Lee was working at the River.

I went to see him, wearing that red satin dress. His face when he saw me was incredible. I gave him a smile and a wink as I passed him going into the club. Through the night, dancing with people I knew, chatting at the bar with some people I hadn’t seen for a few months, then later on when Claire and Louise turned up, I kept seeing his face in the crowd, at the edge of the dance floor, watching me.

By midnight, several drinks down me, I was more bold. Dancing, on my own, I saw him again in the doorway, ostensibly watching the crowd, in practice watching me. I crossed the dance floor to him; his eyes never left mine. He took me by the hand and pulled me towards the corridor connecting the main club with the bar at the front, his steps rapid, making me stumble, all the while shouting, ‘Lee! Lee? What the…?’

He pushed open a doorway marked ‘Staff Only’ and the music suddenly dulled as the fire door slammed behind us, my heels skittering down the concrete corridor, another door to the side – an office. The only light came from the CCTV screens, showing the dance floor, the door, the stairs, the area outside the toilets. He pushed a pile of paperwork off the desk, papers scattering everywhere, lifting me between his two hands as though I weighed nothing, his mouth on mine, hungry. I tugged at my skirt, pulling it up and out of his way. With one hand he pulled my knickers aside, ripping them, discarding them into the room, and then fucking me, hard.

A few minutes later, not a word spoken, he adjusted his suit and, without looking back at me, left the room. Sitting on the desk, legs still splayed and trembling with the force of him, I watched the CCTV screens until he reappeared at the main door of the club, looking for all the world as though he’d just been checking the dance floor for trouble.

Until he looked up at the camera, right into my eyes, and stared.

Looking round the office at the paperwork all over the floor, my underwear torn, discarded in the corner, I found myself thinking: this is so crazy – what the fuck am I doing? What am I doing?