can keep this." And he threw down half a sovereign, and caught up

his coat.

    Father Brown's figure remained quite dark and still; but in

that instant he had lost his head. His head was always most

valuable when he had lost it. In such moments he put two and two

together and made four million. Often the Catholic Church (which

is wedded to common sense) did not approve of it. Often he did not

approve of it himself. But it was real inspiration--important

at rare crises--when whosoever shall lose his head the same shall

save it.

    "I think, sir," he said civilly, "that you have some silver in

your pocket."

    The tall gentleman stared. "Hang it," he cried, "if I choose

to give you gold, why should you complain?"

    "Because silver is sometimes more valuable than gold," said

the priest mildly; "that is, in large quantities."

    The stranger looked at him curiously. Then he looked still

more curiously up the passage towards the main entrance. Then he

looked back at Brown again, and then he looked very carefully at

the window beyond Brown's head, still coloured with the after-glow

of the storm. Then he seemed to make up his mind. He put one hand

on the counter, vaulted over as easily as an acrobat and towered

above the priest, putting one tremendous hand upon his collar.

    "Stand still," he said, in a hacking whisper. "I don't want

to threaten you, but--"

    "I do want to threaten you," said Father Brown, in a voice

like a rolling drum, "I want to threaten you with the worm that

dieth not, and the fire that is not quenched."

    "You're a rum sort of cloak-room clerk," said the other.

    "I am a priest, Monsieur Flambeau," said Brown, "and I am

ready to hear your confession."

    The other stood gasping for a few moments, and then staggered

back into a chair.

    The first two courses of the dinner of The Twelve True

Fishermen had proceeded with placid success. I do not possess a

copy of the menu; and if I did it would not convey anything to

anybody. It was written in a sort of super-French employed by

cooks, but quite unintelligible to Frenchmen. There was a

tradition in the club that the hors d'oeuvres should be various

and manifold to the point of madness. They were taken seriously

because they were avowedly useless extras, like the whole dinner

and the whole club. There was also a tradition that the soup

course should be light and unpretending--a sort of simple and

austere vigil for the feast of fish that was to come. The talk

was that strange, slight talk which governs the British Empire,

which governs it in secret, and yet would scarcely enlighten an

ordinary Englishman even if he could overhear it. Cabinet

ministers on both sides were alluded to by their Christian names

with a sort of bored benignity. The Radical Chancellor of the

Exchequer, whom the whole Tory party was supposed to be cursing

for his extortions, was praised for his minor poetry, or his saddle

in the hunting field. The Tory leader, whom all Liberals were

supposed to hate as a tyrant, was discussed and, on the whole,

praised--as a Liberal. It seemed somehow that politicians were

very important. And yet, anything seemed important about them

except their politics. Mr. Audley, the chairman, was an amiable,

elderly man who still wore Gladstone collars; he was a kind of

symbol of all that phantasmal and yet fixed society. He had never

done anything--not even anything wrong. He was not fast; he was

not even particularly rich. He was simply in the thing; and there

was an end of it. No party could ignore him, and if he had wished

to be in the Cabinet he certainly would have been put there. The

Duke of Chester, the vice-president, was a young and rising

politician. That is to say, he was a pleasant youth, with flat,

fair hair and a freckled face, with moderate intelligence and

enormous estates. In public his appearances were always

successful and his principle was simple enough. When he thought

of a joke he made it, and was called brilliant. When he could not

think of a joke he said that this was no time for trifling, and

was called able. In private, in a club of his own class, he was

simply quite pleasantly frank and silly, like a schoolboy. Mr.

Audley, never having been in politics, treated them a little more

seriously. Sometimes he even embarrassed the company by phrases

suggesting that there was some difference between a Liberal and a

Conservative. He himself was a Conservative, even in private

life. He had a roll of grey hair over the back of his collar,

like certain old-fashioned statesmen, and seen from behind he

looked like the man the empire wants. Seen from the front he

looked like a mild, self-indulgent bachelor, with rooms in the

Albany--which he was.

    As has been remarked, there were twenty-four seats at the

terrace table, and only twelve members of the club. Thus they

could occupy the terrace in the most luxurious style of all, being

ranged along the inner side of the table, with no one opposite,

commanding an uninterrupted view of the garden, the colours of

which were still vivid, though evening was closing in somewhat

luridly for the time of year. The chairman sat in the centre of

the line, and the vice-president at the right-hand end of it.

When the twelve guests first trooped into their seats it was the

custom (for some unknown reason) for all the fifteen waiters to

stand lining the wall like troops presenting arms to the king,

while the fat proprietor stood and bowed to the club with radiant

surprise, as if he had never heard of them before. But before the

first chink of knife and fork this army of retainers had vanished,

only the one or two required to collect and distribute the plates

darting about in deathly silence. Mr. Lever, the proprietor, of

course had disappeared in convulsions of courtesy long before. It

would be exaggerative, indeed irreverent, to say that he ever

positively appeared again. But when the important course, the fish

course, was being brought on, there was--how shall I put it? --

a vivid shadow, a projection of his personality, which told that

he was hovering near. The sacred fish course consisted (to the

eyes of the vulgar) in a sort of monstrous pudding, about the size

and shape of a wedding cake, in which some considerable number of

interesting fishes had finally lost the shapes which God had given

to them. The Twelve True Fishermen took up their celebrated fish

knives and fish forks, and approached it as gravely as if every

inch of the pudding cost as much as the silver fork it was eaten

with. So it did, for all I know. This course was dealt with in

eager and devouring silence; and it was only when his plate was

nearly empty that the young duke made the ritual remark: "They

can't do this anywhere but here."

    "Nowhere," said Mr. Audley, in a deep bass voice, turning to

the speaker and nodding his venerable head a number of times.

"Nowhere, assuredly, except here. It was represented to me that

at the Cafe Anglais--"

    Here he was interrupted and even agitated for a moment by the

removal of his plate, but he recaptured the valuable thread of his

thoughts. "It was represented to me that the same could be done

at the Cafe Anglais. Nothing like it, sir," he said, shaking his

head ruthlessly, like a hanging judge. "Nothing like it."

    "Overrated place," said a certain Colonel Pound, speaking (by

the look of him) for the first time for some months.

    "Oh, I don't know," said the Duke of Chester, who was an

optimist, "it's jolly good for some things. You can't beat it

at--"

    A waiter came swiftly along the room, and then stopped dead.

His stoppage was as silent as his tread; but all those vague and

kindly gentlemen were so used to the utter smoothness of the

unseen machinery which surrounded and supported their lives, that

a waiter doing anything unexpected was a start and a jar. They

felt as you and I would feel if the inanimate world disobeyed--

if a chair ran away from us.

    The waiter stood staring a few seconds, while there deepened

on every face at table a strange shame which is wholly the product

of our time. It is the combination of modern humanitarianism with

the horrible modern abyss between the souls of the rich and poor.

A genuine historic aristocrat would have thrown things at the

waiter, beginning with empty bottles, and very probably ending

with money. A genuine democrat would have asked him, with

comrade-like clearness of speech, what the devil he was doing.

But these modern plutocrats could not bear a poor man near to

them, either as a slave or as a friend. That something had gone

wrong with the servants was merely a dull, hot embarrassment.

They did not want to be brutal, and they dreaded the need to be

benevolent. They wanted the thing, whatever it was, to be over.

It was over. The waiter, after standing for some seconds rigid,

like a cataleptic, turned round and ran madly out of the room.

    When he reappeared in the room, or rather in the doorway, it

was in company with another waiter, with whom he whispered and

gesticulated with southern fierceness. Then the first waiter went

away, leaving the second waiter, and reappeared with a third

waiter. By the time a fourth waiter had joined this hurried

synod, Mr. Audley felt it necessary to break the silence in the

interests of Tact. He used a very loud cough, instead of a

presidential hammer, and said: "Splendid work young Moocher's

doing in Burmah. Now, no other nation in the world could have--"

    A fifth waiter had sped towards him like an arrow, and was

whispering in his ear: "So sorry. Important! Might the proprietor

speak to you?"

    The chairman turned in disorder, and with a dazed stare saw

Mr. Lever coming towards them with his lumbering quickness. The

gait of the good proprietor was indeed his usual gait, but his

face was by no means usual. Generally it was a genial

copper-brown; now it was a sickly yellow.

    "You will pardon me, Mr. Audley," he said, with asthmatic

breathlessness. "I have great apprehensions. Your fish-plates,

they are cleared away with the knife and fork on them!"

    "Well, I hope so," said the chairman, with some warmth.

    "You see him?" panted the excited hotel keeper; "you see the

waiter who took them away? You know him?"

    "Know the waiter?" answered Mr. Audley indignantly. "Certainly

not!"

    Mr. Lever opened his hands with a gesture of agony. "I never

send him," he said. "I know not when or why he come. I send my

waiter to take away the plates, and he find them already away."

    Mr. Audley still looked rather too bewildered to be really the

man the empire wants; none of the company could say anything except

the man of wood--Colonel Pound--who seemed galvanised into an

unnatural life. He rose rigidly from his chair, leaving all the

rest sitting, screwed his eyeglass into his eye, and spoke in a

raucous undertone as if he had half-forgotten how to speak. "Do

you mean," he said, "that somebody has stolen our silver fish

service?"

    The proprietor repeated the open-handed gesture with even

greater helplessness and in a flash all the men at the table were

on their feet.

    "Are all your waiters here?" demanded the colonel, in his low,

harsh accent.

    "Yes; they're all here. I noticed it myself," cried the young

duke, pushing his boyish face into the inmost ring. "Always count

'em as I come in; they look so queer standing up against the wall."

    "But surely one cannot exactly remember," began Mr. Audley,

with heavy hesitation.

    "I remember exactly, I tell you," cried the duke excitedly.

"There never have been more than fifteen waiters at this place,

and there were no more than fifteen tonight, I'll swear; no more

and no less."

    The proprietor turned upon him, quaking in a kind of palsy of

surprise. "You say--you say," he stammered, "that you see all

my fifteen waiters?"

    "As usual," assented the duke. "What is the matter with that!"

    "Nothing," said Lever, with a deepening accent, "only you did

not. For one of zem is dead upstairs."

    There was a shocking stillness for an instant in that room.

It may be (so supernatural is the word death) that each of those

idle men looked for a second at his soul, and saw it as a small

dried pea. One of them--the duke, I think--even said with the

idiotic kindness of wealth: "Is there anything we can do?"

    "He has had a priest," said the Jew, not untouched.

    Then, as to the clang of doom, they awoke to their own

position. For a few weird seconds they had really felt as if the

fifteenth waiter might be the ghost of the dead man upstairs.

They had been dumb under that oppression, for ghosts were to them

an embarrassment, like beggars. But the remembrance of the silver

broke the spell of the miraculous; broke it abruptly and with a

brutal reaction. The colonel flung over his chair and strode to

the door. "If there was a fifteenth man here, friends," he said,

"that fifteenth fellow was a thief. Down at once to the front and

back doors and secure everything; then we'll talk. The twenty-four

pearls of the club are worth recovering."

    Mr. Audley seemed at first to hesitate about whether it was

gentlemanly to be in such a hurry about anything; but, seeing the

duke dash down the stairs with youthful energy, he followed with a

more mature motion.

    At the same instant a sixth waiter ran into the room, and

declared that he had found the pile of fish plates on a sideboard,

with no trace of the silver.

    The crowd of diners and attendants that tumbled helter-skelter

down the passages divided into two groups. Most of the Fishermen

followed the proprietor to the front room to demand news of any

exit. Colonel Pound, with the chairman, the vice-president, and

one or two others darted down the corridor leading to the servants'

quarters, as the more likely line of escape. As they did so they

passed the dim alcove or cavern of the cloak room, and saw a

short, black-coated figure, presumably an attendant, standing a

little way back in the shadow of it.

    "Hallo, there!" called out the duke. "Have you seen anyone

pass?"

    The short figure did not answer the question directly, but

merely said: "Perhaps I have got what you are looking for,

gentlemen."

    They paused, wavering and wondering, while he quietly went to

the back of the cloak room, and came back with both hands full of

shining silver, which he laid out on the counter as calmly as a

salesman. It took the form of a dozen quaintly shaped forks and

knives.

    "You--you--" began the colonel, quite thrown off his

balance at last. Then he peered into the dim little room and saw

two things: first, that the short, black-clad man was dressed like

a clergyman; and, second, that the window of the room behind him

was burst, as if someone had passed violently through. "Valuable

things to deposit in a cloak room, aren't they?" remarked the

clergyman, with cheerful composure.

    "Did--did you steal those things?" stammered Mr. Audley,

with staring eyes.

    "If I did," said the cleric pleasantly, "at least I am bringing

them back again."

    "But you didn't," said Colonel Pound, still staring at the

broken window.

    "To make a clean breast of it, I didn't," said the other, with

some humour. And he seated himself quite gravely on a stool.

"But you know who did," said the, colonel.

    "I don't know his real name," said the priest placidly, "but I

know something of his fighting weight, and a great deal about his

spiritual difficulties. I formed the physical estimate when he was

trying to throttle me, and the moral estimate when he repented."

    "Oh, I say--repented!" cried young Chester, with a sort

of crow of laughter.

    Father Brown got to his feet, putting his hands behind him.

"Odd, isn't it," he said, "that a thief and a vagabond should

repent, when so many who are rich and secure remain hard and

frivolous, and without fruit for God or man? But there, if you

will excuse me, you trespass a little upon my province. If you

doubt the penitence as a practical fact, there are your knives and

forks. You are The Twelve True Fishers, and there are all your

silver fish. But He has made me a fisher of men."

    "Did you catch this man?" asked the colonel, frowning.

    Father Brown looked him full in his frowning face. "Yes," he

said, "I caught him, with an unseen hook and an invisible line

which is long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world,

and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread."

    There was a long silence. All the other men present drifted

away to carry the recovered silver to their comrades, or to consult

the proprietor about the queer condition of affairs. But the

grim-faced colonel still sat sideways on the counter, swinging his

long, lank legs and biting his dark moustache.

    At last he said quietly to the priest: "He must have been a

clever fellow, but I think I know a cleverer."

    "He was a clever fellow," answered the other, "but I am not

quite sure of what other you mean."

    "I mean you," said the colonel, with a short laugh. "I don't

want to get the fellow jailed; make yourself easy about that. But

I'd give a good many silver forks to know exactly how you fell

into this affair, and how you got the stuff out of him. I reckon

you're the most up-to-date devil of the present company."

    Father Brown seemed rather to like the saturnine candour of

the soldier. "Well," he said, smiling, "I mustn't tell you

anything of the man's identity, or his own story, of course; but

there's no particular reason why I shouldn't tell you of the mere

outside facts which I found out for myself."

    He hopped over the barrier with unexpected activity, and sat

beside Colonel Pound, kicking his short legs like a little boy on

a gate. He began to tell the story as easily as if he were

telling it to an old friend by a Christmas fire.

    "You see, colonel," he said, "I was shut up in that small room

there doing some writing, when I heard a pair of feet in this

passage doing a dance that was as queer as the dance of death.

First came quick, funny little steps, like a man walking on tiptoe

for a wager; then came slow, careless, creaking steps, as of a big

man walking about with a cigar. But they were both made by the

same feet, I swear, and they came in rotation; first the run and

then the walk, and then the run again. I wondered at first idly

and then wildly why a man should act these two parts at once. One

walk I knew; it was just like yours, colonel. It was the walk of

a well-fed gentleman waiting for something, who strolls about

rather because he is physically alert than because he is mentally

impatient. I knew that I knew the other walk, too, but I could

not remember what it was. What wild creature had I met on my

travels that tore along on tiptoe in that extraordinary style?

Then I heard a clink of plates somewhere; and the answer stood up

as plain as St. Peter's. It was the walk of a waiter--that walk

with the body slanted forward, the eyes looking down, the ball of

the toe spurning away the ground, the coat tails and napkin flying.

Then I thought for a minute and a half more. And I believe I saw

the manner of the crime, as clearly as if I were going to commit

it."

    Colonel Pound looked at him keenly, but the speaker's mild grey

eyes were fixed upon the ceiling with almost empty wistfulness.

    "A crime," he said slowly, "is like any other work of art.

Don't look surprised; crimes are by no means the only works of art

that come from an infernal workshop. But every work of art, divine

or diabolic, has one indispensable mark--I mean, that the centre

of it is simple, however much the fulfilment may be complicated.

Thus, in Hamlet, let us say, the grotesqueness of the grave-digger,

the flowers of the mad girl, the fantastic finery of Osric, the

pallor of the ghost and the grin of the skull are all oddities in

a sort of tangled wreath round one plain tragic figure of a man in

black. Well, this also," he said, getting slowly down from his

seat with a smile, "this also is the plain tragedy of a man in

black. Yes," he went on, seeing the colonel look up in some

wonder, "the whole of this tale turns on a black coat. In this,

as in Hamlet, there are the rococo excrescences--yourselves, let

us say. There is the dead waiter, who was there when he could not

be there. There is the invisible hand that swept your table clear

of silver and melted into air. But every clever crime is founded

ultimately on some one quite simple fact--some fact that is not

itself mysterious. The mystification comes in covering it up, in

leading men's thoughts away from it. This large and subtle and

(in the ordinary course) most profitable crime, was built on the

plain fact that a gentleman's evening dress is the same as a

waiter's. All the rest was acting, and thundering good acting,

too."

    "Still," said the colonel, getting up and frowning at his

boots, "I am not sure that I understand."

    "Colonel," said Father Brown, "I tell you that this archangel

of impudence who stole your forks walked up and down this passage

twenty times in the blaze of all the lamps, in the glare of all

the eyes. He did not go and hide in dim corners where suspicion

might have searched for him. He kept constantly on the move in

the lighted corridors, and everywhere that he went he seemed to be

there by right. Don't ask me what he was like; you have seen him

yourself six or seven times tonight. You were waiting with all

the other grand people in the reception room at the end of the

passage there, with the terrace just beyond. Whenever he came

among you gentlemen, he came in the lightning style of a waiter,

with bent head, flapping napkin and flying feet. He shot out on

to the terrace, did something to the table cloth, and shot back

again towards the office and the waiters' quarters. By the time

he had come under the eye of the office clerk and the waiters he

had become another man in every inch of his body, in every

instinctive gesture. He strolled among the servants with the

absent-minded insolence which they have all seen in their patrons.

It was no new thing to them that a swell from the dinner party

should pace all parts of the house like an animal at the Zoo; they

know that nothing marks the Smart Set more than a habit of walking

where one chooses. When he was magnificently weary of walking

down that particular passage he would wheel round and pace back

past the office; in the shadow of the arch just beyond he was

altered as by a blast of magic, and went hurrying forward again

among the Twelve Fishermen, an obsequious attendant. Why should

the gentlemen look at a chance waiter? Why should the waiters

suspect a first-rate walking gentleman? Once or twice he played

the coolest tricks. In the proprietor's private quarters he

called out breezily for a syphon of soda water, saying he was

thirsty. He said genially that he would carry it himself, and he

did; he carried it quickly and correctly through the thick of you,

a waiter with an obvious errand. Of course, it could not have

been kept up long, but it only had to be kept up till the end of

the fish course.

    "His worst moment was when the waiters stood in a row; but

even then he contrived to lean against the wall just round the

corner in such a way that for that important instant the waiters

thought him a gentleman, while the gentlemen thought him a waiter.

The rest went like winking. If any waiter caught him away from

the table, that waiter caught a languid aristocrat. He had only

to time himself two minutes before the fish was cleared, become a

swift servant, and clear it himself. He put the plates down on a

sideboard, stuffed the silver in his breast pocket, giving it a

bulgy look, and ran like a hare (I heard him coming) till he came

to the cloak room. There he had only to be a plutocrat again--a

plutocrat called away suddenly on business. He had only to give

his ticket to the cloak-room attendant, and go out again elegantly

as he had come in. Only--only I happened to be the cloak-room

attendant."

    "What did you do to him?" cried the colonel, with unusual

intensity. "What did he tell you?"

    "I beg your pardon," said the priest immovably, "that is where

the story ends."

    "And the interesting story begins," muttered Pound. "I think

I understand his professional trick. But I don't seem to have got

hold of yours."

    "I must be going," said Father Brown.

    They walked together along the passage to the entrance hall,

where they saw the fresh, freckled face of the Duke of Chester,

who was bounding buoyantly along towards them.

    "Come along, Pound," he cried breathlessly. "I've been looking

for you everywhere. The dinner's going again in spanking style,

and old Audley has got to make a speech in honour of the forks

being saved. We want to start some new ceremony, don't you know,

to commemorate the occasion. I say, you really got the goods back,

what do you suggest?"

    "Why," said the colonel, eyeing him with a certain sardonic

approval, "I should suggest that henceforward we wear green coats,

instead of black. One never knows what mistakes may arise when

one looks so like a waiter."

    "Oh, hang it all!" said the young man, "a gentleman never looks

like a waiter."

    "Nor a waiter like a gentleman, I suppose," said Colonel Pound,

with the same lowering laughter on his face. "Reverend sir, your

friend must have been very smart to act the gentleman."

    Father Brown buttoned up his commonplace overcoat to the neck,

for the night was stormy, and took his commonplace umbrella from

the stand.

    "Yes," he said; "it must be very hard work to be a gentleman;

but, do you know, I have sometimes thought that it may be almost

as laborious to be a waiter."

    And saying "Good evening," he pushed open the heavy doors of

that palace of pleasures. The golden gates closed behind him, and

he went at a brisk walk through the damp, dark streets in search

of a penny omnibus.

 

    The Flying Stars

 

"The most beautiful crime I ever committed," Flambeau would say in

his highly moral old age, "was also, by a singular coincidence, my

last. It was committed at Christmas. As an artist I had always

attempted to provide crimes suitable to the special season or

landscapes in which I found myself, choosing this or that terrace

or garden for a catastrophe, as if for a statuary group. Thus

squires should be swindled in long rooms panelled with oak; while

Jews, on the other hand, should rather find themselves unexpectedly

penniless among the lights and screens of the Cafe Riche. Thus,

in England, if I wished to relieve a dean of his riches (which is

not so easy as you might suppose), I wished to frame him, if I

make myself clear, in the green lawns and grey towers of some

cathedral town. Similarly, in France, when I had got money out of

a rich and wicked peasant (which is almost impossible), it

gratified me to get his indignant head relieved against a grey

line of clipped poplars, and those solemn plains of Gaul over

which broods the mighty spirit of Millet.

    "Well, my last crime was a Christmas crime, a cheery, cosy,

English middle-class crime; a crime of Charles Dickens. I did it

in a good old middle-class house near Putney, a house with a

crescent of carriage drive, a house with a stable by the side of

it, a house with the name on the two outer gates, a house with a

monkey tree. Enough, you know the species. I really think my

imitation of Dickens's style was dexterous and literary. It seems

almost a pity I repented the same evening."

    Flambeau would then proceed to tell the story from the inside;

and even from the inside it was odd. Seen from the outside it was

perfectly incomprehensible, and it is from the outside that the

stranger must study it. From this standpoint the drama may be

said to have begun when the front doors of the house with the

stable opened on the garden with the monkey tree, and a young girl

came out with bread to feed the birds on the afternoon of Boxing

Day. She had a pretty face, with brave brown eyes; but her figure

was beyond conjecture, for she was so wrapped up in brown furs

that it was hard to say which was hair and which was fur. But for

the attractive face she might have been a small toddling bear.

    The winter afternoon was reddening towards evening, and

already a ruby light was rolled over the bloomless beds, filling

them, as it were, with the ghosts of the dead roses. On one side

of the house stood the stable, on the other an alley or cloister

of laurels led to the larger garden behind. The young lady, having

scattered bread for the birds (for the fourth or fifth time that

day, because the dog ate it), passed unobutrusively down the lane

of laurels and into a glimmering plantation of evergreens behind.

Here she gave an exclamation of wonder, real or ritual, and looking

up at the high garden wall above her, beheld it fantastically

bestridden by a somewhat fantastic figure.

    "Oh, don't jump, Mr. Crook," she called out in some alarm;

"it's much too high."

    The individual riding the party wall like an aerial horse was

a tall, angular young man, with dark hair sticking up like a hair

brush, intelligent and even distinguished lineaments, but a sallow

and almost alien complexion. This showed the more plainly because

he wore an aggressive red tie, the only part of his costume of

which he seemed to take any care. Perhaps it was a symbol. He

took no notice of the girl's alarmed adjuration, but leapt like a

grasshopper to the ground beside her, where he might very well

have broken his legs.

    "I think I was meant to be a burglar," he said placidly, "and

I have no doubt I should have been if I hadn't happened to be born

in that nice house next door. I can't see any harm in it, anyhow."

    "How can you say such things!" she remonstrated.

    "Well," said the young man, "if you're born on the wrong side

of the wall, I can't see that it's wrong to climb over it."

    "I never know what you will say or do next," she said.

    "I don't often know myself," replied Mr. Crook; "but then I am

on the right side of the wall now."

    "And which is the right side of the wall?" asked the young

lady, smiling.

    "Whichever side you are on," said the young man named Crook.

    As they went together through the laurels towards the front

garden a motor horn sounded thrice, coming nearer and nearer, and

a car of splendid speed, great elegance, and a pale green colour

swept up to the front doors like a bird and stood throbbing.

    "Hullo, hullo!" said the young man with the red tie, "here's

somebody born on the right side, anyhow. I didn't know, Miss

Adams, that your Santa Claus was so modern as this."

    "Oh, that's my godfather, Sir Leopold Fischer. He always

comes on Boxing Day."

    Then, after an innocent pause, which unconsciously betrayed

some lack of enthusiasm, Ruby Adams added:

    "He is very kind."

    John Crook, journalist, had heard of that eminent City magnate;

and it was not his fault if the City magnate had not heard of him;

for in certain articles in The Clarion or The New Age Sir Leopold

had been dealt with austerely. But he said nothing and grimly

watched the unloading of the motor-car, which was rather a long

process. A large, neat chauffeur in green got out from the front,

and a small, neat manservant in grey got out from the back, and

between them they deposited Sir Leopold on the doorstep and began

to unpack him, like some very carefully protected parcel. Rugs

enough to stock a bazaar, furs of all the beasts of the forest,

and scarves of all the colours of the rainbow were unwrapped one

by one, till they revealed something resembling the human form;

the form of a friendly, but foreign-looking old gentleman, with a

grey goat-like beard and a beaming smile, who rubbed his big fur

gloves together.

    Long before this revelation was complete the two big doors of

the porch had opened in the middle, and Colonel Adams (father of

the furry young lady) had come out himself to invite his eminent

guest inside. He was a tall, sunburnt, and very silent man, who

wore a red smoking-cap like a fez, making him look like one of the

English Sirdars or Pashas in Egypt. With him was his

brother-in-law, lately come from Canada, a big and rather

boisterous young gentleman-farmer, with a yellow beard, by name

James Blount. With him also was the more insignificant figure of

the priest from the neighbouring Roman Church; for the colonel's

late wife had been a Catholic, and the children, as is common in

such cases, had been trained to follow her. Everything seemed

undistinguished about the priest, even down to his name, which was

Brown; yet the colonel had always found something companionable

about him, and frequently asked him to such family gatherings.

    In the large entrance hall of the house there was ample room

even for Sir Leopold and the removal of his wraps. Porch and

vestibule, indeed, were unduly large in proportion to the house,

and formed, as it were, a big room with the front door at one end,

and the bottom of the staircase at the other. In front of the

large hall fire, over which hung the colonel's sword, the process

was completed and the company, including the saturnine Crook,

presented to Sir Leopold Fischer. That venerable financier,

however, still seemed struggling with portions of his well-lined

attire, and at length produced from a very interior tail-coat

pocket, a black oval case which he radiantly explained to be his

Christmas present for his god-daughter. With an unaffected

vain-glory that had something disarming about it he held out the

case before them all; it flew open at a touch and half-blinded

them. It was just as if a crystal fountain had spurted in their

eyes. In a nest of orange velvet lay like three eggs, three white

and vivid diamonds that seemed to set the very air on fire all

round them. Fischer stood beaming benevolently and drinking deep

of the astonishment and ecstasy of the girl, the grim admiration

and gruff thanks of the colonel, the wonder of the whole group.

    "I'll put 'em back now, my dear," said Fischer, returning the

case to the tails of his coat. "I had to be careful of 'em coming

down. They're the three great African diamonds called `The Flying

Stars,' because they've been stolen so often. All the big

criminals are on the track; but even the rough men about in the

streets and hotels could hardly have kept their hands off them.

I might have lost them on the road here. It was quite possible."

    "Quite natural, I should say," growled the man in the red tie.

"I shouldn't blame 'em if they had taken 'em. When they ask for

bread, and you don't even give them a stone, I think they might

take the stone for themselves."

    "I won't have you talking like that," cried the girl, who was

in a curious glow. "You've only talked like that since you became

a horrid what's-his-name. You know what I mean. What do you call

a man who wants to embrace the chimney-sweep?"

    "A saint," said Father Brown.

    "I think," said Sir Leopold, with a supercilious smile, "that

Ruby means a Socialist."

    "A radical does not mean a man who lives on radishes," remarked

Crook, with some impatience; and a Conservative does not mean a

man who preserves jam. Neither, I assure you, does a Socialist

mean a man who desires a social evening with the chimney-sweep. A

Socialist means a man who wants all the chimneys swept and all the

chimney-sweeps paid for it."

    "But who won't allow you," put in the priest in a low voice,

"to own your own soot."

    Crook looked at him with an eye of interest and even respect.

"Does one want to own soot?" he asked.

    "One might," answered Brown, with speculation in his eye.

"I've heard that gardeners use it. And I once made six children

happy at Christmas when the conjuror didn't come, entirely with

soot--applied externally."

    "Oh, splendid," cried Ruby. "Oh, I wish you'd do it to this

company."

    The boisterous Canadian, Mr. Blount, was lifting his loud

voice in applause, and the astonished financier his (in some

considerable deprecation), when a knock sounded at the double

front doors. The priest opened them, and they showed again the

front garden of evergreens, monkey-tree and all, now gathering

gloom against a gorgeous violet sunset. The scene thus framed was

so coloured and quaint, like a back scene in a play, that they

forgot a moment the insignificant figure standing in the door. He

was dusty-looking and in a frayed coat, evidently a common

messenger. "Any of you gentlemen Mr. Blount?" he asked, and held

forward a letter doubtfully. Mr. Blount started, and stopped in

his shout of assent. Ripping up the envelope with evident

astonishment he read it; his face clouded a little, and then

cleared, and he turned to his brother-in-law and host.

    "I'm sick at being such a nuisance, colonel," he said, with

the cheery colonial conventions; "but would it upset you if an old

acquaintance called on me here tonight on business? In point of

fact it's Florian, that famous French acrobat and comic actor; I

knew him years ago out West (he was a French-Canadian by birth),

and he seems to have business for me, though I hardly guess what."

    "Of course, of course," replied the colonel carelessly--"My

dear chap, any friend of yours. No doubt he will prove an

acquisition."

    "He'll black his face, if that's what you mean," cried Blount,

laughing. "I don't doubt he'd black everyone else's eyes. I don't

care; I'm not refined. I like the jolly old pantomime where a man

sits on his top hat."

    "Not on mine, please," said Sir Leopold Fischer, with dignity.

    "Well, well," observed Crook, airily, "don't let's quarrel.

There are lower jokes than sitting on a top hat."

    Dislike of the red-tied youth, born of his predatory opinions

and evident intimacy with the pretty godchild, led Fischer to say,

in his most sarcastic, magisterial manner: "No doubt you have found

something much lower than sitting on a top hat. What is it, pray?"

    "Letting a top hat sit on you, for instance," said the

Socialist.

    "Now, now, now," cried the Canadian farmer with his barbarian

benevolence, "don't let's spoil a jolly evening. What I say is,

let's do something for the company tonight. Not blacking faces or

sitting on hats, if you don't like those--but something of the

sort. Why couldn't we have a proper old English pantomime--

clown, columbine, and so on. I saw one when I left England at

twelve years old, and it's blazed in my brain like a bonfire ever

since. I came back to the old country only last year, and I find

the thing's extinct. Nothing but a lot of snivelling fairy plays.

I want a hot poker and a policeman made into sausages, and they

give me princesses moralising by moonlight, Blue Birds, or

something. Blue Beard's more in my line, and him I like best when

he turned into the pantaloon."

    "I'm all for making a policeman into sausages," said John

Crook. "It's a better definition of Socialism than some recently

given. But surely the get-up would be too big a business."

    "Not a scrap," cried Blount, quite carried away. "A

harlequinade's the quickest thing we can do, for two reasons.

First, one can gag to any degree; and, second, all the objects are

household things--tables and towel-horses and washing baskets,

and things like that."

    "That's true," admitted Crook, nodding eagerly and walking

about. "But I'm afraid I can't have my policeman's uniform?

Haven't killed a policeman lately."

    Blount frowned thoughtfully a space, and then smote his thigh.

"Yes, we can!" he cried. "I've got Florian's address here, and he

knows every costumier in London. I'll phone him to bring a police

dress when he comes." And he went bounding away to the telephone.

    "Oh, it's glorious, godfather," cried Ruby, almost dancing.

"I'll be columbine and you shall be pantaloon."

    The millionaire held himself stiff with a sort of heathen

solemnity. "I think, my dear," he said, "you must get someone

else for pantaloon."

    "I will be pantaloon, if you like," said Colonel Adams, taking

his cigar out of his mouth, and speaking for the first and last

time.

    "You ought to have a statue," cried the Canadian, as he came

back, radiant, from the telephone. "There, we are all fitted.

Mr. Crook shall be clown; he's a journalist and knows all the

oldest jokes. I can be harlequin, that only wants long legs and

jumping about. My friend Florian 'phones he's bringing the police

costume; he's changing on the way. We can act it in this very

hall, the audience sitting on those broad stairs opposite, one row

above another. These front doors can be the back scene, either

open or shut. Shut, you see an English interior. Open, a moonlit

garden. It all goes by magic." And snatching a chance piece of

billiard chalk from his pocket, he ran it across the hall floor,

half-way between the front door and the staircase, to mark the

line of the footlights.

    How even such a banquet of bosh was got ready in the time

remained a riddle. But they went at it with that mixture of

recklessness and industry that lives when youth is in a house; and

youth was in that house that night, though not all may have

isolated the two faces and hearts from which it flamed. As always

happens, the invention grew wilder and wilder through the very

tameness of the bourgeois conventions from which it had to create.

The columbine looked charming in an outstanding skirt that

strangely resembled the large lamp-shade in the drawing-room. The

clown and pantaloon made themselves white with flour from the cook,

and red with rouge from some other domestic, who remained (like

all true Christian benefactors) anonymous. The harlequin, already

clad in silver paper out of cigar boxes, was, with difficulty,

prevented from smashing the old Victorian lustre chandeliers, that

he might cover himself with resplendent crystals. In fact he

would certainly have done so, had not Ruby unearthed some old

pantomime paste jewels she had worn at a fancy dress party as the

Queen of Diamonds. Indeed, her uncle, James Blount, was getting

almost out of hand in his excitement; he was like a schoolboy. He

put a paper donkey's head unexpectedly on Father Brown, who bore

it patiently, and even found some private manner of moving his

ears. He even essayed to put the paper donkey's tail to the

coat-tails of Sir Leopold Fischer. This, however, was frowned

down. "Uncle is too absurd," cried Ruby to Crook, round whose

shoulders she had seriously placed a string of sausages. "Why is

he so wild?"

    "He is harlequin to your columbine," said Crook. "I am only

the clown who makes the old jokes."

    "I wish you were the harlequin," she said, and left the string

of sausages swinging.

    Father Brown, though he knew every detail done behind the

scenes, and had even evoked applause by his transformation of a

pillow into a pantomime baby, went round to the front and sat

among the audience with all the solemn expectation of a child at

his first matinee. The spectators were few, relations, one or two

local friends, and the servants; Sir Leopold sat in the front

seat, his full and still fur-collared figure largely obscuring the

view of the little cleric behind him; but it has never been

settled by artistic authorities whether the cleric lost much. The

pantomime was utterly chaotic, yet not contemptible; there ran

through it a rage of improvisation which came chiefly from Crook

the clown. Commonly he was a clever man, and he was inspired

tonight with a wild omniscience, a folly wiser than the world,

that which comes to a young man who has seen for an instant a

particular expression on a particular face. He was supposed to be

the clown, but he was really almost everything else, the author

(so far as there was an author), the prompter, the scene-painter,

the scene-shifter, and, above all, the orchestra. At abrupt

intervals in the outrageous performance he would hurl himself in

full costume at the piano and bang out some popular music equally

absurd and appropriate.

    The climax of this, as of all else, was the moment when the

two front doors at the back of the scene flew open, showing the

lovely moonlit garden, but showing more prominently the famous

professional guest; the great Florian, dressed up as a policeman.

The clown at the piano played the constabulary chorus in the

"Pirates of Penzance," but it was drowned in the deafening

applause, for every gesture of the great comic actor was an

admirable though restrained version of the carriage and manner of

the police. The harlequin leapt upon him and hit him over the

helmet; the pianist playing "Where did you get that hat?" he faced

about in admirably simulated astonishment, and then the leaping

harlequin hit him again (the pianist suggesting a few bars of

"Then we had another one"). Then the harlequin rushed right into

the arms of the policeman and fell on top of him, amid a roar of

applause. Then it was that the strange actor gave that celebrated

imitation of a dead man, of which the fame still lingers round

Putney. It was almost impossible to believe that a living person

could appear so limp.

    The athletic harlequin swung him about like a sack or twisted

or tossed him like an Indian club; all the time to the most

maddeningly ludicrous tunes from the piano. When the harlequin

heaved the comic constable heavily off the floor the clown played

"I arise from dreams of thee." When he shuffled him across his

back, "With my bundle on my shoulder," and when the harlequin

finally let fall the policeman with a most convincing thud, the

lunatic at the instrument struck into a jingling measure with some

words which are still believed to have been, "I sent a letter to

my love and on the way I dropped it."

    At about this limit of mental anarchy Father Brown's view was

obscured altogether; for the City magnate in front of him rose to

his full height and thrust his hands savagely into all his pockets.

Then he sat down nervously, still fumbling, and then stood up

again. For an instant it seemed seriously likely that he would

stride across the footlights; then he turned a glare at the clown

playing the piano; and then he burst in silence out of the room.

    The priest had only watched for a few more minutes the absurd

but not inelegant dance of the amateur harlequin over his

splendidly unconscious foe. With real though rude art, the

harlequin danced slowly backwards out of the door into the garden,

which was full of moonlight and stillness. The vamped dress of

silver paper and paste, which had been too glaring in the

footlights, looked more and more magical and silvery as it danced

away under a brilliant moon. The audience was closing in with a

cataract of applause, when Brown felt his arm abruptly touched,

and he was asked in a whisper to come into the colonel's study.

    He followed his summoner with increasing doubt, which was not

dispelled by a solemn comicality in the scene of the study. There

sat Colonel Adams, still unaffectedly dressed as a pantaloon, with

the knobbed whalebone nodding above his brow, but with his poor

old eyes sad enough to have sobered a Saturnalia. Sir Leopold

Fischer was leaning against the mantelpiece and heaving with all

the importance of panic.

    "This is a very painful matter, Father Brown," said Adams.

"The truth is, those diamonds we all saw this afternoon seem to

have vanished from my friend's tail-coat pocket. And as you--"

    "As I," supplemented Father Brown, with a broad grin, "was

sitting just behind him--"

    "Nothing of the sort shall be suggested," said Colonel Adams,

with a firm look at Fischer, which rather implied that some such

thing had been suggested. "I only ask you to give me the

assistance that any gentleman might give."

    "Which is turning out his pockets," said Father Brown, and

proceeded to do so, displaying seven and sixpence, a return

ticket, a small silver crucifix, a small breviary, and a stick of

chocolate.

    The colonel looked at him long, and then said, "Do you know, I

should like to see the inside of your head more than the inside of

your pockets. My daughter is one of your people, I know; well,

she has lately--" and he stopped.

    "She has lately," cried out old Fischer, "opened her father's

house to a cut-throat Socialist, who says openly he would steal

anything from a richer man. This is the end of it. Here is the

richer man--and none the richer."

    "If you want the inside of my head you can have it," said

Brown rather wearily. "What it's worth you can say afterwards.

But the first thing I find in that disused pocket is this: that

men who mean to steal diamonds don't talk Socialism. They are

more likely," he added demurely, "to denounce it."

    Both the others shifted sharply and the priest went on:

    "You see, we know these people, more or less. That Socialist

would no more steal a diamond than a Pyramid. We ought to look at

once to the one man we don't know. The fellow acting the policeman

--Florian. Where is he exactly at this minute, I wonder."

    The pantaloon sprang erect and strode out of the room. An

interlude ensued, during which the millionaire stared at the

priest, and the priest at his breviary; then the pantaloon

returned and said, with staccato gravity, "The policeman is still

lying on the stage. The curtain has gone up and down six times;

he is still lying there."

    Father Brown dropped his book and stood staring with a look of

blank mental ruin. Very slowly a light began to creep in his grey

eyes, and then he made the scarcely obvious answer.

    "Please forgive me, colonel, but when did your wife die?"

    "Wife!" replied the staring soldier, "she died this year two

months. Her brother James arrived just a week too late to see

her."

    The little priest bounded like a rabbit shot. "Come on!" he

cried in quite unusual excitement. "Come on! We've got to go and

look at that policeman!"

    They rushed on to the now curtained stage, breaking rudely past

the columbine and clown (who seemed whispering quite contentedly),

and Father Brown bent over the prostrate comic policeman.

    "Chloroform," he said as he rose; "I only guessed it just now."

    There was a startled stillness, and then the colonel said

slowly, "Please say seriously what all this means."

    Father Brown suddenly shouted with laughter, then stopped, and

only struggled with it for instants during the rest of his speech.

"Gentlemen," he gasped, "there's not much time to talk. I must

run after the criminal. But this great French actor who played

the policeman--this clever corpse the harlequin waltzed with and

dandled and threw about--he was--" His voice again failed him,

and he turned his back to run.

    "He was?" called Fischer inquiringly.

    "A real policeman," said Father Brown, and ran away into the

dark.

    There were hollows and bowers at the extreme end of that leafy

garden, in which the laurels and other immortal shrubs showed

against sapphire sky and silver moon, even in that midwinter, warm

colours as of the south. The green gaiety of the waving laurels,

the rich purple indigo of the night, the moon like a monstrous

crystal, make an almost irresponsible romantic picture; and among

the top branches of the garden trees a strange figure is climbing,

who looks not so much romantic as impossible. He sparkles from

head to heel, as if clad in ten million moons; the real moon

catches him at every movement and sets a new inch of him on fire.

But he swings, flashing and successful, from the short tree in

this garden to the tall, rambling tree in the other, and only

stops there because a shade has slid under the smaller tree and

has unmistakably called up to him.

    "Well, Flambeau," says the voice, "you really look like a

Flying Star; but that always means a Falling Star at last."

    The silver, sparkling figure above seems to lean forward in

the laurels and, confident of escape, listens to the little figure

below.

    "You never did anything better, Flambeau. It was clever to

come from Canada (with a Paris ticket, I suppose) just a week after

Mrs. Adams died, when no one was in a mood to ask questions. It

was cleverer to have marked down the Flying Stars and the very day

of Fischer's coming. But there's no cleverness, but mere genius,

in what followed. Stealing the stones, I suppose, was nothing to

you. You could have done it by sleight of hand in a hundred other

ways besides that pretence of putting a paper donkey's tail to

Fischer's coat. But in the rest you eclipsed yourself."

    The silvery figure among the green leaves seems to linger as

if hypnotised, though his escape is easy behind him; he is staring

at the man below.

    "Oh, yes," says the man below, "I know all about it. I know

you not only forced the pantomime, but put it to a double use. You

were going to steal the stones quietly; news came by an accomplice

that you were already suspected, and a capable police officer was

coming to rout you up that very night. A common thief would have

been thankful for the warning and fled; but you are a poet. You

already had the clever notion of hiding the jewels in a blaze of

false stage jewellery. Now, you saw that if the dress were a

harlequin's the appearance of a policeman would be quite in

keeping. The worthy officer started from Putney police station to

find you, and walked into the queerest trap ever set in this world.

When the front door opened he walked straight on to the stage of a

Christmas pantomime, where he could be kicked, clubbed, stunned

and drugged by the dancing harlequin, amid roars of laughter from

all the most respectable people in Putney. Oh, you will never do

anything better. And now, by the way, you might give me back

those diamonds."

    The green branch on which the glittering figure swung, rustled

as if in astonishment; but the voice went on:

    "I want you to give them back, Flambeau, and I want you to give

up this life. There is still youth and honour and humour in you;

don't fancy they will last in that trade. Men may keep a sort of

level of good, but no man has ever been able to keep on one level

of evil. That road goes down and down. The kind man drinks and

turns cruel; the frank man kills and lies about it. Many a man

I've known started like you to be an honest outlaw, a merry robber

of the rich, and ended stamped into slime. Maurice Blum started

out as an anarchist of principle, a father of the poor; he ended a

greasy spy and tale-bearer that both sides used and despised.

Harry Burke started his free money movement sincerely enough; now

he's sponging on a half-starved sister for endless brandies and

sodas. Lord Amber went into wild society in a sort of chivalry;

now he's paying blackmail to the lowest vultures in London.

Captain Barillon was the great gentleman-apache before your time;

he died in a madhouse, screaming with fear of the "narks" and

receivers that had betrayed him and hunted him down. I know the

woods look very free behind you, Flambeau; I know that in a flash

you could melt into them like a monkey. But some day you will be

an old grey monkey, Flambeau. You will sit up in your free forest

cold at heart and close to death, and the tree-tops will be very

bare."

    Everything continued still, as if the small man below held the

other in the tree in some long invisible leash; and he went on:

    "Your downward steps have begun. You used to boast of doing

nothing mean, but you are doing something mean tonight. You are

leaving suspicion on an honest boy with a good deal against him

already; you are separating him from the woman he loves and who

loves him. But you will do meaner things than that before you

die."

    Three flashing diamonds fell from the tree to the turf. The

small man stooped to pick them up, and when he looked up again the

green cage of the tree was emptied of its silver bird.

    The restoration of the gems (accidentally picked up by Father

Brown, of all people) ended the evening in uproarious triumph; and

Sir Leopold, in his height of good humour, even told the priest

that though he himself had broader views, he could respect those

whose creed required them to be cloistered and ignorant of this

world.

 

    The Invisible Man

 

In the cool blue twilight of two steep streets in Camden Town, the

shop at the corner, a confectioner's, glowed like the butt of a

cigar. One should rather say, perhaps, like the butt of a

firework,

for the light was of many colours and some complexity, broken up

by many mirrors and dancing on many gilt and gaily-coloured cakes

and sweetmeats. Against this one fiery glass were glued the noses

of many gutter-snipes, for the chocolates were all wrapped in

those red and gold and green metallic colours which are almost

better than chocolate itself; and the huge white wedding-cake in

the window was somehow at once remote and satisfying, just as if

the whole North Pole were good to eat. Such rainbow provocations

could naturally collect the youth of the neighbourhood up to the

ages of ten or twelve. But this corner was also attractive to

youth at a later stage; and a young man, not less than twenty-four,

was staring into the same shop window. To him, also, the shop was

of fiery charm, but this attraction was not wholly to be explained

by chocolates; which, however, he was far from despising.

    He was a tall, burly, red-haired young man, with a resolute

face but a listless manner. He carried under his arm a flat, grey

portfolio of black-and-white sketches, which he had sold with more

or less success to publishers ever since his uncle (who was an

admiral) had disinherited him for Socialism, because of a lecture

which he had delivered against that economic theory. His name was

John Turnbull Angus.

    Entering at last, he walked through the confectioner's shop to

the back room, which was a sort of pastry-cook restaurant, merely

raising his hat to the young lady who was serving there. She was

a dark, elegant, alert girl in black, with a high colour and very

quick, dark eyes; and after the ordinary interval she followed him

into the inner room to take his order.

    His order was evidently a usual one. "I want, please," he

said with precision, "one halfpenny bun and a small cup of black

coffee." An instant before the girl could turn away he added,

"Also, I want you to marry me."

    The young lady of the shop stiffened suddenly and said, "Those

are jokes I don't allow."

    The red-haired young man lifted grey eyes of an unexpected

gravity.

    "Really and truly," he said, "it's as serious--as serious as

the halfpenny bun. It is expensive, like the bun; one pays for

it. It is indigestible, like the bun. It hurts."

    The dark young lady had never taken her dark eyes off him, but

seemed to be studying him with almost tragic exactitude. At the

end of her scrutiny she had something like the shadow of a smile,

and she sat down in a chair.

    "Don't you think," observed Angus, absently, "that it's rather

cruel to eat these halfpenny buns? They might grow up into penny

buns. I shall give up these brutal sports when we are married."

    The dark young lady rose from her chair and walked to the

window, evidently in a state of strong but not unsympathetic

cogitation. When at last she swung round again with an air of

resolution she was bewildered to observe that the young man was

carefully laying out on the table various objects from the

shop-window. They included a pyramid of highly coloured sweets,

several plates of sandwiches, and the two decanters containing

that mysterious port and sherry which are peculiar to pastry-cooks.

In the middle of this neat arrangement he had carefully let down

the enormous load of white sugared cake which had been the huge

ornament of the window.

    "What on earth are you doing?" she asked.

    "Duty, my dear Laura," he began.

    "Oh, for the Lord's sake, stop a minute," she cried, "and

don't talk to me in that way. I mean, what is all that?"

    "A ceremonial meal, Miss Hope."

    "And what is that?" she asked impatiently, pointing to the

mountain of sugar.

    "The wedding-cake, Mrs. Angus," he said.

    The girl marched to that article, removed it with some

clatter, and put it back in the shop window; she then returned,

and, putting her elegant elbows on the table, regarded the young

man not unfavourably but with considerable exasperation.

    "You don't give me any time to think," she said.

    "I'm not such a fool," he answered; "that's my Christian

humility."

    She was still looking at him; but she had grown considerably

graver behind the smile.

    "Mr. Angus," she said steadily, "before there is a minute more

of this nonsense I must tell you something about myself as shortly

as I can.'"

    "Delighted," replied Angus gravely. "You might tell me

something about myself, too, while you are about it."

    "Oh, do hold your tongue and listen," she said. "It's nothing

that I'm ashamed of, and it isn't even anything that I'm specially

sorry about. But what would you say if there were something that

is no business of mine and yet is my nightmare?"

    "In that case," said the man seriously, "I should suggest that

you bring back the cake."

    "Well, you must listen to the story first," said Laura,

persistently. "To begin with, I must tell you that my father

owned the inn called the `Red Fish' at Ludbury, and I used to

serve people in the bar."

    "I have often wondered," he said, "why there was a kind of a

Christian air about this one confectioner's shop."

    "Ludbury is a sleepy, grassy little hole in the Eastern

Counties, and the only kind of people who ever came to the `Red

Fish' were occasional commercial travellers, and for the rest, the

most awful people you can see, only you've never seen them. I

mean little, loungy men, who had just enough to live on and had

nothing to do but lean about in bar-rooms and bet on horses, in

bad clothes that were just too good for them. Even these wretched

young rotters were not very common at our house; but there were

two of them that were a lot too common--common in every sort of

way. They both lived on money of their own, and were wearisomely

idle and over-dressed. But yet I was a bit sorry for them, because

I half believe they slunk into our little empty bar because each

of them had a slight deformity; the sort of thing that some yokels

laugh at. It wasn't exactly a deformity either; it was more an

oddity. One of them was a surprisingly small man, something like

a dwarf, or at least like a jockey. He was not at all jockeyish

to look at, though; he had a round black head and a well-trimmed

black beard, bright eyes like a bird's; he jingled money in his

pockets; he jangled a great gold watch chain; and he never turned

up except dressed just too much like a gentleman to be one. He

was no fool though, though a futile idler; he was curiously clever

at all kinds of things that couldn't be the slightest use; a sort

of impromptu conjuring; making fifteen matches set fire to each

other like a regular firework; or cutting a banana or some such

thing into a dancing doll. His name was Isidore Smythe; and I can

see him still, with his little dark face, just coming up to the

counter, making a jumping kangaroo out of five cigars.

    "The other fellow was more silent and more ordinary; but

somehow he alarmed me much more than poor little Smythe. He was

very tall and slight, and light-haired; his nose had a high bridge,

and he might almost have been handsome in a spectral sort of way;

but he had one of the most appalling squints I have ever seen or

heard of. When he looked straight at you, you didn't know where

you were yourself, let alone what he was looking at. I fancy this

sort of disfigurement embittered the poor chap a little; for while

Smythe was ready to show off his monkey tricks anywhere, James

Welkin (that was the squinting man's name) never did anything

except soak in our bar parlour, and go for great walks by himself

in the flat, grey country all round. All the same, I think Smythe,

too, was a little sensitive about being so small, though he carried

it off more smartly. And so it was that I was really puzzled, as

well as startled, and very sorry, when they both offered to marry

me in the same week.

    "Well, I did what I've since thought was perhaps a silly thing.

But, after all, these freaks were my friends in a way; and I had a

horror of their thinking I refused them for the real reason, which

was that they were so impossibly ugly. So I made up some gas of

another sort, about never meaning to marry anyone who hadn't

carved his way in the world. I said it was a point of principle

with me not to live on money that was just inherited like theirs.

Two days after I had talked in this well-meaning sort of way, the

whole trouble began. The first thing I heard was that both of

them had gone off to seek their fortunes, as if they were in some

silly fairy tale.

    "Well, I've never seen either of them from that day to this.

But I've had two letters from the little man called Smythe, and

really they were rather exciting."

    "Ever heard of the other man?" asked Angus.

    "No, he never wrote," said the girl, after an instant's

hesitation. "Smythe's first letter was simply to say that he had

started out walking with Welkin to London; but Welkin was such a

good walker that the little man dropped out of it, and took a rest

by the roadside. He happened to be picked up by some travelling

show, and, partly because he was nearly a dwarf, and partly

because he was really a clever little wretch, he got on quite well

in the show business, and was soon sent up to the Aquarium, to do

some tricks that I forget. That was his first letter. His second

was much more of a startler, and I only got it last week."

    The man called Angus emptied his coffee-cup and regarded her

with mild and patient eyes. Her own mouth took a slight twist of

laughter as she resumed, "I suppose you've seen on the hoardings

all about this `Smythe's Silent Service'? Or you must be the only

person that hasn't. Oh, I don't know much about it, it's some

clockwork invention for doing all the housework by machinery. You

know the sort of thing: `Press a Button--A Butler who Never

Drinks.' `Turn a Handle--Ten Housemaids who Never Flirt.' You

must have seen the advertisements. Well, whatever these machines

are, they are making pots of money; and they are making it all for

that little imp whom I knew down in Ludbury. I can't help feeling

pleased the poor little chap has fallen on his feet; but the plain

fact is, I'm in terror of his turning up any minute and telling me

he's carved his way in the world --as he certainly has."

    "And the other man?" repeated Angus with a sort of obstinate

quietude.

    Laura Hope got to her feet suddenly. "My friend," she said,

"I think you are a witch. Yes, you are quite right. I have not

seen a line of the other man's writing; and I have no more notion

than the dead of what or where he is. But it is of him that I am

frightened. It is he who is all about my path. It is he who has

half driven me mad. Indeed, I think he has driven me mad; for I

have felt him where he could not have been, and I have heard his

voice when he could not have spoken."

    "Well, my dear," said the young man, cheerfully, "if he were

Satan himself, he is done for now you have told somebody. One

goes mad all alone, old girl. But when was it you fancied you

felt and heard our squinting friend?"

    "I heard James Welkin laugh as plainly as I hear you speak,"

said the girl, steadily. "There was nobody there, for I stood

just outside the shop at the corner, and could see down both

streets at once. I had forgotten how he laughed, though his laugh

was as odd as his squint. I had not thought of him for nearly a

year. But it's a solemn truth that a few seconds later the first

letter came from his rival."

    "Did you ever make the spectre speak or squeak, or anything?"

asked Angus, with some interest.

    Laura suddenly shuddered, and then said, with an unshaken

voice, "Yes. Just when I had finished reading the second letter

from Isidore Smythe announcing his success. Just then, I heard

Welkin say, `He shan't have you, though.' It was quite plain, as

if he were in the room. It is awful, I think I must be mad."

    "If you really were mad," said the young man, "you would think

you must be sane. But certainly there seems to me to be something

a little rum about this unseen gentleman. Two heads are better

than one--I spare you allusions to any other organs and really,

if you would allow me, as a sturdy, practical man, to bring back

the wedding-cake out of the window--"

    Even as he spoke, there was a sort of steely shriek in the

street outside, and a small motor, driven at devilish speed, shot

up to the door of the shop and stuck there. In the same flash of

time a small man in a shiny top hat stood stamping in the outer

room.

    Angus, who had hitherto maintained hilarious ease from motives

of mental hygiene, revealed the strain of his soul by striding

abruptly out of the inner room and confronting the new-comer. A

glance at him was quite sufficient to confirm the savage guesswork

of a man in love. This very dapper but dwarfish figure, with the

spike of black beard carried insolently forward, the clever

unrestful eyes, the neat but very nervous fingers, could be none

other than the man just described to him: Isidore Smythe, who made

dolls out of banana skins and match-boxes; Isidore Smythe, who

made millions out of undrinking butlers and unflirting housemaids

of metal. For a moment the two men, instinctively understanding

each other's air of possession, looked at each other with that

curious cold generosity which is the soul of rivalry.

    Mr. Smythe, however, made no allusion to the ultimate ground

of their antagonism, but said simply and explosively, "Has Miss

Hope seen that thing on the window?"

    "On the window?" repeated the staring Angus.

    "There's no time to explain other things," said the small

millionaire shortly. "There's some tomfoolery going on here that

has to be investigated."

    He pointed his polished walking-stick at the window, recently

depleted by the bridal preparations of Mr. Angus; and that

gentleman was astonished to see along the front of the glass a

long strip of paper pasted, which had certainly not been on the

window when he looked through it some time before. Following the

energetic Smythe outside into the street, he found that some yard

and a half of stamp paper had been carefully gummed along the

glass outside, and on this was written in straggly characters,

"If you marry Smythe, he will die."

    "Laura," said Angus, putting his big red head into the shop,

"you're not mad."

    "It's the writing of that fellow Welkin," said Smythe gruffly.

"I haven't seen him for years, but he's always bothering me. Five

times in the last fortnight he's had threatening letters left at my

flat, and I can't even find out who leaves them, let alone if it is

Welkin himself. The porter of the flats swears that no suspicious

characters have been seen, and here he has pasted up a sort of dado

on a public shop window, while the people in the shop--"

    "Quite so," said Angus modestly, "while the people in the shop

were having tea. Well, sir, I can assure you I appreciate your

common sense in dealing so directly with the matter. We can talk

about other things afterwards. The fellow cannot be very far off

yet, for I swear there was no paper there when I went last to the

window, ten or fifteen minutes ago. On the other hand, he's too

far off to be chased, as we don't even know the direction. If

you'll take my advice, Mr. Smythe, you'll put this at once in the

hands of some energetic inquiry man, private rather than public.

I know an extremely clever fellow, who has set up in business five

minutes from here in your car. His name's Flambeau, and though

his youth was a bit stormy, he's a strictly honest man now, and

his brains are worth money. He lives in Lucknow Mansions,

Hampstead."

    "That is odd," said the little man, arching his black

eyebrows. "I live, myself, in Himylaya Mansions, round the

corner. Perhaps you might care to come with me; I can go to my

rooms and sort out these queer Welkin documents, while you run

round and get your friend the detective."

    "You are very good," said Angus politely. "Well, the sooner

we act the better."

    Both men, with a queer kind of impromptu fairness, took the

same sort of formal farewell of the lady, and both jumped into the

brisk little car. As Smythe took the handles and they turned the

great corner of the street, Angus was amused to see a gigantesque

poster of "Smythe's Silent Service," with a picture of a huge

headless iron doll, carrying a saucepan with the legend, "A Cook

Who is Never Cross."

    "I use them in my own flat," said the little black-bearded

man, laughing, "partly for advertisements, and partly for real

convenience. Honestly, and all above board, those big clockwork

dolls of mine do bring your coals or claret or a timetable quicker

than any live servants I've ever known, if you know which knob to

press. But I'll never deny, between ourselves, that such servants

have their disadvantages, too.

    "Indeed?" said Angus; "is there something they can't do?"

    "Yes," replied Smythe coolly; "they can't tell me who left

those threatening letters at my flat."

    The man's motor was small and swift like himself; in fact,

like his domestic service, it was of his own invention. If he was

an advertising quack, he was one who believed in his own wares.

The sense of something tiny and flying was accentuated as they

swept up long white curves of road in the dead but open daylight

of evening. Soon the white curves came sharper and dizzier; they

were upon ascending spirals, as they say in the modern religions.

For, indeed, they were cresting a corner of London which is almost

as precipitous as Edinburgh, if not quite so picturesque. Terrace

rose above terrace, and the special tower of flats they sought,

rose above them all to almost Egyptian height, gilt by the level

sunset. The change, as they turned the corner and entered the

crescent known as Himylaya Mansions, was as abrupt as the opening

of a window; for they found that pile of flats sitting above

London as above a green sea of slate. Opposite to the mansions,

on the other side of the gravel crescent, was a bushy enclosure

more like a steep hedge or dyke than a garden, and some way below

that ran a strip of artificial water, a sort of canal, like the

moat of that embowered fortress. As the car swept round the

crescent it passed, at one corner, the stray stall of a man

selling chestnuts; and right away at the other end of the curve,

Angus could see a dim blue policeman walking slowly. These were

the only human shapes in that high suburban solitude; but he had

an irrational sense that they expressed the speechless poetry of

London. He felt as if they were figures in a story.

    The little car shot up to the right house like a bullet, and

shot out its owner like a bomb shell. He was immediately

inquiring of a tall commissionaire in shining braid, and a short

porter in shirt sleeves, whether anybody or anything had been

seeking his apartments. He was assured that nobody and nothing

had passed these officials since his last inquiries; whereupon he

and the slightly bewildered Angus were shot up in the lift like a

rocket, till they reached the top floor.

    "Just come in for a minute," said the breathless Smythe. "I

want to show you those Welkin letters. Then you might run round

the corner and fetch your friend." He pressed a button concealed

in the wall, and the door opened of itself.

    It opened on a long, commodious ante-room, of which the only

arresting features, ordinarily speaking, were the rows of tall

half-human mechanical figures that stood up on both sides like

tailors' dummies. Like tailors' dummies they were headless; and

like tailors' dummies they had a handsome unnecessary humpiness in

the shoulders, and a pigeon-breasted protuberance of chest; but

barring this, they were not much more like a human figure than any

automatic machine at a station that is about the human height.

They had two great hooks like arms, for carrying trays; and they

were painted pea-green, or vermilion, or black for convenience of

distinction; in every other way they were only automatic machines

and nobody would have looked twice at them. On this occasion, at

least, nobody did. For between the two rows of these domestic

dummies lay something more interesting than most of the mechanics

of the world. It was a white, tattered scrap of paper scrawled

with red ink; and the agile inventor had snatched it up almost as

soon as the door flew open. He handed it to Angus without a word.

The red ink on it actually was not dry, and the message ran, "If

you have been to see her today, I shall kill you."

    There was a short silence, and then Isidore Smythe said

quietly, "Would you like a little whiskey? I rather feel as if I

should."

    "Thank you; I should like a little Flambeau," said Angus,

gloomily. "This business seems to me to be getting rather grave.

I'm going round at once to fetch him."

    "Right you are," said the other, with admirable cheerfulness.

"Bring him round here as quick as you can."

    But as Angus closed the front door behind him he saw Smythe

push back a button, and one of the clockwork images glided from

its place and slid along a groove in the floor carrying a tray

with syphon and decanter. There did seem something a trifle weird

about leaving the little man alone among those dead servants, who

were coming to life as the door closed.

    Six steps down from Smythe's landing the man in shirt sleeves

was doing something with a pail. Angus stopped to extract a

promise, fortified with a prospective bribe, that he would remain

in that place until the return with the detective, and would keep

count of any kind of stranger coming up those stairs. Dashing

down to the front hall he then laid similar charges of vigilance

on the commissionaire at the front door, from whom he learned the

simplifying circumstances that there was no back door. Not

content with this, he captured the floating policeman and induced

him to stand opposite the entrance and watch it; and finally

paused an instant for a pennyworth of chestnuts, and an inquiry as

to the probable length of the merchant's stay in the

neighbourhood.

    The chestnut seller, turning up the collar of his coat, told

him he should probably be moving shortly, as he thought it was

going to snow. Indeed, the evening was growing grey and bitter,

but Angus, with all his eloquence, proceeded to nail the chestnut

man to his post.

    "Keep yourself warm on your own chestnuts," he said earnestly.

"Eat up your whole stock; I'll make it worth your while. I'll

give you a sovereign if you'll wait here till I come back, and

then tell me whether any man, woman, or child has gone into that

house where the commissionaire is standing."

    He then walked away smartly, with a last look at the besieged

tower.

    "I've made a ring round that room, anyhow," he said. "They

can't all four of them be Mr. Welkin's accomplices."

    Lucknow Mansions were, so to speak, on a lower platform of

that hill of houses, of which Himylaya Mansions might be called

the peak. Mr. Flambeau's semi-official flat was on the ground

floor, and presented in every way a marked contrast to the

American machinery and cold hotel-like luxury of the flat of the

Silent Service. Flambeau, who was a friend of Angus, received him

in a rococo artistic den behind his office, of which the ornaments

were sabres, harquebuses, Eastern curiosities, flasks of Italian

wine, savage cooking-pots, a plumy Persian cat, and a small

dusty-looking Roman Catholic priest, who looked particularly out

of place.

    "This is my friend Father Brown," said Flambeau. "I've often

wanted you to meet him. Splendid weather, this; a little cold for

Southerners like me."

    "Yes, I think it will keep clear," said Angus, sitting down on

a violet-striped Eastern ottoman.

    "No," said the priest quietly, "it has begun to snow."

    And, indeed, as he spoke, the first few flakes, foreseen by the

man of chestnuts, began to drift across the darkening windowpane.

    "Well," said Angus heavily. "I'm afraid I've come on business,

and rather jumpy business at that. The fact is, Flambeau, within

a

stone's throw of your house is a fellow who badly wants your help;

he's perpetually being haunted and threatened by an invisible enemy

--a scoundrel whom nobody has even seen." As Angus proceeded to

tell the whole tale of Smythe and Welkin, beginning with Laura's

story, and going on with his own, the supernatural laugh at the

corner of two empty streets, the strange distinct words spoken in

an empty room, Flambeau grew more and more vividly concerned, and

the little priest seemed to be left out of it, like a piece of

furniture. When it came to the scribbled stamp-paper pasted on

the window, Flambeau rose, seeming to fill the room with his huge

shoulders.

    "If you don't mind," he said, "I think you had better tell me

the rest on the nearest road to this man's house. It strikes me,

somehow, that there is no time to be lost."

    "Delighted," said Angus, rising also, "though he's safe enough

for the present, for I've set four men to watch the only hole to

his burrow."

    They turned out into the street, the small priest trundling

after them with the docility of a small dog. He merely said, in a

cheerful way, like one making conversation, "How quick the snow

gets thick on the ground."

    As they threaded the steep side streets already powdered with

silver, Angus finished his story; and by the time they reached the

crescent with the towering flats, he had leisure to turn his

attention to the four sentinels. The chestnut seller, both before

and after receiving a sovereign, swore stubbornly that he had

watched the door and seen no visitor enter. The policeman was

even more emphatic. He said he had had experience of crooks of

all kinds, in top hats and in rags; he wasn't so green as to

expect suspicious characters to look suspicious; he looked out for

anybody, and, so help him, there had been nobody. And when all

three men gathered round the gilded commissionaire, who still

stood smiling astride of the porch, the verdict was more final

still.

    "I've got a right to ask any man, duke or dustman, what he

wants in these flats," said the genial and gold-laced giant, "and

I'll swear there's been nobody to ask since this gentleman went

away."

    The unimportant Father Brown, who stood back, looking modestly

at the pavement, here ventured to say meekly, "Has nobody been up

and down stairs, then, since the snow began to fall? It began

while we were all round at Flambeau's."

    "Nobody's been in here, sir, you can take it from me," said

the official, with beaming authority.

    "Then I wonder what that is?" said the priest, and stared at

the ground blankly like a fish.

    The others all looked down also; and Flambeau used a fierce

exclamation and a French gesture. For it was unquestionably true

that down the middle of the entrance guarded by the man in gold

lace, actually between the arrogant, stretched legs of that

colossus, ran a stringy pattern of grey footprints stamped upon

the white snow.

    "God!" cried Angus involuntarily, "the Invisible Man!"

    Without another word he turned and dashed up the stairs, with

Flambeau following; but Father Brown still stood looking about him

in the snow-clad street as if he had lost interest in his query.

    Flambeau was plainly in a mood to break down the door with his

big shoulders; but the Scotchman, with more reason, if less

intuition, fumbled about on the frame of the door till he found

the invisible button; and the door swung slowly open.

    It showed substantially the same serried interior; the hall

had grown darker, though it was still struck here and there with

the last crimson shafts of sunset, and one or two of the headless

machines had been moved from their places for this or that

purpose, and stood here and there about the twilit place. The

green and red of their coats were all darkened in the dusk; and

their likeness to human shapes slightly increased by their very

shapelessness. But in the middle of them all, exactly where the

paper with the red ink had lain, there lay something that looked

like red ink spilt out of its bottle. But it was not red ink.

    With a French combination of reason and violence Flambeau

simply said "Murder!" and, plunging into the flat, had explored,

every corner and cupboard of it in five minutes. But if he

expected to find a corpse he found none. Isidore Smythe was not

in the place, either dead or alive. After the most tearing search

the two men met each other in the outer hall, with streaming faces

and staring eyes. "My friend," said Flambeau, talking French in

his excitement, "not only is your murderer invisible, but he makes

invisible also the murdered man."

    Angus looked round at the dim room full of dummies, and in

some Celtic corner of his Scotch soul a shudder started. One of

the life-size dolls stood immediately overshadowing the blood

stain, summoned, perhaps, by the slain man an instant before he

fell. One of the high-shouldered hooks that served the thing for

arms, was a little lifted, and Angus had suddenly the horrid fancy

that poor Smythe's own iron child had struck him down. Matter had

rebelled, and these machines had killed their master. But even

so, what had they done with him?

    "Eaten him?" said the nightmare at his ear; and he sickened

for an instant at the idea of rent, human remains absorbed and

crushed into all that acephalous clockwork.

    He recovered his mental health by an emphatic effort, and said

to Flambeau, "Well, there it is. The poor fellow has evaporated

like a cloud and left a red streak on the floor. The tale does

not belong to this world."

    "There is only one thing to be done," said Flambeau, "whether

it belongs to this world or the other. I must go down and talk to

my friend."

    They descended, passing the man with the pail, who again

asseverated that he had let no intruder pass, down to the

commissionaire and the hovering chestnut man, who rigidly

reasserted their own watchfulness. But when Angus looked round

for his fourth confirmation he could not see it, and called out

with some nervousness, "Where is the policeman?"

    "I beg your pardon," said Father Brown; "that is my fault. I

just sent him down the road to investigate something--that I

just thought worth investigating."

    "Well, we want him back pretty soon," said Angus abruptly,

"for the wretched man upstairs has not only been murdered, but

wiped out."

    "How?" asked the priest.

    "Father," said Flambeau, after a pause, "upon my soul I believe

it is more in your department than mine. No friend or foe has

entered the house, but Smythe is gone, as if stolen by the fairies.

If that is not supernatural, I--"

    As he spoke they were all checked by an unusual sight; the big

blue policeman came round the corner of the crescent, running. He

came straight up to Brown.

    "You're right, sir," he panted, "they've just found poor Mr.

Smythe's body in the canal down below."

    Angus put his hand wildly to his head. "Did he run down and

drown himself?" he asked.

    "He never came down, I'll swear," said the constable, "and he

wasn't drowned either, for he died of a great stab over the heart."

    "And yet you saw no one enter?" said Flambeau in a grave voice.

    "Let us walk down the road a little," said the priest.

    As they reached the other end of the crescent he observed

abruptly, "Stupid of me! I forgot to ask the policeman something.

I wonder if they found a light brown sack."

    "Why a light brown sack?" asked Angus, astonished.

    "Because if it was any other coloured sack, the case must

begin over again," said Father Brown; "but if it was a light brown

sack, why, the case is finished."

    "I am pleased to hear it," said Angus with hearty irony. "It

hasn't begun, so far as I am concerned."

    "You must tell us all about it," said Flambeau with a strange

heavy simplicity, like a child.

    Unconsciously they were walking with quickening steps down the

long sweep of road on the other side of the high crescent, Father

Brown leading briskly, though in silence. At last he said with an

almost touching vagueness, "Well, I'm afraid you'll think it so

prosy. We always begin at the abstract end of things, and you

can't begin this story anywhere else.

    "Have you ever noticed this--that people never answer what

you say? They answer what you mean--or what they think you

mean. Suppose one lady says to another in a country house, `Is

anybody staying with you?' the lady doesn't answer `Yes; the

butler, the three footmen, the parlourmaid, and so on,' though the

parlourmaid may be in the room, or the butler behind her chair.

She says `There is nobody staying with us,' meaning nobody of the

sort you mean. But suppose a doctor inquiring into an epidemic

asks, `Who is staying in the house?' then the lady will remember

the butler, the parlourmaid, and the rest. All language is used

like that; you never get a question answered literally, even when

you get it answered truly. When those four quite honest men said

that no man had gone into the Mansions, they did not really mean

that no man had gone into them. They meant no man whom they could

suspect of being your man. A man did go into the house, and did

come out of it, but they never noticed him."

    "An invisible man?" inquired Angus, raising his red eyebrows.

"A mentally invisible man," said Father Brown.

    A minute or two after he resumed in the same unassuming voice,

like a man thinking his way. "Of course you can't think of such a

man, until you do think of him. That's where his cleverness comes

in. But I came to think of him through two or three little things

in the tale Mr. Angus told us. First, there was the fact that

this Welkin went for long walks. And then there was the vast lot

of stamp paper on the window. And then, most of all, there were

the two things the young lady said--things that couldn't be true.

Don't get annoyed," he added hastily, noting a sudden movement of

the Scotchman's head; "she thought they were true. A person can't

be quite alone in a street a second before she receives a letter.

She can't be quite alone in a street when she starts reading a

letter just received. There must be somebody pretty near her; he

must be mentally invisible."

    "Why must there be somebody near her?" asked Angus.

    "Because," said Father Brown, "barring carrier-pigeons,

somebody must have brought her the letter."

    "Do you really mean to say," asked Flambeau, with energy,

"that Welkin carried his rival's letters to his lady?"

    "Yes," said the priest. "Welkin carried his rival's letters

to his lady. You see, he had to."

    "Oh, I can't stand much more of this," exploded Flambeau.

"Who is this fellow? What does he look like? What is the usual

get-up of a mentally invisible man?"

    "He is dressed rather handsomely in red, blue and gold,"

replied the priest promptly with precision, "and in this striking,

and even showy, costume he entered Himylaya Mansions under eight

human eyes; he killed Smythe in cold blood, and came down into the

street again carrying the dead body in his arms--"

    "Reverend sir," cried Angus, standing still, "are you raving

mad, or am I?"

    "You are not mad," said Brown, "only a little unobservant.

You have not noticed such a man as this, for example."

    He took three quick strides forward, and put his hand on the

shoulder of an ordinary passing postman who had bustled by them

unnoticed under the shade of the trees.

    "Nobody ever notices postmen somehow," he said thoughtfully;

"yet they have passions like other men, and even carry large bags

where a small corpse can be stowed quite easily."

    The postman, instead of turning naturally, had ducked and

tumbled against the garden fence. He was a lean fair-bearded man

of very ordinary appearance, but as he turned an alarmed face over

his shoulder, all three men were fixed with an almost fiendish

squint.

    * * * * * *

    Flambeau went back to his sabres, purple rugs and Persian cat,

having many things to attend to. John Turnbull Angus went back to

the lady at the shop, with whom that imprudent young man contrives

to be extremely comfortable. But Father Brown walked those

snow-covered hills under the stars for many hours with a murderer,

and what they said to each other will never be known.

 

    The Honour of Israel Gow

 

A stormy evening of olive and silver was closing in, as Father

Brown, wrapped in a grey Scotch plaid, came to the end of a grey

Scotch valley and beheld the strange castle of Glengyle. It

stopped one end of the glen or hollow like a blind alley; and it

looked like the end of the world. Rising in steep roofs and

spires of seagreen slate in the manner of the old French-Scotch

chateaux, it reminded an Englishman of the sinister steeple-hats

of witches in fairy tales; and the pine woods that rocked round

the green turrets looked, by comparison, as black as numberless

flocks of ravens. This note of a dreamy, almost a sleepy devilry,

was no mere fancy from the landscape. For there did rest on the

place one of those clouds of pride and madness and mysterious

sorrow which lie more heavily on the noble houses of Scotland than

on any other of the children of men. For Scotland has a double

dose of the poison called heredity; the sense of blood in the

aristocrat, and the sense of doom in the Calvinist.

    The priest had snatched a day from his business at Glasgow to

meet his friend Flambeau, the amateur detective, who was at

Glengyle Castle with another more formal officer investigating the

life and death of the late Earl of Glengyle. That mysterious

person was the last representative of a race whose valour,

insanity, and violent cunning had made them terrible even among

the sinister nobility of their nation in the sixteenth century.

None were deeper in that labyrinthine ambition, in chamber within

chamber of that palace of lies that was built up around Mary Queen

of Scots.

    The rhyme in the country-side attested the motive and the

result of their machinations candidly:

    As green sap to the simmer trees

    Is red gold to the Ogilvies.

    For many centuries there had never been a decent lord in

Glengyle Castle; and with the Victorian era one would have thought

that all eccentricities were exhausted. The last Glengyle,

however, satisfied his tribal tradition by doing the only thing

that was left for him to do; he disappeared. I do not mean that

he went abroad; by all accounts he was still in the castle, if he

was anywhere. But though his name was in the church register and

the big red Peerage, nobody ever saw him under the sun.

    If anyone saw him it was a solitary man-servant, something

between a groom and a gardener. He was so deaf that the more

business-like assumed him to be dumb; while the more penetrating

declared him to be half-witted. A gaunt, red-haired labourer,

with a dogged jaw and chin, but quite blank blue eyes, he went by

the name of Israel Gow, and was the one silent servant on that

deserted estate. But the energy with which he dug potatoes, and

the regularity with which he disappeared into the kitchen gave

people an impression that he was providing for the meals of a

superior, and that the strange earl was still concealed in the

castle. If society needed any further proof that he was there,

the servant persistently asserted that he was not at home. One

morning the provost and the minister (for the Glengyles were

Presbyterian) were summoned to the castle. There they found that

the gardener, groom and cook had added to his many professions

that of an undertaker, and had nailed up his noble master in a

coffin. With how much or how little further inquiry this odd fact

was passed, did not as yet very plainly appear; for the thing had

never been legally investigated till Flambeau had gone north two

or three days before. By then the body of Lord Glengyle (if it

was the body) had lain for some time in the little churchyard on

the hill.

    As Father Brown passed through the dim garden and came under

the shadow of the chateau, the clouds were thick and the whole air

damp and thundery. Against the last stripe of the green-gold

sunset he saw a black human silhouette; a man in a chimney-pot

hat, with a big spade over his shoulder. The combination was

queerly suggestive of a sexton; but when Brown remembered the deaf

servant who dug potatoes, he thought it natural enough. He knew

something of the Scotch peasant; he knew the respectability which

might well feel it necessary to wear "blacks" for an official

inquiry; he knew also the economy that would not lose an hour's

digging for that. Even the man's start and suspicious stare as

the priest went by were consonant enough with the vigilance and

jealousy of such a type.

    The great door was opened by Flambeau himself, who had with

him a lean man with iron-grey hair and papers in his hand:

Inspector Craven from Scotland Yard. The entrance hall was mostly

stripped and empty; but the pale, sneering faces of one or two of

the wicked Ogilvies looked down out of black periwigs and

blackening canvas.

    Following them into an inner room, Father Brown found that the

allies had been seated at a long oak table, of which their end was

covered with scribbled papers, flanked with whisky and cigars.

Through the whole of its remaining length it was occupied by

detached objects arranged at intervals; objects about as

inexplicable as any objects could be. One looked like a small

heap of glittering broken glass. Another looked like a high heap

of brown dust. A third appeared to be a plain stick of wood.

    "You seem to have a sort of geological museum here," he said,

as he sat down, jerking his head briefly in the direction of the

brown dust and the crystalline fragments.

    "Not a geological museum," replied Flambeau; "say a

psychological museum."

    "Oh, for the Lord's sake," cried the police detective laughing,

"don't let's begin with such long words."

    "Don't you know what psychology means?" asked Flambeau with

friendly surprise. "Psychology means being off your chump."

    "Still I hardly follow," replied the official.

    "Well," said Flambeau, with decision, "I mean that we've only

found out one thing about Lord Glengyle. He was a maniac."

    The black silhouette of Gow with his top hat and spade passed

the window, dimly outlined against the darkening sky. Father

Brown stared passively at it and answered:

    "I can understand there must have been something odd about the

man, or he wouldn't have buried himself alive--nor been in such

a hurry to bury himself dead. But what makes you think it was

lunacy?"

    "Well," said Flambeau, "you just listen to the list of things

Mr. Craven has found in the house."

    "We must get a candle," said Craven, suddenly. "A storm is

getting up, and it's too dark to read."

    "Have you found any candles," asked Brown smiling, "among your

oddities?"

    Flambeau raised a grave face, and fixed his dark eyes on his

friend.

    "That is curious, too," he said. "Twenty-five candles, and

not a trace of a candlestick."

    In the rapidly darkening room and rapidly rising wind, Brown

went along the table to where a bundle of wax candles lay among

the other scrappy exhibits. As he did so he bent accidentally

over the heap of red-brown dust; and a sharp sneeze cracked the

silence.

    "Hullo!" he said, "snuff!"

    He took one of the candles, lit it carefully, came back and

stuck it in the neck of the whisky bottle. The unrestful night

air, blowing through the crazy window, waved the long flame like a

banner. And on every side of the castle they could hear the miles

and miles of black pine wood seething like a black sea around a

rock.

    "I will read the inventory," began Craven gravely, picking up

one of the papers, "the inventory of what we found loose and

unexplained in the castle. You are to understand that the place

generally was dismantled and neglected; but one or two rooms had

plainly been inhabited in a simple but not squalid style by

somebody; somebody who was not the servant Gow. The list is as

follows:

    "First item. A very considerable hoard of precious stones,

nearly all diamonds, and all of them loose, without any setting

whatever. Of course, it is natural that the Ogilvies should have

family jewels; but those are exactly the jewels that are almost

always set in particular articles of ornament. The Ogilvies would

seem to have kept theirs loose in their pockets, like coppers.

    "Second item. Heaps and heaps of loose snuff, not kept in a

horn, or even a pouch, but lying in heaps on the mantelpieces, on

the sideboard, on the piano, anywhere. It looks as if the old

gentleman would not take the trouble to look in a pocket or lift a

lid.

    "Third item. Here and there about the house curious little

heaps of minute pieces of metal, some like steel springs and some

in the form of microscopic wheels. As if they had gutted some

mechanical toy.

    "Fourth item. The wax candles, which have to be stuck in

bottle necks because there is nothing else to stick them in. Now

I wish you to note how very much queerer all this is than anything

we anticipated. For the central riddle we are prepared; we have

all seen at a glance that there was something wrong about the last

earl. We have come here to find out whether he really lived here,

whether he really died here, whether that red-haired scarecrow who

did his burying had anything to do with his dying. But suppose

the worst in all this, the most lurid or melodramatic solution you

like. Suppose the servant really killed the master, or suppose

the master isn't really dead, or suppose the master is dressed up

as the servant, or suppose the servant is buried for the master;

invent what Wilkie Collins' tragedy you like, and you still have

not explained a candle without a candlestick, or why an elderly

gentleman of good family should habitually spill snuff on the

piano. The core of the tale we could imagine; it is the fringes

that are mysterious. By no stretch of fancy can the human mind

connect together snuff and diamonds and wax and loose clockwork."

    "I think I see the connection," said the priest. "This

Glengyle was mad against the French Revolution. He was an

enthusiast for the ancien regime, and was trying to re-enact

literally the family life of the last Bourbons. He had snuff

because it was the eighteenth century luxury; wax candles, because

they were the eighteenth century lighting; the mechanical bits of

iron represent the locksmith hobby of Louis XVI; the diamonds are

for the Diamond Necklace of Marie Antoinette."

    Both the other men were staring at him with round eyes. "What

a perfectly extraordinary notion!" cried Flambeau. "Do you really

think that is the truth?"

    "I am perfectly sure it isn't," answered Father Brown, "only

you said that nobody could connect snuff and diamonds and clockwork

and candles. I give you that connection off-hand. The real truth,

I am very sure, lies deeper."

    He paused a moment and listened to the wailing of the wind in

the turrets. Then he said, "The late Earl of Glengyle was a thief.

He lived a second and darker life as a desperate housebreaker. He

did not have any candlesticks because he only used these candles

cut short in the little lantern he carried. The snuff he employed

as the fiercest French criminals have used pepper: to fling it

suddenly in dense masses in the face of a captor or pursuer. But

the final proof is in the curious coincidence of the diamonds and

the small steel wheels. Surely that makes everything plain to

you? Diamonds and small steel wheels are the only two instruments

with which you can cut out a pane of glass."

    The bough of a broken pine tree lashed heavily in the blast

against the windowpane behind them, as if in parody of a burglar,

but they did not turn round. Their eyes were fastened on Father

Brown.

    "Diamonds and small wheels," repeated Craven ruminating.

"Is that all that makes you think it the true explanation?"

    "I don't think it the true explanation," replied the priest

placidly; "but you said that nobody could connect the four things.

The true tale, of course, is something much more humdrum. Glengyle

had found, or thought he had found, precious stones on his estate.

Somebody had bamboozled him with those loose brilliants, saying

they were found in the castle caverns. The little wheels are some

diamond-cutting affair. He had to do the thing very roughly and

in a small way, with the help of a few shepherds or rude fellows

on these hills. Snuff is the one great luxury of such Scotch

shepherds; it's the one thing with which you can bribe them. They

didn't have candlesticks because they didn't want them; they held

the candles in their hands when they explored the caves."

    "Is that all?" asked Flambeau after a long pause. "Have we

got to the dull truth at last?"

    "Oh, no," said Father Brown.

    As the wind died in the most distant pine woods with a long

hoot as of mockery Father Brown, with an utterly impassive face,

went on:

    "I only suggested that because you said one could not plausibly

connect snuff with clockwork or candles with bright stones. Ten

false philosophies will fit the universe; ten false theories will

fit Glengyle Castle. But we want the real explanation of the

castle and the universe. But are there no other exhibits?"

    Craven laughed, and Flambeau rose smiling to his feet and

strolled down the long table.

    "Items five, six, seven, etc.," he said, "and certainly more

varied than instructive. A curious collection, not of lead

pencils, but of the lead out of lead pencils. A senseless stick

of bamboo, with the top rather splintered. It might be the

instrument of the crime. Only, there isn't any crime. The only

other things are a few old missals and little Catholic pictures,

which the Ogilvies kept, I suppose, from the Middle Ages--their

family pride being stronger than their Puritanism. We only put

them in the museum because they seem curiously cut about and

defaced."

    The heady tempest without drove a dreadful wrack of clouds

across Glengyle and threw the long room into darkness as Father

Brown picked up the little illuminated pages to examine them. He

spoke before the drift of darkness had passed; but it was the

voice of an utterly new man.

    "Mr. Craven," said he, talking like a man ten years younger,

"you have got a legal warrant, haven't you, to go up and examine

that grave? The sooner we do it the better, and get to the bottom

of this horrible affair. If I were you I should start now."

    "Now," repeated the astonished detective, "and why now?"

    "Because this is serious," answered Brown; "this is not spilt

snuff or loose pebbles, that might be there for a hundred reasons.

There is only one reason I know of for this being done; and the

reason goes down to the roots of the world. These religious

pictures are not just dirtied or torn or scrawled over, which

might be done in idleness or bigotry, by children or by

Protestants. These have been treated very carefully--and very

queerly. In every place where the great ornamented name of God

comes in the old illuminations it has been elaborately taken out.

The only other thing that has been removed is the halo round the

head of the Child Jesus. Therefore, I say, let us get our warrant

and our spade and our hatchet, and go up and break open that

coffin."

    "What do you mean?" demanded the London officer.

    "I mean," answered the little priest, and his voice seemed to

rise slightly in the roar of the gale. "I mean that the great

devil of the universe may be sitting on the top tower of this

castle at this moment, as big as a hundred elephants, and roaring

like the Apocalypse. There is black magic somewhere at the bottom

of this."

    "Black magic," repeated Flambeau in a low voice, for he was

too enlightened a man not to know of such things; "but what can

these other things mean?"

    "Oh, something damnable, I suppose," replied Brown impatiently.

"How should I know? How can I guess all their mazes down below?

Perhaps you can make a torture out of snuff and bamboo. Perhaps

lunatics lust after wax and steel filings. Perhaps there is a

maddening drug made of lead pencils! Our shortest cut to the

mystery is up the hill to the grave."

    His comrades hardly knew that they had obeyed and followed him

till a blast of the night wind nearly flung them on their faces in

the garden. Nevertheless they had obeyed him like automata; for

Craven found a hatchet in his hand, and the warrant in his pocket;

Flambeau was carrying the heavy spade of the strange gardener;

Father Brown was carrying the little gilt book from which had been

torn the name of God.

    The path up the hill to the churchyard was crooked but short;

only under that stress of wind it seemed laborious and long. Far

as the eye could see, farther and farther as they mounted the

slope, were seas beyond seas of pines, now all aslope one way

under the wind. And that universal gesture seemed as vain as it

was vast, as vain as if that wind were whistling about some

unpeopled and purposeless planet. Through all that infinite

growth of grey-blue forests sang, shrill and high, that ancient

sorrow that is in the heart of all heathen things. One could

fancy that the voices from the under world of unfathomable foliage

were cries of the lost and wandering pagan gods: gods who had gone

roaming in that irrational forest, and who will never find their

way back to heaven.

    "You see," said Father Brown in low but easy tone, "Scotch

people before Scotland existed were a curious lot. In fact,

they're a curious lot still. But in the prehistoric times I fancy

they really worshipped demons. That," he added genially, "is why

they jumped at the Puritan theology."

    "My friend," said Flambeau, turning in a kind of fury, "what

does all that snuff mean?"

    "My friend," replied Brown, with equal seriousness, "there is

one mark of all genuine religions: materialism. Now, devil-worship

is a perfectly genuine religion."

    They had come up on the grassy scalp of the hill, one of the

few bald spots that stood clear of the crashing and roaring pine

forest. A mean enclosure, partly timber and partly wire, rattled

in the tempest to tell them the border of the graveyard. But by

the time Inspector Craven had come to the corner of the grave,

and Flambeau had planted his spade point downwards and leaned on

it, they were both almost as shaken as the shaky wood and wire.

At the foot of the grave grew great tall thistles, grey and silver

in their decay. Once or twice, when a ball of thistledown broke

under the breeze and flew past him, Craven jumped slightly as if

it had been an arrow.

    Flambeau drove the blade of his spade through the whistling

grass into the wet clay below. Then he seemed to stop and lean on

it as on a staff.

    "Go on," said the priest very gently. "We are only trying to

find the truth. What are you afraid of?"

    "I am afraid of finding it," said Flambeau.

    The London detective spoke suddenly in a high crowing voice

that was meant to be conversational and cheery. "I wonder why he

really did hide himself like that. Something nasty, I suppose;

was he a leper?"

    "Something worse than that," said Flambeau.

    "And what do you imagine," asked the other, "would be worse

than a leper?"

    "I don't imagine it," said Flambeau.

    He dug for some dreadful minutes in silence, and then said in

a choked voice, "I'm afraid of his not being the right shape."

    "Nor was that piece of paper, you know," said Father Brown

quietly, "and we survived even that piece of paper."

    Flambeau dug on with a blind energy. But the tempest had

shouldered away the choking grey clouds that clung to the hills

like smoke and revealed grey fields of faint starlight before he

cleared the shape of a rude timber coffin, and somehow tipped it

up upon the turf. Craven stepped forward with his axe; a

thistle-top touched him, and he flinched. Then he took a firmer

stride, and hacked and wrenched with an energy like Flambeau's

till the lid was torn off, and all that was there lay glimmering

in the grey starlight.

    "Bones," said Craven; and then he added, "but it is a man," as

if that were something unexpected.

    "Is he," asked Flambeau in a voice that went oddly up and

down, "is he all right?"

    "Seems so," said the officer huskily, bending over the obscure

and decaying skeleton in the box. "Wait a minute."

    A vast heave went over Flambeau's huge figure. "And now I

come to think of it," he cried, "why in the name of madness

shouldn't he be all right? What is it gets hold of a man on these

cursed cold mountains? I think it's the black, brainless

repetition; all these forests, and over all an ancient horror of

unconsciousness. It's like the dream of an atheist. Pine-trees

and more pine-trees and millions more pine-trees--"

    "God!" cried the man by the coffin, "but he hasn't got a head."

    While the others stood rigid the priest, for the first time,

showed a leap of startled concern.

    "No head!" he repeated. "No head?" as if he had almost

expected some other deficiency.

    Half-witted visions of a headless baby born to Glengyle, of a

headless youth hiding himself in the castle, of a headless man

pacing those ancient halls or that gorgeous garden, passed in

panorama through their minds. But even in that stiffened instant

the tale took no root in them and seemed to have no reason in it.

They stood listening to the loud woods and the shrieking sky quite

foolishly, like exhausted animals. Thought seemed to be something

enormous that had suddenly slipped out of their grasp.

    "There are three headless men," said Father Brown, "standing

round this open grave."

    The pale detective from London opened his mouth to speak, and

left it open like a yokel, while a long scream of wind tore the

sky; then he looked at the axe in his hands as if it did not

belong to him, and dropped it.

    "Father," said Flambeau in that infantile and heavy voice he

used very seldom, "what are we to do?"

    His friend's reply came with the pent promptitude of a gun

going off.

    "Sleep!" cried Father Brown. "Sleep. We have come to the end

of the ways. Do you know what sleep is? Do you know that every

man who sleeps believes in God? It is a sacrament; for it is an

act of faith and it is a food. And we need a sacrament, if only a

natural one. Something has fallen on us that falls very seldom on

men; perhaps the worst thing that can fall on them."

    Craven's parted lips came together to say, "What do you mean?"

    The priest had turned his face to the castle as he answered:

"We have found the truth; and the truth makes no sense."

    He went down the path in front of them with a plunging and

reckless step very rare with him, and when they reached the castle

again he threw himself upon sleep with the simplicity of a dog.

    Despite his mystic praise of slumber, Father Brown was up

earlier than anyone else except the silent gardener; and was found

smoking a big pipe and watching that expert at his speechless

labours in the kitchen garden. Towards daybreak the rocking storm

had ended in roaring rains, and the day came with a curious

freshness. The gardener seemed even to have been conversing, but

at sight of the detectives he planted his spade sullenly in a bed

and, saying something about his breakfast, shifted along the lines

of cabbages and shut himself in the kitchen. "He's a valuable

man, that," said Father Brown. "He does the potatoes amazingly.

Still," he added, with a dispassionate charity, "he has his faults;

which of us hasn't? He doesn't dig this bank quite regularly.

There, for instance," and he stamped suddenly on one spot. "I'm

really very doubtful about that potato."

    "And why?" asked Craven, amused with the little man's hobby.

    "I'm doubtful about it," said the other, "because old Gow was