breastwork. A row of guns were booming at a distant
enemy. Shells thrown in reply were raising clouds of dust and
splinters. Horsemen dashed along the line of intrenchments.
At this point of its march the division curved away
from the field and went winding off in the direction of the river.
When the significance of this movement had impressed itself upon
the youth he turned his head and looked over his shoulder toward
the trampled and débris strewed ground. He breathed a breath of new
satisfaction. He finally nudged his friend. “Well, it’s all over,”
he said to him.
His friend gazed backward. “B‘Gawd, it is,” he
assented. They mused.
For a time the youth was obliged to reflect in a
puzzled and uncertain way. His mind was undergoing a subtle change.
It took moments for it to cast off its battleful ways and resume
its accustomed course of thought. Gradually his brain emerged from
the clogged clouds, and at last he was enabled to more closely
comprehend himself and circumstance.
He understood then that the existence of shot and
counter-shot was in the past. He had dwelt in a land of strange,
squalling upheavals and had come forth. He had been where there was
red of blood and black of passion, and he was escaped. His first
thoughts were given to rejoicings at this fact.
Later he began to study his deeds, his failures,
and his achievements. Thus, fresh from scenes where many of his
usual machines of reflection had been idle, from where he had
proceeded sheeplike, he struggled to marshal all his acts.
At last they marched before him clearly From this
present view point he was enabled to look upon them in spectator
fashion and to criticise them with some correctness, for his new
condition had already defeated certain sympathies.
Regarding his procession of memory he felt gleeful
and unregret ting, for in it his public deeds were paraded in great
and shining prominence. Those performances which had been witnessed
by his fellows marched now in wide purple and gold, having various
deflections. They went gayly with music. It was pleasure to watch
these things. He spent delightful minutes viewing the gilded images
of memory.
He saw that he was good. He recalled with a thrill
of joy the respectful comments of his fellows upon his
conduct.
Nevertheless, the ghost of his flight from the
first engagement appeared to him and danced. There were small
shoutings in his brain about these matters. For a moment he
blushed, and the light of his soul flickered with shame.
A specter of reproach came to him. There loomed the
dogging memory of the tattered soldier—he who, gored by bullets and
faint for blood, had fretted concerning an imagined wound in
another; he who had loaned his last of strength and intellect for
the tall soldier; he who, blind with weariness and pain, had been
deserted in the field.
For an instant a wretched chill of sweat was upon
him at the thought that he might be detected in the thing. As he
stood persistently before his vision, he gave vent to a cry of
sharp irritation and agony.
His friend turned. “What’s the matter, Henry?” he
demanded. The youth’s reply was an outburst of crimson oaths.
As he marched along the little branch-hung roadway
among his prattling companions this vision of cruelty brooded over
him. It clung near him always and darkened his view of these deeds
in purple and gold. Whichever way his thoughts turned they were
followed by the somber phantom of the desertion in the fields. He
looked stealthily at his companions, feeling sure that they must
discern in his face evidences of this pursuit. But they were
plodding in ragged array, discussing with quick tongues the
accomplishments of the late battle.
“Oh, if a man should come up an’ ask me, I’d say we
got a dum good hckin’ .” 46
“Lickin‘—in yer eye! We ain’t licked, sonny. We’re
goin’ down here aways, swing aroun’ , an’ come in behint ’
em.”
“Oh, hush, with your comin’ in behint ‘em. I’ve
seen all ’a that I wanta. Don’t tell me about comin’ in
behint—”
“Bill Smithers, he ses he’d rather been in ten
hundred battles than been in that heluva hospital. He ses they got
shootin’ in th’ night-time, an’ shells dropped plum among ‘em in
th’ hospital. He ses sech hollerin’ he never see.”
“Hasbrouck? He’s th’ best off‘cer in this here
reg’ment. He’s a whale.”ao
“Didn’t I tell yeh we’d come aroun’ in behint ‘em?
Didn’t I tell yeh so? We—”
“Oh, shet yeh mouth!”
For a time this pursuing recollection of the
tattered man took all elation from the youth’s veins. He saw his
vivid error, and he was afraid that it would stand before him all
his life. He took no share in the chatter of his comrades, nor did
he look at them or know them, save when he felt sudden suspicion
that they were seeing his thoughts and scrutinizing each detail of
the scene with the tattered soldier.
Yet gradually he mustered force to put the sin at a
distance. And at last his eyes seemed to open to some new ways. He
found that he could look back upon the brass and bombast of his
earlier gospels and see them truly. He was gleeful when he
discovered that he now despised them.
With this conviction came a store of assurance. He
felt a quiet manhood, nonassertive but of sturdy and strong blood.
He knew that he would no more quail before his guides wherever they
should point. He had been to touch the great death, and found that,
after all, it was but the great death. He was a man.
So it came to pass that as he trudged from the
place of blood and wrath his soul changed. He came from hot
plowshares to prospects of clover tranquilly, and it was as if hot
plowshares were not.47 Scars
faded as flowers.
It rained. The procession of weary soldiers became
a bedraggled train, despondent and muttering, marching with
churning effort in a trough of liquid brown mud under a low,
wretched sky. Yet the youth smiled, for he saw that the world was a
world for him, though many discovered it to be made of oaths and
walking sticks. He had rid himself of the red sickness of battle.
The sultry nightmare was in the past. He had been an animal
blistered and sweating in the heat and pain of war. He turned now
with a lover’s thirst to images of tranquil skies, fresh meadows,
cool brooks—an existence of soft and eternal peace.
Over the river a golden ray of sun came through the
hosts of leaden rain clouds.