Chapter Eleven

Josh refused to spend the night with me Friday. His simple joy about going on our first real date was awe-inspiring. He insisted “doing it right” meant picking me up at my front door the following afternoon. Simply walking downstairs with me wouldn’t do.

Wanting to keep our destination a surprise, the only thing he would tell me was to dress for outdoor weather. A little tormenting during oral sex made him divulge that I should also dress casually. Not even the promise of sex outdoors again would get him to say anything more.

Lou had left me alone for the most part during the week, both of us too busy to do more than wave hello. Even after the weekly staff meeting, we managed to avoid alone-time together. Thank goodness. As far as a decision, I think I leaned toward just enjoying my time with Josh but was afraid if Lou offered to father a child for me again, my resistance would fail.

Josh, who still had his entire life ahead of him, couldn’t offer me the same, no matter how much I wanted it. I don’t know that I would accept it from him, either. He deserved more, with someone closer to his own age.

Today I’d just tied my hair into a ponytail when the doorbell rang. Smoothing my hand over my sundress, I gave myself one last approving glance in the mirror before trotting down the stairs. I opened the door to Josh wearing a baseball cap, a matching team jersey and jeans. His first reaction upon seeing me was to give me a kiss that made my toes curl. “Gorgeous, as always,” he said afterward with a smile.

“You’re not doing so bad yourself.” I studied his shirt. “Hawks are the college team, right?”

“Yep.”

“Is that where we’re going today?”

“Maybe.”

I wore a smile on the outside, but inside I was backpedaling. A baseball game? Not that I had anything against sports; I just wasn’t into them. For all the talking we did, it never occurred to me that he might enjoy them. He perused the sports pages with as much attention as he did the business section of the paper. I suppose that might have been one clue.

He drove his Range Rover into the city, a pleasant forty-five minute trip. There we parked in a garage and took the train to the stadium. Josh kept me close to him the entire time, either by holding my hand or resting his hand on the small of my back. The world I’d come to believe wouldn’t understand about us disappeared beneath his touching. I blocked all of it out to focus on him, and marveled that Josh had the ability to make me do that.

I still felt a little out of place as we crossed the street to stand in line at the entrance gates. Sports weren’t my thing at all. I wouldn’t admit to Josh that I was the stereotypical female who watched the game to check out men’s butts, but that was the truth. I didn’t expect to have a good time, although I tried to keep up appearances.

“Josh! Is that you? Josh!”

We hadn’t gone inside yet, and both of us turned, trying to locate the caller in the crowd.

“Over here!” A pair of arms waved frantically, six or seven people deep behind us.

Josh’s face split into a grin as he apparently recognized the person still bellowing at him. “Hey Neil, long time no see!”

His fingers entwined with mine before Josh pulled me to the side, out of the way of the pushing crowd. A young man about Josh’s age shoved forward, trailed by two women who might have been just a little bit younger than he. Neil was tall and thin, the notable feature about him being the well-groomed beard outlining his jaw. Josh dropped my hand to do one of those man-hugs with him where they shook but then bumped shoulders at the same time.

“Dude, it’s been like four years or so, right?”

Josh grinned. “Yeah, undergrad. How you been?”

“Just chillin’, but hey, meet my friends Rayanne and Donna.”

Rayanne was a cute bleach-blonde with pretty green eyes. She had a dimple in her chin and an easy smile. Her white tank top hid a pair of breasts that defied gravity along with the help of a burgundy-colored bra. I knew the color of the bra because no effort had been made to tuck the straps out of sight. She rounded out the ensemble with a pair of denim cut-offs and a pair of adorable flip-flops. Toenails covered in bright pink polish shone in the sunlight.

Donna, on the other hand, had dark brown hair like mine. Hers, however, was long and curly, cascading over her back in a way that I’d never been able to get mine to do. She had wide brown eyes and a way of looking at me that left me uncomfortable. Her tiny sleeveless red shirt, worn without a bra as evidenced by erect nipples and swaying breasts, and equally tiny black shorts, didn’t help my growing dismay.

Josh shook their hands, and I watched heat flare in Donna’s gaze. Neil and Rayanne were holding hands, which must have meant Donna was the third leg in this scenario. In seconds I watched Donna do some quick mental calculations of what it would take to latch on to Josh.

Josh reached for me, pulling me forward. At some point, I’d managed to take a step or two away from them. He opened his mouth, presumably to introduce me, but Donna beat him to it.

“Is this your mom? That’s cool you brought her to a game.”

Neil’s eyes widened. Based on his reaction, he must have already met Josh’s mother, Susanna Smith. Josh, at least, didn’t betray his emotions, whatever they might have been, with his face. “This is my friend, my date, Regina.”

Donna had the decency to blush. “Oh God, I’m sorry. I—nice meeting you.”

I shook everyone’s hands, but the jovial atmosphere degraded into one of awkward silence. At last, Josh said, “Neil, I’m still at the same email addy. Keep in touch, man. We should do a few of these games together.”

“Right. You bet.”

Before we turned, I saw Rayanne frown at Donna, who gave a helpless shrug in reply. I almost felt sorry for her.

Josh pulled me in close to him when we walked away, his hand on my hip. “You okay?” he murmured. His lips brushed across my hairline in a kiss meant to soothe my bruised ego.

“It’s bound to happen. Whatever.”

In truth, I was too embarrassed to dwell on what was the inevitable. A situation like the one we’d just left had been what I’d tried to avoid all this time. Josh may not have minded being the brunt of talking or staring, but he was so laid-back, he probably would never notice. I had a more fragile disposition and wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

Before we got to the seats, Josh bought two cups of cold beer. I sipped on one gratefully, needing something to cool down my still flushed face. Not my choice of beverages—in fact, I detested the stuff—but when in Rome, as they say.

The crowd around us made talking difficult, so I tried to follow the game as the hours went by. Josh was enthralled by the action, and a lot of the time I just studied him. His youth caught up with him while he cheered, his eyes bright with excitement. He high-fived strangers around us when the Hawks rounded the bases or when the other team struck out. We bought beer and popcorn, using the brew to cool us down on the warm day and the popcorn to soak it up.

By the time Josh guzzled down his third one, I started to map out the route home in my head. I’d never seen him uninhibited and didn’t want to waste this opportunity. Let him drink it up, because we were celebrating the end of his dissertation and our first date. I didn’t have a problem driving us home.

By the end of a few innings, he was loud and drunk and surprisingly adorable.

People were coming and going, several times forcing me to squirm out of the way to let them pass. Before he’d finished his fourth beer, Josh mumbled “restroom” and squeezed his way past me as well. I still had my first beer in hand, not halfway done, and let him pass.

A few minutes later, someone else offered their excuses to get past me, and I didn’t give it a second thought to make room. When the person sat in Josh’s seat, however, I did turn to face him.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry, but that seat’s taken,” I said.

A middle-aged guy with salt-and-pepper hair had taken up residence. His eyebrows and moustache were still dark brown, offering a contradiction to the hair above. Olive complexioned with long lashes and a straight nose, he was an attractive man by all counts. “I saw. I just wanted to come over and introduce myself.” He held out a hand. “I’m Rob.”

Some instinct had me reaching for his hand before I’d thought not to take it. “Regina.”

“Enjoying the game?” His voice held the beginnings of a slur, sounding just this side of sober.

I tried not to smile but felt my mouth curve upward anyway. Show me a woman who says she doesn’t enjoy a man flirting with her, and I’ll show you a liar. “They’re not my thing,” I replied with a shrug.

“What would be your thing?”

“I don’t—listen, I’m flattered. Really I am, but I’m here with someone.”

Rob looked puzzled. “That kid?”

Great. Twice in a single day.

I started to protest but then stopped myself. What would be the point? Instead, I lifted my shoulder in a simple shrug. Before I had a chance to politely request he leave, I felt a presence next to me.

“Hey brother, I think that’s my seat.” Josh, as always, had impeccable timing. Anyone who looked at him would be able to tell he’d been drinking. Despite the crisp enunciation, his eyelids drooped, and he just had the aura around him. The same kind of aura that put cops on alert when pulling a driver over or nurses disbelieving when they asked exactly how the dildo had become stuck up there.

Smirking, Rob looked at me. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Just go. Please.”

“All right.” He managed to turn that single word into a sentence full of disdain. “Your loss.”

Josh waited until they were face-to-face before stepping up to Rob. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Rob looked skyward, and I swore the world around us ground to a halt. I felt every pair of eyes in that stadium turn toward us. “If the lady likes kids, who am I to stop her?”

A muscle in Josh’s jaw ticked. “You’ll be telling your buddies this kid was a lot bigger and meaner when they come to visit you in the hospital bed if you don’t get out of my way.”

My eyes went wide. “Josh!”

I’d barely gotten his name out when pandemonium erupted.

I can’t say who struck who first. In one minute they faced off; in the next, men were shoving and pushing. I think a few people tried to get between them and break it up, but Josh and Rob went after each other like lifelong enemies. Someone had the presence of mind to pull me out of the way, and it took four men in security uniforms to pull them off each other.

Inevitably, we were escorted out of the stadium and asked not to return.

The side of Josh’s face started to turn colors during our train ride, but it couldn’t come close to the red filling my vision whenever I looked at him. I should have been concerned about his welfare, whether he’d received any concussive wounds or whatnot during the tussle, but that empathy wasn’t there. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my entire life,” I said, my lip curling with disgust.

“I leave for five minutes and come back to find you with some other guy?” he replied hotly. “Fuck that.”

“I was not with some other guy. I was there with you. You wanted this date. You.”

“Yeah, I get it Regina. Today was all about me.” He snorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shoved a finger in my face. “You didn’t want to be there. I tried to make this fun, and you sat there all stony showing everyone how much you hated it.”

Whoa. “I did not hate it.”

“But you sure as hell didn’t like it, did you?” His gaze bore into mine. “I’m plenty good enough to fuck but nowhere good enough to be seen in public with.”

“Whoa, wait a minute, mister. My idea of a date is not a baseball game, but because you invited me, I wanted this. So look at what you decided would be a good time. Would you want to be seen with someone in your state? Our ages have nothing to do with it.”

“Whatever. This is bullshit.”

This was not the Josh I knew. This drunk person next to me had dropped the f-bomb twice in under five minutes. My Josh was even-keeled and too mature for his own good. This person was hateful and belligerent and not someone I wanted to be around for another minute.

As much as I wanted to engage his uncharacteristic behavior, no good would come of it. All I wanted to do was get home and let Josh sleep it off. When I felt less like committing a random act of violence, and he was sober, we could continue. Fortunately, the train pulled into our stop. “Give me your keys, please. Let’s just get home.”

The ride back was nothing like the way to the game. Inside the SUV felt hot, the air around us stifling. The air-conditioning couldn’t cool us down to normal temperatures. Forty-five minutes stretched into forty-five years.

I parked in front of the Smith’s house, where I couldn’t turn the engine off fast enough to leave and go inside my own home. I felt dizzy and nauseous, wondering if perhaps I’d endured a little too much sun. My shoulders were red, and my face still blazed. Whether from the heat of the day or prompted by my lover remained to be seen.

Dropping his keys in his lap, I said, “Go inside, Josh. Sleep it off.”

“There’s nothing to sleep off. It’ll still be the same when I wake up.”

“What?” I sighed, fatigued. “What will still be the same?”

“I’ll still have to fight you to go anywhere. I’ll always take a backseat to any man your age who shows any interest in you. I’ll never be old enough for you.”

The image of Lou’s face popped into my mind, and I shoved it aside. “That’s not true.”

“Of course it’s true.” Josh sounded tired now. He tilted his head back, leaning it against the headrest, his eyes closed. “You want my cock, Regina, but you sure as hell don’t want me. I’m done fighting you on it.”

I was outraged by his accusation, which was untrue. Absolutely untrue. It hurt me to hear those words, and the pain from my heart made me gasp. Tears stung the backs of my eyes, and I swallowed the moisture down, not permitting a single drop to fall.

In that moment, all I could think about was hurting him back. But if it was a child’s game he wanted to play—and that was how I saw this argument—then I would not sink to his level.

I propped the door open and set one foot outside. Before rising, I turned to him and said, “You think you’re going to hurt me with ugly words? You’re not. And here’s a piece of advice for you, Joshua.” My voice hardened into steel. “Grow up.”