“EEEEEEE!!!”

The Ferengi’s continued squealing set Dr. Elizabeth Lense’s teeth on edge and shredded what remained of her patience. She was all for pastoral care, but right now all she wanted to do was stuff a sock in her whining patient’s mouth.

The Ferengi was dressed head to foot in black and purple velvet. The high collar and cuffs of his tailcoat were trimmed with elegant silver embroidery, the buttonholes and elaborate detailing picked out in gold thread. He also hadn’t stopped screaming since Chief Feliciano’s transporter beam deposited him on a biobed.

“What are you complaining about? I haven’t even touched you,” she said, lowering the medical tricorder.

“And you’re not going to, at least until you’ve taken your clothes off!”

“Sorry,” Lense said with a sigh, “never on a first date.”

“Is there a problem?” Gomez asked, entering the room, flanked by Lt. Commander Corsi and one of the security guards, Andrea Lipinski.

“More clothed females!” exclaimed the Ferengi. “This is an obscenity! First you seize my ship against my express wishes. Then you proceed to abduct me and subject me to this probing and inquisition, and now you surround me with clothed females!”

“I thought the new Grand Nagus had lifted the restrictions against Ferengi women,” Gomez said.

The Ferengi sneered. “Just because the nagushood was granted to an idiot who has spent too much time among humans such as yourselves doesn’t mean we have all turned our back on traditional values. I demand to speak to a male in charge!”

“I’ve had enough of this,” Lense said. “Computer, activate Emergency Medical Hologram.”

A dark-skinned, pleasant-faced figure materialized in the center of the room. “Good afternoon, Doctor,” the holographic physician, whom Lense had nicknamed “Emmett,” said.

Lense handed Emmett her tricorder. “This patient requires a physical exam. If you’ll excuse me, Commander,” she added to Gomez, then went into her office.

Emmett looked befuddled only for a moment, then started his examination. The Ferengi looked dubious, but was apparently satisfied that this was a male, even if he was a hologram, and didn’t balk at the exam.

Gomez sighed. “I apologize for any distress, but it is part of Starfleet’s business to render aid and protection to the weak and the vulnerable. A lone escape craft adrift in deep space strikes me as being just that.”

“I knew what I was doing, female,” the Ferengi said derisively. “There are dozens of worlds in the system where I could have made planetfall.”

“According to our sensors, none of the worlds in this system can sustain humanoid life.”

“Bah,” the Ferengi said, slumping his shoulders.

Emmett said, “If you could please sit still, Mr.—?”

“My name is Phug—DaiMon Phug.”

Gomez frowned. The title of DaiMon was given only to ship captains in the Ferengi Alliance. “DaiMon Phug, what happened to your ship?” she asked. “Should we be searching for other lifepods?”

“No…there’s no need…there aren’t any others. They’re all dead. When we lost containment…the warp field collapsed. There was scarcely time to reach the escape pods. I almost didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry for the loss of your crew.”

“My crew? Pah! If they’d been up to snuff this never would have happened! I always knew it was a mistake signing on a chief engineer who couldn’t count to twenty without taking his shoes off. The Ferengi education system isn’t what it once was, you know.”

“If you’ll permit the doctor to finish his examination, I’ll assign you quarters. We can discuss where you wish to be set down later. Would you like me to notify the Alliance that we’ve picked you up?”

“No! I will see to it, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” To the hologram, she said, “Carry on, Emmett.”

“Of course, Commander.”

Gomez and Corsi left, Corsi nodding to Lipinski, indicating that she was to stay and keep an eye on the Ferengi.

As soon as the doors closed behind them, Corsi said, “Commander, you know he’s lying, don’t you?”

Nodding, Gomez said, “Through his pointy little teeth.” She tapped her combadge. “Gomez to Duffy.”

“Go ahead, Sonnie.”

Gomez shook her head. Part of her found it endearing when Duffy called her that, but it wasn’t entirely appropriate when they were both on duty. “Kieran, let me know as soon as you’re done going over the pod. Our guest says he barely escaped a containment breach. I want that verified.”

“On it, but I’m not seeing any indications that this was near any kind of breach. Initial scan doesn’t show any of the usual particulate traces.”

“No surprise there,” Corsi muttered.

“Keep me posted, Kieran. Gomez out.”