Chapter Nineteen

They sat quietly at the dinner table. The silence wasn’t helping her nerves. She knew he was trying to be supportive and understanding by giving her space, but if he didn’t say something soon, she was going to scream. She set her sandwich down on the plate and folded her hands in her lap.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked him.

Patrick seemed surprised by her question. “I told you, I just want to help you. I want to be here in case you need a friend. Please don’t angry with me.”

She shook her head. Angry with him? Had she sounded angry? She was angry with herself and with Mitch, but definitely not Patrick. “No, it’s not you, but I can’t stay here. I am angry, but not with you and I’m worried I’m going to end up taking it out on you.”

Patrick got up from the table and walked toward her. “That’s what you need,” he said when he got within inches of her. “You need to take it out on someone. Get angry, Sara. Yell at me, hit me, and just get angry. Scream until the pain goes away.”

She laughed. “So you want me to scream at you and hit you? You have a strange idea of friendship.”

“This isn’t about friendship right now. It’s about heartache. Now, I don’t know what that asshole was stupid enough to do, but obviously, it was bad. And there are only two ways to get over heartache. Tears and anger. You’ve shed the tears. So now it’s time for anger.” He gave her a teasing nudge on her shoulder.

“Don’t do that.” She smiled. “I’m not going to hit you, Patrick.”

“I’m not Patrick, I’m Mitch. I’m Mitch, and I hurt you, and I made you feel horrible. I’m standing right here, plain as day. I’m fine, but you’re not. You’re hurt because of me. Don’t you want to get back at me?” He gave her another nudge. A bit more aggressive this time.

“I said to stop it!” Sara snapped at him.

Patrick stared at her. “No. I am Mitch! Tell me how angry you are, how hurt you are!” He shoved her again, only harder.

Her restraint snapped. “Stop it!” She shoved him harder, much harder than he had her.

“Why should I? Tell me, Sara. I’m Mitch. Why are you so angry with me?”

Tears welled in her eyes, and she lunged at him. Screaming, she pounded on his chest over and over again. She wasn’t actually saying anything. They were just shouts of incomprehensible anger.

Patrick waited while she let all of her anger boil to the surface. When she had finally started to go lax, he grabbed onto her and held her as she cried in his arms.

“Shh. That’s good, Sara. Let it all out. Let me help you feel better.” Patrick held her with one hand and rubbed a hand up and down her back.

She looked up at him then, suddenly very aware of their closeness. “Patrick?”

“Yes, Sara.” He looked at her with a genuine look of concern in his eyes.

“Do you still, I mean, am I pretty? Do you still like me?” She felt foolish for asking such a childish question.

“I do, honey. But I don’t want you to…umph.” Patrick was cut off by Sara’s mouth crushing his. He was stunned at first, unsure what to do. He knew why she did it. But what role could he possibly play? He couldn’t be a part of her trying to forget about another man by way of seducing him. And he couldn’t reject her, either. She had already been hurt too badly.

“Sara.” Patrick slowly pulled away. “Why did you do that?” He was using both hands to massage the back of her neck and shoulders.

“Make love to me, Patrick.” She kissed him again.

Oh, God. Why him? He had wanted to hear those words come from her mouth so many times. But he knew she didn’t want him. He knew she wanted Mitch. She wanted Patrick to sleep with her until she forgot Mitch. If it was any other woman, he would be happy to oblige, but he really liked Sara. He didn’t want to be a rebound screw for her.

“Sara, we can’t.”

“Why? I thought you liked me?”

God, do I! “I do, Sara. That’s exactly why we can’t. If I make love with you, I won’t want it to be just once. I’ll want a relationship with you.”

A relationship? Mitch was out of her life. She would love him forever, but his betrayal had separated them for all eternity. She would never be able to lie with him at night after they had been sated by their lovemaking. Their bodies lax from their orgasms. Why should she be alone? Just because she would always love Mitch, did that mean that she couldn’t at least try to have something meaningful with someone else?

“Mitch is out of my life, Patrick. He used me. He lied to me. I need you. Please, make love to me. Show me that I’m still a woman.” She was undoing the buttons of his shirt.

“Sara, no,” he held her hands, stopping her. “If I make love with you, it will be because you want me, not because Mitch hurt you.”

She would not take no for an answer. She needed Patrick. She needed him to prove to her that she was desirable. She needed to know that she was worth it. That she wouldn’t always be second fiddle to someone like Claudia.

Sara released her hands from his hold. She relaxed them at her side and waited for him to do the same. Then when his guard was down, she grabbed his shirt and ripped it open. Buttons flew as she began laving him with wet hot kisses.

Patrick groaned as he threw his head back. “Sara, stop. We can’t do this.”

“I need you, Patrick. Please. Take me, make me yours.” Why had she said that, she wondered? She knew she would always belong to Mitch. It didn’t matter what he had done. She could give her body to Patrick, but her soul and her heart would always belong to Mitch.

“Sara, if you don’t stop this now, I’m not going to be able to stop myself. You need to think about that.”

She reached up and kissed his earlobe. “I’ve thought about it. Please, Patrick, take me to your bedroom. Make love to me there.”

He swept her up and carried her down the hall. When they got in the bedroom, he set her on the bed and leaned over her. He was kissing her feverishly as he began to lift the sweatshirt that she had borrowed from his sister’s stash of clothing.

Continuing to kiss her, he ran his thumbs over her breasts. They didn’t harden by his touch and he slid his hand down and under the waist band of the cotton shorts she wore.

Just as he touched her pussy she bolted from the bed. “You aren’t aroused are you Sara? You don’t want this do you?” He stated from the lack of her response. “Are you using sex as an outlet for your pain sweetheart?”

She stood on the other side of the room with her back to him, shaking from relentless tears.

“Sara. It’s okay.” Patrick placed his hands on her shoulder.

She didn’t turn to face him. “I’m so sorry, Patrick. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Neither one of them spoke for several moments when she finally turned to face him. “I have to leave. I have to go to him. Despite what he’s done, I still love him.”

“I know. I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have your heart.” He gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. “I’ll drive you home. But, Sara, whatever he did hurt you pretty bad. Make sure he never makes that mistake again. Don’t let him. Don’t let him forget how special you are.”

She gave him a somber smile. “I will. I don’t know how, but I will find a way to forgive him and give him a second chance.” She walked toward the door, holding her purse and her other clothes. “Patrick. Thank you, for everything.”