“THIS IS YOUR OWN DO-IT-YOURSELF DEATH KIT.”

“The new guaranteed Murder Kit, with the double-your-money-back warranty, for your protection.”

Well, she thought, frugally, that’s nice, anyway. That double-your-money-back thing.

“This Kit contains three sure, clean and undetectable, I repeat, undetectable, ways to commit murder. No two kits are the same. Each of the three modus operandi is designed for you according to the application blank you sent us when you contracted for this Kit. Now. To prepare yourself for your murder--”

She snapped the pamphlet shut with quick, suddenly sweating hands. Do I hate him that much? Yes, yes, I hate him that much and more!

She opened the pamphlet again.

“The first method of murder we have prepared for you….”

--from “Do-It-Yourself”

Wonderland

(Earthman, Go Home!)

A collection of stories by

Harlan Ellison Bluejay; Rev edition (July 1984)

ISBN-10: 0312941331

ISBN-13: 978-0312941338

The original edition bore this dedication: This random group of leftover dreams and wry conspiracies I offer to Wednesday’s Child…

KENNY with love and pride, and more than just a touch of sorrow.

Fourteen years later, and links of the broken chain have been joined once more, not welded shut, but merely joined. And so, with fourteen years’ more love and pride, and with that touch of sorrow removed, once again I offer this ragbag of illusions to His Own Man…

KENNY