• The Butler Possibilities •

“What are we going to do with the butler’s body?” Cameron said.

“That is a problem,” Miss Hawkline said. “We’ll really miss him. He was like an uncle to us. Such a good man. Huge but gentle as a fly.”

“Why don’t we start by moving him out of the hall. It’s hard walking around him,” Cameron said.

“Yes, we should move him,” the other Miss Hawkline said.

“Why didn’t we do that before we sat down here and started drinking this stuff?” Cameron said, looking disdainfully at his cup of tea. It was very apparent that Cameron was not going to be converted to the geniality of tea drinking. It was, you might say, not his cup of tea.

“I think we should bury him,” Miss Hawkline said, thinking for a few seconds.

“You have to get him out of the hall if you want to put him into the ground,” Cameron said.

“Precisely,” the other Miss Hawkline said.

“I think we’ll need a coffin,” Miss Hawkline said.

“2 coffins,” Cameron said.

“Do you gentlemen know how to make a coffin?” the other Miss Hawkline said.

“Uh-uh,” Greer said. “We don’t make coffins. We fill them.”

“I think it would draw too much attention to us if we were to go into town and have one of the townspeople make us one,” Miss Hawkline said.

“Yes, we don’t want anybody coming out here and investigating into our business,” the other Miss Hawkline said.

“Definitely not,” Miss Hawkline replied, taking a very lady-like sip of tea.

“Let’s plant him outside,” Greer said. “We’ll just dig a hole, put him in it, cover him up and it’ll all be taken care of.”

“We don’t want to bury him close to the house,” Cameron said. “The ground’s frozen hard around this place and I’ll be fucked if I’m going to dig a hole that big in frozen ground.”

“We’ll dig a hole outside of the frozen ground and then drag him out of the hall and put him into the hole,” Greer said.

“It’s sad to think of our beloved butler Mr. Morgan in these terms,” Miss Hawkline said. “I knew he was getting along in years and that someday he would die because, as we all know, death is inevitable, but I had never thought about what a problem the hugeness of his body would make. It’s just something you don’t think about.”

“You didn’t think he was going to turn into a dwarf when he died, did you?” Cameron said.