25. Sunshine 

The wheels of the garage door rolled upon the tracks with a thunderous roar when Burke lifted it with a vengeance. He wasn’t just inching the sun in, he was blasting us with it. We knew the day before that it wouldn’t be long. Levels had started to fall, and the temperature began to rise.

Nineteen days AB, we were freed from our basement prison. It was a miracle. Even though the information and statistics Tanner had given me indicated how it transpired in other cities, I myself doubted it would occur so quickly.

I was wrong. As if in the snap of a finger, the sky went from dark to light. It was over. When Burke raised that garage door, we found ourselves staring at a bright, white wall. The blinding effect and pain didn’t last long. I wasn’t running or hiding to protect myself, I welcomed the sun and waited with anticipation for my eyes to adjust.

Burke and Craig wore what I called power sunglasses. Thick and black goggles they had stolen from the military. Therefore it made sense that they would see everything first.

“Ah, warmth,” Burke commented it. “Feel it.”

“Ah, bodies.” Craig said, “Smell them.”

“Huh?” Burke quickly looked at Craig.

“Bodies?” I questioned and stepped closer. “As in plural.”

“Bodies.” Craig pointed.

It was difficult to see, but the shape of them came in. Five bodies scattered about the backyard. One of which, clearly was Tammy’s. I turned. “How did they all get here?”

“Fuckin Tanner,” Burke replied. “They probably followed him.

“No,” Craig disagreed. “We were burning wood. We were a smoke signal of life.”

Burke snapped a finger. “Good answer. All right, let’s roll these down the hill. We aren’t gonna be around here much longer anyhow.”

Roll them down the hill? I questioned to myself. Like they were trash. Opting to go back into the shelter where more upbeat and positive things were taking place, I left Craig and Burke to ‘roll’ the bodies on their own.

It was obvious the feel of the shelter had changed. Hope arrived and despair lifted with the nuclear cloud.

The short hall from the garage brought me directly into a sunlight filled kitchen. Dan and Davy had the door open, while they packed things up. Dan spewed forth figures to Davy who wrote them down.

“Inventory again?” I asked.

Davy smiled, “Yeah, we wanna know exactly what we have for when we go to the cabin.”

“Any idea, Jo, what’s stocked at the cabin?” Dan questioned.

“Same stuff.” I shrugged. “More canned goods. The amount, I’m not sure. Why?”

“Just trying to get a grip.” Dan answered. “We were thinking, get everything we can ready to go on the truck, except one five gallon water, and food for lunch and dinner. That should be enough until we leave.”

“Sounds good,” I said.

“Mom? How are we gonna fit everything and us in the truck?” Davy asked.

“Well, Craig is going out to find another vehicle. We may have to jump start it; but fingers crossed, we’ll get one. If not, we make two trips.” I told him.

From the living room, with struggling words, Rod spoke up “Moving day is going to be a bitch.” He tied a sleeping bag. “Look at all these blankets.” He motioned his hand out. “Are we gonna need all these.”

“I don’t know. Burke said pack them,” I said, “And the clothes too.”

“Yes, we know about the clothes.” Rod nodded. “Nicky is excited about the creek, she said she can’t wait to wash clothes. Go figure.”

“Speaking of Nicky. Are her and Matty …” I pointed backwards.

Rod nodded. “Assessing our agricultural future.”

“I’ll be back.” Smiling, I turned and walked to the hall. The bedroom door was open and the window was unblocked. Matty and Nicky looked perplexed as they stood above the long line of baby food jars. “What’s wrong?”

“Some survived.” Nicky answered. “Some didn’t.”

“It’s still early, though,” I winked. “It should be June. We can plant more seeds after we remove what dirt we need to at the cabin.”

“How much, Mommy?” Matty asked.

“Books say six to eight inches. I don’t know, Sweetie. It will be hard to tell.”

“No.” Nicky shook her head. “If Craig’s invention works, it won’t be. I can’t wait until he unveils it. Oh!” She said brightly. “Matty, let’s tell him to try it.”

Cringing, I held up a hand. “Give him and Burke a few minutes. They’re … rolling bodies.”

Nicky mouthed to word, ‘bodies’ to me in question.

“Yep,” I said. “So work on packing those jars a little longer.” As I turned, I saw Craig’s invention on the floor—or rather, a sheet that covered it. “I’m excited to see what this is too. I hope it works.” Stepping to leave, Simon blasted in the room. “Whoa. Whoa.” I stopped him. “Slow down.”

“I want to help with jars, Aunt Jo. Tanner Niles said I could.”

“He did, did he? Where is Tanner Niles?”

“In my room.” Simon answered.

“Thanks.” I started to leave.

“Packing.” Simon added.

It made me pause. Everyone was packing, but why did I think Tanner’s was different. I left and went to the other bedroom.

I saw him placing things into a duffle bag that appeared already stuffed. Knocking once as a warning, I stepped in.

“Hey, Jo.” Tanner smiled. “Look.” He twitched his head toward the window. “The sun.”

“I see.” I walked in further. “Tanner, are you … are you leaving?”

He chuckled.

“I’m serious. I thought you were coming with us to the cabin.”

“I am.” He zipped up his bag. “But not yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have to get back down to the rescue station. I need to see if there is still a country. If I am still on active duty. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can find out.”

“Then what?” I asked.

“Well … if there isn’t anything, I turn around and come right back, head to the cabin tomorrow with you guys.”

“And if there is?”

“Then I have to do things right. I have to stay at the station. Finish what I started. Leave properly without causing a problem.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Tanner lifted his bag. “It was my life, Jo.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just afraid you won’t show.”

“Jo,” He said my name as if I were being ridiculous. “I’ll be there. Now, come on walk me out.” Tanner started to leave.

“You’re going now?”

“The sooner the better. Didn’t Burke tell you? He knew I was leaving right away.”

“No, he didn’t tell me. You should have told me.”

Tanner stopped. “I thought I did. I mean, last night I said that if the levels were normal today I was heading to the station.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you meant as soon as the garage door opened.”

“Then when? When was I supposed to go?” Tanner asked.

Slowly, I nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“And I’m flattered,” Tanner said. “Thank you for caring.”

“I’ll … I’ll walk you out.”

“Good.” Laying his hand on my back as a guide, we both looked at each other when we heard the excited cheers coming from the garage. Curious, we hurried that way.

Everyone applauded Craig. And as if he were accepting an award, he nodded to each person, with a look of pride upon his face.

“Look, Jo!” Nicky said excited. “Craig’s invention works.”

Geiger counter in one hand, Craig lifted a metal rod. “Now we can test, food, water, dirt, all for radiation it works.”

Tanner asked, “You made that?”

“Put it together myself,” Craig boasted. “What do you think?”

“I think that is awesome. Good job.” Tanner shook his head. “Do you want me to pick one up at the station, that way we have a back up for the one you made?”

Craig looked down at his invention. “You guys have these?”

“Yes.” Tanner answered.

“Great. Thanks. You could have told me earlier.” Craig turned and stormed out, murmuring, ‘asshole’.

Tanner lifted his hands in defeat. “I didn’t know he was building one.”

Simon tugged on Tanner’s pant leg. “Are you leaving, Tanner Niles?”

“Yeah, I’m leaving little man.” Tanner bent down and lifted Simon. “Do me a favor. You rest. OK? Listen to Davy.” After a kiss to Simon’s forehead, Tanner set him down, and turned to Matty. He crouched before her. “We’ll finish that story when I get to the cabin.”

“Don’t be too long,” she said.

“I won’t.” Standing, Tanner faced Davy. He laid a hand on his shoulder. “Take care of your mom, OK?”

Davy gave a closed mouth smile and a nod.

Extending a handshake, Tanner faced Burke. “You’ve been great. Keep that arm splinted. Got that.”

Burke grumbled. “Right.” He shook Tanner’s hand. “Thank you for everything. Even though …”

Sounds we hadn’t heard in forever caught our attention. A motor and a squeal of breaks.

Burke’s head cocked. “Was that a car?”

“Sounds like a jeep.” Tanner said. “Let’s check it …”

“Guys!” Craig, out of breath, stood outside the garage door. “You’re not gonna believe this. You are not gonna believe who it is.”

Everyone rushed out.

I whispered a hopeful, ‘Mona’ and followed the crew. Turning the bend to the driveway, I saw it wasn’t Mona. But the presence of him walking down the driveway overwhelmed me nonetheless. My knees buckled, my heart raced and I plowed through everyone to get to him. Tammy’s son Mick had arrived.

Mick was thinner, but otherwise, surprisingly he looked good. He looked very good. He wore camouflage gear and a military cap. I rushed to him and didn’t give the teenage boy a chance to respond, I grabbed him and hugged him.

“Oh, my God. You’re alive. You’re alive.”

“I’m strangling,” Mick grunted.

“Give the boy air.” Burke pulled me back.

My hand shot to my mouth, and I tried to catch my breath. “We thought you were dead.”

“Why would you think that?” he asked.

“We couldn’t find you.”

“I would have been here sooner, but they …” He pointed behind him. “Got hold of me.”

Two soldiers approached. Immediately upon spotting Tanner, they stopped, saluted and acknowledged him as ‘Captain.’

After getting an ‘at ease’ nod from Tanner, the one soldier spoke, “We nabbed him right away. Luckily too. We were on our way to the compound shelter for the cloud, when we spotted him walking.”

“It was two weeks,” Mick said. “Jo, you always said wait two weeks. I waited what I thought was two weeks. I was in the subway tunnel. Me and six others. But they only grabbed me.” Mick shrugged. “The military tortured me.” He pulled off his hat. “Shaved my head. I wasn’t even sick or losing my hair, they shaved my head. And …” He rolled up his sleeve. “They tattooed me one night.”

“You loved it.” The one soldier joked. “You know it.”

Mick smiled. “Yeah, I did.” He looked at me. “Hey, Jo. Where’s my mom?”

Silence. I should have expected that question.

“Jo?” Mick looked about the faces that welcomed him. “My mom’s not here is she?”

I slowly shook my head. “I’m sorry Mick.”

Mick puckered his lips and nodded. “Do you know how? Was she killed in the blast? Did she ever make it here?”

“Yes.” I answered apprehensively. “She made it. But she got sick. She got really sick. See, she looked and looked for you.”

“Why?” Mick asked with desperation. “Why did she look for me? Didn’t we say two weeks? Didn’t she think I listened? Would she have lived if she didn’t look for me?”

Quickly, Tanner interjected. “No, son. You’re mom had burns and cuts that were affected by the blast. She wouldn’t have lived if she stayed indoors. So she looked for you. I’m glad you’re all right.”

Davy spoke up, “And just in time too. Dude, we’re leaving for the cabin tomorrow.”

“Speaking of leaving.” Tanner looked at his watch then to the soldiers. “Gentlemen. Is there a military left? Have you heard anything?”

The other soldier answered, “Sir, we don’t believe there’s much of one. We were told to go to the hub, which is the rescue station. They don’t think everyone is gonna show. Barricades are down. Things are dead out here. There is talk of restructuring, but when that will happen…” he lifted his shoulders. “Who knows.”

“But we’re to meet at the hub?” Tanner asked and received a nod. “OK, then let’s go. Can I get a lift?”

“Yes, sir.” The first soldier answered. “Jeep’s this way.”

Tanner exhaled and faced our group. “This is where I go. Thank you for having me.” He edged from the circle. “I’ll be seeing you guys in a short while.” Adjusting his duffle bag, he lifted his hand in a wave and backed up with the soldiers.

What? Wait? My mind cried out. He was just leaving? Like that? Arms folded tight to my body, I couldn’t help but watch. My eyes glued to Tanner. I wanted to call to him, tell him to hold on, I wanted to say goodbye. But I said nothing.

Just about at the jeep, Tanner handed his bag to the one soldier and walked back down to us. His eyes locked on me, as he reached out for my arm. “Jo, can I pull you away for a second?”

“Um … sure,” I replied, lost for anything else to say.

Holding my arm, Tanner led me up the driveway. Far enough away from a good earshot of the group, he stopped and turned me to face him.

“Jo,” he spoke in a near whisper. “I’m sorry for pulling you away. But, I wanted to say goodbye to you alone. Don’t ask me why. But I wanted it to be private.”

I looked over my shoulder to everyone who watched. “Tanner? There’s eight people over there.”

He chuckled. “It’s still more private then saying it in front of them.” His hands gripped my shoulders, and he appeared apprehensive, maybe even nervous.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing. I just want to thank you for everything. You know, just … thank you. I won’t say how, or what, but know you did a lot for me. More than you realize.”

“Tanner?” I peered at him with question.

Shaking his head, Tanner smiled. “Don’t ask. And also know, there’s nothing in this world that is going to stop me from joining you guys at that cabin. I have directions. I’ll find it. So, it’s not a matter of ‘if’, it’s just a matter of ‘when’. OK?”

“Ok.”

Tanner exhaled. “Ok. So, with that being said …” Another nervous exhale, and Tanner slid his hands upward. Cupping my face gently between the palms of his hands, Tanner leaned forward and kissed me.

I couldn’t determine whether or not it was the surprise of the kiss, or the kiss itself that sent a jolt through me. It was different. The moment the softness of his lips met mine; Tanner paused, keeping us in a connection for a longer moment.

I was still startled when he pulled away.

“Take care of yourself, Jo.” He flashed a peaceful smile, stepped back and walked to the jeep.

As usual, my response was only a nod. A single nod I believe, not even much. Frozen in my stance, I watched Tanner get into the jeep. He waved as the jeep jerked and looked back as they drove away. I stayed there until he was no longer seen. But that was all I did. I bid no farewell, proclaimed no thanks, or even wished him well. I said nothing. I did nothing. I failed at performing the simple task of a wave.

Nothing.

I just stood there.

***

The night was difficult for many reasons. We went from arctic temperatures to summer degrees in a matter of hours. The basement warmed up quickly, the open windows—the few that there were—did little to cool the air. Going outside wasn’t an option; it rained too hard.

The enthusiasm to go to the cabin was enormous. Everyone wanted to go. Just go. But the next day was ‘D’ day and for that we would wait.

Craig, didn’t just jump start one vehicle, he obtained two. His reasoning made perfect sense. At several hours before sundown, Craig and Dan took one of the cars, packed up a load of stuff and left. They headed to the cabin first. None of us had even thought to do that, but since Rod made us all neurotic with his fears that the cabin was gone, destroyed, or taken over by squatters, we encouraged Craig and Dan’s initial venture.

Radio contact from them would be useless. We were pretty certain Burke’s cabin was out of radio range, so we hinged on the age-old saying, ‘no news is good news’. We set a ‘sigh of relief’ time for eleven PM; if they hadn’t returned, that was our sign that the cabin was fine, intact, and awaiting our arrival. With plenty of enough gas, we ruled out that possibility. Plus, Mick informed us that he saw no one on the roads, it was barren, and that helped in making us confident that Craig or Dan weren’t shot.

Falling asleep would have been tough if it weren’t for Simon. The child exhausted us. Not from chasing him, but stopping him. Simon felt compelled to tell Mick—every chance he got—what Tammy had done.

“Your mom tried to kill me,” Simon would say. “Mick. Mick. Did you hear me, Mick? Your mom tried to kill me. Tanner had to punch me in my chest. See?” then Simon would lift his shirt to show the huge bruise on his chest.

How many times did Simon do that? How many times would one of us interject? Mick never asked for further explanation. Perhaps he understood, or maybe he didn’t believe Simon. Whatever the case, down the road, the subject would come up again. When the freshness wore off. When Mick was done mourning.

It stopped raining, just about the time I decided I would try to rest. Every once and a while a hint of foul stench would blow through the window with a cooling breeze. It wasn’t overbearing, nor did it warrant closing the windows. The night had cleared. Somehow I wish my mind had done the same.

I felt in the fog, preoccupied, something was definitely bothering me. I was unable to pinpoint exactly what it was. I thought I knew, but passed it off as an insane notion. Finally, I chalked it all up to nervousness and to leaving. We weren’t just leaving; we were setting forth as the new settlers of a Babylon world. Starting anew, conquering familiar territory as if an uncharted terrain. There was so much unknown, up in the air, and left to fate. But I was certain of one thing. The next morning light would be our start. And no matter how difficult, no matter how much of a struggle, we would take the road to building the stronger, brighter future we all sought and needed in our lives.