chapter eighteen

Gabrio sat on his kitchen floor, leaning against the wall, a sense of dread closing over him until he could barely breathe. As the wall clock ticked off the seconds, he looked around the room, thinking how shabby this house was compared to the house in the U.S. that he’d lived in when his mother had been alive. He remembered it being clean and neat, with the smell of dinner cooking—something good and hot and filling. In this house there were layers of dust and grime, the musty odor of leaking pipes and mold, and he couldn’t remember when dinner had been more than something eaten fast just to keep body and soul together.

He rested his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. He hadn’t thought to turn off the television in the other room, and the voices lulled his already sleepy mind. He felt dizzy and light-headed, and he couldn’t make himself think straight no matter how hard he tried.

God, he was tired. So tired.

It was only a matter of time. Sera would get Adam to a hospital if she hadn’t already, and sooner or later everyone would find out he wasn’t dead after all. And then all hell would break loose. He was surprised it hadn’t already.

Just tell Ivan. Tell him what you did.

After all, it would be better, wouldn’t it, to tell his brother what had happened before word got back that Adam was alive? That way Ivan would have a heads-up in dealing with the other men and be ready to protect him. And he would protect him, wouldn’t he?

Gabrio had tried to make himself believe that. Tried with all his might. But he knew better. He’d seen what Ivan and the others did to guys who fucked up. He’d seen it. It would make no difference that he and Ivan were bound by blood, because he knew his brother had loyalties stronger than that.

Gabrio had a thought about running, but what would be the point? No matter where he went, they’d find him. And where would he go even if he wanted to leave? He had no friends anyplace else and no family. What was in this town and in this house was all he had.

From the floor beside him he picked up the gun. He brushed the cool barrel against the side of his head, resting it there, wondering if that was best. Then he put the barrel in his mouth, the metal clicking against his teeth. He removed it again and stared at it, wishing he’d never even touched a gun before, wishing he lived someplace where they weren’t a cold, hard fact of life. And death.

He put the barrel of the gun against his temple again, stroking it through rivulets of sweat. He wondered if he’d see his mother. Oh, Jesus, he hoped so. If he did it right, it might hurt for a second, but then all the pain would disappear and he’d see nothing but light. He closed his eyes and wrapped his finger around the trigger, his hand trembling, and gritted his teeth. He only hoped that suicide really wasn’t a mortal sin and that God would have mercy on him.

Dave steered the old Buick down the alley behind the street where Gabrio lived, thinking that there had to be a neighborhood in Tolosa as crappy as this one, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen it. The houses were cinder block, most of them unpainted, their overgrown yards scattered with junk.

Just after four o’clock, Sera had phoned back to her house from Esmerelda’s to tell them that she’d driven by Gabrio’s house and found his car there and that Ivan, true to form, was at the bar drinking himself into oblivion. She promised she’d find a way to keep him there until they called to tell her the coast was clear. Dave intended to make quick work of this. Get in, get out, and do everything he could in between to make sure the kid left with them.

“That’s the house,” Lisa said.

Dave brought the car to a halt in the alley behind the house Lisa indicated, killing the engine.

“We’re going in the back?” she asked.

“Less conspicuous. I still don’t want anyone knowing we’re back in town. Do you think he’ll come to the door if he sees it’s you?”

“I can’t say for sure. If he doesn’t, what’s Plan B?”

“I’m breaking in. Door, window, whatever.”

They got out of the car and made their way through the backyard.

“You go to the door,” Dave told Lisa. “I’ll stand to one side until you can get him to open it. Then we’ll both go in.”

Lisa nodded. When they reached the house, Dave turned around and stood with his back against the outside wall of the house. As Lisa reached up to knock on the door, she peered through threadbare curtains into the kitchen and gasped.

“Dave! He’s got a gun!”

“What?”

“At his own head! He’s going to shoot himself!”

Lisa cleared out of the way as Dave raced to the door. He tried it first, found it locked, then stepped back and gave it a hard kick. The lock cracked and the door flew open, smacking against the wall. Gabrio was sitting on the kitchen floor, and he immediately swung the gun up and pointed it at Dave.

“Who the fuck are you?” he shouted. “Get out!”

Lisa stepped quickly into the house. Gabrio looked at her, blinking hard, as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” he said. “Why aren’t you in jail? The drugs. I thought—”

“Calm down, Gabrio,” Lisa said. “We’re here to help you. This is Dave. He’s a friend of mine.”

Gabrio whipped around to Dave. “What the hell do you want?”

“Gabrio,” Dave said. “We know you were the one who saved Adam’s life, so we know you won’t shoot us. So just drop the gun, okay?”

Gabrio’s eyes shifted back and forth between them. Shaking, he lowered the gun. Dave thought they were in the clear. Then Gabrio raised the gun again and pressed it against his own temple.

Lisa gasped and started toward him.

“Stop!” Gabrio shouted.

Dave grabbed Lisa’s arm and pulled her to a halt.

“Don’t come any closer, or I’m pulling the trigger! I swear to God I am!”

Dave held up his palms, meeting the kid’s eyes, keeping his expression neutral. “We hear you, Gabrio. Just take it easy, okay?”

“Leave me alone!”

Dave stood there for a moment, stock-still, waiting for the silence to settle the air between them. Then slowly he lowered his palms.

“Gabrio? Tell me why you’re doing this.”

“Because my life is shit, that’s why!”

“Why is your life shit?”

“Because I’ve fucked up everything! I was the one who told Ivan that they found the drugs. And then they sabotaged Lisa’s plane, they shot Adam, and now Ivan said Lisa’s been arrested because she had the drugs . . . oh, God.”

His voice was hoarse with anguish. He closed his eyes for a moment, and Dave moved closer. Gabrio’s eyes sprang open again. “Man, I told you to get the fuck away from me!”

Dave had a real bad feeling about this. The kid wasn’t blowing smoke. Before they got here, he’d been sitting alone, clearly agitated, clearly thinking about killing himself. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in a week. He was confused, disoriented. If Dave didn’t play his cards right, Gabrio was going to end up dead.

“Doesn’t matter,” Gabrio went on, his grip tightening and releasing and tightening on the gun. “I’m dead either way. Ivan told me to do something, and I didn’t do it. Once he and the other guys find out—”

“That’s why we want you to come with us,” Lisa said.

“Come with you?”

“Back to the U.S. If you come with us, they can’t hurt you.”

Gabrio gave her a choked laugh. “Oh, yeah? You think they won’t find me? Wherever I go?” He pressed the gun harder against his temple, his eyes alight with fear. “I’ve seen what they do to guys who fuck up. I’ve seen it!”

“So this is better?” Lisa said. “Hanging around here and waiting for them to come after you?”

“Shut up! Just shut up and leave me alone!”

Lisa started to say something else, but Dave put a hand against her arm, warning her to tone it down. The kid wasn’t thinking straight. He was confused. Restless. Edgy. All he could see right now was the terrible chain of events he’d set off by passing along that information and the ultimate horror that his own brother might be the one to make him pay for it.

A sense of calm came over Dave. It was the strangest feeling but one he recognized well. His nerves were taut, on-edge, but his mind was fully engaged in the moment, working to take control of the situation.

“Gabrio,” Dave said evenly, “I think we need to talk about a few things.”

“I told you to leave me alone!”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that. See, if I turn around and walk out of here, you might pull that trigger. And I’m not going to let that happen.”

“Why the hell not? What’s it to you?”

“I know we don’t know each other. But Adam told us all about how you saved his life. Do you know what they call men who do things like that?”

“What?”

“Heroes.”

Gabrio blinked, still gripping the gun so tightly that his knuckles whitened. “Hero? Shit. I’ve fucked up everything. I told them that Lisa and Adam found the drugs. If I hadn’t done that—”

“Did you know that Robert Douglas was going to try to kill them?”

“No! I swear to God I didn’t know that!”

“Okay. So do you think just passing on information when you have no idea that it’s going to hurt somebody means you deserve to die?”

The kid’s eyes shifted back and forth, his breathing shallow and irregular. “That’s not the only thing.”

“I know. You’re afraid of your brother and his friends. You figure killing yourself beats them coming after you. And you’re afraid that your brother wouldn’t protect you against them.”

The kid swallowed hard, and Dave could see the anguish in his eyes at the very thought of that. But he had to get Gabrio thinking straight. Thinking logically.

“Gabrio,” Dave said, “who shot Adam?”

“I’m not going to tell you that!”

“We know. We know exactly what happened. It was Ivan. And Enrique was there, too. Isn’t that right?”

Gabrio just stared at him, his jaw tight, his breathing labored.

“Who sabotaged Lisa’s plane? Was it Ivan and Enrique?”

“I’m not telling you a damned thing!”

“Did you know that Ivan put the local cops on to us and they tried to kill us as we were leaving Santa Rios?”

He could tell by the look on Gabrio’s face that the kid hadn’t heard that. His jaw began to tremble. “Shit.”

“If they’re the ones doing all the bad stuff, why should you be the one to die for it?”

Gabrio blinked quickly, as if processing that thought for the first time. The tension was slowly leaving his body, his muscles becoming limp. He was easing into agreement, into resignation, and that was just what Dave was looking for. But still Gabrio wasn’t lowering the gun, and Dave knew that until he took the threat away anything could happen.

“Okay,” he told the kid. “You know you haven’t done anything worth dying for. So what else is there, Gabrio? Is there another reason that you want to kill yourself?”

Gabrio stared at him for a long time, tears filling his eyes. His voice became a plaintive whisper. “Because I want to see my mother again.”

Dave felt as if the floor had just fallen out from under his feet. Oh, Jesus, this poor kid really did have nobody in this life, so he was looking ahead to the next one, hoping for something better. Dave had to get him out of this situation. Out of this town. Out of this fucking country.

“When did your mother die?” he asked.

“I was ten.”

“Tell me about her.”

Gabrio shrugged, his arm starting to tremble from the weight of the gun. “I—I don’t remember much.”

“But you loved her.”

He nodded.

“My mother died when I was just a kid, too. She had cancer. I don’t remember much about her, either, but still it was hard growing up, you know? But I want you to think about something. As much as your mother would like to see you, too, do you think she’d want it to happen like this?”

Gabrio blinked again, his respirations becoming slower. More measured. “No.”

Dave held out his hand. “Then why don’t you give me the gun?”

Gabrio stared at Dave a long time, sweat trickling down his forehead. Finally he eased the gun away from his temple, revealing a deep red mark where he’d pressed the weapon so hard against it. He lowered the gun to the floor beside him.

Dave resisted the urge to pounce on it, instead moving forward slowly, leaning over and sliding it from Gabrio’s grasp with a small, silent breath of relief. The kid pulled his knees up and rested his elbows on them, then dropped his head to his hands, his shoulders jerking with sobs.

Dave turned to see Lisa staring at Gabrio, her body tense, as if she was feeling every shiver of emotion the poor kid felt.

“How could Ivan do those things?” Gabrio said, tears choking his voice. “How?”

“I know how you feel,” Lisa said. “It hurts. You feel betrayed. I know—”

“No! You don’t know! Goddamn it, he’s my brother!”

To Dave’s surprise, Lisa eased forward and sat down beside Gabrio on the floor. After a moment, she slipped her arm around his shoulders. He tried to shrug away from her, but she persisted, leaning in close to him and speaking quietly.

“Gabrio, listen to me. Sometimes you’ve got to cut loose. You’ve got to admit that everything you came from is crap and there’s something better out there for you.”

“Better? Yeah, right.”

“I told you already. We want you to come back to the U.S. with us. Adam has a friend who will help you get a visa.”

Gabrio looked up. “A visa?”

“Yes. What Sera told you is the truth. Adam wants you out of here. He knew if anyone found out he was alive you’d be in danger, so he refused to leave without you. You saved his life, and now he wants to save yours. We all do. That was why Sera came to talk to you yesterday, and it’s why we’re here now. For you. We want you to come with us.”

Gabrio looked at Lisa with total disbelief. Clearly the kid couldn’t imagine a scenario under which anyone would take his welfare into consideration. Ever.

He wiped his face on the shoulder of his shirt, then shook his head. “Ivan could still find me. And if he does . . .”

“He won’t even know where you are,” Lisa said. “But even if he tries to come to the U.S., he’s going to have to go through us to get to you. And we’re not going to let him do that.”

Dave could only imagine how scared this kid must be. And now Lisa was telling him there was a way out. His posture said he didn’t believe her, but his eyes were silently praying she was telling him the truth.

“I—I can take care of myself,” Gabrio said weakly.

“I know you can. Most of the time. But sometimes when things get bad, everybody needs a little help.”

The kid was calmer now but still so confused, so lost. He looked up at Dave. “What’s going to happen to Ivan?”

“Probably nothing,” Dave said. “His crimes were committed here. He’s a Mexican citizen. He’s got local law enforcement on his side. Even if what he did comes out, he’ll probably never be prosecuted.”

Gabrio took a deep, shuddering breath. “I know he should pay for what he’s done, but . . .”

“But you don’t want to be the one to make that happen,” Lisa said.

“That’s right. I’m not giving my brother up. No matter what. I’m not telling anyone anything he’s done. You can’t make me do that.”

“You won’t have to,” Lisa said. “You won’t have to say anything against your brother. I promise you. Okay?”

“He’s not always bad,” Gabrio said. “I know it seems like he is, but he’s not. Not always.”

“I know,” Lisa told him.

“Maybe someday he’ll stop.”

“Maybe he will.”

He bowed his head again, his eyes closed, still torn between the only existence he’d ever known, no matter how shitty it was, and the unknown of going with them. Lisa stayed right next to him, doing everything she could to transmit a sense of hope into the kid. Finally he swallowed hard and turned to look at her.

“Where are we going exactly?”

Dave breathed a sigh of relief. We. The kid had made his decision.

“Monterrey first,” Lisa said, “so we can get Adam to a hospital and get your paperwork in order so you can enter the U.S. Then San Antonio.”

Gabrio responded with a deep, anxious breath.

“I know it scares you to go to a new place,” Lisa said. “And it scares you to trust anyone. But this time it’s okay. I promise you it’s okay.”

“Will you be there?”

Lisa nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

Dave took a step forward. “We need to leave as soon as possible. So if there’s something you want to take with you, grab it now.”

Gabrio ground the heels of his hands into his eyes, then swept them across his shirtsleeve, glancing up at Dave as if he couldn’t bear the thought of another man seeing him in tears. Finally he got up from the floor and headed down the hall toward a bedroom.

Dave gave Lisa a hand up, and she sank into a kitchen chair with a breath of relief. “God, Dave,” she said softly. “I was so afraid he was going to pull that trigger. I’m so glad you were here. I couldn’t have talked that gun out of his hand. No way. You were so calm. You said just the right things.”

Dave sat down next to her. “So did you.”

“I know exactly how he feels. Exactly. He feel so alone. Like there’s nobody on earth who cares if he lives or dies. And it’s not fair, really, because it’s nothing more than an accident of birth.”

Dave nodded. They sat in silence, the wall clock ticking away the seconds. Then Lisa turned to him, her voice fading to a near whisper. “Do you remember when you were talking to your daughter the other night on the phone, when she was watching Cinderella with John and his wife?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know I’ve never even seen Cinderella? Or Bambi, or Snow White, or Mary Poppins. . . .” She looked at Dave, tears clouding her eyes. “Please don’t think you’re spoiling Ashley with all that stuff. Please, please don’t. A kid needs those things so much. . . .”

Dave slipped his arm around Lisa and hugged her close, knowing that from now on he was going to look at his life, and his daughter’s life, in a whole new light.

“Even after all that’s happened, he still doesn’t want to do anything to hurt his brother,” Dave said. “Can you believe that?”

“Yeah,” Lisa said. “I can believe it.”

Dave thought about how she’d held out hope about her own brother to the point of traveling hundreds of miles to San Antonio on the off chance that he’d taken a turn for the better. If anybody could understand how Gabrio felt, it was her. And she promised she’d be there to help him when they got to San Antonio, a promise he knew beyond all doubt that she would keep.

I don’t want to depend on anyone, and I don’t want anyone depending on me.

Dave hadn’t bought that when Lisa said it two nights ago in Monterrey, and he sure wasn’t buying it now.

Gabrio returned a few minutes later carrying a tattered canvas bag.

“Anything else?” Dave asked.

The kid glanced helplessly around the filthy little house, then reached up and rubbed a crucifix he wore between his thumb and forefinger. Finally he shook his head.

Dave stood up. “Then let’s go.”