Chapter 3

Gina gave birth to our son one cold-ass morning in the middle of October. He was stillborn. Death wasn’t through with me yet; that wild nigga had infected my world and was slowly ripping away everybody I had love for. I felt like I was starting to lose my damn mind. I missed my mother, and I missed my big sister more. I had nightmares about my family and son almost every single night; sleep grew almost as painful as real life. I couldn’t forget, so I got high. When my high started to come down, I’d get high again. I went from woman to woman, fucking anything with a fat ass and a pulse. Sex was just another drug to me. When I was inside a bitch, I didn’t have to think; all I had to do was feel - and nothing felt as good as pussy.

While I was trying my best to run through every bitch in St. Louis, Gina got pregnant by another nigga - and nine months later, she gave birth to his son. As soon as li’l man arrived, her babydaddy got gone; that bitch stayed choosing the wrong niggas. I felt bad for her, so I hooked her and her shorty up with a crib, a car seat, some clothes, and some cash to get whatever else they needed. Gina cried her pretty little eyes out while thanking me over and over again, like I’d just given her the keys to the kingdom. The truth was that I really didn’t do it for her - I did it for li’l man; just because his father wasn’t man enough to take care of his responsibilities didn’t mean that he wasn’t worth somebody caring about. My deadbeat-ass father didn’t care about me, but I promised myself that whenever I had a shorty I’d be there, that I’d take care of them, provide for them, and – most importantly – I’d know them. Muthafuckas could say what they wanted to say about Boss - but they can>> but tould never say a nigga wasn’t loyal.

Li’l Man was only three weeks old when Gina’s moms kicked them both out of her house; she had three little kids of her own to take care of and had warned Gina a long time ago that she wouldn’t be raising no grandbabies. The woman might have been cruel, but she wasn’t no bullshitter. She gave Gina twenty-four hours to find somewhere else to stay – and it wasn’t long before my cell started blowing up. At first I said no, absolutely not, but that bitch knew how to play dirty. She was probably pinching the shit out of li’l man ‘cause as soon as I turned her down he started screaming at the top of his lungs. Dirty bitch. She hit me right where it hurt. Fifteen minutes later, I was out in the middle of a fucking rainstorm, driving halfway across town to pick up a hoe I used to fuck and her baby by another nigga. If I didn’t know myself better, I would have sworn that I was some sucka-ass nigga.

The way that bitch smiled when she climbed into my warm truck made me want to grab her ass up by the throat.

“Thanks Boss,” she whispered in the little cartoon voice she only used when she was trying to come off all sweet and innocent. “I really appreciate this.”

“This ain’t no free ride, Gina.” I shut her and her ‘little good girl’ act down instantly. “You wanna stay at my place, you gonna have to live by my rules.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?” My anger spilled out of my mouth and spread through the air like an epidemic. I wasn’t in the mood to play her little games. I’d fucked with Gina long enough to know how she got down; she craved drama, while a nigga like me was certified drama-free.

“Boss, I’ll do anything you want me to do. I’ll cook. I’ll clean. I’ll take good care of you and the baby.”

The tears welling up in her eyes weren’t as effective as she would have liked them to be. That shit didn’t work on me anymore; if she wanted me to believe that she could hold shit down like a real bitch, she was going to have to stop talking about it and start being about it.

“We’ll see,” I replied back in a tone dripping with sarcasm. “One chance, Gina; that’s all I’m givin’ yo ass.”

My warning was stern, but I didn’t want there to be any confusion on her part; we weren’t a couple. I was concerned for her son, but he wasn’t mine. I had known way too many niggas that got trapped in some shit they really didn’t want to be in - all because they had pity for some chick. Not me; I knew when to cash out. Me and Gina didn’t wohey didnrk for a reason. She wanted one thing out of life, and I wanted something altogether different. Once I was done, I was done for good. I didn’t see the need to play games.

On the way back to my place, the rain started to fall twice as heavy, and trying to drive in that shit was a nightmare; I couldn’t see anything beyond the beam of my headlights. My truck had never been driven that slow before. Li’l man wasn’t in a car seat, so I didn’t want to take any chances. I used the extra time to strategize. My mind was overflowing with ideas. It was time for me to move up a notch or two. I was only sixteen-years-old, but in my eyes I was a man, a grown-ass man with bills and countless other responsibilities. Eventually, I wanted to be the most powerful nigga in the STL - and I was willing to do whatever it took to make it happen.