Chapter 30

Of all the crazy…She was scared out of her wits. Okay, he could buy that but what would make her mistake him for someone dangerous? Vivian had behaved as if she didn’t know who he was.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he told her through his teeth. Now she was showing signs of collapsing, dammit. “Hold on, I don’t want to trip. Where are the lights?” He lifted her and sat her on the edge of the bed. Dust didn’t fly up in clouds so he guessed he should be grateful for that. “Now, stay put until you calm down.”

He could hear her breath dragging in and out of her lungs.

“You don’t even know me well enough to figure out who I am when you touch me—or hear my voice—or smell me, damn it? I could pick out your scent through manure.”

She actually giggled.

“Pleased I can amuse you,” he said. “Or is all this because you don’t trust me? Is that it? What we’ve had is all about sex, but you aren’t sure I’m not a killer playing both sides of the fence? If that’s the case—”

“Shut up while you’re not ahead, you idiot.”

Okay, okay, he’d calm down and give her a chance to get over the shock she’d apparently suffered.

“How could you ask me questions like you just did?” she said. “You don’t know why I acted like that. You’re horrible. Mean. You say whatever comes into your head as long as it makes you feel like a big man.”

Spike stood in front of her and shoved his hands into his pockets. When she was composed enough he’d point out that discovering she had a gun on him hadn’t been a great sensation, either.

“All about sex? You should be so lucky. You’re supposed to be my friend.” Her voice caught and she hunched over. “What are you doing sneaking around up here, anyway? On this floor? Are the others going to come here, too, for some reason? Boy, are you going to have some explaining to do. You thought it was funny to scare me out of my skin, didn’t you?”

“That’s enough, Vivian.” She was shocked and he must not let his temper take over. “You left abruptly and it worried me. The rest of them aren’t coming up here because they have no idea you aren’t in your room. And they think I’ve gone outside to talk with Bonine and Wiley.”

“You lied to my mother?”

“I didn’t tell the truth to anyone in that kitchen. All I wanted to do was make sure you were okay. Know why?”

“No,” she said.

“Want to know why?”

“No.”

“That does it. You know damn well why. I don’t know how you feel about me because you haven’t told me. Maybe all this is giving me the answer now. I tried not to love you, but I couldn’t do a thing about it in the end. I told you that today. Know what I’m spending my time worrying about now?”

“No.” She sounded subdued.

“Your neighbors want to buy you out. If they do, you have nothing to keep you around here and you’ll probably leave. That’s what’s making holes in my stomach.”

“You make me so mad,” she told him. “How did you find me up here?”

“I make you mad? By…Boa was on her way down from this floor. I didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out you might be here, since you weren’t in your room.”

“How do you know which is my room?”

“Damn the woman,” he said to the ceiling. “I try to come to her, to comfort her, and she gives me the third degree.”

“How do you know what my feelings are? You think we’ll sell Rosebank and I’ll leave without looking back. Thanks for the confidence, but you’re right, of course. I’m only ever interested in a little sex without strings.” She got off the bed and before he guessed what she might do, slapped his face with an open hand—and started to cry.

Nothing he did or said was right.

She cried harder and turned her back on him.

Spike shut the door and stood behind her. He put his arms around her and kissed the back of her neck. She had been trembling when he touched her, now she shook even more.

“Neither of us is makin’ any sense,” he said quietly. “But we could. We could make a lot of sense right now.”

“You’re angry. You’re trying not to sound it, but you are.”

Yes, he was. Angry that the two of them could seem to have come so far only to arrive at an episode like this.

“You’re not denying it.” Vivian tried to pull his arms away but he wouldn’t let her go. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Why?”

“Because…You know why.”

He knew. “Because you’re afraid I’ll try to make love to you?”

Once more she plucked at his hands. Her breasts rose and fell against his forearms. “That’s what you want, isn’t it?” she said. “You want some of that sex you think is the only reason I like being around you. Damn you, Spike Devol.”

“And you don’t want it?” He felt sweat on his forehead and between his shoulder blades. His heart pounded. And he was hot, inside and out.

“I never took you for a violent man, but I feel it in you now.”

He closed his eyes. “I’m not violent. I’ve never been called that until now.”

Vivian reached behind her and drove her fingertips into his thighs. “How wide is the line between passion and violence? There isn’t a line, is there? It’s all the same. Even so-called gentle loving is a kind of violent thing.”

Spike kissed the side of her neck this time, took nips at her skin and the lobe of her ear. Her crying turned into a shaky sighing, and the heat within him made his vision red behind his eyelids.

Her fingertips ran down until her hands were flat on his thighs, slid around as far as she could reach and urged him closer. Some things were beyond a man’s control. Right now there was nothing he could do about his erection, the fact that she’d feel it all too well, or the truth that pounded through his body. Violence? Maybe. Passion? Oh, yeah.

“Spike.”

Spinning her around, he brought his mouth down hard on hers. They shifted their faces, searching and reaching. He held her head and held her face wherever he wanted it to allow his entry into her mouth, and he made a demand with every tongue thrust.

“I’m goin’ to take you,” he told her. “Say you don’t want it, now, or I’ll believe we both want the same thing.”

Vivian didn’t tell him no, she couldn’t. She had to have him. And she didn’t attempt to unbutton his shirt but tore at it instead. He pulled her hands away and trapped her against the bed with his legs. The shirt came off over his head and she kissed his broad, naked chest before he’d had time to free his arms.

He dragged off his belt.

She unzipped his pants and knew one reason why he was desperate to get out of his clothes. His penis strained and had to hurt in the confinement.

The fingers of one of his hands settling around her neck and the sensation that he locked his elbow and held her off weakened her knees. With his other hand he tore her robe open, and ripped her nightie from neck to hem.

Vivian wanted to cry out but once again had no voice. And she wanted him, all of him, and at his wildness she began to pulse between her legs, to burn, and tried to press her thighs together.

“Tell me,” he said, confusing her. “Tell me if you feel anything for me.” He didn’t stop moving and was naked now. “Tell me.”

“I do,” she said. He’d bent over her breasts and pulled on a nipple with his lips and teeth. She grabbed his hair in both hands and held him against her. Spike covered her other breast and squeezed.

With his face buried beneath her jaw, he slid his hands around her hips, gripped her bottom, parting the cheeks, and threw her backward on the bed. She fell and he fell on top of her.

Spike’s hands were all over her. Her flesh ached from her center, the desperation of her response to him spreading in searing waves.

He drove himself into her and she cried out from the invasion, the stretching, the shock. His sobs brought a lump to her throat. Again and again he withdrew until she thought he would leave her, but each time he penetrated her afresh, drove her farther across the bed.

Thin moonlight showed her his features, drawn as if in agony.

“I’m afraid,” she whispered, raising her hips to meet his. “I’m afraid we won’t be able to keep what we have.”

He pounded into her and her climax broke. Almost at once, Spike cried out with his own release. They jerked together, clutching at as much as they could feel of each other.

Spike grew heavy and still atop her. He gathered her into his arms and held her tightly. “I can’t believe you’re here with me. But you are and we can keep whatever we want badly enough.”

“Stay with me,” she whispered. “I want you to stay a part of me.”

He kissed her lips softly, licked the smooth skin just inside softly. “I want to be a part of you, cher. Whatever happens, you’ll be with me for as long as I live.”

“I’m frightened for us, Spike. But I love you.”