forty-four. Callum

‘I’m going out.’ Mum pulled on her jacket as she spoke.

‘Where?’ Dad stood up from the table where he’d been poring over some kind of map with Jude.

‘For a walk.’ The front door was now open.

‘Meggie, how much longer are you going to carry on like this?’ said Dad.

‘Like what?’ asked Mum, her back to us.

Jude and I exchanged a glance. Lynette’s funeral was over three months ago now and Dad wasn’t the only one who’d changed. Most nights Mum had taken to going for long walks, returning long after I’d gone to bed and was meant to be asleep. Crossmas had come and gone in our house without much cheer. The new year had started and here we all were, occupying opposite ends of the compass.

Dad sighed, exasperated. ‘Meggie, why won’t you talk to us? To me?’

Mum turned, her eyes ablaze. ‘Will you give that up?’ she asked, pointing to the long map spread out all over our table.

‘No.’

‘Then we have nothing to say to each other.’

‘Meggie . . .’

Mum headed out of the door, slamming it shut behind her.

‘What’s going on, Dad?’ I asked.

Dad was still staring at the front door. I doubt if he even heard me. I tried to move closer to the table but Jude rolled up the map before I had a chance to take a good look at it. I did see enough of it this time though to realize that it wasn’t just a map; it was a blueprint.

‘Come on, Jude, we’ve got work to do,’ Dad said grimly.

‘Where’re you going, Dad?’ I asked.

‘Out.’

‘Out where?’ I asked.

‘To a meeting.’

‘What meeting?’

‘None of your business,’ Dad replied tersely, pulling on his coat.

‘Where is it?’

‘That’s none of your business either.’

Jude ran a large elastic band around the now rolled up blueprint and went to join Dad. He put the blueprint down by his feet and put on his jacket which was hanging on a hook by the door. There was no way he was going to let that blueprint out of his sight. I regarded both Jude and Dad, standing together at the front door looking in every way like father and son – and I felt totally excluded.

‘How come Jude gets to go with you and I don’t?’

‘Because you’re not old enough,’ said Dad.

Jude snorted and muttered something under his breath. At Dad’s warning look he shut up. What were both of them up to? A house of secrets, that’s what my home had become. Mum had withdrawn to a place where none of us were able to reach her. And on top of that, Jude and Dad were doing something where I wasn’t wanted.

And I missed Lynette so much.

She never said very much and goodness knows she never did much but it was like she was the glue that kept our family together and now that she was gone we were each floating further and further away from one another.

Something else to hate my sister for.

‘Please let me come with you,’ I pleaded.

I didn’t know where Mum was and I didn’t want to be on my own. I needed to belong somewhere, to something, to someone.

‘No way,’ Jude shot out before Dad could open his mouth.

‘I won’t be any trouble.’

‘Yeah, right!’ Jude scoffed.

Dad walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘Callum, where we’re going you can’t follow.’

‘Why not? If Jude’s old enough to belong to the Liberation Militia then so am I.’

‘What?’ Dad spun around. ‘Jude, you stupid boy. What’ve you been saying? You know we’re not meant . . .’

‘I didn’t say anything, Dad. I swear,’ Jude denied vehemently.

‘Jude didn’t tell me,’ I said.

‘Then who did?’ Dad asked brusquely.

‘No-one. I worked it out for myself. I’m not stupid,’ I told him. ‘So can I come with you now?’

‘No way. We’re going to a Liberation Militia meeting and you’re too young. Besides, if you were seen it’d be the end of your school career. Is that what you want?’

‘I don’t care. I’m just wasting my time at Heathcroft and everyone knows it.’ I shrugged away from Dad’s hand. ‘Colin’s dropped out and Shania’s been expelled for no reason and everyone’s taking bets on how much longer Amu and I are going to be there. Besides, I was thinking of leaving anyway.’

‘Over my dead body,’ Dad flared up at once. ‘You are going to school and you’ll stay at school until you’re eighteen and then you’ll go on to university. Do I make myself clear?’

I looked away from him, my lips firmly together.

‘Callum, I asked you a question.’ Dad grabbed my chin and forced my face around till I had no choice but to look directly at him. ‘You will not leave school without any qualifications. Understand?’

‘Yeah, OK.’ I mumbled.

Dad headed for the door, beckoning to Jude as he did so.

‘And don’t bother blabbing to your dagger friend about us being in the Liberation Militia,’ Jude hissed at me. ‘Not unless you want to put a noose around our necks.’

Both Dad and Jude left the house without a backward glance and once again I was alone.