CHAPTER NINE

The last bell of the school day rings, and I gather my books. I’m heading to the Odonian’s office. My feet are heavy, and my pace is deathly slow, but somehow I make it there quickly.

Before I can knock on his door, he answers it with a beaming smile. “Oriana, I’m so happy you made it. Please take a seat.”

His gold hair sweeps down in a crescent moon around his head. His upper scalp is pale and dotted with unsightly marks that continue to his forehead. Two near invisible eyebrows, so blond they blend into white skin, sit above vibrantly blue eyes. He is still smiling, white teeth gleaming unnaturally beneath fluorescent lights.

He reaches beneath his desk into some neatly filed papers and pulls out a folder. He leafs through its contents as he speaks. “Oriana, your professor tells me she is concerned about you, says something seems to have interfered with your academic performance.”

I shrug and smile sweetly. “I was as surprised as she was at my grade on the last test. I guess I’ve become slightly anxious about the Rebirth. It’s just a month away, you know.” I hope my statement is believable and hide all doubt with a smile.

He chuckles. “Ha ha. Yes, of course, I know. But school is always a priority … Would you like a glass of water?”

I start to refuse but then decide against it after he looks at me dejectedly. I nod. He hands me a paper cup and then fills it from a small pitcher.

“This is special mineral water with vitamins, perfect for a young Winglet like yourself.”

I drink it down. It’s sweet and cool, and I enjoy the way it glides down my throat.

I feel exhilarated, with a new energy and strength. What was causing so much fear? The feeling seems to vanish from my memory.

“Oriana.”

I hear my name and realize I am still sitting in the office of an Odonian.

“I trust you’ll try harder in school, no more stress or anxiety. Just keep praying to Odon, and continue to drink this.” He hands me a jar of the water. “It’ll keep you healthy and alert.”

“Thank you.” I smile. I’ve tricked him, outsmarted Odon himself. His system is oblivious to the complete fraud sitting before him—me. “I feel better already.”

I leave his office with a gentle numbness. I’ve forgotten why I was even nervous about coming here in the first place. I will return to my room and study with Lenora. Then I will get a good night’s sleep. It will be the right thing to do, and shouldn’t I do what is right? There is no pain in following the rules. No constant breath upon my back. My palms are dry, my step more sure. I am a new person. There is a new Oriana looking out through my eyes. She protects me. Don’t fight it; fall into the embrace, cool and comforting.

That night I wake from sleep shaking in a cold sweat. I feel sick and my head is reeling.

“Lenora, Lenora! Wake up, I feel terrible!”

She is already awake, holding a glass of water close to my face.

“Drink this,” she says solemnly.

I don’t think, I don’t ask—I just drink. The headache, the pain, and the spinning are gone. I fall back to sleep.

The morning arrives politely, like an old friend. There is nothing beyond this simple morning. There is nothing to concentrate on, no tangle of emotions to sort through. I can’t even recall their presence. Why did I want them so much? It is beyond me now, and something in this knowledge encourages me to smile at Lenora, my friend, my savior from last night’s trauma.

I know where I belong in this society. I was not cut out for rebellion. I realize my one and only calling. It is to follow Odon. He is my only love. He will save me in the end. He will free me from the darkness of the night. It brings a pang of devotion to my chest.

Lenora smiles back, and I know all is well once again.

We leave the comfort of our beds to dress. We gather supplies from our desks and finish preparation together. We do not speak as we leave the room and head out to breakfast. I feel as though I understand Lenora better. Clearly I assumed wrongly. She did not despise me, for she does not despise. I myself cannot possess the feeling. I don’t wonder whether I’d prefer to.

We reach the cafeteria and begin to peck through the pans. We are soon seated and consuming our meals solemnly. Lenora and I pass vacant glances occasionally but stay uninvolved in any conversations. I am not surprised when the bell rings overhead to usher us toward the first class of the day.

As the days progress my concept of time seems nonexistent, and the minutes, hours, and days pass vaguely. Routine is always there as my close friend, to keep me safe and secure. A trip to the garden used to be part of my routine, but I feel no need to leave the University.

I remember one moment quite clearly, although I can’t connect it to its place in the past. It was a while ago, I believe. When I was at lunch, I saw Aurek’s eyes upon me always. I understood his expression as though watching from behind a glass wall. He followed me into the hallway and clutched my arm. I was against the wall when he took what he wanted, a rough kiss that left my lip bleeding.

I saw a half-blood pass as Aurek walked away and I wiped the red from my broken lip. He looked at me and must have seen, but what shone in his eyes was indescribable. I stood there staring down at my reddened fingers.

These thoughts don’t matter, I’m sure. Here beneath the lights, among the eyes, this is where I am needed. This is why I live, to serve, to do what is expected. It repeats in my head, an assurance to my actions. The voice was once foreign yet is no longer. It tells, and I oblige. It guides, and I follow. Without it, I would be no more than a useless mass of matter.

The memory replays in my head as I walk to my locker. I shake it away and focus on the books I need, the notes I take. The halls are becoming emptier as students file into class. I hurry to be on time.

A hand grabs me around my waist. I am pulled into a corner and behind a row of lockers. I struggle in vain but cannot think of a reason to resist. The arms around me pivot my body to see a face.

I stare, but my cry is muffled beneath the hand over my lips.

“Oriana, you’ve changed.” His eyebrows are narrowed, his eyes a pale shade of blue.

The sight brings tears to my eyes from some feeling long ago that I have no memory of. It is as if the tears are the only things within me that can recall the past. I search but find no answer; in fact I do not wish to. Instead my body freezes up. My mind goes blank. Who is he, this half-blood?

I try to shout, “Let go!” but his hand muffles my words. His eyes are wide, and the pupils so large that the blue is a thin ring around the black. He looks back and forth frantically, clearly hoping no one has heard.

“What has happened to you?”

I try to speak once again, but his hand is covering my lips. He is apprehensive, but slowly he removes his hand.

“Nothing has happened. I feel perfectly well.” I chuckle at this, hearing a distant voice coming from my mouth.

“Something has to have happened; you’re not yourself. I saw you with him.” As he says this, he releases his hold on me. I leap at the chance and escape from the corner. But as I am about to call out for a professor, I collapse, shivering, on the floor. I break into a cold sweat and can’t move. My body feels as though it is repelling something, and my head is sick with nausea. This has happened once before. I reach for my bag, but I have left it at the half-blood’s feet, and my groping hand can’t seem to find it.