They weren’t really set up for viewing. The autopsy wasn’t finished, and a woman who looked as though she spent too much time around dead people had us wait, then took us into a large room and led us to a table on which a mound was covered with a plain white sheet. She uncovered the head, and there was no mistake. It was Monica.

“Ah, no,” Elaine said. “No, no, no.”

Outside she said, “My best friend. The best friend I ever had. We talked every day, there wasn’t a day we didn’t talk. Who am I gonna talk to now? It’s not fair, I’m too fucking old to get another best friend.”

A cab came along and I flagged it.

 

I hadn’t wanted to take her to the morgue, but then I hadn’t wanted to leave her alone, either. And it wasn’t my decision to make, anyway, it was hers, and she’d been adamant. She wanted to be with me, and she wanted to see her friend. At the morgue, when the woman warned us it wouldn’t be pretty, I told her she didn’t have to do this. She said she did.

In the cab she said, “It makes it real. That’s why they have open caskets at funerals. So you’ll know, so you’ll accept it. Otherwise there’d be a part of me that wouldn’t really believe she was gone. I’d go on thinking that I could pick up the phone and dial her number and there she’d be.”

I didn’t say anything, just held her hand. We rode another block and she said, “I’ll believe that anyway. On some level. But a little bit less than if I hadn’t seen her sweet face. Oh, God, Matt.”

 

My first thought when we met Mark Sussman was that he was awfully young, and my second thought, a corrective to the first, was that he was within a couple of years of the age I’d been when I quit the job. He was short, with a well-developed upper body suggestive of frequent workouts with weights, and his dark brown eyes were hard to read.

He was a college graduate, which seems barely worth noting these days. I don’t think there was a single man in my class at the academy who’d been to college, let alone got all the way through it. There was a general feeling in the department that college was no good for a cop, that you learned too many of the wrong things and not enough of the right ones, that it unmanned you while suffusing you with an unwarranted feeling of superiority. That was all a lot of crap, of course, but so was most of what we believed about most subjects.

He’d had a split major at Brooklyn College, history and sociology, and was accepted at a couple of graduate schools when he realized he didn’t want a teaching career. He took a couple of graduate courses in criminology at John Jay and decided that was his field, but he didn’t want to study it, he wanted to get out there and do it. That was ten years ago, and now he had a gold shield and a desk in the detective squad room at the Sixth Precinct, on West Tenth Street in the Village.

He sat behind that desk, and we took chairs alongside it. “Monica Driscoll,” he said. “Now we also found documents referring to her as Monica Wellbridge.”

“That was her ex-husband’s name,” Elaine told him. “She never used it.”

“Took her maiden name back. When was the divorce, fairly recent?”

“Oh, God, no. Fifteen years ago? At least that, maybe twenty.” And no, Monica hadn’t been in touch with Derek Wellbridge, and she had no idea how to reach him, or if he was alive to be reached.

“It’s an unusual name,” Sussman said. “A computer search might turn him up, if there’s any reason to look for him. I think you said she was seeing somebody.”

“Yes, and he was very secretive.”

“I don’t suppose you met him.”

“No. She wouldn’t even tell me his name. At first I figured it was because he was married, although we met a few of her married boyfriends over the years.”

“She did this a lot? Dated married guys?”

It should have been an easy question to answer, but Elaine didn’t want to make her friend sound easy, or undiscriminating. “If she was dating somebody,” she said after a moment, “he generally turned out to be married.”

“She kept making the same mistake?”

“No, she liked it that way. She didn’t want to get married again, she didn’t want to be all wrapped up in another person.”

“This mystery man, how long had she been seeing him?”

“Not long. Two weeks? Three? Less than a month, anyway.”

“What do you know about him?”

“Oh, gosh, let me think. He was very secretive, he would have to leave town and not be able to tell her where he was going. She had the idea that he was working for the government. Or a government. You know, like some kind of an agent.”

“She give you any kind of a description?”

“He dressed nicely, he was well groomed. But then I never saw her with anybody who wasn’t. Oh, I know. He had a mustache.”

“Yeah, that fits.” He put down his pen, looked up at us. “The doorman sent somebody up to her apartment last night around nine-thirty or ten. Guy gave the doorman his name and she said send him up.”

“If he gave the doorman his name—”

“Yeah, well, I think we’re lucky this particular genius remembers the mustache. And the flowers.”

“Flowers?”

“Which checks out, because we found fresh flowers in a vase on the mantel. He must have had his hands full, too, because he had to set something down on the floor so he could stroke his mustache while he was waiting for the elevator.”

“He put something down so he could stroke his mustache?”

“It was more like he was grooming it. You know, like this.” He put his thumb and forefinger together in the center of his bare upper lip, then spread them apart. “Making sure he looked all right before he went upstairs. Anyway, that’s how come”—he checked his notes— “how come Hector Ruiz noticed the mustache.” He looked at Elaine. “That’s all she mentioned about his appearance? He dressed nicely and wore a mustache?”

“That’s all I can remember. She said he was a good lover. Very forceful, very imaginative.”

“More than she knew.” She looked questioningly at him, and he said, “You’re going to get this anyway from the media, as much as we’d like to keep a lid on it. There’s evidence of ligatures on her wrists and ankles, and tape residue in the area of her mouth. Was she into that whole scene, would you happen to know?”

“She was a sophisticated woman of a certain age,” she told him. “Living alone in Greenwich Village. I mean, you do the math.”

“Okay, but—”

She stopped him. “I don’t think she was kinky,” she said. “I don’t think she was into anything in particular. I think, you know, if she liked a guy and he wanted to do something, she wouldn’t run out of there screaming for her mother.”

“That’s just a figure of speech, right? Because what I’ve got is both parents are deceased.”

“Yes, a long time ago.”

“And no relatives that you know of.”

“She had a brother who died. There could be, I don’t know, an aunt or a cousin somewhere, but nobody I knew about. Nobody she kept in touch with.”

He said, “As far as her not being into bondage, S & M, whatever you want to call it, that would actually fit right in with our take on it.” To me he said, “I don’t know if you ever ran into this, but you must have if you worked this precinct. Anybody who’s at all serious about kink, they’ve got a closet full of gear, leather and rubber and masks and chains, you’d almost think the equipment’s more important to them than what they do with it. She didn’t have a thing, no handcuffs, no whips, none of that garbage. Not that—” He stopped short, started to laugh. “You watch Seinfeld? I was starting to say ‘Not that there’s anything wrong with that.’ You remember that episode?”

“Sure.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make light. What it looks like, he brought along what he figured he’d need, and he took it away with him when he was done. Did she say he was neat? You’d have to say he was the neatest heterosexual male on the planet. There was a bottle of liquor, an Italian after-dinner drink. I’ve got it written down here somewhere. It doesn’t matter, it’s just a bottle of fancy booze. We think he brought it with him, along with the flowers, and they each had a drink out of it, and he wiped the bottle and glasses before he left. He wiped everything, he didn’t leave a print in the whole damned apartment, as far as we’ve been able to tell. We’ll probably lift a partial somewhere or other before we’re done, we usually do, but I have to say I wouldn’t bet on it.”

“Because he was neat.”

“He even ran the vacuum cleaner. The downstairs neighbor heard it sometime around midnight. He wasn’t about to complain about it, it wasn’t that noisy, it was just unexpected at that hour. It was evidently out of character for her to vacuum in the middle of the night.”

“Or ever,” Elaine said. “She had a maid come in once a week, and vacuuming was something the maid did.”

“The maid probably didn’t take the vacuum cleaner bag with her when she left, either, like this guy did. She thought he was some kind of government agent? Well, if he wasn’t he could have been. He was really professional about not leaving anything behind that could be traced back to him. You know that TV show with the forensics? And then there’s another version set in Miami, but it’s not as good. The original one’s an excellent show, but I have to say I wish they’d take it off the air.”

“Because it gives people ideas?”

“No, the nut jobs out there, you don’t have to give them ideas. They come up with plenty all on their own. What it does, it makes them harder to catch. It tells them what kind of mistakes not to make.”

“You think this man was just showing what he learned on television?”

“No, I don’t. I don’t know what I think about the guy. That was the spookiest crime scene I’ve ever seen. I don’t want to go into detail, and I’m sorry Mrs. Scudder has to hear this at all, but he tortured that woman a long time before he killed her. And then to leave the place immaculate, everything in apple-pie order, and her naked and dead in the middle of it, it was like that painter, that Frenchman…”

“Magritte,” she said.

“Yeah, that’s the one. Like, what’s wrong with this picture? I mean, if this is the man she’s been seeing, and it would almost have to be, given that he gave his name and she told the doorman to send him up. If he’s been dating her, and sleeping with her—they were sleeping together?”

“She said he was a good lover.”

“Right, you told me that. There are guys who go nuts, get hold of some poor woman and do a number on her. But they don’t date her first. Usually they pick a stranger, some hooker off the street or some poor woman who just winds up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Once in a while there’s one who thinks he’s having a relationship with the woman, but it’s only in the privacy of his own mind. Erotomania, that’s what they call it. It’s delusional, your perp thinks it’s dating but anybody else would call it stalking.”

He was right, it didn’t add up.

“It would help,” he said, “if either of you could remember anything else she might have let slip about the guy. Anything at all, like did he have a regional accent, was he educated or uneducated, even small things like was he a baseball fan, did he smell of cologne. You think something’s too trivial to mention, and then it matches up with something else and you’ve got a clue.”

“He drinks Scotch,” Elaine said.

“Now there’s something right there. She just happened to mention it?”

“She offered him a drink, and he asked for Scotch and she didn’t have any. So he had something else, but the next day she went out and bought a bottle of what I guess was really good Scotch. And she evidently made a good choice, because the next time he was over he said it was really good, but he only had one small drink, and she was saying she wondered which would last longer, the relationship or the bottle.”

“The bottle,” Sussman said. “It’s still there, Glen Something-or-other.” He made a note. “Maybe he picked it up to pour a drink on a prior visit and forgot to wipe his prints off it last night. But I wouldn’t count on it. Still, that’s exactly the kind of thing to come up with. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if she let something slip having to do with his name. Give it a chance and it might come to you.”

“Maybe,” she said.

“Strega,” he said suddenly. “Speaking of things coming to you. That’s the name of the bottle he brought along. That’s one way we might catch him. It’s not exactly Georgi Vodka. If you’re a clerk in a liquor store, how often does somebody pop in for a bottle of Strega?”

“So you’ll canvass stores in the neighborhood.”

“We’ll start in the neighborhood and keep going. She didn’t give you any indication at all of where he lived? You can’t put him in any particular part of the city? Well, somebody sold him the Strega, and maybe the guy who did will actually be in the store when somebody drops in to ask, and maybe he’ll not only remember but he’ll decide it’s okay to cooperate with the police, that he won’t be infringing on his customer’s inalienable right of privacy and making himself vulnerable to a lawsuit. Maybe Mr. Strega paid with a credit card, though that seems like too much to hope for. Maybe the store’s got security cameras installed, and maybe they actually work, and maybe we’ll actually get there before that night’s tapes are automatically recycled, though that’s a stretch. You don’t need to keep the tapes any length of time, because all you have to be able to do is ID the dirtbag who holds you up, not somebody who bought a bottle of high-priced booze from you a couple of nights ago.”

 

Monica’s apartment building was distinctive, which may have been why I’d recognized it right away when it showed up on New York One. It’s on Jane Street in the northwest corner of the Village, a seventeen-story Art Deco building with a facade of yellow-brown brick, and elaborately sculpted lintels and cornices. We walked uptown on Hudson Street without saying much, and when Monica’s building, taller than its neighbors, hove into view, Elaine’s hand tightened its grip on mine. By the time we were across the street from it she was crying.

She said, “If she ever did a bad thing I never knew it. She was never mean-spirited, she never hurt anybody. Never. She fucked some married men, big fucking deal, and she quit working once her parents died and left her enough money to live on. And sometimes she’d keep candy in her purse and eat it secretly, because she was ashamed and didn’t want you to know. And she probably gave more thought to her wardrobe than Mother Teresa ever did, which probably made her a more superficial person than Mother Teresa, and a lot more fun to hang out with. And those are the worst things I can think of to say about her, and they’re not so terrible, are they? They’re not bad enough to get you killed. Are they?”

“No.”

“I can’t look at her building. It makes me cry.”

“I’ll get us a cab.”

“No, let’s walk for a while. Can we walk for a while?”

We walked north on Hudson, which becomes Ninth Avenue north of Fourteenth Street. We passed a trendy restaurant called Markt, and she said, “René Magritte wasn’t French, he was Belgian.”

“But you still knew he was the painter Sussman was talking about.”

“Because I got the same image in my mind, that surreal dissonance. It’s daytime but the sky’s dark. Or that one with a picture of a pipe with a curved stem, and writing that says ‘This is not a pipe.’ Paradox. The reason I just thought of it now—”

“Is that Markt is a Belgian restaurant.”

“Yeah, and so’s the little place across the street on Fourteenth, La Petite Something-or-other. Monica liked it, they’ve got all these different ways to cook mussels, and she was always crazy about mussels. You know what they look like?”

“Mussels? Sort of like clams.”

“Up close,” she said, “after you take them out of the shell. They look like pussies.”

“Oh.”

“I told her it was her latent lesbianism shining through. We were going to have lunch there but we never got around to it. And now we never will.”

“You haven’t had anything to eat today,” I said.

“I don’t want to go there.”

“Not there,” I agreed. “But should we stop someplace?”

“I couldn’t eat.”

“Okay.”

“It wouldn’t stay down. But if you’re hungry…”

“I’m not.”

“Well, if you decide you want something, we can stop. But I’ve got no appetite.”

We walked a few blocks in silence, and then she said, “People die all the time.”

“Yes.”

“It’s what happens. The longer you live the more people you lose. That’s how the world works.”

I didn’t say anything.

“I may be a little nuts for the next few days.”

“That’s okay.”

“Or longer. I wasn’t ready for this.”

“No.”

“How could I be? I figured I’d always have her. I figured we’d be cranky old ladies together. She’s the only friend I have who knows I used to turn tricks. I just got the tenses wrong, didn’t I? She was the only friend I had who knew I used to turn tricks. She’s in the past tense now, isn’t she? She’s part of the past, she’s gone forever from the present and the future. I think I have to sit down.”

There was a Latino coffee shop handy. They had Cuban sandwiches and I don’t know what else, because neither of us looked at the menu. I ordered two coffees, and she told the waiter to make hers a cup of tea.

“She was never the slightest bit judgmental. She was interested but not fascinated, and she didn’t see anything wrong with it, or wrong with me for having spent those years that way. Who else even knows, who else that’s still in my life? You and Danny Boy, who knew me then. And TJ. I can’t think of anybody else.”

“No.”

“Listen to me, will you? I’m making this all about me. My God, he tortured her. She must have been so frightened. I can’t imagine it, and I can’t stop imagining it. I don’t think I can handle this, baby.”

“You’re handling it right now.”

“This is handling it? I don’t know. Maybe it is.”

I drank half my coffee, and she had a couple of sips of tea, and we went outside and walked uptown for a few more blocks. Then she said she was ready to take a cab, and I managed to flag one.

On the ride home she said one word. “Why,” she said, and there was no question mark in her voice. She didn’t sound as though she expected an answer, and God knows I didn’t have one.

 

She sat down at her computer and spent an hour working on a paid obituary notice for the Times, then printed it out and brought it to me to see if I thought it was all right. Before I could read it she took it back and started tearing it up. She said, “What am I, crazy? I don’t need to run an ad to tell the people she’s gone. The papers and TV’ll take care of that. By this time tomorrow everybody she ever knew is going to know what happened to her, along with the rest of the world.”

She went over to the window and looked through it. We’re on the fourteenth floor, and we used to be able to see the World Trade Center towers from our south window. Now, of course, they’re not there to be seen, but for months afterward I’d find her at that window, looking out at their absence.

Around six the doorman called up to announce TJ. She burst into tears when she saw him and he gave her a hug. “You must be hungry,” she told him, and turned to me. “You, too. Have you had anything to eat since breakfast?”

I hadn’t.

“We have to eat,” she announced. “Is pasta all right? And a salad?”

We said it was fine.

“It’s all I ever make. God, I’m boring. How can you stand me? I cook the same meal all the fucking time, the only thing that varies is the shape of the pasta. Maybe I should start cooking meat. Just because I decided to be a vegetarian doesn’t mean the two of you can’t have meat.”

I said, “Why don’t you just make us all some pasta.”

“Thank you,” she said. “That’s what I’ll do.”

 

I hadn’t intended to go to a meeting, but when the time came Elaine suggested it. I said I’d just as soon stay home. She said, “Go. TJ and I are going to play cards. Do you know how to play gin rummy?”

“Sure.”

“How about cribbage?”

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“That’s no good, then. Casino? You know how to play casino?”

“I used to play with my gran.”

“Did she let you win?”

“Are you kidding? She’d cheat if she had to.”

“I bet she didn’t have to. There must be a card game you don’t know. How about pinochle?”

“Takes three players, don’t it?”

“I’m talking two-handed pinochle,” she said. “It’s a completely different game. You don’t know how to play it?”

“I never even heard of it.”

“Perfect,” she said. “That means I can teach you. Matt, go to a meeting.”

 

They’ve got a men’s meeting on Wednesdays at St. Columba’s, a small church on West Twenty-fifth Street. It’s specifically for men over forty, and it’s almost exclusively gay men who attend, although that’s not a requirement. The demographics of the neighborhood support its makeup. It’s in Chelsea, where most of the male population is gay, if not over forty.

I could have gone to my regular meeting at St. Paul’s, five minutes from my front door, but for some reason I didn’t want familiar faces, and people asking how it was going. It wasn’t going well, and I didn’t want to talk about it.

There’s a bus that goes down Ninth Avenue, but I just missed it and took a cab, which made this a banner day for cabs, if for little else. They were reading the preamble as I got there, and had already taken the collection. I decided they could probably make the rent without my dollar, and I helped myself to a cup of coffee and found a seat. The speaker, dressed and groomed like an ad in GQ, told a story of solitary drinking at the Four Seasons bar, where he’d try to catch the eye of another unaccompanied gentleman, then repair to a wonderfully louche establishment across the street and hope his prospect would follow. If not, he’d just stay there and get drunk. “We were all so deep in the closet back then,” he said, “we had marks from the coat hangers. You’d have thought Joan Crawford was our mother.”

After he’d finished, they went around the room instead of asking for a show of hands. By the time it was my turn, I’d already said everything I had to say, albeit in the privacy of my own mind. “My name’s Matt,” I said, “and I’m an alcoholic. I really enjoyed your qualification. I think I’ll just listen tonight.”

A little later a voice I knew said, “I’m really glad I got here tonight. It’s not a regular meeting of mine, but I see a few familiar faces here. And I got a lot out of your story. My name’s Abie and I’m an alcoholic.”

He went on to talk about having to put in long hours lately, and missing meetings, and how he had to remember that his sobriety has to come first. “If I lose that, then I lose everything that goes with it,” he said.

It wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard a few thousand times over the years, but it didn’t hurt me any to hear it again.

He caught up with me on the way out. “My first time here,” he said. “I didn’t even know it was a special-interest meeting.”

“Men over forty.”

“I knew that part from the listing in the book. What I didn’t know is everybody was gay.”

“Not everybody was.”

“Except for thee and me,” he said, and grinned. “I don’t mind gay people, in fact I enjoy the energy in a room full of gay men. But I wasn’t expecting it.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I thought.

“Matt? I was surprised when you didn’t share tonight.”

“Well, I’m not in the same class with William the Silent,” I said, “but I don’t feel compelled to say something just because it’s my turn.”

“Except you looked as though you had something you wanted to get out.”

“Oh?”

“Like you had something gnawing at you.” He touched my shoulder. “You want to go get some coffee?”

“I had two cups here tonight. I think that’s enough coffee for me.”

“Something to eat, then.”

“I don’t think so, Abie.”

“My first sponsor used to say we were people who couldn’t afford the luxury of keeping things to ourselves.”

“It’s probably a good thing he wasn’t in the CIA, then.”

“I suppose, but the point—”

“I think I get the point.”

He stepped back, frowning, and pinched his upper lip, a physical tic I’d seen him make before. “Look, I didn’t mean any harm,” he said. “I guess you’d rather be alone tonight.”

I didn’t tell him otherwise.

 

I took another cab, and got one with loud Arab music on the radio. I told the driver to turn it down. He looked at me, and I guess he saw something on my face that kept him from arguing. He turned it down and off, and we rode home in a welcome if stony silence.

The pinochle game was still in progress when I walked in the door. I asked who was winning, and Elaine made a face and pointed across the table. “He swears he never played the game before,” she said, “and it hurts me to think such a sweet young man could lie like a rug.”

“Never did,” he said.

“Then how come you could sit there and beat my brains out?”

“You just a good teacher, is all.”

“That must be it.” She gathered the cards. “Go home. You’re an angel for keeping me company, even if you didn’t have the decency to let me win. Wait a minute. Are you hungry? Do you want a cookie?”

He shook his head.

“You sure? I baked them myself, using the name ‘Mrs. Fields.’ ”

He shook his head again, and she gave him a hug and let him go. She put the cards away and went to the window again, the one that no longer had a view of the towers. She sighed and turned from it to me and said, “I’ve been thinking. She had other friends besides me. No one else was as close, but there were other women she’d meet for lunch, or talk to on the phone.”

“There’d have to be.”

“She might have let something slip about this guy. I mean, she told me he drinks Scotch and has a mustache. She might have said something else to somebody else.”

“And if you gather the somethings together, a picture might emerge.”

“Well, don’t you think it’s possible?”

“I know it’s possible,” I said, “and so will Sussman. They’ll go through her address or her Rolodex, whatever she had, and they’ll check out every listing. He might be in there, as far as that goes. Just because she wouldn’t say his name doesn’t mean he didn’t give her one. If he also gave her a number, it’ll be in her book.”

“You think they’ll get him that way?”

I didn’t, but I said it was possible.

“All right, here’s another thing I was thinking. She might have gone back to her shrink. She stopped therapy years ago, but she’s been back a few times for a couple of sessions here and a couple of sessions there. And I remember having the feeling recently that she might have gone back. I don’t know what triggered it, but it was a feeling I got.”

“And she might have said something about the guy to the therapist?”

“Well, you know, if she can’t feel free to say anything to anybody else…”

“That’s a point.”

“But would the shrink say anything? Isn’t everything you tell your shrink privileged?”

I said it was, but that there was a gray area here. When the patient was dead and the investigation was trying to uncover the killer, that would override doctor-patient privilege for some physicians, and not for others.

“Her shrink’s name is Brigitte Dufy. She’s French, she’s got the same last name as the painter Raoul Dufy, and she may even be a relative. I know Monica asked her but I don’t remember what the answer was. As if it matters. She grew up around here, her father was a souschef at the Brittany du Soir. You remember that place?”

“Yes, of course.”

“It was terrific, I wonder what happened to it. One day it was just gone. Anyway, Brigitte grew up here with a neighborhood accent that was solid Hell’s Kitchen Irish. Monica liked to call her Bridget Duffy. They’ll probably find her name in Monica’s address book, but maybe not. You know how when you copy an address book you don’t bother transferring the names of people who’ve dropped out of your life? Because why bother, since you’re not going to call them again? Well, if she’d stopped therapy…”

I said I’d mention it to Sussman in the morning.

“I can’t stand that she’s gone,” she said. “But I’ll get used to it. That’s what life is, getting used to people dying. But I can’t stand the thought of somebody doing this to her and getting away with it. And I don’t want to get used to it.”

“They’ll get him.”

“You promise?”

How could I promise something like that? Then again, how could I deny her?

“I promise.”

“Is there anything you can do?”

“Besides get in everybody’s way? I don’t know. I’ll see if I can come up with anything.”

“I don’t expect you to get out there and find him,” she said. “Except, see, the thing is I do. You’re my hero, you know. You always have been.”

“I think you’d be better off with Spider-man.”

“No,” she said. “No, I’m happy with the choice I made.”