A WORD OF ACKNOWLEDGMENT
FROM YOUR GRATEFUL AUTHOR

It takes a village to take a beauty queen book all the way to final runway. Therefore, I’d like to pay tribute to the many fine people who have helped to make this book possible. Whether or not the following wish to be acknowledged now that they have read same is another matter.

A huge thanks to my editor and uber-mensch,¹ David Levithan, who, years ago, said, “A plane full of beauty queens crashes on a deserted island. And … GO!” David, some say your methods are madness; I say “genius.” And, unlike most, I say it without irony. Clearly, you were the inspiration for Sinjin St. Sinjin. That much cannot be denied. Well, you and your lawyers can always try. I got you, babe — thank heavens.

Likewise, I must thank AnnMarie Anderson, who said, even before David, “A plane full of beauty queens crashes on a deserted island!” Apparently, this phrase is said quite a bit at Scholastic, like some sort of art house reenactment of The Manchurian Candidate. I’m grateful for you, AnnMarie — and not just because you’re named after the seminal TV goddess of my youth.²

A tip of the hat and a Valium smoothie to Elizabeth Parisi, who spent time that could have been used practicing her talent portion on designing (and redesigning … and redesigning …) the cover for Beauty Queens. Oh, wait — that IS her talent portion, and clearly, she’s going to take home the gold. Thanks, Elizabeth.

Fifteen percent of this gratitude is owed to my agent/husband, Barry Goldblatt, who said, “You’re writing what?” It’s sweet that after so many years of close partnership, you still have the capacity to be surprised and frightened by the things I say, dear. This Bud’s³ for you. No, really, you look like you need it.

Big smooches to Jennifer Hubert Swan and Cindy Dobrez for the Michigan lore. Your pride in your home state is duly noted. And a warm thanks to Deb Shapiro for supplying state facts on her native New Hampshire. We should all live free or die, though I’d prefer the former to the latter.

As the recently incarcerated Ladybird Hope says, “We can’t wear the winner’s crown if we don’t have north stars to guide our ships through the slings and arrows of life’s pageant.” She said that in her book Mixed Metaphors for the Modern World, which is available in the prison gift shop.⁴ So I thank my beloved north stars: Jo “Rhinestone Cowgirl” Knowles, Sara “Spray Tan-tastic” Ryan, Robin “Princess Hair” Wasserman, Holly “Circle Turn-a-licious” Black, Justine “Mock Me and Die” Larbalestier, Maureen “Flaming Baton Babe” Johnson, Susanna “Locked, Loaded, and Lovely” Schrobsdorff, and Barry “Studmuffin” Lyga for their critical acumen, writerly support, and all-around awesomeness. You are all winners to me.

Thanks to Mitali Perkins and Simranjit Dhillon for their much-appreciated insights into Indian culture and for answering many follow-up emails and phone calls. Thanks also to Emily Harris for sharing her experiences as an African-American woman in the pageant system and for enlightening me about African-American hair care. Ladies, may all your ponies be Sparkle Ponies.

Much gratitude is due to Andrew Coate and Ginevra Pfohl for their incredible generosity in sharing their experiences as transgendered individuals. Thanks so much — I’m lucky just to know you.

A big old fair-trade coffee gift basket goes to Beth Fleisher for the yacht and sailing help as well as to boat carpenter Gina Pickton of the Philadelphia Maritime Museum, for explaining big ships. Any mistakes, egregious errors, or just plain things made up are entirely the fault of the author.

Further thanks are due to Josh Goldblatt for the comic book info and for indulging me in the mapping out of various endgame scenarios over dessert. You’re right that “the villain should have a secret lair in the volcano. That’s, like, the number-one secret villain hideout.” Truer words were ne’er spoken, kiddo.

Further further (but not, say, as far as New Jersey, where the traffic becomes an issue) thanks are due to Carmit Birnbaum, Cassandra Clare, Brenda Cowan, Emily Lauer, Cheryl Levine, Josh Lewis, E. Lockhart, Joe Monti, Tricia Ready, Pia Wahlsten, Melissa Walker, and the participants of Camp Barry for listening to various degrees of rambling over the past year. I promise not to bother you again until the next book.

A big thanks to Nancy C. Bray, aka “Mom,” for making The Miss America Pageant required watching for so many years. Over the years, I’ve learned to separate the unsettling messages about femininity from the fabulously over-the-top camp. It was fun, wasn’t it?

It would be remiss of me not to acknowledge the debt due to the following: William Golding’s Lord of the Flies, Naomi Klein’s The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism, Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, The Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert & Sullivan, and the works of Ian Fleming, more specifically, the James Bond movies, to which I have an almost unhealthy attachment. In fact, there are still moments in which I expect to find an Aston Martin⁵ waiting out front just before I head off to meet some guy named Felix who is never the same Felix.

Finally, thanks to the readers. You make this the best job in the world.

It’s my fervent hope that I haven’t forgotten anyone, but if I have, I’d be happy to make amends with cupcakes and coffee, and then I’d place a tiara upon your head while singing, “It’s a Whole New World of Pretty.” If this scenario does not sufficiently frighten you into silence, you are tougher than Taylor Rene Krystal Hawkins.