Chapter 15: Slippery When Wet

 

I open my blurry eyes and squint in the bright sunlight. Where is my pillow? I moan and turn over with difficulty.

Lapilla’s sleek leopard paw hangs across my shoulder. Gorilla eyes stare into mine.

“EEK!” I scream.

Lapilla shrieks.

I leap onto Fairy Godmonster. She sits up, knocking me out of bed. I almost crash to the floor. Her hand snatches my arm and lifts me back like I was a feather.

My heart thumps like it’s going to pop out of my chest.

“What’s going on?” Fairy Godmonster removes her eye mask.

“That monster was sleeping next to me!”

“You’re alive, aren’t you?”

The alarm goes off.

Lapilla roars and jumps to a tree. Brown poop drips down on my pillow.

“Eeuuww! Gross!” I leap off the bed, shivering and holding my nose.

“What’s that?” Fairy Godmonster groans.

“Monster poop.”

“I mean the noise,” she says.

“The clock alarm,” I answer.

“Monster nights are much longer,” she moans.

Still shaky, I get dressed.

“See you later, Faro.”

She rolls over grumbling, “Much later.”

“Please don’t leave this room. And clean up the mess.”

She puts on her eye mask. “Fairy Godmonsters don’t take orders.”

“Fine. Enjoy the smell.”

I sneak down the stairs. I’m relieved that nobody’s up. I hurry out the kitchen door.

Kong jumps up and down when I enter the stable. I feed the horses grain and let them into the pasture. Two geldings, six mares and three colts thunder away. The dawn streaks through their flying manes. Breath catches in my throat. Running horses are the most beautiful sight in the whole world. They stop and put their velvet noses to the grass. A wave of loneliness sweeps over me. I miss Dad. We always watch the horses together.

I go inside to muck out their stalls. I have two finished and the bedding in place by the time David and John arrive.

“Hi, Sis! You’re an eager beaver,” says David.

“Got a lot to do today.”

“You must be feeling better,” he adds.

“Yeah.” Wish I had as much enthusiasm as David. But then, I’m not getting married.

“Show me the manure.” John laughs and picks up a rake.

I laugh with him.

With two men to help me, it doesn’t take long.

“Can I talk with you privately?” I ask David.

“I’ll be in the kitchen eating your breakfast, David.” John smiles and saunters away.

“What’s up, Win?”

“How much are you going to be able to help me with stable chores?”

“We’ll help you muck them out twice a day.”

“I still have to exercise most of the horses. Either by riding or on the hot walker,” I say.

“How many hours a day?” he asks.

“Dad said I could cut it down for the next couple of weeks, but it will still take a little over three hours. That’s not counting the grooming after.”

“Give me a schedule. I’ll put the horses on the walker and groom them, if you ride and groom the others.”

“I’ll alternate them. We’re not going to put the two pregnant mares on the hot walker since their foals are due after the wedding.”

“Sounds good. Let’s get some breakfast. I have a lot to do to get the garden ready.”

I’d forgotten about the garden. “Are you going to change it much?” I ask.

“I have to add quite a bit.”

“Like what?” Anger shoots through my head.

“Benches to seat at least two hundred guests, a few trees and the rest I’m keeping secret. I’ll be blocking it off.”

My throat gets dry. I croak, “When?”

“When the plants arrive and I finish with the building. The deliveries are going to be late.”

“Why can’t you have the ceremony someplace else on the ranch?”

David turns me to face him. “I know how much the garden means to you. I would

never do anything to change the essence of it. I promise, you’ll love it.” He pauses. “Mom will, too.”

I hold back the tears. What is the matter with me? I’m turning into a wimp.

He grabs my hand. “Let’s eat.”

“Mrs. Dudley gave me two lists of housework that have to be done before your wedding,” I tell him.

“Claire can help during the day and I’ll help in the evenings. It can’t take that much time.”

“You didn’t do much cleaning at school, did you?”

He grins. “No. One of our roommates had that chore.”

“I thought so.” I follow him into the kitchen and sit down.

Weasel has breakfast on the table and everyone is eating.

Mr. Dudley smiles over his pile of bacon and eggs. “Being in the country sure gives you an appetite.” His phone rings and he turns it off.

A glimpse of a yellow jumpsuit glides past the doorway. Fairy Godmonster is riding in-line skates. I choke on my bacon.

“You okay?” David asks, patting my back.

“Yeah.” I take a drink of milk, hand shaking.

Claire asks, “Are you sure you don’t want to go shopping with me, Winifred? Dad’s ordered a limousine and there’s plenty of room.”

“Thanks, I have to exercise the horses.” My voice shakes.

Claire frowns. “Maybe we can go another day. When I get back, I’ll help you with the housecleaning.”

“I want to go,” Daria says. “It’s boring here.”

“I don’t know, Daria,” says her mother. “You don’t like shopping.”

“I never get to do anything with my sister.”

“You never wanted to before,” says Claire.

Daria stares at me defiantly. “I do now.”

Mr. Dudley says, “Oh, let her go, Erminia. Once Claire is married, they won’t see each other very often.”

Weasel’s fork stops halfway to her mouth. “What do you mean, Otis?”

David adds, “I thought you knew, Mrs. Dudley. I’m starting my landscape architecture business here in Oregon.”

She turns pale. Her mouth tightens. “No, I didn’t. I assumed you would be coming back to Boston.”

“I’m sorry, Mother,” says Claire. “Daddy said he was going to tell you when he gave us his wedding gift.”

“His wedding gift? Besides this wedding, we’re giving you the traditional gift from

the bride’s parents, the silverware.”

“My fault, Erminia. It slipped my mind. I meant to tell you. I’m giving them money to start their business instead of buying them a house.”

“How generous, Otis,” says Weasel in a flat voice.

His phone rings. “Excuse me.”

I hold my breath, hoping he doesn’t go in the same direction as Faro. My eyes twitches and I can’t seem to get my foot to stop tapping the floor.

He goes into the dining room.

I breathe a sigh until I see Fairy Godmonster glide across the ceiling on silent skates. She winks and flicks her red tail before disappearing into the living room. I gag on a mouthful of oatmeal. Cough until I’m red and shake so much that David pats me on the back.

“Relax, Win. Take a deep breath,” he says.

I gasp for air and wonder who is going to spot Fairy Godmonster first. My brain swims in dizziness.

Weasel pushes away from the table. “I would like to schedule …”

David and John jump up.

“We’ll be with the horses, if you need us,” says David.

Claire rises. “I’ll see if the limousine is here.”

“I want to go!” whines Daria. “Please, Mommy.”

“Oh, all right. Behave yourself.”

Daria runs after her sister. “Wait, Claire!”

The kitchen is silent and I’m left alone with Weasel. I practically swallow the rest of my breakfast whole. I stumble up and head for the back door, barely able to walk.

Weasel’s eyes tighten to slits. “Just a minute.” Her voice is sickeningly sweet. I cringe. “Daria told me you are playing tricks and trying to scare her.”

“She was sneaking up on me.”

“You will leave my little girl alone. If there are anymore incidents, your father will hear about this.”

“What are you going to do, lock me in the attic?”

The air cracks with tension.

“Don’t ever talk back to me again.”

Her voice is like acid burning into my soul. I don’t dare look at her or I might die on the spot.

I escape out the kitchen door saying, “I’ll be with the horses all morning.”

She follows me. “Charles took the cell phone and gave me the number. He is only a call away.”

With that threat, I escape out the door. Why can’t Fairy Godmother turn Weasel into a toad instead of letting her drive me crazy?

David is showing John how to snap the last horse to the hot walker when I make it to the exercise arena.

John says, “Wow, this is some contraption.”

The walker looks like a flat umbrella without the covering. The spokes stick up from a five-foot base. The horses, hooked to four, spaced arms, can walk at variable speeds from a belt drive. The direction can be changed to exercise each side of the horse.

David pulls a buzzing cell phone from a pocket.

“Hello? Yes it is. What?” He looks at his watch. “I’ll be there in about three hours.”

“What’s the matter?” John asks.

“There’s trouble with the shipment of benches. The train derailed and they won’t make it in time for the wedding. I have to go to Salem to find more.”

“When?” I ask.

“Now.” I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back.”

“What about the horses?”

“You’ll have to show John how to do it. I’ll tell Claire. Be good.” He kisses my cheek and is gone.

My heart sinks. I’m stranded with strangers.

John smiles. “I bet you’ll be glad when the wedding is over.”

“Yeah.” I can’t tell him I wish it wasn’t even happening. Now, I’m saddled with everything. John is nice, but I’m not going to ask him to help me with the housework.

“I’m going to ride a mare, John. Can you watch the horses on the hot walker?”

“I’m a city boy. What happens if they act up while you’re gone?”

“There shouldn’t be any trouble. Turn off the hot walker if there is. I’ll be back in a half-hour to help you switch them out.”

“Will do.”

“Thanks.”

I take Sunshine from her stall. She moves reluctantly. I bridle her, but don’t put on her saddle. She likes to puff out her pregnant belly and the saddle slips when she relaxes. Guess I wouldn’t want anything around me if I had to carry a baby for eleven months.

Leading her to a mounting block outside, I glide onto her back. She’s a palomino, dark gold. The sun makes her corn-silk mane look silver. We walk down one dirt path to the forest. Her muscles move rhythmically under her golden body. We turn a corner and I look back at the house.

Fairy Godmonster is standing on top of the roof. Her hot pink dress flows with the breeze. It covers every inch of her body and she still looks sexy. I frantically signal her to get down before anybody sees her.

She waves back at me.

I make a ‘cutting-throat’ motion and she sits down.

My horse picks up my nervousness and crow-hops. I force myself to be calm and a few minutes later, I cut the walk short because Sunshine decides she’s had enough exercise and turns for home. Normally, I wouldn’t let a horse get away with this kind of behavior, but I have a lot more to do before lunch and I give her some leeway because she’s pregnant.

The rest of the morning goes smoothly. I show John how to switch the horses on the hot walker and how to groom them. Then I exercise the others. I miss lunch.

I’m ravenous when I enter the kitchen and grab a banana. Everyone’s gone, but I hear loud voices coming out of Dad’s bedroom.

“You might have told me about Claire staying in Oregon.” Weasel’s voice slithers out through the open door.

I move closer to eavesdrop.

“I am sorry. It wouldn’t have made it any easier on you. All mothers have to give up their children someday.” Mr. Dudley’s voice is soothing. I wonder how he ever

married a woman like Weasel.

“You could have made the money conditional on them staying in Boston.”

“Erminia, a gift is unconditional.”

“You know why I don’t want Claire in Oregon.”

“It’s a big state. You’ve kept her birth mother a secret so far.”

“Ssh!” Someone might hear. I don’t want anyone to know about Melinda.”

Whoa! They know who Claire’s real Mom is? I back away from the door as fast as I can. I don’t want to be caught here.

Footsteps sound like they’re coming right at me. I slip into my brother’s bedroom next door and bump into Fairy Godmonster. I grab my mouth to keep from screaming and almost pee my pants.

“What are you doing in here?” I whisper.

“You’re back.” She licks her fingers. “Claire’s perfume is yummy.”

“Ssh. Weasel is next door. What if someone hears you? Or worse, sees you?”

“There are only two people in the house. A cinch to avoid them. You have some interesting food in your refrigerator.”

“You’ve been in the kitchen? Please, you have to go back upstairs.”

“Oh, all right. I’ll just borrow a few of these bridal magazines. Life around here is boring.”

I peek out the door to see if we can get away without being seen. I hear mumbling behind Dad’s now-closed door. “Come on.”

Fairy Godmonster strolls out of the room and leaps gracefully up the stairs. I’ll never have legs like hers.

“Come and tell me about your morning. Lapilla isn’t good at conversation. He only wants the food in my refrigerator.”

“I don’t have time. This is what I have to do before the wedding, besides taking care of the horses,” I say.

I snatch the lists out of my jeans and shove them into her hands. “And now David is gone and I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

She reads the lists quickly. “I’ll see if my whip works.”

A spark of hope flitters into my chest. I need some magic. I unlock the attic door.

Lapilla brushes past me.

“Come back!” I yell, running after him.

He lopes down the hall just as the cat strolls out of the bedroom.

HSSTTT! Godzilla arches her back, twenty pounds of spitting black fur.

Lapilla stops for a second. Growls and leaps.

“No!” I scream.

Fairy Godmonster does a triple, triple. Tackles Lapilla midair. They crash to the floor.

The cat zips down the stairs.

Lapilla starts to roll over with Fairy Godmonster on his back. She punches him in the face and he collapses.

I can’t stop shaking.

“Winifred, are you all right?” calls Mr. Dudley from downstairs.

“Hide,” I whisper.

Fairy Godmonster hauls Lapilla to the attic by the scruff of his neck.

“Winifred?” I hear Mr. Dudley footsteps on the stairs.

I shake all the way to the stairs and peer down. “I’m fine, Mr. Dudley. You don’t need to come up. The bedroom door was open and Daria’s cat got out.”

“She’s supposed to be locked in,” grumbles Mr. Dudley, heading back down.

I return to the attic, heart pounding. My head aches.

Lapilla is lying on my bed, unconscious. Fairy Godmonster is polishing her claws.

I stare in disbelief. “How can you do that? We almost had a catastrophe!”

“Chill. Everything is under control. Ooohh. I wrecked the polish on this claw.”

“Are you taking this job seriously? You don’t act like a Fairy Godmother.”

She glares at me. “I’m a Fairy Godmonster. There’s a big difference.”

“Mr. Dudley could have seen both of you.”

“He didn’t. People only see what they expect to.”

I lean against the wall, drained.

“Get rid of him,” I say, pointing to Lapilla.

She picks her whip up from the bed. I move out of the way as she swirls it around her head. CRACK. The end fizzles.

“Oh, pooh.” She shakes it. It hangs there like a limp noodle.

Hope gone, my temper gets the better of me. “What good are you?”

Her yellow eyes turn black. “At least, you are not up here all alone.”

“You’re right about that. I have two monsters for company.”

Her eyes flare orange. “I thought we talked about your sarcasm. Would your mother have allowed this kind of behavior?”

“She’s dead. I never knew her.”

Her eyes soften to pale yellow. “I’m sorry. Tell me about her.”

“She was beautiful. Dad and David won’t tell me anything. The only things I have of hers are in this room.” I look around. “Well, in your NTMT.”

“Those beautiful trunks are hers? I bet we can find out about her.”

“No!” I panic thinking about Mom’s things.

“What are you afraid of?” asks Fairy Godmonster.

“Those are private and I want you to stay out of them.”

She stares at me with concern in her eyes. “Until FIMM is fixed, how can I help

you?”

“Do you plan to do my chores while everyone is asleep?” I ask.

“The thought hadn’t occurred to me.”

“I didn’t think so. You cause more problems. And I have enough. On top of everything, Daria will never try to stop finding a way to get in here.”

Frustrated, I start to run out of the room.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“I have work to do.” I run downstairs.

Weasel is on the telephone in the living room, so I start dusting and do the kitchen and the dining room. When Weasel is gone, I start working on the living room. On my hands and knees, I get the dust bunnies under the couch that I know the vacuum won’t reach.

HISSTTT! MEOWRRR!

I look up. Godzilla is perched on the top of the couch peering down at me. She makes a horrible retching sound and throws up on my head.

Gross! I grab the stuff so it doesn’t drip into my eyes. Yuck! I almost throw up from the smell. I hurry upstairs to shampoo my hair, rush into the bathroom and trip on a box of cat litter that wasn’t there this morning. Wet clumps and poop spray across the floor. Along with the cat vomit. I wildly grab the counter to avoid slipping into the mess when a bloodcurdling scream streaks through the house.