I run the messages over in my head, like what we’ve found so far makes it totally possible to anticipate what we’re about to find next.

FIND ME

ALL OF THESE THINGS GONE COLD AND

NOW I’M HERE I LOOK UP I SEE

Culler and I don’t talk much on the way to Labelle. Maybe there’s no talking between me and Culler because I’m thinking of Milo. I can’t stop thinking of Milo and our conversation and coming to the same conclusion over and over again: maybe I was the constant that faltered.

I don’t know. It scares me if that’s true.

I need to stop thinking.

I roll down my window all the way. Culler turns on the radio, cranking the volume so it can be heard over the wind. I close my eyes. Sight gone, my other senses heighten. The smell of the car. The sound of Culler breathing—maybe I’m imagining that, but I swear I hear it. I feel the car accelerate. We’re going faster than we should.

The kind of speed that if we hit something, we would die.

Culler reaches over and presses his hand against my eyes. Just for a second. I keep my eyes closed and the only thing to do is take in the music, the sound around me. Every time I feel my mind drift back to the things that make me sad, I feel the music, the speed of the car, pull me back, like a temporary lifeline amidst all this other noise.

Eventually, the music stops, though.

Culler keeps driving and I listen to the road.

I open my eyes and he is looking at me in a way I can’t describe.