Nonviolence is the
greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the
mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of
man.
—Mahatma Gandhi
27
It had been ages since Katie and I had
teamed up to cause chaos. If I say so myself, we’re pretty good at
it. That gave me some hope. But only a little.
Our usual victims weren’t anything like
Elmer, prince of the Sluagh. They were
snobby, self-important sorority girls who’d gone out of their way
to make our lives living hell. They not only deserved what they had
coming to them, but they’d been easy targets.
Not so, Elmer.
For one thing, outside of scaring me a
little during his nocturnal visits, and kidnapping me to force me
to marry him, Elmer hadn’t done anything bad to me. He hadn’t
humiliated me. He hadn’t hurt me. He hadn’t raped me. Quite the
opposite, he’d made sure Katie and I had every comfort of home,
including some pretty decent meals and a wedding dress that would
probably make the average fashionista green with envy.
The bottom line: my inner “nice girl”
wanted to convince him not to marry me, rather than to try to scare
him out of it.
Nice Sloan wasn’t going to allow me to
do anything over-the-top cruel.
That left me with very mixed feelings
about plan B.
“What can we do to annoy an
undead guy?” Katie asked, standing behind
me, in the bathroom. The back lace of my corset was in her
fist.
Wearing fresh underwear and a corset, a
wedding gift from Elmer, I twirled a strand of hair around the
curling iron I held in my hand. “I have no idea. I mean, I know
saying the words ‘God’ and ‘Jesus’ do something to him. But they
don’t cripple him. And he seems very determined to go through with
this wedding. Even if I were to spend the entire night yelling,
‘GodGodGod,’ I don’t think it would make him miserable enough to
run from the altar.”
“Hmm. Maybe we’re overcomplicating
this. Men get cold feet. All kinds of men. What makes one run?”
Katie yanked on the lace, and the corset squeezed my chest like an
overly friendly boa constrictor, forcing a puff of air out of my
lungs.
“Yikes,” I muttered. After I managed to
reinflate my lungs, I mumbled, “What are you trying to do? Tie that
thing so tight, I pass out? Then again, maybe that wouldn’t be such
a bad idea. He can’t marry me if I’m unconscious.” I inhaled,
exhaled, to shrink my chest, and blurted, “Pull now.” The corset
jerked tighter, squishing my boobs and compressing my rib cage so I
couldn’t take a deep breath. I inflated my lungs as best I could.
“Holy shit. Thank God, we don’t have to wear these things every
day. It’s no wonder women were fainting all the time.” I cooked
another strand of hair, then released it. The coil bounced as it
unwound from the iron.
Katie gave the lace one last yank, then
tied it. “You need to watch an episode or two of Bridezillas. It’s a show about bitchy brides. I swear,
it’s a miracle any of them make it to the altar.”
“Sounds good, but there’s no time, and
we don’t have a TV. Can you give me the Twitter
version?”
“Sure.” Katie finger-combed the
corkscrews on the back of my head. “It’s easy. Be a bitch. About
everything. Complain bitterly about the flowers, the dress, the
ring, the shoes, the venue, the food, the limo—everything and
anything.”
I curled another strand, accidentally
singeing my earlobe as I unwound it. “Ouch. I guess I can do that.”
The door to the bedroom swung open. I waved at Katie. “Go, see who
that is. I have to pee again.”
“Watch and learn.” She dove out of the
bathroom, swinging the door shut behind her. After I took care of
business, I inched it open just a crack, watching from the safety
of my tile-and-porcelain cocoon.
“We have some problems, Lurch,” Katie
said.
I couldn’t make out his answer. His
voice was very low, and he didn’t enunciate clearly.
Katie began her verbal onslaught.
“First, the bride hasn’t seen the groom since last night. What’s up
with that? And second, the bride’s shoes don’t match the dress.
At all. And the veil is much too short. She
has always wanted a long veil. You can’t expect her to wear a short
veil when she’s always dreamed of a long one. This is, after all,
the wedding of her dreams. And where are her flowers? How can she
get married without seeing her flowers? Plus, she needs to see the
menu for the reception. She’s lactose intolerant, and gluten
sensitive. Plus, she’s a vegan. She won’t touch anything that has a
face or feelings.”
I was laughing so hard, I almost peed
my pants. And my bladder had been drained dry at least ten times in
the past hour.
Katie continued, “And she needs to
assign seating for her side of the family. God help us all if you
put Grandma Skye next to Aunt Spencer. You don’t want to know what
happened the last time they were in a room together. Let’s just
say, the family isn’t welcome in certain venues. Plus, nobody’s
told us where the ceremony is going to be held. What kind of
wedding is this?”
I held my breath and listened, but I
still couldn’t make out Lurch’s response. The door to the hall
slammed. The door to the bathroom swung all the way open, and Katie
stumbled in, holding her stomach, tears streaming down her
face.
“Oh, my God, I haven’t had that much
fun in ages,” she said.
“What did he say?”
“He said, ‘Huhn,’ and
left.”
“‘Huhn,’” I echoed as I gathered my
curled hair into a pile on the top of my head. “Lurch is definitely
a man of few words. What do you think? Up? Or down?”
“Up. Your dress is too formal to wear
it down.”
“It is up then.” As I fiddled with my
hair, I met Katie’s gaze in the mirror. “Do you think the
Bridezilla thing is working?”
“I dunno.”
“What time is it?”
Katie poked her head out of the
bathroom. “It’s almost eight-thirty.”
“You know, the only time I’ve seen
Elmer is after dark.”
“It’ll be dark in a few
minutes.”
My stomach twisted. “Yeah.” I finished
putting my hair up, slapped on a little makeup, for my benefit, not
my groom’s, and headed out to the bedroom. I checked my e-mail
first. Finally there was a message from JT! It was short. Clearly,
I couldn’t count on the cavalry coming to my rescue.
Contacted parents. Father says to
keep your head and delay as long as possible. Time is on your side.
Still unable to locate you by tracing your e-mails. It’s slow, but
we’re getting there.
Delay as long as possible. Wasn’t there
anything else I could do?
Katie helped me into the dress. And at
eight forty-five, the door to our room opened and my groom strolled
in, decked out in head-to-toe black. The well-cut clothes were
clearly expensive, but even so, he was still the same ugly, stinky,
scary man I knew and didn’t love. Just goes
to show you, expensive clothes don’t make the man. The man makes
the clothes.
“It’s time,” he announced, leering at
me. He grabbed my arm, hauling me toward the door.
I shuddered. “Wait a minute.” I truly
felt ill.
He stopped. “What is it now?”
“I feel sick.”
“Angus told me you were pretending to
be ill.”
Angus? Who was that? I swallowed a
mouthful of bile. “I’m not pretending. And I have to pee. I have
this bladder control problem—”
“I don’t have time for this. Let’s go.”
He pulled.
I bent over and threw up. Mostly on the
floor. A little splattered up the leg of his expensive
pants.
He jumped backward, releasing my
arm.
I looked at the open door, then at the
bathroom. Pee? Or escape? If it wasn’t for Katie, it would be a
no-brainer. I dove through the door. My bladder could wait. I’d get
help and rescue Katie. I hoped she’d forgive me for abandoning
her.
Lurch, who I surmised was Angus, caught
me before I’d made it to the end of the hall. Again.
He lifted me off the
floor.
My stomach imploded, and I gagged but
didn’t throw up. He grumbled something under his breath as he
tossed me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and hauled me
down the stairs. We headed through the first floor of an enormous
house, and finally out to a smallish limousine, parked in an
attached garage. Of course, the garage door was shut. I was dumped
into the back of the vehicle. I flung myself at the door on the
opposite side. Before I could scrabble out, Elmer pushed his way
inside.
He glared at me and shoved a bucket
into my hands. “Hey, it isn’t my fault you didn’t listen to me. I
warned you.” I glanced out the window. It was darkly tinted—so
dark, I couldn’t make out anything in the garage. Just for kicks, I
tried the other door. Locked. It could only be opened from the
outside.
“I couldn’t risk you diving out of a
moving vehicle. That might hurt,” he said.
“Isn’t that thoughtful? You’re worried
about my safety.” Irritated, I yanked on the door handle a few more
times. I can be stubborn sometimes. Nobody’s perfect.
“I’m trying. You’ve got to give me some
credit.”
My bladder contracted. “I have to go to
the bathroom. I’d hate to ruin this dress.”
“Go in the bucket.”
I looked at the bucket.
“Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. I’m not letting you
out of this car. So it’s the bucket or your pants.”
“You know, I’m a female. It isn’t easy
for us to pee in a container.” He shrugged. I decided I could wait.
A little while. “Where’s Katie?”
“She’ll be riding in a separate
car.”
“Oh. I was really hoping she’d ride
with me.”
“ No.”
“I think I have food poisoning. I’m not
feeling good. At all.”
“Huhn,” he said. Now I knew where Lurch
got that charming expression.
The car started rolling. We were on the
road.
My heart started banging against my rib
cage again. I had a feeling that things were getting awfully
bruised in there.
I was going to get sick again. “How
about I make you a deal?” I asked, my voice an octave higher than
normal. Panic does very ugly things to me.
“What kind of deal?”
“I’ll do anything—pay any price if you don’t marry me.”
He thought about it for about ten
seconds. “No.”
Damn. “That was
quick. You didn’t really give it much thought. Isn’t there anything
you want more than me?”
“There is, but it doesn’t
matter.”
“What? Tell me. You’ll never know if
you don’t ask.”
He sighed. His expression turned
wistful. “Before I became undead, I used to live on the shore. And
every night, I would sit on the deck with a beer and a steak and
watch the sunset. I would do anything to be able to do that again.
Even marry you.” His shoulders slumped. “The
truth is, I know you weren’t playing hard to get. You don’t want to
marry me, never have. Never will. I was trying to convince
myself.”
“So that’s what this is all
about?”
“You have no idea what my life is like.
I can’t eat. I can’t drink. Not even water. And I am only able to
materialize between the hours of twilight and midnight. During the
rest of the time, I’m stuck in total nothingness. Imagine life
without beer, without popcorn, without steak and burgers. It’s
hell.”
“How does this marriage thing come into
play?”
“You’re elf. Elves are magical
creatures. Very powerful. Once we’re married, you’ll have the power
to give me a new body. To make me alive again.”
“What if I agreed to do that, anyway?”
I offered.
“There’s no way you can, not without
marrying me.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Positive.”
It was my turn to say, “Huhn.” I
thought the situation through. Was there any way out of this
quandary? There had to be. “I’m only half elf. Maybe the magic
won’t work.”
“Maybe,” he agreed. “I’ve considered
that possibility.”
“Then where will that leave
you?”
“Stuck in this hell
forever.”
That was my out—my only chance. “You
know, this sounds like a no-brainer to me. Why would you marry me
knowing there is a good chance—”
“A small chance,” he
corrected.
“Some chance,” I said, “that you might
be worse off than you were before? You need a full-blooded elf
bride.”
A month ago, if you’d told me I’d be
having this conversation with the prince of the restless undead,
I’d have laughed until I’d wet my pants. What a bizarre twist my
life had taken.
“I’ve tried finding a full-blooded elf
bride.” He slumped back against the seat. “There was one. She was
beautiful. Sweet. Kind. She said she loved me. But then she dumped
me for a fucking bogle.”
“Oh, that is harsh.” I had no idea what
a “bogle” was. However, I figured playing the sympathy card was
working, so I might as well keep at it.
“After Genevieve, I decided love was
overrated. Marriage for convenience worked for my father—not so
well for my mother, though. But we don’t have to talk about
her.”
All the more reason why I needed to get
out of this marriage.
“How about we make a pact?” I
suggested.
His eyes, which were already squinty,
narrowed to slits. “What kind of pact? I trusted you once, and look
where it got me.”
The car rolled to a stop. It didn’t
start moving again. This was it. I’d run out of time. The engine
cut off.
“Give me a month to find you a bride.
If I fail, I’ll marry you.” God help
me.
“You don’t understand. If I don’t marry
you tonight, on the eve of the summer solstice, I’ll have to wait a
whole year.”
“Even better! I am sure I can find you
‘Miss Right’ in a year. You will marry your soul mate. The elf of
your dreams. Not irritating old me. What do you say? Are you
willing to wait just one more year for true love?”
He didn’t answer right away. I figured
I had maybe a fifty-fifty chance of him agreeing to my crazy
scheme.
“I’m not saying yes or no yet. But
let’s just say I do agree—I’m still going to have Angus keep an eye
on you. And your friend.”
“Why?”
“Because you are the world’s worst FBI
agent. I even warned you about the adze.”
“You ... did?”
“Sure. I left the note, and when you
didn’t figure it out, I filled your apartment with fireflies. You
didn’t even get that hint.” He shook his head. “If you don’t learn
to see what’s in front of your eyes, you’re going to get hurt. Or
worse. As it turns out, I need you alive. At least for
now.”
“T-that was you?” I
stammered.
“Sure. And I gave your friend the name
of that doctor—”
The car door opened.
And before my brain registered what was
happening, the groom was being yanked out by JT and Gabe. I
scrambled out of the vehicle just in time to see JT knocking him to
the ground and clapping on a pair of handcuffs.
Gabe grabbed me and gave me a shake,
and I realized I had been standing there, yelling, not responding
to his questions.
“I’m fine,” I said, fighting to get
away from him. “JT! Wait!”
Holding Elmer on the ground with his
knee, JT jerked around. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s been a
misunderstanding.”
He looked totally mystified. I would
too, if I were him. “Huh?”
“Please let him up. We worked it all
out. In the car.”
“No.” JT stood and dragged his prisoner
up to his feet. “This asshole kidnapped you. There’s no
misunderstanding that.”
“JT, please. Can we talk for a moment?”
I asked, stepping closer and giving him my sad-puppy
eyes.
He gritted his teeth, shoved the
prisoner toward Gabe, and snapped, “Whatever you do, don’t let this
asshole out of your sight.”
“You can trust me.” Gabe escorted Elmer
toward the police car, which had just pulled up.
JT turned his full focus on me,
crossing his arms, which told me he wasn’t exactly eager to hear
what I was about to tell him. “So what’s this all
about?”
I decided I needed to embellish the
truth, just a little. “Well, it started a long time ago, I guess.
Evidently, when I was a little girl, I told him I’d marry him
someday. But I didn’t exactly remember it.” At his bewildered look,
I shrugged. “What can I say? I had terrible taste in men back then.
Anyway, this is where it gets funny. He didn’t realize I’d
forgotten. He thought I was playing hard to get. And so he played
along, by kidnapping me.”
“Uhn.”
“Not buying it?” I asked.
He gave me a would-anyone?
look.
Determined to clear Elmer, I continued
talking. “He bought me a fancy dress. He fed me. He even sent
someone over to pick up Katie so she could be my maid of honor.
Plus, he tried to help me with our case. And he helped Katie find
out what was wrong with her. He’s not a bad guy. He never hurt
me—well, except for that one time when he bit me. I guess he’s into
some kinky stuff. Anyway, other than that, he’s been a perfect
gentleman.” At JT’s raised-brow, oh-really look, I amended that.
“Okay, a decent gentleman. Nobody’s perfect.
But none of that matters anymore. We’ve come to an agreement. He
won’t hold me to my promise as long as I can find him a new bride
within one year.”
JT looked at me. He looked over at
Elmer. He looked at me again. “I don’t know about
this.”
“Please trust me. He isn’t going to
hurt me. Like I said, he tried to help me. Help us. If I’d listened, we might’ve stopped Rosemarie
Bishop before she’d killed Patty Yates.”
“Swear to me, you’re telling the
truth.”
“I swear.”
JT’s expression softened, finally. He
lifted one index finger and left me standing there, outside of the
parked limo, wondering what was going to happen next.
While JT sorted the matter out with
Elmer and the police, Gabe strolled over, looking a little more
amused than worried or angry.
“Sloan, I gotta say, with you, there’s
never a dull moment.” Gabe leaned back against the limo. “What’s
going on?”
“You know, ‘same ole, same ole.’
Another man’s fallen madly in love with me and thinks he can’t live
another minute without me,” I joked.
Gabe’s expression darkened. “Poor
bastard. You’ve crushed yet another man’s heart.”
“‘Another man’s heart’?” I echoed. “If
you mean yours, I think you’ve forgotten. It
was the other way around.”
Gabe cupped my cheek and his gaze
dropped to my mouth. He leaned close, closer, and whispered, “What
am I going to have to do to make you see the truth?” Then he let go
of me.
Gabe, brokenhearted? Because of me?
Nah.
“You were the one who slept with Lisa
Flemming,” I said, sounding more emotionally invested than I
wanted.
“I never slept
with Lisa Flemming.”
“Oh, come on, Gabe. Everyone slept with
her. In guy speak, she was drilled more than the Alaskan
coastline.” When he continued to shake his head no, I added, “You
don’t have to protect her reputation, Gabe. She was proud of her
conquests.”
Something flashed in his eyes. “And you
believed her? Over me? Think about it, Sloan.” He walked
away.
Shit, had I been wrong about Gabe all
of these years?
In the last few days, I’ve faced at
least a dozen shocking moments. Discovering my dead father was
still alive had topped the list—still did. However, learning that I
might have broken Gabe’s heart came in a close second.
Feeling a little off balance, I opened
the limo door and slid into a seat, appreciating the cool
comfort.
Katie ran up to the car a minute later,
bouncing around like a rabbit. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. JT wants Elmer to go to
prison. But I told JT that it was all a misunderstanding. Oh, and
Gabe informed me that I’d broken his heart.”
“First, I knew about Gabe. Who
wouldn’t? I mean, really.” She literally rolled her eyes at me.
“The man has taken every class with you since your freshman year.
And he’s been following you around like a lost puppy.”
“Well, I just thought that was so he
could cheat off me. Or annoy me. Or both.”
Katie shook her head and heaved an
exaggerated sigh. “Sloan, you are the smartest person I’ve ever
met, but when are you going to learn to see what’s smack-dab in
front of your face?”
That was the third time I’d heard that
in the last five minutes. “Soon, I hope.”
“I hope so too!” Katie turned, her gaze
fixed in the general direction of the group of police cars that had
gathered in the corner of the parking lot. She stepped to one side,
and I followed her gaze. Elmer was heading for the empty limo,
parked about twenty feet away. “Looks like Elmer’s been
cleared.”
“I’m glad.” I closed my eyes and let my
head fall back. “What a two weeks this has been! In the last
seventeen days, I’ve made three trips to the emergency room, been
diagnosed a schizophrenic, had a major infestation of fireflies,
took down an adze, learned ... something
shocking about my father—”
“What’s that?” Katie
asked.
Remembering his warning, I told her,
“He used to work with the FBI.”
“Wow. That is a shock.” Katie ducked
into the limo, sitting across from me.
“Plus, I was kidnapped. And my mother
went missing again. And that’s on top of the usual, like her
shorting out the electricity in our buildings and being admitted
after having a breakdown.”
Laughing, Katie said, “Just think, you
still have nine and a half more weeks of summer to
go.”
“I don’t know if I’ll live through
it.”
Katie flopped on the seat next to me
and flung an arm over my shoulder. “I have a feeling you
will.”
JT ducked into the limo and took a
good, long look at my dress. “Hey, Sloan. Now, that’s a nice look
for you. Although the jogging outfit was pretty hot too.
Ready?”
“For what?” I asked.
Katie scooted toward the exit. “I think
I’ll just catch a ride with Gabe,” she said, giving me a
wink.
The car door slammed shut, closing us
inside.
Once again, my heart rate went out of
control, but for an entirely different reason. I’d just shared a
moment with Gabe. We had a history together. And who knew what kind
of future? I wasn’t all that clear anymore how I felt about him.
Now here I was with JT. Alone. In a dark car.
“Ready to go on our date?” JT leaned
toward me, cupped my cheeks, gently pressing on my head to angle
it. He softly brushed his lips over mine.
I saw stars.
I heard angels.
Then he really kissed me, his mouth not
only touching mine, but possessing it. And little tingling zaps of
electricity buzzed through my body. I’d been kissed before, and I’d
liked it just fine. But I’d never felt anything like that. I felt
like the nerve cells from my scalp to my toes were
electrified.
JT stopped kissing me, and I sucked in
a lungful of air. He grinned, and several parts of my anatomy
decided to celebrate. “Now, that was worth waiting
for.”
I couldn’t agree more. So we did it
again as the limo drove through quiet streets, heading for
destinations unknown.