I HAVE been so innerly proud, and so long
alone,
Do not
leave me, or I shall break.
Do not leave me.
What should I do if you were gone again
So soon?
What should I look
for?
Where should
I go?
What should
I be, I myself,
“I”?
What would it
mean, this
I?
Do not leave me.
What should I think of death?
If I died, it would not be
you:
It would be
simply the same
Lack of you.
The
same want, life or death,
Unfulfilment,
The same insanity of space
You not there for
me.
Think, I daren’t die
For fear of the lack in death.
And I daren’t
live.
Unless there were a morphine or a drug.
I would bear the pain.
But always, strong, unremitting
It would make me not
me.
The thing with
my body that would go on living
Would not be me.
Neither life nor death could
help.
Think, I couldn’t look towards death
Nor towards the
future:
Only not
look.
Only
myself
Stand still
and bind and blind myself.
God, that I have no choice!
That my own fulfilment is up
against me
Timelessly!
The
burden of self-accomplishment!
The charge of fulfilment!
And God, that she is
necessary!
Necessary, and I have no choice!
Do not leave me.