Chapter 37

“I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this...but...you’re HIV positive”...n>Dr. Benson’s words echoed in my head.

It was like a horrible dream that I couldn’t wake up from. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make this one go away. It wasn’t just a terrifying figment of my imagination - it was real. My life had become some sad cautionary tale. The storm was growing angrier, but its loud thunder and bright lightning didn't faze me at all; I had more important things to worry about. All of a sudden, my life was at risk. Boss had betrayed me in the worst way possible. It didn't matter anymore that he slept with Gina and Peaches and Risha and Asia; what mattered to me was that he had so little concern for my life that he’d have unprotected sex with those hoes...that shit cut through me like a knife.

I walked into the beautiful home that I shared with my husband, feeling detached from everything and everyone. It was as if I were watching my life play out on TV - but it wasn’t really my life...it couldn’t be...this was some totally ridiculous soap opera, and any minute now someone was going to yell, “Cut! End of scene.”

I always tried to be a good person. Even when everybody around me was wildin’ the fuck out, I stayed focused. Nothing was more important to me than my family. I loved my children so much, and there was nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for them. They kept me sane when their father was hell-bent on driving me mad. On top of everything else he’d already put me through, now he was about to make me fight for my life...that was one low down dirty muthafucka.

As I walked down the hall towards my daughters’ room, I began to feel weak. The wall steadied me until I was strong enough to stand on my own two feet, then I opened their door - and it hit me hard. Malaysia and Mariah looked like angels sleeping in their beds. I started to cry again, but this time I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop. Shit was so unfair. When the crying turned to screaming, I covered my mouth with my hands. There was nothing left inside. I was hollow; that nigga had gutted me like a fish. Who the fuck did he think he was? My sadness quickly turned to anger. It was the most intense emotion I’d ever felt in my life; I was on fire.

I heard the shower running in our master bath and knew Boss was up; it was time to pay the piper. I took off my heels and tiptoed quietly into the bathroom, then shut and locked door behind me. The huge room was full of steam. Boss had left his clothes lying all over the bathroom floor, like he’d done so many times before. spames befHis gun was on my vanity...how fucking poetic. I picked it up and held it in my hands; it was heavier than I imagined it to be. I wondered how many people’s lives he’d taken with it. As I walked over to the shower and just stood there waiting, I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“Meesh -” Boss damn near jumped out of his skin when he saw me standing there with his gun in my hand. “Baby, what’s goin’ on?”

“How long have you known?” I asked him straight out, not wanting to bullshit with his lying-ass just this once. “Tell me the truth, and I might not kill you.”

“How long have I known what, baby?” He once again tried to play me for a fool.

Not today. I fired one shot and shattered the shower door into a million pieces. My mind took me back to the day I was shot at in the shower of our old home...I went through so much just to be with Boss - and it was all for nothing...none of it meant a damn thing.

“I never in my wildest dreams thought it would end like this.” My eyes closed for just a second, but it was long enough to see the first time we’d made love...if only I could go back and warn that stubborn little girl; I’d tell her he wasn’t worth it, that the nigga destroyed everything he touched - and I’d beg her to save herself for someone who deserved her. I’d also show her every bruise he’d eventually put on her heart, but I knew she wouldn’t listen...she was too far gone by then.

“For six years,” I went in on him, “all I’ve done is love you and be there for you. I’ve never once been with anyone else. I was so faithful. I never even kissed another nigga.” I had to chuckle at myself. How pathetic was I? I was married to a man who fucked hoes as a hobby, and I was at home trying to be some ghetto-ass version of a Stepford Wife. Was the dick really that good? Did I sell my soul for a piece?

“I know that, Meesh.” Boss spoke so sincerely. “You’re a good woman.”

I wanted to shoot his fucking dick off. How dare he patronize me? That nigga had King Kong balls. He tried to come towards me - but I raised his gun and put a stop to that shit real fast. He couldn’t fuck his way out of this one.

“Boss, I loved you.” I spilled my heart out as I aimed his 9mm at his chest and prepared to spill his guts. “But what you did to me is unforgivable.” I cocked the hammer and closed my eyes. “Goodbye.” I pulled the trigger.

Either time was standing still, or nothing was happening. I opened my eyes just in time to see the frantic look on Boss’ face. His yellow piss had saturated the beautiful white rug beneath him, and we looked at each other and both realized what had happened at the exact same time: the gun jammed. Neither one of us were prepared to back down. He wanted to live, and I wanted his ass dead - the only question was: which one of us wanted his life more?