CHAPTER 41
Gathering Clouds
Mrs. Gibson came back full of rose-coloured
accounts of London. Lady Cumnor had been gracious and affectionate,
‘so touched by my going up to see her so soon after her return to
England,’ Lady Harriet charming and devoted to her old governess,
Lord Cumnor ‘just like his dear usual hearty self’; and as for the
Kirkpatricks, no Lord Chancellor’s house was ever grander than
theirs, and the silk gown of the Q.C. had floated over housemaids
and footmen. Cynthia, too, was so much admired; and as for her
dress, Mrs. Kirkpatrick had showered down ball-dresses and wreaths,
and pretty bonnets and mantles, like a fairy godmother. Mr.
Gibson’s poor present of ten pounds shrank into very small
dimensions compared with all this munificence.
‘And they’re so fond of her, I don’t know when we
shall have her back,’ was Mrs. Gibson’s winding-up sentence. ‘And
now, Molly, what have you and papa been doing? Very gay, you
sounded in your letter. I had not time to read it in London; so I
put it in my pocket, and read it in the coach coming home. But, my
dear child, you do look so old-fashioned with your gown made all
tight, and your hair all tumbling about in curls. Curls are quite
gone out. We must do your hair differently,’ she continued, trying
to smooth Molly’s black waves into straightness.
‘I sent Cynthia an African letter,’ said Molly,
timidly, ‘did you hear anything of what was in it?’
‘Oh, yes, poor child! It made her very uneasy, I
think; she said she did not feel inclined to go to Mr. Rawson’s
ball, which was on that night, and for which Mrs. Kirkpatrick had
given her the ball-dress. But there was really nothing for her to
fidget herself about. Roger only said he had had another touch of
fever, but was better when he wrote. He says every European has to
be acclimatized by fever in that part of Abyssinia where he
is.’
‘And did she go?’ asked Molly.
‘Yes, to be sure. It is not an engagement; and if
it were, it is not acknowledged. Fancy her going and saying, “A
young man that I know has been ill for a few days in Africa, two
months ago, therefore I don’t want to go to the ball to-night.” It
would have seemed like affectation of sentiment; and if there’s one
thing I hate it is that.’
‘She would hardly enjoy herself,’ said Molly.
‘Oh, yes, but she did. Her dress was white gauze,
trimmed with lilacs, and she really did look—a mother may be
allowed a little natural partiality—most lovely. And she danced
every dance, although she was quite a stranger. I am sure she
enjoyed herself, from her manner of talking about it next
morning.’
‘I wonder if the squire knows.’
‘Knows what? Oh, yes, to be sure! You mean about
Roger. I dare say he doesn’t, and there is no need to tell him, for
I’ve no doubt it is all right now.’ And she went out of the room to
finish her unpacking.
Molly let her work fall, and sighed. ‘It will be a
year the day after to-morrow since he came here to propose our
going to Hurst Wood, and mamma was so vexed at his calling before
lunch. I wonder if Cynthia remembers it as well as I do. And now,
perhaps———Oh! Roger, Roger! I wish—I pray that you were safe home
again! How could we all bear it, if—’
She covered her face with her hands, and tried to
stop thinking. Suddenly she got up, as if stung by a venomous
fancy.
‘I don’t believe she loves him as she ought, or she
could not—could not have gone and danced. What shall I do if she
does not? What shall I do? I can bear anything but that.’
But she found the long suspense as to his health
hard enough to endure. They were not likely to hear from him for a
month at least, and before that time had elapsed Cynthia would be
at home again. Molly learnt to long for her return before a
fortnight of her absence was over. She had had no idea that
perpetual tête-à-têtes with Mrs. Gibson could, by any
possibility, be so tiresome as she found them. Perhaps Molly’s
state of delicate health, consequent upon her rapid growth during
the last few months, made her irritable; but really often she had
to get up and leave the room to calm herself down after listening
to a long series of words, more frequently plaintive or
discontented in tone than cheerful, and which at the end conveyed
no distinct impression of either the speaker’s thought or feeling.
Whenever anything had gone wrong, whenever Mr. Gibson had coolly
persevered in anything to which she had objected; whenever the cook
had made a mistake about the dinner, or the housemaid broken any
little frangible article; whenever Molly’s hair was not done to her
liking, or her dress did not become her, or the smell of dinner
pervaded the house, or the wrong callers came, or the right callers
did not come—in fact, whenever anything went wrong, poor Mr.
Kirkpatrick was regretted and mourned over, nay, almost blamed, as
if, had he only given himself the trouble of living, he could have
helped it.
‘When I look back to those happy days, it seems to
me as if I had never valued them as I ought. To be sure—youth,
love—what did we care for poverty! I remember dear Mr. Kirkpatrick
walking five miles into Stratford to buy me a muffin because I had
such a fancy for one after Cynthia was born. I don’t mean to
complain of dear papa—but I don’t think—but, perhaps I ought not to
say it to you. If Mr. Kirkpatrick had but taken care of that cough
of his; but he was so obstinate! Men always are, I think. And it
really was selfish of him. Only I dare say he did not consider the
forlorn state in which I should be left. It came harder upon me
than upon most people, because I always was of such an affectionate
sensitive nature. I remember a little poem of Mr. Kirkpatrick’s, in
which he compared my heart to a harp-string, vibrating to the
slightest breeze.’
‘I thought harpstrings required a pretty strong
finger to make them sound,’ said Molly.
‘My dear child, you’ve no more poetry in you than
your father. And as for your hair! it’s worse than ever. Can’t you
drench it in water to take those untidy twists and twirls out of
it?’
‘It only makes it curl more and more when it gets
dry,’ said Molly, sudden tears coming into her eyes as a
recollection came before her like a picture seen long ago and
forgotten for years—a young mother washing and dressing her little
girl; placing the half-naked darling on her knee, and twining the
wet rings of dark hair fondly round her fingers, and then, in an
ecstasy of fondness, kissing the little curly head.
The receipt of Cynthia’s letters made very
agreeable events. She did not write often, but her letters were
tolerably long when they did come, and very sprightly in tone.
There was constant mention made of many new names, which conveyed
no idea to Molly, though Mrs. Gibson would try and enlighten her by
running commentaries like the following:—
‘Mrs. Green! ah, that’s Mr. Jones’s pretty cousin,
who lives in Russell Square with the fat husband. They keep their
carriage; but I’m not sure if it is not Mr. Green who is Mrs.
Jones’s cousin. We can ask Cynthia when she comes home. Mr.
Henderson! to be sure—a young man with black whiskers, a pupil of
Mr. Kirkpatrick’s formerly—or was he a pupil of Mr. Murray’s? I
know they said he had read law with somebody. Ah, yes! they are the
people who called the day after Mr. Rawson’s ball, and who admired
Cynthia so much, without knowing I was her mother. She was very
handsomely dressed indeed, in black satin; and the son had a glass
eye, but he was a young man of good property. Coleman! yes, that
was the name.’
No more news of Roger until some time after Cynthia
had returned from her London visit. She came back looking fresher
and prettier than ever, beautifully dressed, thanks to her own good
taste and her cousins’ generosity, full of amusing details of the
gay life she had been enjoying, yet not at all out of spirits at
having left it behind her. She brought home all sorts of pretty and
dainty devices for Molly; a neck ribbon made up in the newest
fashion, a pattern for a tippet, a delicate pair of tight gloves,
embroidered as Molly had never seen gloves embroidered before, and
many another little sign of remembrance during her absence. Yet,
somehow or other, Molly felt that Cynthia was changed in her
relation to her. Molly was aware that she had never had Cynthia’s
full confidence, for with all her apparent frankness and naiveté of
manner, Cynthia was extremely reserved and reticent. She knew this
much of herself, and had often laughed about it to Molly, and the
latter had by this time found out the truth of her friend’s
assertion. But Molly did not trouble herself much about it. She too
knew that there were many thoughts and feelings that flitted
through her mind which she should never think of telling to any
one, except perhaps—if they were ever very much thrown together—to
her father. She knew that Cynthia withheld from her more than
thoughts and feelings—that she withheld facts. But then, as Molly
reflected, these facts might involve details of struggle and
suffering—might relate to her mother’s neglect—and altogether be of
so painful a character that it would be well if Cynthia could
forget her childhood altogether, instead of fixing it in her mind
by the relation of her grievances and troubles. So it was not now
by any want of confidence that Molly felt distanced as it were. It
was because Cynthia rather avoided than sought her companionship;
because her eyes shunned the straight, serious loving look of
Molly’s; because there were certain subjects on which she evidently
disliked speaking, not particularly interesting things as far as
Molly could perceive, but it almost seemed as if they lay on the
road to points to be avoided. Molly felt a sort of sighing pleasure
in noticing Cynthia’s changed manner of talking about Roger. She
spoke of him tenderly now; ‘poor Roger,’ as she called him; and
Molly thought that she must be referring to the illness which he
had mentioned in his last letter. One morning in the first week
after Cynthia’s return home, just as he was going out, Mr. Gibson
ran up into the drawing-room, booted and spurred, and hastily laid
an open pamphlet down before her; pointing out a particular passage
with his finger, but not speaking a word before he rapidly quitted
the room. His eyes were sparkling, and had an amused as well as
pleased expression. All this Molly noticed, as well as Cynthia’s
flush of colour as she read what was thus pointed out to her. Then
she pushed it a little on one side, not closing the book, however,
and went on with her work.
‘What is it? may I see it?’ asked Molly, stretching
out her hand for the pamphlet, which lay within her reach. But she
did not take it until Cynthia had said—
‘Certainly; I don’t suppose there are any great
secrets in a scientific journal, full of reports of meetings.’ And
she gave the book a little push towards Molly.
‘Oh, Cynthia!’ said Molly, catching her breath as
she read, ‘are you not proud?’ For it was an account of an annual
gathering of the Geographical Society,1 and Lord
Hollingford had read a letter he had received from Roger Hamley,
dated from Arracuoba, a district in Africa, hitherto unvisited by
any intelligent European traveller; and about which Mr. Hamley sent
many curious particulars. The reading of this letter had been
received with the greatest interest, and several subsequent
speakers had paid the writer very high compliments.
But Molly might have known Cynthia better than to
expect an answer responsive to the feelings that prompted her
question. Let Cynthia be ever so proud, ever so glad, or so
grateful, or even indignant, remorseful, grievous or sorry, the
very fact that she was expected by another to entertain any of
these emotions, would have been enough to prevent her expressing
them.
‘I’m afraid I’m not as much struck by the wonder of
the thing as you are, Molly. Besides, it is not news to me; at
least, not entirely. I heard about the meeting before I left
London; it was a good deal talked about in my uncle’s set; to be
sure, I didn’t hear all the fine things they say of him there—but
there, you know, that’s a mere fashion of speaking, which means
nothing; somebody is bound to pay compliments when a lord takes the
trouble to read one of his letters aloud.’
‘Nonsense,’ said Molly. ‘You know you don’t believe
what you are saying, Cynthia.’
Cynthia gave that pretty little jerk of her
shoulders, which was her equivalent for a French shrug, but did not
lift up her head from her sewing. Molly began to read the report
over again.
‘Why, Cynthia!’ she said, ‘you might have been
there; ladies were there. It says “many ladies were present.” Oh,
couldn’t you have managed to go? If your uncle’s set cared about
these things, wouldn’t some of them have taken you?’
‘Perhaps, if I had asked them. But I think they
would have been rather astonished at my sudden turn for
science.’
‘You might have told your uncle how matters really
stood; he would not have talked about it if you had wished him not,
I am sure, and he could have helped you.’
‘Once for all, Molly,’ said Cynthia, now laying
down her work, and speaking with quick authority, ‘do learn to
understand that it is, and always has been my wish, not to have the
relation which Roger and I bear to each other, mentioned or talked
about. When the right time comes, I will make it known to my uncle,
and to everybody whom it may concern; but I am not going to make
mischief, and get myself into trouble even for the sake of hearing
compliments paid to him—by letting it out before the time. If I’m
pushed to it, I’d sooner break it off altogether at once, and have
done with it. I can’t be worse off than I am now.’ Her angry tone
had changed into a kind of desponding complaint before she had
ended her sentence. Molly looked at her with dismay.
‘I can’t understand you, Cynthia,’ she said at
length.
‘No; I dare say you can’t,’ said Cynthia, looking
at her with tears in her eyes, and very tenderly, as if in
atonement for her late vehemence. ‘I am afraid—I hope you never
will.’
In a moment, Molly’s arms were round her. ‘Oh,
Cynthia,’ she murmured, ‘have I been plaguing you? Have I vexed
you? Don’t say you’re afraid of my knowing you. Of course you’ve
your faults, everybody has, but I think I love you the better for
them.’
‘I don’t know that I am so very bad,’ said Cynthia,
smiling a little through the tears that Molly’s words and caresses
had forced to overflow from her eyes. ‘But I’ve got into scrapes.
I’m in a scrape now. I do sometimes believe I shall always be in
scrapes, and if they ever come to light, I shall seem to be worse
than I really am; and I know your father will throw me off, and
I—no, I won’t be afraid that you will, Molly.’
‘I’m sure I won’t. Are they—do you think—how would
Roger take it?’ asked Molly, very timidly.
‘I don’t know. I hope he will never hear of it. I
don’t see why he should, for in a little while I shall be quite
clear again. It all came about without my ever thinking I was doing
wrong. I’ve a great mind to tell you all about it, Molly.’
Molly did not like to urge it, though she longed to
know, and to see if she could not offer help; but while Cynthia was
hesitating and, perhaps, to say the truth, rather regretting that
she had even made this slight advance towards bestowing her
confidence, Mrs. Gibson came in, full of some manner of altering a
gown of hers, so as to make it into the fashion of the day, as she
had seen it during her visit to London. Cynthia seemed to forget
her tears and her troubles, and to throw her own soul into
millinery.
Cynthia’s correspondence went on pretty briskly
with her London cousins, according to the usual rate of
correspondence in those days. Indeed, Mrs. Gibson was occasionally
inclined to complain of the frequency of Helen Kirkpatrick’s
letters; for before the penny post came in, the recipient had to
pay the postage of letters; and elevenpence-halfpenny three times a
week came, according to Mrs. Gibson’s mode of reckoning when
annoyed, to a sum ‘between three and four shillings.’ But these
complaints were only for the family; they saw the wrong side of the
tapestry. Hollingford in general, Miss Brownings in particular,
heard of ‘dear Helen’s enthusiastic friendship for Cynthia,’ and
of‘the real pleasure it was to receive such constant news—relays of
news indeed—from London. It was almost as good as living
there!’
‘A great deal better, I should think,’ said Miss
Browning with some severity. For she had got many of her notions of
the metropolis from the British Essayists, where town is so often
represented as the centre of dissipation, corrupting country wives
and squires’ daughters, and unfitting them for all their duties by
the constant whirl of its not always innocent pleasures. London was
a sort of moral pitch, which few could touch and not be defiled.
Miss Browning had been on the watch for the signs of deterioration
in Cynthia’s character ever since her return home. But, except in a
greater number of pretty and becoming articles of dress, there was
no great change for the worse to be perceived. Cynthia had been ‘in
the world,’ had ‘beheld the glare and glitter and dazzling display
of London,’ yet had come back to Hollingford as ready as ever to
place a chair for Miss Browning, or to gather flowers for a nosegay
for Miss Phoebe, or to mend her own clothes. But all this was set
down to the merits of Cynthia, not to the credit of
London-town.
‘As far as I can judge of London,’ said Miss
Browning, sententiously continuing her tirade against the place,
‘it’s no better than a pickpocket and a robber dressed up in the
spoils of honest folk. I should like to know where my Lord
Hollingford was bred, and Mr. Roger Hamley. Your good husband lent
me that report of the meeting, Mrs. Gibson, where so much was said
about them both, and he was as proud of their praises as if he had
been akin to them, and Phoebe read it aloud to me, for the print
was too small for my eyes; she was a good deal perplexed with all
the new names of places, but I said she’d better skip them, for we
had never heard of them before and probably should never hear of
them again, but she read out the fine things they said of my lord,
and Mr. Roger, and I put it to you, where were they born and bred?
Why, within eight miles of Hollingford; it might have been Molly
there or me; it’s all a chance; and then they go and talk about the
pleasures of intellectual society in London, and the distinguished
people up there that it is such an advantage to know, and all the
time I know it’s only shops and the play that’s the real
attraction. But that’s neither here nor there. We all put our best
foot foremost, and if we have a reason to give that looks sensible
we speak it out like men, and never say anything about the
silliness we are hugging to our heart. But I ask you again, where
does this fine society come from, and these wise men, and these
distinguished travellers? Why, out of country parishes like this!
London picks ’em all up, and decks herself with them, and then
calls out to the folks she’s robbed, and says, “Come and see how
fine I am.” Fine, indeed! I’ve no patience with London: Cynthia is
much better out of it; and I’m not sure, if I were you, Mrs.
Gibson, if I wouldn’t stop up those London letters: they’ll only be
unsettling her.’
‘But perhaps she may live in London some of these
days, Miss Browning,’ simpered Mrs. Gibson.
‘Time enough then to be thinking of London. I wish
her an honest country husband with enough to live upon, and a
little to lay by, and a good character to boot. Mind that, Molly,’
said she, firing round upon the startled Molly; ‘I wish Cynthia a
husband with a good character; but she’s got a mother to look after
her; you’ve none, and when your mother was alive she was a dear
friend of mine; so I’m not going to let you throw yourself away
upon any one whose life isn’t clear and aboveboard, you may depend
upon it!’
This last speech fell like a bomb into the quiet
little drawing-room, it was delivered with such vehemence. Miss
Browning, in her secret heart, meant it as a warning against the
intimacy she believed that Molly had formed with Mr. Preston; but
as it happened that Molly had never dreamed of any such intimacy,
the girl could not imagine why such severity of speech should be
addressed to her. Mrs. Gibson, who always took up the points of
every word or action where they touched her own self (and called it
sensitiveness), broke the silence that followed Miss Browning’s
speech by saying, plaintively—
‘I’m sure, Miss Browning, you are very much
mistaken if you think that any mother could take more care of Molly
than I do. I don’t—I can’t think there is any need for any one to
interfere to protect her, and I have not an idea why you have been
talking in this way, just as if we were all wrong, and you were all
right. It hurts my feelings, indeed it does; for Molly can tell you
there is not a thing or a favour that Cynthia has, that she has
not. And as for not taking care of her, why, if she were to go up
to London to-morrow, I should make a point of going with her to see
after her; and I never did it for Cynthia when she was at school in
France; and her bedroom is furnished just like Cynthia‘s, and I let
her wear my red shawl whenever she likes; she might have it oftener
if she would. I can’t think what you mean, Miss Browning.’
‘I did not mean to offend you, but I meant just to
give Molly a hint. She understands what I mean.’
‘I’m sure I do not,’ said Molly, boldly. ‘I haven’t
a notion what you meant, if you were alluding to anything more than
you said straight out—that you do not wish me to marry any one who
hasn’t a good character, and that, as you were a friend of mamma’s,
you would prevent my marrying a man with a bad character, by every
means in your power. I’m not thinking of marrying; I don’t want to
marry anybody at all; but if I did, and he were not a good man, I
should thank you for coming and warning me of it.’
‘I shall not stand on warning you, Molly. I shall
forbid the banns in church, if need be,’ said Miss Browning, half
convinced of the dear transparent truth of what Molly had said;
blushing all over, it is true, but with her steady eyes fixed on
Miss Browning’s face while she spoke.
‘Do!’ said Molly.
‘Well, well, I won’t say any more. Perhaps I was
mistaken. We won’t say any more about it. But remember what I have
said, Molly; there’s no harm in that, at any rate. I’m sorry I hurt
your feelings, Mrs. Gibson. As stepmothers go, I think you try and
do your duty. Good morning. Good-bye to you both, and God bless
you.’
If Miss Browning thought that her final blessing
would secure peace in the room she was leaving, she was very much
mistaken; Mrs. Gibson burst out with—
‘Try and do my duty, indeed! I should be much
obliged to you, Molly, if you would take care not to behave in such
a manner as to bring down upon me such impertinence as I have just
been receiving from Miss Browning.’
‘But I don’t know what made her talk as she did,
mamma,’ said Molly.
‘I’m sure I don’t know, and I don’t care either.
But I know that I never was spoken to as if I was trying to do my
duty before—“trying” indeed! everybody always knew that I did it,
without talking about it before my face in that rude manner. I’ve
that deep feeling about duty that I think it ought only to be
talked about in church, and in such sacred places as that; not to
have a common caller startling one with it, even though she was an
early friend of your mother’s. And as if I didn’t look after you
quite as much as I look after Cynthia! Why, it was only yesterday I
went up into Cynthia’s room and found her reading a letter that she
put away in a hurry as soon as I came in, and I didn’t even ask her
who it was from, and I’m sure I should have made you tell
me.’
Very likely. Mrs. Gibson shrank from any conflicts
with Cynthia, pretty sure that she would be worsted in the end;
while Molly generally submitted sooner than have any struggle for
her own will.
Just then Cynthia came in.
‘What’s the matter?’ said she quickly, seeing that
something was wrong.
‘Why, Molly has been doing something which has set
that impertinent Miss Browning off into lecturing me on trying to
do my duty! If your poor father had but lived, Cynthia, I should
never have been spoken to as I have been. “A stepmother trying to
do her duty, indeed!” That was Miss Browning’s expression.’
Any allusion to her father took from Cynthia all
desire of irony. She came forward, and again asked Molly what was
the matter.
Molly, herself ruffled, made answer—
‘Miss Browning seemed to think I was likely to
marry some one whose character was objectionable—’
‘You, Molly?’ said Cynthia.
‘Yes-she once before spoke to me—I suspect she has
got some notion about Mr. Preston in her head—’
Cynthia sat down quite suddenly. Molly went on:
‘And she spoke as if mamma did not look enough after me—I think she
was rather provoking—’
‘Not rather, but very—very impertinent,’ said Mrs.
Gibson, a little soothed by Molly’s recognition of her
grievance.
‘What could have put it into her head?’ said
Cynthia, very quietly, taking her sewing as she spoke.
‘I don’t know,’ said her mother, replying to the
question after her own fashion. ‘I’m sure I don’t always approve of
Mr. Preston; but even if it was him she was thinking about, he’s
far more agreeable than she is; and I had much rather have him
coming to call than an old maid like her, any day.’
‘I don’t know that it was Mr. Preston she was
thinking about,’ said Molly. ‘It was only a guess. When you were
both in London she spoke about him—I thought she had heard
something about you and him, Cynthia.’ Unseen by her mother,
Cynthia looked up at Molly, her eyes full of prohibition, her
cheeks full of angry colour. Molly stopped short suddenly. After
that look she was surprised at the quietness with which Cynthia
said, almost immediately—
‘Well, after all, it is only your fancy that she
was alluding to Mr. Preston, so perhaps we had better not say any
more about him; and as for her advice to mamma to look after you
better, Miss Molly, I’ll stand bail for your good behaviour; for
both mamma and I know you’re the last person to do any foolish
things in that way. And now don’t let us talk any more about it. I
was coming to tell you that Hannah Brand’s little boy has been
badly burnt, and his sister is downstairs asking for old
linen.’
Mrs. Gibson was always kind to poor people, and she
immediately got up and went to her stores to search for the article
wanted.
Cynthia turned quietly round to Molly.
‘Molly, pray don’t ever allude to anything between
me and Mr. Preston—not to mamma, nor to any one. Never do! I’ve a
reason for it—don’t say anything more about it, ever.’
Mrs. Gibson came back at this moment, and Molly had
to stop short again on the brink of Cynthia’s confidence; uncertain
indeed this time whether she would have been told anything more,
and only sure that she had annoyed Cynthia a good deal.
But the time was approaching when she would know
all.