eighty-four. Callum

I entered the burger bar and waited my turn in the long queue. This Friday was just like the Friday before and would probably be exactly like the Friday to follow. My days stretched out before me like some kind of galactic desert. Funny how the days could go so slowly and time could pass so fast. They’d killed . . . they’d murdered my dad in July and when he died, I think something inside me had died as well. And although since then the weeks had come and gone, it still cut like a knife every time I thought of my dad – which was all the time. Officially, the authorities might call it suicide, but I and every other nought knew differently.

And I hadn’t seen Sephy since the Saturday night-Sunday morning I’d spent with her. Sarah hadn’t given us away but she’d made sure it was practically impossible for me to slip back into the house again. A guard was now on permanent patrol.

I’d visited the beach a few times but to be honest I never stayed very long. Going to the beach felt like trying to recapture the past – an impossible task. Too much had happened over the last year. I never saw Sephy anyway, which was probably just as well. At least the memory of that night in her bed was beginning to fade a little. Not much. But a very little. If I tried very hard to think about something else – and rubbed my stomach and patted my head at the same time! I forced myself to think of Dad. What were the thoughts running through his head as he stood before the fence? What was the last thing he thought of before he died? I’d never know. Something else to hate the Crosses for.

I gave my order to the cashier, ignoring the plastic smile on her face as she served me, and waited for my food. When I’d received my burger, french fries and milk, I sought out the darkest corner of the burger bar. I finally sat down with my back to the throng and slowly chewed on a chip. I wasn’t even hungry. It was just something to do to pass the time until the afternoon had passed. Now that I wasn’t at school, I never knew what to do with myself. Totally aimless, I had nothing to do and nowhere to go. Since Dad’s death, Mum was lost somewhere deep inside herself where I couldn’t reach her. No-one could. I had tried, but it was hopeless. Maybe if I’d been Lynette, her favourite child, or Jude, her first-born son, but . . . I chewed on another chip. I was sixteen and a half, and already it felt as if my life was over. The good times, the best times, were over.

‘Hi, little brother.’

I looked up and my eyes began to hurt I was staring so hard. Jude . . . Jude! I leapt up and, leaning across the table, I hugged him – hard!

‘I’ve missed you,’ I told him.

‘Get off. Are you mad, or what?’ Jude glanced around before sitting opposite me. I sat back down, beaming at him.

‘Stop grinning like an idiot!’ Jude told me sourly.

‘It’s great to see you too!’ I replied. ‘Where’ve you been? I really have missed you.’

Jude took another look around. ‘I’ve been keeping my head down for a while.’

My smile disappeared. ‘You . . . you know what happened to Dad?’

‘Oh yes, I know,’ Jude said grimly. ‘I know all about it. And it’s payback time.’

‘What d’you mean?’

Jude sat back in his chair. His eyes darted here, there and everywhere and although he sat perfectly still, he reminded me of a nervous cat, ready to leap off at a nanosecond’s notice.

‘I hear they booted you out of Heathcroft,’ Jude said at last.

‘I wasn’t booted. I walked,’ I told him huffily.

‘Good for you. That wasn’t the place for you, little brother.’

‘I know that now.’

‘It’s a shame you didn’t listen to me when I told you months ago. It would’ve saved you a lot of grief.’

I shrugged. What else was there to say?

‘So what’re you up to now?’ Jude asked.

‘I eat chips.’ I pointed at my polystyrene tray.

‘Would you like to do something more worthwhile?’

‘Like what?’

Jude stood up. ‘I have to go now. Someone will be in touch.’

‘Jude, don’t do your “Man of Mystery” routine on me.’ I frowned. ‘What am I meant to tell Mum?’

‘Don’t tell her anything,’ Jude said vehemently. ‘Where we’re going, she can’t follow.’

‘And where are we going?’

‘I think you know, little brother.’

‘Stop calling me that,’ I protested. ‘What’re you up to, Jude?’

‘Just tell me one thing,’ Jude said. ‘Are you in or out?’

He was deliberately being enigmatic, answering each of my questions with a question of his own. And it was really cheesing me off. But I knew what he was asking. This was my chance to link up with the Liberation Militia. And I knew in my gut that if I turned Jude down now, I’d never be asked again.

‘Well?’ Jude prompted.

I licked my lips, trying to delay the moment of decision.

‘This is your chance to make a difference,’ Jude told me.

And just like that, I felt a calmness, a purpose I hadn’t felt in a long, long time. I looked at Jude and said, ‘I’m in.’

Jude nodded, satisfied. ‘Then go home, pack your bags and make your peace with Mum. You’ll be contacted tomorrow some time. After that you won’t be seeing Mum or anyone else we know for that matter for a while. Are you still in?’

I nodded.

‘Welcome to the lifeboat party, little brother,’ Jude said adding, ‘I hope I can trust you.’

And a moment later, he was gone.