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that most people don’t live to see, don’t have to worry about.”
“Ah. Just what I wanted to talk to you about. For I will take the long walk soon, die the death that has no waking, and it occurs to me that for you my younger self—the self you knew—is still alive. Still young. That self no one here remembers as clearly as you do. Tell me, Lunzie, will this self,” and he thumped himself on the chest, “destroy in your memory the self I was? The self you knew?”
She shook her head. “If I only squint a little, I can see you as you were. It’s hard to believe, even now, that you . . . I’m sorry ...”
“No. That’s all right. I understand, and this is what I wanted.” He was breathing a little faster, as if he’d been working hard, but he didn’t look distressed, only excited. “Lunzie, it is a sentimental thing, a foolish wish, and I do not like myself for revealing it. For having it. But I know how fast memories fade. I had thought, all these years, that I remembered you perfectly. The reality of you showed me I had not. I had forgotten that fleck of gold in your right eye, and the way you crook that finger.” He pointed, and Lunzie looked down, surprised to see a gesture she had never noticed. “So I know I will be forgotten—myself, my present self—as my younger self has already been forgotten. This happens to all, I know. But . . . but you, you hold my younger self in your mind, and you will live . . . what? Another century, perhaps? Then I will be only a name to my great-grandchildren, and all the stories will be gone. Except with you.”
“Are you ... are you asking me to remember you? Because you must know I will.”
“Yes . . . but more, too. I’m asking you to remember me as I was, the young heavyworlder you trusted, the younger man you loved, however briefly and lightly. I’m asking you to hold that memory brightly in mind whenever you consider my people. Coldsleep has a Special meaning for our people.”
“I know. The escort you sent was telling me.”
Zebara’s eyebrows rose, then he shook his head. “I
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shouldn’t be surprised. You’re a very easy person to talk to. But if anyone had asked me whether Major Hessik would discuss such things with a lightweight, I’d have said never.”
“I had to do something to get away from the subject of leather,” said Lunzie, wrinkling her nose. “And from there, somehow ...”
She went on to tell him what Hessik had explained. Zebara listened without interrupting.
“That’s right,” he said, when she finished. “A symbolic death and rebirth, which you have endured several times now. And which 1 ask you to endure once more, for me and my people.”
The absolute no she had meant to utter stuck in her throat.
“I ... never liked it,” she said, wondering if it sounded as ridiculous to him as it did to her.
“Of course not. Lunzie, I brought you here today for several reasons. First, I want to remember you . . . and have you remember me ... as I near my own death. I want to relive that short happy time we shared, through your memories. That’s indulgence, an old man’s indulgence. Second, I want to talk to you about my people, their history, their customs, in the hope that you can feel some sympathy for us and our dilemma. That you will speak for us where you can do so honestly. I’m not asking you to forget or forgive criminal acts. You could not do it and I would not ask. But not all are guilty, as you know. And finally, I must give you what we talked of before, if you are willing to carry it.”
He sat hunched slightly forward, the dark soft robe hiding his hands. Lunzie said nothing for a moment, trying to compare his aged face, with all the ugly marks of a hard life in high G, to the younger man’s blunt but healthy features. She had done that before. She would do it, she thought, even after he died, trying to reconcile what he had lost in those forty-odd years with her own losses.
He sighed, smiled at her, and said, “May I sit with you? It is not . . . what you might think.”
Even as she nodded, she felt a slight revulsion. As a