Sherry’s face was white as she stared at Clint, taking it all in. “I would rather have been with you in danger than where I was and safe,” she said. “My father had no right to keep me in the dark, or to make that decision for me.” She wiped the tears on her face, and asked, “So what is this? The Federal Witness Protection Program or something?”
“That’s right. Your dad got the FBI involved since some of their activities had crossed state lines. Apparently Givanti’s drug connections were pretty far-reaching.”
She shook her head, trying to sort it all out. “But what made you come back when you did? You haven’t testified yet.”
“No, but the trial is taking forever, so there was no telling when they’d get me on the stand. And last week the police found Paul … dead. He was in an explosion in an abandoned factory.” He swallowed hard. “As much trouble as he’s caused me, I didn’t want him dead. I prayed for him every day, that he’d repent and find God, that something he heard all those times at church would penetrate. But I guess I didn’t have the impact I thought I had. I had no business in youth ministry, if I couldn’t get through to someone who needed Christ so much.”
“Clint, no one could get through to Paul if he was in that deep. It’s not a reflection on your ministry. Think how many kids did listen. How many lives you changed. They all grieved over you, right along with me.”
He blinked back the mist in his eyes and drew in a deep breath. “Anyway, I was convinced that he was the only one who knew where I was, and that I was out of danger, so I threatened not to testify if they didn’t let me go home. But I was wrong. Paul must have told someone. And now you’ve been threatened.”
She dropped to her knees on the ground and riveted her eyes on a blade of grass. “So who sent me that letter?”
“I don’t know.”
Sherry turned toward the wind and set her hand on her forehead. She was beginning to feel sick. Sick with the terror that Clint had faced for so long. Sick with the months of emptiness that shouldn’t have occurred. Sick with fatigue and hunger and a fear that was beginning to be chronic. “So what now?” she asked in a dull voice. “Does Dad intend to hide us out here forever?”
“No. Just until I testify.”
Fury rose, burning her throat. “And then what? Doesn’t he think they’ll get revenge? Doesn’t he know that they won’t let you just walk out of that courtroom, if they let you walk in in the first place?”
“Givanti wasn’t The Godfather, Sherry. He was just a greedy businessman who got in trouble with his gambling debts and figured this was an easy way to get himself in the black. His cohorts weren’t even that loyal to him, because they’ve made all kinds of deals with Eric in exchange for information on how they got the cocaine into the country and things like that. If I can get him put away, I really believe we’ll be safe.”
A gust of wind whipped Sherry’s hair into her face, and she slapped it away. “What about the note, Clint? What about the bomb at the place you were staying? Obviously he’s not going to sit still and let you do this!”
Clint didn’t answer. Instead, he looked at her as if the instances she’d named were small events he’d chosen to forget. Sherry wanted to scream. “I can’t believe my father would put you in this position. I can’t believe he’d use your life to buy a conviction!”
“He isn’t using me, Sherry,” Clint said. “He’s kept me alive when I couldn’t have myself.”
Her lips compressed into taut lines, full of contempt and despair. “And he made me think you just didn’t love me, that you got cold feet, that I wasn’t enough for you. All the time I was seeing guilt in his eyes when I thought it was sympathy. It just makes me sick!”
Clint’s expression was soft now, devoid of the bitterness she’d witnessed earlier.
“He did the best thing for you. If you’d known, you would have run after me. Everything would have started to look suspicious, and what Givanti and his men didn’t know, they would have figured out. I disappeared, and then Paul did, and then if you had, it wouldn’t have taken a genius—”
“That’s no excuse!” Sherry bellowed. “That’s absolutely no excuse for lying to me! Or putting your life in jeopardy. I’ll never forgive him for that!” She caught her breath on a sob and fought back tears. “Wes was right. He said our father didn’t care about us. It was true.”
Clint tore a weed out of the ground and looked down at it. “Sherry, I know it’s hard for you. But you’ll get past this confusion and you’ll see that neither your dad nor I had a choice. We did exactly what we had to do. We betrayed you, but you know that you would have done the same thing in our place.”
Sherry swung around, her hair lashing into her face with the force. “How do you know that?”
“Because you’re as strong as I am.”
Sherry threw up her hands, then let them fall heavily to her sides in helpless denial. “You and Madeline, you both think I’m some kind of rock. You both keep talking about how strong I am.” She tapped her chest. “Look at me, Clint. I’ve been shaking since you ran me down two days ago. I’m inside out. I’m numb. You call that strength?”
“You’re dealing with it, Sherry.”
“Dealing with it? If you think I’m dealing with anything you don’t know me very well. I’m tired of coping, Clint. I’m tired of trying to hold myself together by a thread. I feel like I’m hanging onto the side of a building, about to fall.”
Clint’s voice cut across the night and into Sherry’s heart. “I know the feeling.”
Sherry leaned toward him, her blue eyes wide and desperate, full of unshed tears. “Then let’s leave. Let’s just blow it all off and go somewhere else. You don’t have to go through with this. My father cannot make you risk your life.”
“I’m not doing this for your father. I’m doing it because it’s the right thing.”
“And what about me? I lose the one man I love because some stupid kid got into the wrong crowd? Does that make sense, Clint?” When he didn’t answer, she closed her eyes and tried to massage the pain from her temples. “Why did you have to go there, Clint? Why did you get involved with Paul? It was none of your business!”
“You liked him too, Sherry. We thought he was our friend. He needed guidance and help. How could I have known I was going at the wrong time?”
“The wrong time? That’s like saying Hiroshima was the wrong city. It changed our lives, Clint. It might have cost our lives, and it’s not over yet.” She took his face in her hands, and pleaded, “Don’t testify, Clint.”
“I have to.” His voice cracked, and she heard the catch in his breath.
“Not if you love me,” she said. “If you really love me, you won’t be a hero. You’ll give it up and let the professionals worry about it.”
Clint took her arms, and his eyebrows arched, emphasizing the new lines on his forehead that spoke of the hard life he’d been leading since he left her. “Baby, you know I love you. But I have to do this. Otherwise this whole eight months was a waste.”
“It’s a waste, anyway, Clint!” she shouted. “And it’s going to keep being a waste until you put an end to it.”
“There won’t be an end until I testify.”
“There won’t be an end until they kill you!” she shouted, shaking away from him. “And me too. If you loved me, you wouldn’t drag me through this. You’d see that there are other ways.”
“There isn’t another way, Sherry. If there was, don’t you think I’d have found it by now?”
She bit her lip and swallowed back a sob. “I can’t stand it. I’ve mourned for you once. I don’t want to do it again.”
“You won’t have to. All these men are watching over us, Sherry. And God is still in control.”
“Then why does it feel like I’m right in the center of chaos?” With that, she ran back into the house, to seek the only refuge she could find—sleep.