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Hereford

Monday, 17 January

IT WAS ONLY a short drive from the crematorium to Mong and Tracy’s place in King’s Acre, to the west of the city. Cupcakes and little quarter-sandwiches were waiting for the few of us who were invited back. I took Tracy in a black Audi 6 I’d hired for the day.

The service had been standing-room only. Even Crazy Dave was there, pushing himself to the front in his space-age wheelchair. Most of the faces I recognized had sun-tans and ill-fitting suits. The ones I didn’t were in Royal Marine blazers and ties, crisp white shirts and neatly pressed slacks. The Corps had also sent representatives in full service dress. Boots and medals gleamed. The only one not there to pay his respects was BB. Crazy Dave tried to cover for him by saying he’d sent him away on a job, but I knew better. There you go.

But so what? He was leaving the UK soon. The job that Crazy Dave hadn’t got him was anti-piracy in the Indian Ocean, working out of Mogadishu. Sitting on a ship all day looking for Long John Silver was perfect for him. No one to work with, so no one to annoy.

All the speakers – mates, relations, people from the Corps – said fantastic things about Mong. But all I could think was what a waste it was. Then the priest or vicar or whoever got a few prayers going. I didn’t listen. What a fuck-up. I was team leader, and that made his death my responsibility. I shouldn’t have listened to him. I should have stuck to my guns and kept him with me.

I’d looked around me. I’d never been one for funerals, but at least I turned up. It was another part of squaddie culture that BB just didn’t grasp.

The massive turnout and expressions of condolence didn’t bring much comfort to Tracy. In fact they freaked her out. She wanted to be alone with her grief. Sharing it made things worse. Now she sat beside me, eyeliner streaming down her face – she looked like a poor man’s vampire. All I could hear was the vehicle heater and stifled intakes of breath as she tried hard not to cry again.

I didn’t want to say anything. I stared straight ahead, drove nice and gently, and left her with her thoughts.