16

As soon as I got in, I stripped in the bathroom and stood under the shower until my skin roared. I towelled off gingerly and avoided my reflection. Then I nipped through to the kitchen and binbagged my clothes, dropped them back next to the rest of the rubbish.

When I came back out into the hall, Buttons was sat in my way, staring at me.

I stared right back. Normally he'd yap at me, might even curl a lip if he was feeling nails and growl-yip until Cath woke up. Not now, though. Now he sat as if he was about to take a shit, his back legs moving against the laminate, ready to bolt the second I came too close. He knew. It was irrational to think it, but I swear to God he knew everything.

Good. You're next, Buttons. Mark my words.

I got into bed beside Cath and she moved a little further over. I moved into the space she left. It was warm. It smelled nice. And so I wasn't awake for long.

When I woke, it was to afternoon sunshine, a coffee and my wife's smile. I struggled upright and took the mug from her. I wanted water, but this would do. "Time is it?"

"Just after two."

"You let me sleep in."

"You didn't get home till late, I thought you'd want to." She stood and went to the door. "Can I ask?"

"Beale. I had to help him out with something."

She gestured at her eyes. "He help you out with the shiners?"

I tried to smile. I'd forgotten about them. "Coming up, are they?"

"Couple of beauties."

I felt my nose. It was still tender. "Yeah, well, there was a disagreement. It won't happen again."

"Okay."

"I mean it this time."

She cocked her head, trying to work out if I was serious. "You want anything to eat?"

"No, I need to get on."

"It's Sunday, Alan."

"I know. I need to clean the car."

She frowned.

"The dog? Don't tell me you didn't smell it the other night."

She smiled. "I didn't want to say anything."

"Special night out, I know." I put the coffee to one side. "Listen, about that. I'm sorry you had to go through my pockets."

"I don't want to get into it."

"No, you had reason to. I was thinking about it, and I can understand why you'd be suspicious. So what I'm saying is, I get it and I'm sorry I upset you. I know we've not exactly been seeing eye to eye lately and, if I'm honest, I think that's been mostly down to me. I've not been around, and when I have, I've not exactly acted like I wanted to be here." I looked up; she was listening to every word. "So I'm going to try harder, I promise. You deserve better."

There was silence in the room as I waited for her to say something. She looked as if she didn't quite know what to say, and I wondered for a moment if it was too late for reconciliation, if I was truly up the creek on this one.

See, she knew I got in late. That was bad enough. I had to tell her I was with Beale, otherwise she'd get even more suspicious than she already was. And she had to believe I was with Beale, otherwise I wouldn't have her on side. But if Beale got caught, and she knew I was with him, then that was me in the shit. And I very much needed her on my side in case this all went pear-shaped.

"Alright." She put a hand on the door. "You sure you don't want anything?"

"No, thanks." I didn't dare risk it. The vodka still had squatter's rights in my gut, and the thought of food made it angry. Besides, I still had the car to clean, and that would take an empty stomach, or else it would make one.

When I got round to scrubbing the back seats, I was grateful that we'd wrapped Stevie in bin bags, because it'd kept the blood stains to a minimum. The smell was something else, though. I didn't know if it was all Stevie, or whether the dog had managed to penetrate deeper than I thought. Either way, it wouldn't shift. I must've used nearly a full thing of Febreze on the back seats alone. The boot would have to be home to air fresheners and aired on a daily basis if I was ever going to lose that stench.

I finished up and stepped back. There was a growling pain in the pit of my stomach, like a rolling cramp. Probably just acid. I'd have to take some Rennies when I got back in. I rubbed my side and looked around the car park. Nobody else out to see me, which was good. There'd already been too many mistakes made. When I went over the events of last night, they were all I could see. I should've stayed at home. I shouldn't have gone into the house. I definitely shouldn't have tried to leave when I did. My DNA was all over the house now and, thanks to my bloody nose, probably all over Stevie's body.

The pain got worse. I leaned against the back door and slammed it shut. I was finished. Time to move on, stop taking so many stupid bloody risks. I'd been run ragged too long by Beale and the rest of it. I needed to take a step back and sort out my priorities. Take back some control of my life.

First and foremost was my job. Been letting that slide far too long. Times like these, if you weren't giving a hundred percent, you weren't entitled to full-time employment. I had to grab the job by the balls. I had to show Jimmy Henderson that I wasn't another Beale.

Because Christ knew, the last thing the world needed was another one of him.