27

On the way to Hulme, I ran red lights and I almost took a couple of kids with me because they thought stepping onto a zebra crossing made them invincible. The woman who shouted after me sounded more like Beale than the lollipop lady she was.

When I got to Lucy's house, I parked and took a moment to myself. I needed to play this right. If she wasn't at home – really, genuinely not at home – then Judith at the university had put one over on me and good for her. If she was at home, though, then I needed to talk to her and find out what had happened in the meantime. But in order to do that, I needed to be calm and sober and I needed to stay that way until I found out what was what. It was all a matter of control.

I got out of the car and crossed the road. As I did so, I saw movement in the living room window. Heard someone approaching the door from inside and rolled my shoulders back, ready for whatever turned up.

It was Josh, arms folded. Behind him, blocking out the hall, was Daz. Beyond them I suspected the other housemate lay in wait, one big flesh wall between me and Lucy. She'd need more than that to keep me out.

"Y'alright, Josh? Is Lucy in?"

"No," he said.

I pulled out my mobile and called Lucy's. It rang through to voicemail. Josh made a move to shut the door on me, but I held up a hand to stop him. "Wait, I need to check the home number." He looked confused. I rang the home number. I could hear the phone ringing. I killed the call. "So it does work then. See, I tried it before and it was engaged."

"What're you on about?"

"She's here. I know she's here, Josh, so stop fucking about and let me see her."

"She doesn't want to see you."

"Then she needs to tell me that herself."

"No, she doesn't."

I stepped up to the front door, got in close to Josh, who only backed up one step. "You want to get hurt, son?"

"Eh?"

"I'm asking you if you want to get hurt. You and the rest of them in there. Because you might think you're hard, but you don't know the first thing about it. You haven't lived. A couple of scraps outside a pub in fucking Feltcham or wherever the fuck you came from isn't going to cut it when you come up against experience like me. So let's just say you did your bit, it didn't work, so I get to talk to her."

He tried to close the door on me. I got between the door and the jamb and shoved it back. You don't try to shut out a door-to-door – we have ways of gaining entry. He backed up even more, this look on his face like he didn't know if he was supposed to take a swing at me. By the time he figured out he should do something, I was already past him and down the hall, shouting Lucy's name.

"In here." The voice came from the kitchen.

She stood leaning against the kitchen table, a mug of tea in her hand. The mug read: I COULDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE ROYAL WEDDING. She was dressed in a man's rugby shirt that wasn't mine, and a pair of shorts that weren't mine, either. I could hear Josh behind me, shuffling his feet.

"So what's going on, Lucy?"

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I know. You went to the university."

"Because you lied to me."

"And if I'd told the truth? We had a deal, Alan. Personal space."

"Alright, yeah, fine. I'm sorry."

"You sound it."

"I am. Honestly." I turned, saw Josh and now Daz, the other roommate, watching us from the hallway. I went over to the door and tried to shut it, but Josh kept one hand splayed on the wood. "Back up, big lad."

"Josh, it's okay."

He allowed me to close the door. "How long have you been fucking him, then?"

"Don't be like that."

"Oh, you're not fucking him? Have you told him that?"

"Alan—"

"Yeah, that's what I thought." I didn't move. If I moved, I didn't think I'd be able to stop myself. "This wasn't the way this was supposed to go."

"It's not ideal for me, either." She put the mug to her lips. "But you were the one who said it was over."

"And you were the one said you'd wait."

She smiled at me as if I was either simple or pre-pubescent. "Come on, Alan. You're not going to be that bloke, are you?"

"Fuck off."

Mocking now, the smile turned to a grin: "You're not going to start crying, are you?"

I wasn't going to cry, no. But I could feel a pain in my throat and I caught myself breathing heavier than usual. I lit a cigarette and puffed three times before I inhaled. "I should fucking kill you," I said, and I meant every word. "I should bash your fucking skull in."

"Why? Because I cheated on you? By that rationale, your missus should have a good hard pop at you, shouldn't she?"

I wanted to tell her that I was going to run away with her. That I wanted to take this to the next step, make a go of it, confirm the look she gave me on Friday and make it happen, just me and her, wherever she wanted to go, we'd go and that was it, that was final, that was our future wrought together.

But I didn't say any of that, because she didn't say anything more to me, and that just about ended it. I was an idiot. I'd been spun a cunt's yarn and I'd believed every word of it. I stared at her, tried to remember what it was that'd grabbed me the first time we met, and I realised what it was – it was the sex, pure and simple.

"Know what it is? Beale was right. You're rats, the lot of you. Trust you as far as I could shit you. Moment I turn my fuckin' back you're humping the first fifteen out there. And there was me thinking your lot trained their women up better than that."

She stared at me. Her mouth was open, but she didn't say anything.

I got closer to her and kept my voice low. "Think you're hot shit now, love, wait until you don't have Josh around. Then you'll get some fuckin' learning."

She screamed. I turned to see the kitchen door open, but I was already pushing past Josh before he could take in the situation. He made a grab for me, I shoved him back up against the wall and got nose-to-nose with the bastard. "What you looking at, eh?"

"Get out before you get hurt."

I pulled him and shoved him back against the wall, then made a move to go.

"You're welcome to her," I shouted. "You're welcome to the Paki whore, see if I fuckin' care!"

Even back when I first fucked her in that car park, I knew I should've left well enough alone. Beale was right. There were things you did and things you didn't. I just didn't want to believe him, which was why I kept the two of them apart. Or tried to.

Something exploded at the back of my head and I took the steps in one stride, my ankle twisting as I landed at the bottom. I turned, one hand up to my head, vision blurred so I only saw the outline of Josh as he rushed me from the house. I heard Lucy screaming something, and then Josh hit me in the ear. I twisted out of his way, ended up doubled and caught between him and the car. He punched me again, hard in the neck, then backed up and kicked me in the gut.

I had one hand out to protect myself as I slid down the car door. He backed up further. Daz had one hand on Josh's arm now, guiding him back to the house. I watched the pair of them go. Big hero. Big strong Josh. See what happens. He knew it as well as I did. The way she treated me was the way he'd be treated when he'd served his purpose. See how fucking sensitive he was then.

"Josh!"

Daz tried to stop him, but Josh turned.

"Take a good look, mate. Take a good fucking look."

Yeah, he knew what I was talking about. I smiled wide and spat blood, then I hauled myself up the side of the car and slumped behind the wheel. I took a long swig of whisky and held the bottle up in a toast to Josh, who was still stood in the doorway.

I started the engine. My phone rang. For a second, I thought it was Lucy calling to shout at me. The display showed an unrecognised number, which meant trouble. I was getting used to it. I took another swig and answered.

"Yes, Mr Ahmad, what can I do for you?"

"Mr Slater."

"What do you want?"

"My money."

"Go see Beale."

"We discussed this."

"Fuck yourself."

"That's not particularly constructive."

I said it again, then: "Fuck do you know about constructive? You trashed my flat."

"I did nothing of the sort."

"The blokes you paid off."

"Who won't like it when I pass that message on. You need to think about your situation, Mr Slater. You need to understand that it isn't just you who stands to be hurt by your intransigence."

I kept quiet. Threatening my wife now, was it? I let it ride, couldn't work up the indignation. I took to the bottle and upended it. Balls to him. He wasn't having me that easy. Pretended to be all fucking suave and what was he really? Just another dirty Paki in a suit. They were all the same, used thugs to keep their hands clean, but the intention was there. The cunning, too.

"Mr Slater."

"You're never going to get that money. Not a single penny. You come near me, I'll take your balls, you understand me?"

"It won't be me."

"Oh yeah, I know that. You'll send some scally round to do your dirty work, and I'm supposed to be scared by bailiffs? Fuck off. Fucking amateur hour. You want to do something to me, you do it. You won't get me, prick. You won't get nowt."

"I'll get—"

"You'll get fucked."

I buzzed the window and slung my mobile out onto the street. I revved the engine and blared the horn. I saw Lucy come to the front window.

"And you can get fucked an' all."

And I was out of there, drinking all the way.