Chapter 9

Jolie felt as though her heart might pound right through her chest as she stared at Nancy Pollard, who hadn’t dropped by for a social visit, or on behalf of one cause or another, but rather in her duty as a children’s services rep. Jolie’s gaze swept to Dusty, then to the girl standing in her foyer as if in a trance, her face expressionless, her hand held loosely by Nancy.

“Excuse me?” Jolie whispered, certain she hadn’t heard correctly.

Dusty stepped forward. “Why don’t you let me take your coats,” he said, smiling especially warmly at Ellie as he waited out her reluctance, then helped her off with a purple-and-white parka. Jolie only absently registered that Nancy had come up with some secondhand clothes for Ellie to wear. Nowhere to be seen was the soot-covered nightgown she’d had on earlier, the only personal item she’d taken from the fire, and only then because she’d been wearing it.

Dusty then accepted Nancy’s black vinyl raincoat and hung it along with Ellie’s in the hall closet. “Jolie and I were just sitting down to a light dinner. Ellie, would you like to nibble on something?” He held his hand out to her. She took it, but not with enthusiasm. Instead there seemed to be a fatalistic automation to her movements as she followed Dusty toward the kitchen.

Jolie looked at Nancy, then followed. In the doorway of the kitchen she watched Dusty settle Ellie into a chair, then place a small bowl of soup and half a sandwich in front of her, although the girl looked about as interested in the food as the color of the walls. He switched on the television on the counter, turning the channels until he found a cartoon of some sort or another.

Then he crouched down in front of Ellie. “We’re just going to be in the other room, okay, Ellie? Not ten feet away. Come get us if you need anything, all right?”

The little girl nodded solemnly, her eyes fastened on the cartoon, though Jolie wondered if she really saw it.

As soon as the three of them stood back in the living room, Nancy cleared her throat. “Thanks. This isn’t something Eleanor needed to hear and normally not something I would handle in front of her. It’s just…well, this case has me so rattled, you know. I lived on the same block as Jeff Johansen growing up and…well, my objectivity is a little on the shy side right now.”

Jolie nodded, her heart going out to her. She’d felt the same way during the fire. “That’s all right.”

With Ellie out of the way, Dusty’s stance completely changed. Far from looking like a man in control, he appeared ill at ease somehow. “I’m sorry, Nancy, but I don’t think we can help you.”

Jolie’s stomach pitched to her feet. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

“Please just hear me out.” Nancy cleared her throat, then rifled through her barely creased briefcase, producing a sheaf of papers. “With Jeff Johansen in the hospital, we need someone to look after Eleanor. As I’m sure you are both aware, neither Jeff nor Angela have any living relatives. At least not any in a position to take care of a five-year-old. Which puts us in a bit of a bind.” Nancy smiled. “I want you to look after her.”

Jolie’s heart thudded loudly in her ears. “Of course.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Dusty said at the same time.

Nancy blinked, looking between them both, her smile vanishing. “Normally I wouldn’t even think to ask you to do this. While my files show that you both completed foster-parenting courses eight months ago, they also show that you’ve never fostered.” She held up the papers, then awkwardly moved to tuck them back into her case. “For the record, do you mind telling me why not?”

“I’ve been out of town,” Dusty said.

“I see.” Nancy craned her head toward the kitchen. Jolie couldn’t make out anything and suspected Nancy couldn’t, either. “Look, I’d never dream of asking you to do this unless I didn’t have any other choice. It’ll be only one…two nights tops, until I can figure out where to place Eleanor more permanently.”

Jolie made a small sound. “More permanently?”

She nodded and briefly bit on her bottom lip. “I’ve consulted with the physicians in charge at the hospital. Things are, well, pretty touch-and-go with Jeff right now. And even if…” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat again. “When Jeff does pull through, he’s facing an extended hospital stay and extensive rehabilitation therapy. He can’t possibly look after Eleanor himself.”

Jolie caught Dusty about to say something and quickly reached out to touch his arm. “Nancy, would you excuse us a moment?”

The children’s services rep looked suddenly rattled. “Um, sure. Of course.” She gestured uncertainly, then moved in the direction of the kitchen. “Why don’t I go sit with Eleanor. You know, so you can have some privacy.”

Jolie smiled softly at her. “Thank you. We shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.”

As soon as Nancy’s footsteps disappeared down the hall and Jolie heard her speaking softly to Ellie, she wrapped her arms around her midsection and closed her eyes.

“Jolie, I…”

She held up a trembling hand. “Please, don’t say anything. Not this moment. I need to think.”

She couldn’t bear to open her eyes. View the question in Dusty’s eyes. She knew he wanted to turn Nancy and little Ellie away. She also knew why.

The young woman apparently didn’t know of their…separation. Then again, why would she? As far as the town knew, Dusty had resigned from the fire station to take a more lucrative construction position in Toledo. Nothing more, nothing less. If they had questions as to why this was the first time he’d been home in six months, they didn’t pose them to her. If they found it curious that she’d never gone to visit him, they never breathed a word.

Amazing how easily one accepted a lie because the truth was too difficult to swallow. Everyone, herself included, found it preferable to think that what had happened between her and Dusty was temporary. That now that he was back, everything would go back to being right again.

“I need to take her, Dusty,” she whispered, finally opening her eyes and looking at him.

She almost wished she hadn’t. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Jol.”

“Why?” she asked, tightening her arms.

He glanced away. “You know why.”

“Because you’re leaving?”

He shifted his weight from his right to his left foot, then shoved his hands into his front jeans pockets. “That…and more.”

“Because you’re afraid that my inability to bear you kids might be behind my need to do this?”

His gaze snapped to hers and she knew instantly it was true.

“Look, Dusty, neither of those issues factor into my desire to look after Ellie.” She paced a short way away, her back to him. “I know you’re leaving. You don’t have to tell me that. I also know that I’m infertile. Your reminding me of that doesn’t change that, either.”

“But you need my consent.”

She looked at him over her shoulder.

“Okay, maybe consent is the wrong word. Perhaps silence is more the description I’m looking for.” He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. “Both you and I know Nancy wouldn’t even be here if…”

Jolie swallowed. “If she knew the truth about us?”

He averted her gaze. “Yes.”

Jolie knew it was true. While it wasn’t unheard-of for single parents to take in a foster child, assigning a single woman to look after a five-year-old was probably far from the norm.

She turned her head back toward the darkened front window. “Look, Dusty, I can’t pretend to understand what you’re thinking right now. Maybe you believe this might be some sort of ploy on my behalf to try to get you to stay.” She winced at the words. “But it’s not. What I can tell you is that I know what I’m feeling. And right now that’s the need to look after that little girl in there. To help her past the shock she’s feeling after losing her mother…her house…knowing her father might not make it.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “And I know I can do that. If…” Her voice cracked. “If for no other reason than because I’ve been there.”

She turned pleading eyes on him, but he still wasn’t looking at her. She stepped eagerly forward and grasped his arms in her hands. “I know what she’s feeling right now, Dusty. I know what it’s like to have your whole world fall apart around your ears. To think that God must have some sort of personal vendetta against you…if you’re not already questioning whether there is a God or not. I see. I understand. I can help.”

He looked at her, his eyes full of inexplicable emotion. “Or you’ll die trying.”

She slowly released her grip.

He restlessly ran his hand over his hair. “Jolie, I don’t object to this because I think you’re incapable of doing exactly what you’re saying. I was there, too. Remember?”

How could she forget? Dusty’s face was the first friendly one she saw when she was carried from the house over the shoulder of a fireman.

“I just don’t think…this is a great idea right now.”

She smiled sadly. “You’re going to have to do better than that if you hope to talk me out of this.”

He grimaced. “Okay. Let’s begin with you were one of the firefighters involved in fighting the fire. That you were the one who went into that house and rescued Ellie. That even now you might be blaming yourself for the loss of her mother…the injuries suffered by her father.”

Her spine snapped upright, despite the growing acidic feeling in her stomach.

“Then there is the fact that…our marriage is over.”

She visibly winced. It was the first time either of them had said it aloud in a concrete way. Our marriage is over. No maybes. No perhaps. Merely an inarguable “is.”

She battled back the pain spreading throughout her chest cavity like a ragged crack across ice. “Please, Dusty,” she whispered, searching his eyes. “I’ve never asked you to put aside your feelings, to do something for me based simply on trust alone.” She realized the truth in her statement even as she said the words. “Never.”

A shadow of sadness entered his brown eyes. “Did you ever think that that may have been part of the problem?”

She shivered and tried again. “I’m asking you now, Dusty. Give me these two days. You don’t have to stay. I’ll sign the…papers. You can leave. I’ll just tell them you were called back to work or something.”

He shook his head. “No, Jolie. From what I’ve seen so far, you haven’t told anyone about the truth of our situation now. If I agree to this…you may never tell anyone the truth.”

She mentally stumbled over that possibility. “I will,” she whispered, though even she wasn’t convinced by the watery sound of her voice.

Jolie’s shoulders sank and she slowly turned away from him. So this was it, then, huh? It took a little girl in need of a temporary home to finally shine a spotlight on the reality of her situation. Her marriage was over.

She felt the heat of his hand before she actually felt his fingers resting first against her shoulder, then the side of her neck.

She resisted the urge to lean into his touch. Just like she had too many times before. “Please, Dusty. This is something I need to do.”

His hand stilled and he didn’t say anything, for what seemed like forever. “Okay,” he said quietly, his fingertips making her sensitive skin tingle. “But if we’re going to do this, then I’m going to have to stay here for the duration. We can…we can work the rest of it out in a couple days. When Nancy finds her a more permanent home.”

Jolie turned in his arms so quickly she nearly toppled them both over. She hugged him, her eyes filling with scalding tears as she rested her head against his shoulder.

At first, it appeared as if he didn’t know what to do. His arms lay limply against her hips. Then he curved his hands around her back, pressing his fingers firmly against her spine. She could have sworn she heard a low groan deep in his chest.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for this, Dusty.”