10. Foolishness by Nature 

Civilizations all had different ways to keep track of time. I started referring to time passed as ‘AB’, or ‘After Burke’. Reasoning that everything shifted in energy the day he arrived. Things felt different having him with us. The spark he ignited that made us all want to fight, rekindled a flame that had been extinguished by the bombs. A flame of passion that was desperately needed to battle the odds and conquer what was ahead of us. A flame we hadn’t realized was out, until Burke fired us up. It felt good. It felt alive. And even though it mainly was to gripe about Burke, Matty had added a few more words to her daily repertoire of vocabulary. While most of our need to fight was directed at Burke, we likened it to a practice run for what was ahead.

When the mighty revelation hit me of what all Burke inspired, I wondered if he had done it on purpose. If he had some deeply seeded psychological genius that he hid for decades. An instinctual skill that told him that we all needed some ‘oomph’, and he intentionally played little ‘mind games’ to aid us along. Following an hour-long daydream mental picture of Burke sitting in some Freudian mode, I shucked that idea. He wasn’t being crafty, he was being Burke.

It was three days AB when I had my first true victory over Burke. A ‘Feast your eyes on this’, moment in which I gloated. For his visual benefit I nearly plowed his face into my ‘I’ll be there notebook’ and made him watch as I circled the name ‘Tammy’.

“All right, already! God!” Burke yelled. “I see her!”

But the gloating period had to be kept to a minimum, Tammy had arrived, but she arrived with problems. Physical problems. Nonetheless, Tammy wouldn’t own up to them being anymore than a scratch. For as long as I have known Tammy, an injury never held her back. In fact, there was a sense of ‘boasting’ when it came to Tammy being hurt. She treated her injuries like war wounds, spewing forth great tales about them. Even at times—depending on how she acquired them—she’d brag of them like trophies.

Except this time.

For an odd reason, we couldn’t get from Tammy exact details of what happened. We knew she was near ground zero, but obviously far enough away that she wasn’t vaporized. We also got that she was driving and her truck over turned from the blast. Other than that, she said she took cover, waited until she couldn’t wait anymore then headed our way. Though her long-term goals were with our little group, her short-term goals weren’t; her objectives were a warm bowl of soup, cup of water and a place to rest for a few hours. Then she was heading off to find her teenage son, stopping first at the high school two miles away, then home.

Sam prepared food for Tammy, stating her injuries made him sick. I think Sam was sick and he used Tammy as an excuse. There was, however, a slight odor, sour smelling, that came from the thick gash on her left bicep. Without placing my nose directly to her, I wasn’t able to determine if it was the gash, or the burnt skin around it. Either way, her arm was swollen, and the areas not infected on the limb were deep and red. Burke tended to the arm, I cleaned the abrasions on the side of her face, and Matty applied a band-aid to Tammy’s skinned knee. All while Tammy griped that she wasn’t a baby and for us to quit fussing over her.

Simon must have found the entire scenario very interesting. He made his way over, sneaking in between the three of us playing doctor. Little index finger extended, he’d point awfully close to the wounds while saying, “Does your boo-boo hurt?”

Davy finally pulled Simon away; I know it was for fear that Burke would step on him. He took Simon aside, and colorfully narrated our attempts as if he were reading Simon a book, and we were the words on the page.

“OK, enough.” Tammy aimed her complaint toward Burke. “I told you it doesn’t hurt.”

“Then why are you jumping when I touch it?” Burke asked.

“Because you keep pouring whiskey on it, of course it’s gonna sting. What do you think?” she argued.

I know what I was thinking. I was thinking, ‘please don’t fight with Burke, he’ll stop working on that arm, and I’ll be stuck with it.’

“This is ridiculous.” Burke tossed down the rag. “She needs medical attention.”

Tammy was defiant, “Oh, I do not. Besides, Burke, where? Huh? Where?”

“Out there, somewhere,” Burke said. “They have to be setting something up.”

“Who?” Tammy questioned. “Who would do it? The government. They aren’t doing anything right now. Trust me. Nothing but a bunch of confused people wandering around. There’s no military. No nothing.”

“Fuck,” Burke said with disgust. “I don’t believe this shit. All the planning, Jo. I’m surprised you didn’t plan on some medical person joining us.”

“I did.” I replied. “She moved out of town.”

“Then we’re gonna have to figure something out,” Burke explained. “This arm is bad. I don’t know what’s happening with it, infection, whatever it is, it’s fuckin foul.”

Tammy breathed out. “Thank you for that.”

“And him ... ” Burke indicated to Sam. “He’s hacking up a lung every five seconds.”

Sam spoke up, “It’s the dust I took in. That’s all.” He coughed.

“Yeah.” Burked nodded sarcastically. “My point is, Jo, none of us have any medical knowledge.”

“I resent that,” I said. “I went to school to be a medical assistant.”

Burke laughed.

“What?” I asked.

“A medical assistant?” Burke was snide. “Please. A medical assistant is something a welfare mother decides to be because it’s schooling the state pays for while she keeps getting monthly checks.”

“Oh, my God!” I gasped out. “Can you be any more of an asshole.”

“Probably.” Burke stood straight, and slowly walked off, grabbing the bottle of whiskey as he did.

Apologetically I looked to Tammy. “I’m sorry. We’re doing the best we can do.”

Tammy nodded. “I know. And I’m fine. I mean it. If you just give me a few aspirins, something to eat, let me sleep, I’ll feel even better. Then I’ll be on my way.”

“Tammy.” I slowly placed the final bandage on her face. “Can’t you wait ... ”

“No. I can’t.”

“Then what about taking Burke? He can help.”

Again, Tammy shook her head. “No. I’m not dragging anyone out there. I’ll do this. Besides, it’s not like I won’t be back, or even gone for days. I’ll look for Mick, if no luck, I’ll come back and try again, tomorrow.”

I know Tammy saw my reluctance to agree.

“Jo,” She laid her hand on mine. “I have to do this. It’s my kid. Wouldn’t you do the same?”

It wasn’t too difficult for me to place myself in Tammy’s shoes, seeing that a strong base for her argument was kneeling right there on the floor. Matty. “Yes,” I whispered. “Yes, I would.”

I hated to say it, because in doing so, I was all but giving my go ahead and blessing to Tammy to venture out into the madness. To take on a rubble filled city with an environment that shot rays of an invisible killer at her. Tammy was safe and sound right there in my basement. But as a friend and a mother, I could give no less than encouragement, support, and prayers for her solo journey of heroism to find her son.

***

Tammy rested for about two hours and was off before Craig did his three PM radio report. She returned several hours later without her son. She had checked the school and they, like the grade school, had the kids inside and below. Unfortunately for Tammy, the day of war, was one of the many times Mick had skipped class and he hadn’t showed up that day. So she headed home, futile in finding Mick there was well. We deducted upon her return that since Mick wasn’t home, or at a friend’s house, he darted somewhere for cover. Nothing happened to him and we’d walk around with a megaphone if we had to, blasting out his name in every area of their neighborhood.

How long would Tammy physically be able to search remained to be seen. An infection in her arm was obviously brewing; the sour smell was a bit more predominant.

Tammy was another person who joined the shelter, yet it didn’t fuel any tension. Mostly because two people didn’t have the energy, they were both ill. Tammy could throw a blanket over her arm and hide it, Sam couldn’t. I remember when I used to read about shelter conditions and illnesses; every book stated the heightened risk for respiratory infection. Sam was proving that theory absolutely correct.

His cough grew worse, and instead of the occasional hack, he launched into full-blown fits that lasted not seconds but minutes. I knew Sam was admitting defeat to feeling sick when he went to sleep before the rest of us. His face was flush, his skin warm and dry to the touch. Burke and I both checked to see if any of Sam’s injuries were showing signs of infection. Not even the head wound did, despite the fact it still hadn’t begun to heal. He slumbered deeply, no matter how much he coughed, and that was good. Sam needed that.

Unlike Sam, Tammy or Dan, the kids didn’t want to sleep. They didn’t want to run about, they just weren’t tired. Burke didn’t rest either. With the news that the military hadn’t even begun to ‘roll out’, the chance of looters increased. With each passing day without food, came another passing day of desperation for those who were wandering around. Burke took watch. In a chair on the landing, at the bend of the basement stairs, Burke sat. Shotgun perched across his lap, eyes peered to the door, there would be no remorse or hesitation on Burke’s part for anyone who entered that didn’t belong.

Stay up all night; sleep when he could during the day.

In the quiet of the night, voices carry. Burke must have been listening, because occasionally he’d sprout out a comment to add to the conversation I had with the kids. Simon sat to my right, Matty to my left, Davy directly in front of me, doing something I wished he wouldn’t do—skim through my sketchpad.

Davy snickered. “This is funny. Simon, look at how Aunt Jo drew you.”

Simon laughed. I winced.

“Like a baby doll.” Davy said, then flipped to another sketch.

“Davy, don’t smear those OK?” I instructed. “I don’t have anything to spray them with.”

“I’m not. I’m not.” He peered at another.

I tried to continue in my story to Simon and Matty. “Anyway, where was I?”

Burke replied from across the basement, “The cabin.”

“Mom?” Davy held up a picture. “Why did you draw a diagram of the basement? I mean we’re here.”

“Because you never know who’s gonna look at those.” I said. “That may very well be part of the new history books.”

Davy snickered.

“What?” I defended, “It could happen. Hey ... who knows. Maybe even our ‘AB’ time thing will carry on.”

From the stairs again, Burke commented, “I hate that.”

“Who cares,” I said. “Anyway. The cabin.” I inched Simon and Matty closer to me. “It’s a place not far from here, but far enough away that the bombs probably never touched it. It’s not too big ... ”

Burke interrupted, “It’s big. Bigger than this.”

I ignored him. “And you know how we have those jars to start our seedlings? Well, we’re gonna take the seedlings and plant them up there.”

Burke added his two cents worth. “After we lift the top of the soil.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Anyhow, there’s a ton of land too. Room to run, to play. Two acres.”

“Two point three.” Burke corrected.

I continued, “Lots of trees.”

“I cut half of them down.” Burke added. “Remember.”

“Enough trees, though to make it pretty.” I said.

“I put that fence up.”

“Burke!” I yelled. “Will you stay out of my story!”

“Tell it right and I will!” he hollered back.

“I’m trying to, but you keep interrupting.”

“I keep interrupting because you’re telling it wrong!”

There was one thing that Tammy was able to do, that no one else could—yell louder than Burke. In a deep, irritated, gurgling voice, she blasted, “Hey! Will you two knock it off? Some of us would like to sleep.”

“Well, sleep goddamn it!” Burke yelled. “No one’s stopping you.”

“You are!” Tammy barked. “You and your big mouth.”

“Hey!” Burke had a bite to his voice. “Me and my big mouth along with my big shotgun are watching out for your big ass, so deal with it!”

Silence.

“Oh, my God.” I whispered, and then exhaled. “Well, that’s where we’re going. Doesn’t it sound nice? A fresh start.” I glanced from Simon, to Matty to Davy.

“Aunt Jo?” Simon tugged on my arm. “Will my mommy be there?”

I didn’t hesitate, I just answered. “I don’t know, Simon. Maybe.”

“Is she still lost, Aunt Jo?” Simon asked.

“I think so, Simon.” I took in his innocent face; puppy eyes that peered up to me and I gently placed my lips to his forehead.

“Mommy?” Matty called me. “When? When are we going?”

“When everyone is together, then we’ll go. And ... ” I paused when Sam’s coughing carried to me. “And ... when everyone is well.”

“When will that be?” Matty questioned further.

“Soon.” My eyes made contact with Davy and I gave him a reassuring look. “Very soon.” Pulling Matty and Simon to me, I closed my eyes, blocked out the sounds of Sam’s coughing, and whispered to myself, “I hope.”