forty-six. Callum

Saturday. It was eighteen days and five months after Lynette’s death. Funny I should think of it that way. The days before the months. My sixteenth birthday in February had come and gone, with a card and a book signed from both Mum and Dad, but bought and wrapped by Mum. It hadn’t been much of a birthday. No-one had felt like celebrating. And sitting round the table cutting the birthday cake had been a silent affair – because Lynny wasn’t there. The winter had come and gone and spring had arrived – and nothing had changed. Funny that not a single day passed without me thinking about Lynette. When she was here, she so often just seemed to fade into the background, like something that’s always there but you never really think about. Like air. But now that she was gone . . .

Lynette’s secret still hung heavily over me, like a shroud. No-one knew the truth about her death except me. And with each passing day, the longing to tell someone grew stronger. There was Sephy, but each time I tried to tell her the truth about my sister, the words just wouldn’t come. It felt like I was being disloyal to not just Lynette but my whole family by wanting to tell Sephy and no-one else. On the spur of the moment, I headed for the phone and used our signal to phone Sephy’s house. Within five minutes she was phoning me back.

‘Hello you,’ I said.

‘Hello yourself,’ Sephy replied.

‘So what’re you up to today then?’ I asked. I had to keep my voice down because Mum and Dad were upstairs. Jude was out – as per usual – so I was taking this opportunity to use the phone. I was hoping Sephy wouldn’t have anything planned so that we could spend this Saturday together.

‘I’m going shopping! With Mother!’ Sephy wailed.

‘Poor you.’ I had to struggle to keep myself from laughing out loud at Sephy’s tone of voice. She hated shopping at the best of times. And as for shopping with her mum, that must be her idea of hell on earth.

‘It’s not funny!’ Sephy snapped.

‘Of course not,’ I soothed.

Sephy gave a very undignified snort down the phone. ‘You’re laughing at me again.’

‘As if.’

‘What’re you going to be doing with the rest of the day then?’ Sephy asked me.

‘I thought I might go to the park, or maybe the beach. Maybe I’ll do both. I haven’t decided yet.’

‘That’s right, rub it in.’

‘Just think of all that lovely money you’re going to spend,’ I told her.

‘Mother’s going to spend it, not me. She’s decided she needs some spending therapy,’ Sephy replied.

‘Well, if you can’t get out of it, get into it!’

‘I’d much rather be with you,’ Sephy admitted.

There it was again, that familiar twist in my stomach whenever she said things like that to me.

‘Hello?’ Sephy said, uncertainly.

‘I’m still here. Maybe we can meet up later this afternoon?’ I suggested.

Sephy sighed. ‘I doubt it. Mum wants to buy me some dresses and update my school uniform and she wants to buy herself an evening dress and some shoes. Just the shoes by themselves will take three or four hours at least.’

‘Why? Has your mother got duck’s feet or something?’

‘No, just a duck’s taste in shoes. I swear, Callum, it’s going to be torture!’

‘I might see you at the shopping centre actually. I’ve got to get some things for school,’ I said.

‘Like what?’

‘Pens, rulers and I was thinking of buying myself a new calculator.’

‘I’ll keep my eyes open for you,’ Sephy said. ‘Maybe I’ll see you at the café? You can stop me from going completely insane!’

‘If I miss you at the centre, how about getting together this evening then? We could have a late picnic on the beach. Around six o’clock?’

‘I’ll try but I can’t guarantee anything,’ Sephy said.

‘Fair enough.’

‘Saturday in the Dundale Shopping Centre,’ Sephy groaned. ‘Just shoot me now and put me out of my misery!’

Laughing, I said bye and put the phone down. And then I thought of Lynette again – and the laughter stopped.