Chapter Nineteen

Alex slept like a contented baby and woke to the feeling that something was very wrong.

She tried to ignore the feeling. After all, Jon loved her. He’d told her so. She’d never really expected him to get over his fears to that extent, and she should be ecstatically happy.

They would get married, live happily ever after, and have lots of adorable little babies or puppies or whatever it was werewolves produced. If they produced anything.

She sat up in the empty bed, dragging the sheet up over her. Her skin was sensitive, and at the touch of the material, a shiver of remembered pleasure ran through her.

The first time he had made love to her had been sweet and wonderful, but the last time had been beyond anything she could have imagined. Full of raw, primal passion. Jon had made love to her as though she was the only woman in the world, and this would be the only time they had together.

She bit her lip and searched the room for some evidence that he was still around, but his clothes were gone from the floor.

That didn’t mean anything. Maybe he was still in pain and had gone to search out some more medication. Glancing at the clock, she realized she’d only been asleep for an hour. He couldn’t be far away.

She showered and dressed quickly, eager to find him and dispel the nagging sense of impending disaster that hovered at the edges of her mind. She’d feel better once she saw him, touched him. At the door, she hesitated, then went back and fastened her weapons belt around her waist.

As she approached the bridge, she heard raised voices.

“Shit, Rico, you shouldn’t have let them go,” Tannis said, and the words deepened Alex’s sense of unease.

“It wasn’t my decision to make,” Rico’s voice was quieter, free of expression.

“That’s never bothered you before,” Tannis snapped.

Alex peered in through the open doorway, and everyone went quiet.

She quickly searched the room but could see no sign of Jon. Skylar was missing as well, though Janey and Daisy sat at the far side of the room. They both looked away when she tried to catch their attention, and dread twisted inside her.

“Where is he?” Alex forced the words out.

“Why not ask Rico?” Tannis said.

Alex stepped closer. Rico appeared pale beneath his olive skin. She licked her lips. “Where’s Jon? What have you done with him?”

“Shit, why does everyone always blame me?” Rico shoved his hands in his pockets but didn’t move away. He stood staring down at her, an expression in his eyes she’d never seen before. It took her a moment to identify it.

Pity.

She didn’t want his pity. She wanted to know what was going on. A cold, hard lump of fear filled her stomach as she looked from Tannis to Rico.

“Tell her,” Tannis said.

Rico shrugged. “He’s given himself up to the Collective.”

“What?”

“Skylar has taken him back to Trakis Five.”

“Why?” Her legs trembled, and she reached behind her, found the edge of a chair, and sank down. “Why would she do that?”

“Because Jon asked her to. It was what he wanted—the only way he could see to save us.”

“Save me, you mean, don’t you? I don’t want to be saved at this price.”

“In a big part, yes. But not only you. Jon knew this was the only way any of us would survive.”

Alex wanted to rage and scream that she didn’t care about the rest of them, she only cared about Jon. But she knew she didn’t really mean that. The crew of El Cazador had become the family she’d never had. She’d known once they accepted her, they would die for her. That was the way they worked. But she’d thought they had accepted Jon as well, and they’d let him go.

“He wanted you to live—that’s why he did this.”

“You shouldn’t have let him. You should have stopped him.”

For a moment, rage flashed across the vampire’s face.

Something occurred to her. “What about Skylar?”

“The Collective will release her when this is over.”

“You mean when Jon is dead?”

“Dios! Yes, when he’s dead.”

“And would you still have let them go if it meant losing Skylar?”

He gritted his teeth and turned half away from her. “No.” The word was quietly spoken, but she heard it.

“I’m going after them,” she said, jumping to her feet.

“And how do you plan to get down there?”

Alex bit her lip. She had no clue. All she knew was she couldn’t sit here and let them kill Jon. She shifted her hand to the laser pistol at her belt, slid it from the holster, and pointed it at the vampire. He was half facing away, but at her movement, he turned. He looked from the gun in her hand to her face, his own expressionless.

“Take me back,” she said.

“Yeah, you’re a coldhearted killer, aren’t you? You think you can look me in the eyes and pull that trigger?”

Her finger tightened.

“For God’s sake, put the pistol away,” Tannis snapped. “You can’t kill him with that thing anyway. Unless you’re planning to kill me, instead.”

Despair swamped her at the words, but her hand fell to her side, and the laser crashed to the floor. “Take me back,” she pleaded. “Drop me off on the surface and I’ll find a way to get there. At least I could be with him. He won’t be alone when—”

“What? Maybe they’ll let you hold his hand while they blow his head off? Do you think that’s what he wants?”

“Shut up, Rico,” Tannis said. She turned to Alex. “Ignore him—he’s just feeling guilty. He knows he made a mistake, and he can’t stand being wrong.”

“Yeah, I seem to be getting that a lot lately.”

“I have to do something,” Alex said. “I’m not being reckless this time, but really, I can’t let this happen.”

“We won’t.” Tannis sighed. “We’re going in after them.”

“And we’ll all die,” Rico countered, but the words held no conviction. “Just what her boyfriend wanted to avoid.”

Tannis shrugged. “Then we die. I don’t leave my crew behind. Okay, we need a plan.”

Alex sat, hugging her knees to her chest, and let their arguing wash over her.

She wasn’t miserable enough to admit that she would rather be dead than live without Jon, though it felt like that right now. But she knew people recovered from broken hearts. What she wouldn’t recover from is giving up on him. Accepting his death as a tolerable price to pay for her continued survival.

She would have shot Rico, might even have shot Tannis, if she’d thought it would do some good. But she hadn’t wanted to shoot them, and it really wouldn’t have helped.

They would get out of this somehow; they had gotten out of bad situations before. But she knew she didn’t believe that. Deep down she knew this was a suicide mission, and a flash of guilt shot through her.

If there had been a shuttle left, she would have stolen it and gone alone, but Hezrai had blown up the first one and she presumed Skylar and Jon must have taken the other.

Her head pounded while she searched her mind for a way she could help; she felt so useless. Then an idea occurred to her. Janey was standing with the others, but she came over when Alex beckoned.

“What is it?” Janey asked.

Five minutes later, Alex had explained what she needed from Janey.

Janey thought for a minute and nodded. “I think it will work. Let me sort out the details and I’ll let you know before you leave. ”

There, it was done—for better or worse. Alex just hoped she wouldn’t live to regret it. Though things could hardly get worse than they were right now; she had a feeling she was taking them all to their deaths.

Tannis was still talking with Rico, but she looked up, caught Alex’s gaze and strolled over. “We’re not doing this for you, so you can stop wallowing in self-pity. We’d do it for any member of the crew.”

Alex heard the truth in the words, and her despair lifted a little.

“We don’t have a shuttle,” Tannis said. “So the Cazador will have to take us in. Daisy will stay on board—she can fly her if we don’t make it back. And Janey will stay as well—”

“I can help,” Janey said.

“No, you can’t. You’re a crap fighter anyway, and your leg’s still giving you trouble. Besides, it takes at least three people to run El Cazador. So that’s you, Daisy, and—”

“I’m coming with you,” Alex said.

“I know you are. I was going to say the Trog. That leaves me, Rico, and you to go in and presumably Skylar will fight on our side.”

“She’ll fight with us,” Rico said.

“Good. Right, this is going to be—what is it you say, Rico—a piece of cake.”

“Where is it we’re going again? Corps headquarters? Yeah, piece of cake probably covers it.” Rico grinned. His earlier temper appeared to have vanished. “Let’s go get some really big guns.”

“Good idea,” Tannis replied. “Blasters. I definitely believe we need blasters for this job.”

Alex glanced from one to the other—they were crazy. Rico caught her gaze and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I bet Alex’s never shot a blaster before. And I reckon we’ve got a couple of hours before we touch down to teach her.”