CHAPTER 50
Cynthia at Bay
Mrs. Gibson was slow in recovering her
strength after the influenza, and before she was well enough to
accept Lady Harriet’s invitation to the Towers, Cynthia came home
from London. If Molly had thought her manner of departure was
scarcely as affectionate and considerate as it might have been,—if
such a thought had crossed Molly’s fancy for an instant, she was
repentant for it as soon as ever Cynthia returned, and the girls
met together face to face, with all the old familiar affection,
going upstairs to the drawing-room with their arms round each
other’s waists, and sitting there together hand in hand. Cynthia’s
whole manner was more quiet than it had been, when the weight of
her unpleasant secret rested on her mind, and made her alternately
despondent or flighty.
‘After all,’ said Cynthia, ‘there’s a look of home
about these rooms which is very pleasant. But I wish I could see
you looking stronger, mamma! that’s the only unpleasant thing.
Molly, why didn’t you send for me?’
‘I wanted to do,’ began Molly.
‘But I wouldn’t let her,’ said Mrs. Gibson. ‘You
were much better in London than here, for you could have done me no
good; and your letters were very agreeable to read; and now Helen
is better, and I’m nearly well, and you’ve come home just at the
right time, for everybody is full of the Charity Ball.’
‘But we are not going this year, mamma,’ said
Cynthia, decidedly. ‘It’s on the 25th, isn’t it? and I’m sure
you’ll never be well enough to take us.’
‘You really seem determined to make me out worse
than I am, child,’ said Mrs. Gibson, rather querulously, she being
one of those who, when their malady is only trifling, exaggerate
it, but when it is really of some consequence, are unwilling to
sacrifice any pleasures by acknowledging it. It was well for her in
this instance that her husband had wisdom and authority enough to
forbid her going to this ball, on which she had set her heart; but
the consequence of his prohibition was an increase of domestic
plaintiveness and low spirits, which seemed to tell on Cynthia—the
bright gay Cynthia—herself; and it was often hard work for Molly to
keep up the spirits of two other people as well as her own. Ill
health might account for Mrs. Gibson’s despondency, but why was
Cynthia so silent, not to say so sighing? Molly was puzzled to
account for it, and all the more perplexed because from time to
time Cynthia kept calling upon her for praise for some unknown and
mysterious virtue that she had practised; and Molly was young
enough to believe that, after any exercise of virtue, the spirits
rose, cheered up by an approving conscience. Such was not the case
with Cynthia, however. She sometimes said such things as these,
when she had been particularly inert and desponding: —
‘Ah, Molly, you must let my goodness lie fallow for
a while! It has borne such a wonderful crop this year. I have been
so pretty-behaved—if you knew all!’ Or, ‘Really, Molly, my virtue
must come down from the clouds! It was strained to the utmost in
London—and I find it is like a kite—after soaring aloft for some
time, it suddenly comes down, and gets tangled in all sorts of
briers and brambles; which things are an allegory, unless you can
bring yourself to believe in my extraordinary goodness while I was
away—giving me a sort of right to fall foul of all mamma’s briers
and brambles now.’
But Molly had had some experience of Cynthia’s whim
of perpetually hinting at a mystery which she did not mean to
reveal, in the Mr. Preston days, and, although she was occasionally
piqued into curiosity, Cynthia’s allusions at something more in the
background fell in general on rather deaf ears. One day the mystery
burst its shell, and came out in the shape of an offer made to
Cynthia by Mr. Henderson—and refused. Under all the circumstances,
Molly could not appreciate the heroic goodness so often alluded to.
The revelation of the secret at last took place in this way. Mrs.
Gibson breakfasted in bed; she had done so ever since she had had
the influenza; and, consequently, her own private letters always
went up on her breakfast-tray. One morning she came into the
drawing-room earlier than usual, with an open letter in her
hand.
‘I’ve had a letter from aunt Kirkpatrick, Cynthia.
She sends me my dividends, 1—your
uncle is so busy. But what does she mean by this, Cynthia?’
(holding out the letter to her, with a certain paragraph indicated
by her finger.) Cynthia put her netting on one side, and looked at
the writing. Suddenly her face turned scarlet, and then became of a
deadly white. She looked at Molly, as if to gain courage from the
strong serene countenance.
‘It means—mamma, I may as well tell you at once—Mr.
Henderson offered to me while I was in London, and I refused
him.’
‘Refused him—and you never told me, but let me hear
it by chance! Really, Cynthia, I think you’re very unkind. And pray
what made you refuse Mr. Henderson? Such a fine young man—and such
a gentleman! Your uncle told me he had a very good private fortune
besides.’
‘Mamma, do you forget that I have promised to marry
Roger Hamley?’ said Cynthia quietly.
‘No! of course I don’t—how can I, with Molly always
dinning the word “engagement” into my ears? But really, when one
considers all the uncertainties,—and after all it was not a
distinct promise, —he seemed almost as if he might have looked
forward to something of this sort.’
‘Of what sort, mamma?’ said Cynthia sharply.
‘Why, of a more eligible offer. He must have known
you might change your mind, and meet with some one you liked
better: so little as you had seen of the world.’ Cynthia made an
impatient movement, as if to stop her mother.
‘I never said I liked him better,—how can you talk
so, mamma? I’m going to marry Roger, and there’s an end of it. I
will not be spoken to about it again.’ She got up and left the
room.
‘Going to marry Roger! That’s all very fine. But
who is to guarantee his coming back alive! And if he does, what
have they to marry upon, I should like to know? I don’t wish her to
have accepted Mr. Henderson, though I am sure she liked him; and
true love ought to have its course, and not be thwarted; but she
need not have quite finally refused him until—well, until we had
seen how matters turn out. Such an invalid as I am, too! It has
given me quite a palpitation at the heart. I do call it quite
unfeeling of Cynthia.’
‘Certainly,’—began Molly; but then she remembered
that her stepmother was far from strong, and unable to bear a
protest in favour of the right course without irritation. So she
changed her speech into a suggestion of remedies for palpitation;
and curbed her impatience to speak out her indignation at the
contemplated falsehood to Roger. But when they were alone, and
Cynthia began upon the subject, Molly was less merciful. Cynthia
said,—
‘Well, Molly, and now you know all! I’ve been
longing to tell you—and yet somehow I could not.’
‘I suppose it was a repetition of Mr. Coxe?’ said
Molly, gravely. ‘You were agreeable,—and he took it for something
more.’
‘I don’t know,’ sighed Cynthia. ‘I mean I don’t
know if I was agreeable or not. He was very kind—very pleasant—but
I didn’t expect it all to end as it did. However, it’s of no use
thinking of it.’
‘No!’ said Molly, simply; for to her mind the
pleasantest and kindest person in the world put in comparison with
Roger was as nothing; he stood by himself Cynthia’s next words—and
they did not come very soon—were on quite a different subject, and
spoken in rather a pettish tone. Nor did she allude again in
jesting sadness to her late efforts at virtue.
In a little while Mrs. Gibson was able to accept
the often-repeated invitation from the Towers to go and stay there
for a day or two. Lady Harriet told her that it would be a kindness
to Lady Cumnor, to come and bear her company in the life of
seclusion the latter was still compelled to lead; and Mrs. Gibson
was flattered and gratified with a dim unconscious sense of being
really wanted, not merely deluding herself into a pleasing fiction.
Lady Cumnor was in that state of convalescence common to many
invalids. The spring of life had begun again to flow, and with the
flow returned the old desires and projects and plans, which had all
become mere matters of indifference during the worst part of her
illness. But as yet her bodily strength was not sufficient to be an
agent to her energetic mind, and the difficulty of driving the
ill-matched pair of body and will—the one weak and languid, the
other strong and stern,—made her ladyship often very irritable.
Mrs. Gibson herself was not quite strong enough for a
‘souffre-douleur’;dy
and the visit to the Towers was not, on the whole, quite so happy a
one as she had anticipated. Lady Cuxhaven and Lady Harriet, each
aware of their mother’s state of health and temper, but only
alluding to it as slightly as was absolutely necessary in their
conversations with each other, took care not to leave ‘Clare’ too
long with Lady Cumnor; but several times when one or the other went
to relieve guard they found Clare in tears, and Lady Cumnor holding
forth on some point on which she had been meditating during the
silent hours of her illness, and on which she seemed to consider
herself born to set the world to rights. Mrs. Gibson was always apt
to consider these remarks as addressed with a personal direction at
some error of her own, and defended the fault in question with a
sense of property in it, whatever it might happen to be. The second
and the last day of her stay at the Towers, Lady Harriet came in,
and found her mother haranguing in an excited tone of voice, and
Clare looking submissive and miserable and oppressed.
‘What’s the matter, dear mamma? Are not you tiring
yourself with talking?’
‘No, not at all! I was only speaking of the folly
of people dressing above their station. I began by telling Clare of
the fashions of my grandmother’s days, when every class had a sort
of costume of its own—and servants did not ape tradespeople, nor
tradespeople professional men, and so on,—and what must the foolish
woman do but begin to justify her own dress, as if I had been
accusing her, or even thinking about her at all. Such nonsense!
Really, Clare, your husband has spoilt you sadly, if you can’t
listen to any one without thinking they are alluding to you. People
may flatter themselves just as much by thinking that their faults
are always present to other people’s minds as if they believe that
the world is always contemplating their individual charms and
virtues.’
‘I was told, Lady Cumnor, that this silk was
reduced in price. I bought it at Waterloo House after the season
was over,’ said Mrs. Gibson, touching the very handsome gown she
wore, in deprecation of Lady Cumnor’s angry voice, and blundering
on to the very source of irritation.
‘Again, Clare! How often must I tell you I had no
thought of you or your gowns, or whether they cost much or little;
your husband has to pay for them, and it is his concern if you
spend more on your dress than you ought to do.’
‘It was only five guineas for the whole dress,’
pleaded Mrs. Gibson.
‘And very pretty it is,’ said Lady Harriet,
stooping to examine it, and so hoping to soothe the poor aggrieved
woman. But Lady Cumnor went on:
‘No! you ought to have known me better by this
time. When I think a thing I say it out. I don’t beat about the
bush. I use straightforward language. I will tell you where I think
you have been in fault, Clare, if you like to know.’ Like it or
not, the plain-speaking was coming now. ‘You have spoilt that girl
of yours till she does not know her own mind. She has behaved
abominably to Mr. Preston; and it is all in consequence of the
faults in her education. You have much to answer for.’
‘Mamma, mamma!’ said Lady Harriet, ‘Mr. Preston did
not wish it spoken about.’ And at the same moment Mrs. Gibson
exclaimed, ‘Cynthia—Mr. Preston!’ in such a tone of surprise, that
if Lady Cumnor had been in the habit of observing the revelations
made by other people’s tones and voices, she would have found out
that Mrs. Gibson was ignorant of the affair to which she was
alluding.
‘As for Mr. Preston’s wishes, I do not suppose I am
bound to regard them when I feel it my duty to reprove error,’ said
Lady Cumnor loftily to Lady Harriet. ‘And, Clare, do you mean to
say that you are not aware that your daughter has been engaged to
Mr. Preston for some time—years, I believe,—and has at last chosen
to break it off,—and has used the Gibson girl—I forget her name—as
a cat’s-paw, and made both her and herself the town’s talk—the butt
for all the gossip of Hollingford? I remember when I was young
there was a girl called Jilting Jessy. You’ll have to watch over
your young lady, or she’ll will get some such name. I speak to you
like a friend, Clare, when I tell you it’s my opinion that girl of
yours will get herself into some more mischief yet before she’s
safely married. Not that I care one straw for Mr. Preston’s
feelings. I don’t even know if he’s got feelings or not; but I know
what is becoming in a young woman, and jilting is not. And now you
may both go away, and send Dawson to me, for I’m tired, and want to
have a little sleep.’
‘Indeed, Lady Cumnor—will you believe me?—I do not
think Cynthia was ever engaged to Mr. Preston. There was an old
flirtation. I was afraid—’
‘Ring the bell for Dawson,’ said Lady Cumnor,
wearily; her eyes closed. Lady Harriet had too much experience of
her mother’s moods not to lead Mrs. Gibson away almost by main
force, she protesting all the while that she did not think there
was any truth in the statement, though it was dear Lady Cumnor that
said it.
Once in her own room, Lady Harriet said, ‘Now,
Clare, I’ll tell you all about it; and I think you’ll have to
believe it, for it was Mr. Preston himself who told me. I heard of
a great commotion in Hollingford about Mr. Preston; and I met him
riding out, and asked him what it was all about; he didn’t want to
speak about it, evidently. No man does, I suppose, when he’s been
jilted; and he made both papa and me promise not to tell; but papa
did—and that’s what mamma has for a foundation; you see, a really
good one.’
‘But Cynthia is engaged to another man—she really
is. And another—a very good match indeed—has just been offering to
her in London. Mr. Preston is always at the root of
mischief.’
‘Nay! I do think in this case it must be that
pretty Miss Cynthia of yours who has drawn on one man to be engaged
to her,—not to say two,—and another to make her an offer. I can’t
endure Mr. Preston, but I think it’s rather hard to accuse him of
having called up the rivals, who are, I suppose, the occasion of
his being jilted.’
‘I don’t know; I always feel as if he owed me a
grudge, and men have so many ways of being spiteful. You must
acknowledge that if he had not met you I should not have had dear
Lady Cumnor so angry with me.’
‘She only wanted to warn you about Cynthia. Mamma
has always been very particular about her own daughters. She has
been very severe on the least approach to flirting, and Mary will
be like her!’
‘But Cynthia will flirt, and I can’t help it. She
is not noisy, or giggling ; she is always a lady—that everybody
must own. But she has a way of attracting men she must have
inherited from me, I think.’ And here she smiled faintly, and would
not have rejected a confirmatory compliment, but none came.
‘However, I will speak to her; I will get to the bottom of the
whole affair. Pray tell Lady Cumnor that it has so fluttered me the
way she spoke, about my dress and all. And it only cost five
guineas after all—reduced from eight!’
‘Well, never mind now. You are looking very much
flushed; quite feverish! I left you too long in mamma’s hot room.
But do you know she is so much pleased to have you here?’ And so
Lady Cumnor really was, in spite of the continual lectures which
she gave ‘Clare,’ and which poor Mrs. Gibson turned under as
helplessly as the typical worm. Still it was something to have a
countess to scold her; and that pleasure would endure when the
worry was past. And then Lady Harriet petted her more than usual to
make up for what she had to go through in the convalescent’s room;
and Lady Cuxhaven talked sense to her, with dashes of science and
deep thought intermixed, which was very flattering, although
generally unintelligible; and Lord Cumnor, good-natured,
good-tempered, kind, and liberal, was full of gratitude to her for
her kindness in coming to see Lady Cumnor, and his gratitude took
the tangible shape of a haunch of venison, to say nothing of lesser
game. When she looked back upon her visit, as she drove home in the
solitary grandeur of the Towers’ carriage, there had been but one
great enduring rub—Lady Cumnor’s crossness—and she chose to
consider Cynthia as the cause of that, instead of seeing the truth,
which had been so often set before her by the members of her
ladyship’s family, that it took its origin in her state of health.
Mrs. Gibson did not exactly mean to visit this one discomfort upon
Cynthia, nor did she quite mean to upbraid her daughter for conduct
as yet unexplained, and which might have some justification; but,
finding her quietly sitting in the drawing-room, she sat down
despondingly in her own little easy chair, and in reply to
Cynthia’s quick pleasant greeting of—
‘Well, mamma, how are you? We didn’t expect you so
early! Let me take off your bonnet and shawl!’ she replied
dolefully,—
‘It has not been such a happy visit that I should
wish to prolong it.’ Her eyes were fixed on the carpet, and her
face was as irresponsive to the welcome offered as she could make
it.
‘What has been the matter?’ asked Cynthia, in all
good faith.
‘You! Cynthia-you! I little thought when you were
born how I should have to bear to hear you spoken about.’
Cynthia threw back her head, and angry light came
into her eyes.
‘What business have they with me? How came they to
talk about me in any way?’
‘Everybody is talking about you: it is no wonder
they are. Lord Cumnor is sure to hear about everything always. You
should take more care about what you do, Cynthia, if you don’t like
being talked about.’
‘It rather depends upon what people say,’ said
Cynthia, affecting a lightness which she did not feel; for she had
a prevision of what was coming.
‘Well! I don’t like it, at any rate. It is not
pleasant to me to hear first of my daughter’s misdoings from Lady
Cumnor, and then to be lectured about her, and her flirting, and
her jilting, as if I had had anything to do with it. I can assure
you it has quite spoilt my visit. No! don’t touch my shawl. When I
go to my room I can take it myself.’
Cynthia was brought to bay, and sat down; remaining
with her mother, who kept sighing ostentatiously from time to
time.
‘Would you mind telling me what they said? If there
are accusations abroad against me, it is as well I should know what
they are. Here’s Molly’ (as the girl entered the room, fresh from
the morning’s walk). ‘Molly, mamma has come back from the Towers,
and my lord and my lady have been doing me the honour to talk over
my crimes and misdemeanours and I am asking mamma what they have
said. I don’t set up for more virtue than other people, but I can’t
make out what an earl and a countess have to do with poor little
me.’
‘It was not for your sake!’ said Mrs. Gibson. ‘It
was for mine. They felt for me, for it is not pleasant to have
one’s child’s name in everybody’s mouth.’
‘As I said before, that depends upon how it is in
everybody’s mouth. If I were going to marry Lord Hollingford, I
make no doubt every one would be talking about me, and neither you
nor I should mind it in the least.’
‘But this is no marriage with Lord Hollingford, so
it is nonsense to talk as if it was. They say you’ve gone and
engaged yourself to Mr. Preston, and now refuse to marry him; and
they call that jilting.’
‘Do you wish me to marry him, mamma?’ asked
Cynthia, her face in a flame, her eyes cast down. Molly stood by,
very hot, not fully understanding it; and only kept where she was
by the hope of coming in as sweetener or peacemaker, or helper of
some kind.
‘No,’ said Mrs. Gibson, evidently discomfited by
the question. ‘Of course I don’t; you’ve gone and entangled
yourself with Roger Hamley, a very worthy young man; but nobody
knows where he is, and if he’s dead or alive; and he has not a
penny if he is alive.’
‘I beg your pardon. I know that he has some
fortune; from his mother; it may not be much, but he is not
penniless; and he is sure to earn fame and great reputation, and
with it money will come,’ said Cynthia.
‘You’ve entangled yourself with him, and you’ve
done something of the sort with Mr. Preston, and got yourself into
such an imbroglio’ (Mrs. Gibson could not have said ‘mess’ for the
world, although the word was present to her mind), ‘that when a
really eligible person comes forward—handsome, agreeable, and quite
the gentleman—and a good private fortune into the bargain, you have
to refuse him. You’ll end as an old maid, Cynthia, and it will
break my heart.’
‘I dare say I shall,’ said Cynthia, quietly. ‘I
sometimes think I’m the kind of person of which old maids are
made!’ She spoke seriously, and a little sadly.
Mrs. Gibson began again. ‘I don’t want to know your
secrets as long as they are secrets; but when all the town is
talking about you, I think I ought to be told.’
‘But, mamma, I didn’t know I was such a subject of
conversation; and even now I can’t make out how it has come
about.’
‘No more can I. I only know that they say you’ve
been engaged to Mr. Preston, and ought to have married him, and
that I can’t help it, if you did not choose, any more than I could
have helped your refusing Mr. Henderson; and yet I am constantly
blamed for your misconduct. I think it’s very hard.’ Mrs. Gibson
began to cry. Just then her husband came in.
‘You here, my dear! Welcome back,’ said he, coming
up to her courteously, and kissing her cheek. ‘Why, what’s the
matter? Tears?’ and he heartily wished himself away again.
‘Yes!’ said she, raising herself up, and clutching
after sympathy of any kind, at any price. ‘I’m come home again, and
I’m telling Cynthia how Lady Cumnor has been so cross to me, and
all through her. Did you know she had gone and engaged herself to
Mr. Preston, and then broken it off? Everybody is talking about it,
and they know it up at the Towers.’
For one moment his eyes met Molly’s, and he
comprehended it all. He made his lips up into a whistle, but no
sound came. Cynthia had quite lost her defiant manner since her
mother had spoken to Mr. Gibson. Molly sat down by her.
‘Cynthia,’ said he, very seriously.
‘Yes!’ she answered, softly.
‘Is this true? I had heard something of it
before—not much; but there is scandal enough about to make it
desirable that you should have some protector—some friend who knows
the whole truth.’
No answer. At last she said, ‘Molly knows it
all.’
Mrs. Gibson, too, had been awed into silence by her
husband’s grave manner, and she did not like to give vent to the
jealous thought in her mind that Molly had known the secret of
which she was ignorant. Mr. Gibson replied to Cynthia with some
sternness:
‘Yes! I know that Molly knows it all, and that she
has had to bear slander and ill words for your sake, Cynthia. But
she refused to tell me more.’
‘She told you that much, did she?’ said Cynthia
aggrieved.
‘I could not help it,’ said Molly.
‘She didn’t name your name,’ said Mr. Gibson. ‘At
the time I believe she thought she had concealed it—but there was
no mistaking who it was.’
‘Why did she speak about it at all?’ said Cynthia,
with some bitterness. Her tone—her question—stirred up Mr. Gibson’s
passion.
‘It was necessary for her to justify herself to
me—I heard my daughter’s reputation attacked for the private
meetings she had given to Mr. Preston—I came to her for an
explanation. There’s no need to be ungenerous, Cynthia, because
you’ve been a flirt and a jilt, even to the degree of dragging
Molly’s name down into the same mire.’
Cynthia lifted her bowed-down head, and looked at
him.
‘You say that of me, Mr. Gibson? Not knowing what
the circumstances are, you say that?’
He had spoken too strongly: he knew it. But he
could not bring himself to own just at that moment. The thought of
his sweet innocent Molly, who had borne so much patiently,
prevented any retractation of his words at the time.
‘Yes!’ he said, ‘I do say it. You cannot tell what
evil constructions are put upon actions ever so slightly beyond the
bounds of maidenly propriety. I do say that Molly has had a great
deal to bear, in consequence of this clandestine engagement of
yours, Cynthia—there may be extenuating circumstances, I
acknowledge—but you will need to remember them all to excuse your
conduct to Roger Hamley, when he comes home. I asked you to tell me
the full truth, in order that, until he comes and has a legal right
to protect you, I may do so.’ No answer. ‘It certainly requires
explanation,’ continued he. ‘Here are you engaged to two men at
once to all appearances!’ Still no answer. ‘To be sure, the gossips
of the town haven’t yet picked out the fact of Roger Hamley’s being
your accepted lover; but scandal has been resting on Molly, and
ought to have rested on you, Cynthia—for a concealed engagement to
Mr. Preston—necessitating meetings in all sorts of places unknown
to your friends.’
‘Papa,’ said Molly, ‘if you knew all you wouldn’t
speak so to Cynthia. I wish she would tell you herself all that she
has told me.’
‘I am ready to hear whatever she has to say,’ said
he. But Cynthia said,—
‘No ! you have prejudiced me; you have spoken to me
as you had no right to speak. I refuse to give you my confidence,
or accept your help. People are very cruel to me’—her voice
trembled for a moment—’ I did not think you would have been. But I
can bear it.’
And then, in spite of Molly, who could have
detained her by force, she tore herself away, and hastily left the
room.
‘Oh, papa!’ said Molly, crying, and clinging to
him, ‘do let me tell you all.’ And then she suddenly recollected
the awkwardness of telling some of the details of the story before
Mrs. Gibson, and stopped short.
‘I think, Mr. Gibson, you have been very, very
unkind to my poor fatherless child,’ said Mrs. Gibson, emerging
from behind her pocket-handkerchief ‘I only wish her poor father
had been alive, and all this would never have happened.’
‘Very probably. Still I cannot see of what either
she or you have to complain. In as much as we could, I and mine
have sheltered her! I have loved her; I do love her almost as if
she were my own child—as well as Molly, I do not pretend to
do.’
‘That’s it, Mr. Gibson! you do not treat her like
your own child.’ But in the midst of this wrangle Molly stole out,
and went in search of Cynthia. She thought she bore an olive-branch
of healing in the sound of her father’s just spoken words: ‘I do
love her almost as if she were my own child.’ But Cynthia was
locked into her room, and refused to open the door. ‘Open to me,
please,’ pleaded Molly. ‘I have something to say to you—I want to
see you—do open!’
‘No!’ said Cynthia. ‘Not now. I am busy. Leave me
alone. I don’t want to hear what you have got to say. I don’t want
to see you. By and by we shall meet, and then—’ Molly stood quite
quietly, wondering what new words of more persuasion she could use.
In a minute or two Cynthia called out, ‘Are you there still,
Molly?’ and when Molly answered ‘Yes,’ and hoped for a relenting,
the same hard metallic voice, telling of resolution and repression,
spoke out, ‘Go away. I cannot bear the feeling of your being
there—waiting and listening. Go downstairs—out of the
house—anywhere away. It is the most you can do for me now.’