CHAPTER SEVEN
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LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH
“ Pit stop,” Ethan said when we’d arrived
back at the House and made our way to the main floor. We walked
back through the hall toward the cafeteria, but stopped at a door
on the right-hand wall. Ethan pushed through it, and I followed him
into a gleaming stainless-steel kitchen. A handful of vampires in
tidy white jackets and those ballooning chef’s pants chopped and
mixed at various stations.
“Now, this is the kind of kitchen a Novitiate
vampire deserves,” I approvingly said, taking in the sights and
sounds and smells.
“Margot?” Ethan asked aloud. One of the chefs
smiled back at him, said something in French, and pointed farther
into the kitchen. Ethan bobbed his head at her, took the pizza box
from my hand, and started down the aisle between the chefs’
stations. He said hello to the men and women along the way; since I
didn’t know any of them, I offered polite smiles as I passed.
I also didn’t know Ethan spoke French.
But I did, of course, know Margot. She sat on a
stool beside a giant slab of marble, watching as a young man with
dark hair rolled out dough on the floured marble.
“Watch your pressure,” she said before lifting her
gaze and smiling at Ethan.
“Liege,” she said, hopping off her stool. “What
brings you and”—she slid her gaze my way, measuring whom Ethan had
brought into her lair, then offered me a sly smile—“Merit to my
neck of the mansion?”
Ethan placed the pizza box on a clean spot of
counter. “Merit and I will be waiting on a call in my rooms. Could
you arrange this and deliver it upstairs with some plates and
silverware?”
She arched a curious eyebrow, then lifted the pizza
box, her lips twisting into a smile. “Saul’s Best,” she said
fondly, one hand over her heart. “He got me through culinary
school. And given our culinary history to date, I’m assuming,
Liege, that our Sentinel had some input on this choice?”
“It’s not my usual fare,” he agreed.
Margot winked at me. “In that case, excellent
choice, Merit.”
I smiled back.
Margot closed the box again, then clapped her hands
together. “Well, let’s get this going. Something to drink, Liege?
You still haven’t opened the bottle of Château Mouton Rothschild
you picked up in Paris.”
Being a Merit, and having been raised by my father
to appreciate the difference between Cabernet and Riesling, I knew
she was talking about high-dollar wine . . . and pairing it with
junk food. “You want to drink a Mouton Rothschild with
pizza?”
Ethan looked amused. “I’m surprised at you,
Sentinel. Given your diet, I’d have thought you’d appreciate the
combination. And we are in Chicago, after all. What better to drink
with Chicago’s finest than something nice from France?”
A girl couldn’t argue with logic like that.
“The Rothschild is fine,” Ethan said, putting his
hand at my back to turn me toward the door again. “Merit is hungry,
so all due haste would be appreciated.”
Since he was right, I spared him a sarcastic
retort, but I couldn’t stop myself from glancing back to check
Margot’s expression. It didn’t look good: arched eyebrow, crossed
arms, and much-too-curious stare.
I was so going to hear about this
later.
The lights were already on in his apartments, soft
music playing, and, despite the season, a golden glow emanating
from the fireplace in the corner. It looked like his room had been
prepared by staff members for his return. Apparently Master
vampires got sunrise turndown service.
I sat my scabbard carefully on a side table.
“Make yourself at home,” Ethan said, “such as it
is.” He slipped off his jacket, flipped it around like a matador’s
cape, and placed it carefully on the back of a desk chair.
When he plucked his PDA off the desktop and began
to thumb through it, I took the opportunity to give the room
another perusal. It was, after all, a record of Ethan’s
four-hundred-year existence. If the stuff didn’t give some
clue to the puzzle that was Ethan Sullivan, I wasn’t sure what
would.
Hands behind my back, I walked to the wall opposite
the Fabergé egg, where an embroidered heraldic crest was mounted in
a cherrywood frame. The crest bore an oak tree with red acorns, a
symbol I’d seen before.
I pointed to it, then glanced back at him. Ethan
stood with one hand on the back of the chair, his BlackBerry in the
other.
“This is the same crest that’s on the shield in the
Sparring Room?”
He glanced up, nodded, and turned back to his PDA.
“It’s my family crest. From Sweden.”
“What was your name?” I asked. Morgan had once told
me that vampires switched identities every sixty or so years in
order to keep from arousing too much human suspicion when they
failed to age like their friends and families. “Ethan Sullivan” was
his current name, but I assumed he hadn’t been born to that
name—not in Sweden nearly four hundred years ago.
“My family name was Andresen,” he said, thumbs
clicking at the keys. “I was born Jakob Andresen.”
“Siblings?”
He smiled wistfully. “Three sisters—Elisa, Annika,
and Berit—although I was often away from them. I was in the army—a
man-at-arms before our lieutenant asked me to run an errand. When I
came back, information about our opponents’ positions in hand, he
promoted me.”
Apparently done with his messages, Ethan placed the
PDA on the desktop, slid his hands into his pockets, and glanced up
at me. “I was an artillery captain when my time came.”
Ethan wasn’t usually this talkative about his past,
so I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him my full attention.
“When you were killed?”
“When I was changed,” he corrected. He
gestured toward a spot at the crux of his left shoulder and neck.
“An arrow at dusk. Night fell, and the vampires emerged, stripping
the battlefield of blood, including my own. It was easy to come by
on a battlefield, of course, not that they were particular.
Vampires were different then, closer to animal than human. They
were roaming bands of scavengers, taking what blood they could
find. Within that band, that first band, there was a leader.
Balthasar. He’d been watching the camps, knew my position, decided
I’d know enough about war, about strategy, to be an asset to the
rest of them.”
So in a way our changes had been similar. Ethan,
changed in the midst of war, the victim of an attack. The change,
although giving him life after a certain death, undertaken without
his consent. Pulled into a corps of vampires to be a warrior, to
offer his strategic services. Me, changed in the midst of Celina’s
battle for notoriety, the victim of her staged attack. Changed by
Ethan to save my life, without my consent. Brought into Cadogan
House to be a warrior, a soldier protecting the House.
When I began the genetic change from human to
vampire, he’d drugged me. He said he didn’t want me to have to
experience the pain of the transition since it wasn’t a transition
I’d asked for.
Maybe I now knew why.
Ethan paused, his gaze on the floor, his eyes
tracking as he recalled some ancient memory. “When I arose after
the change, I imagined myself a monster, something unholy. I
couldn’t go home, couldn’t bring that home to my family. Not like I
was. Not like that. So I joined Balthasar and his band, and we
traveled together for a decade.”
“What happened after that?”
“An enterprising young vampire—a vampire Balthasar
had made—decided that the band would be better under his authority.
And that was the end of my relationship with those particular
vampires. After that, I traveled. Wars were common in those years,
and I had knowledge about strategy, skills. I joined a battalion
here and there, traveled south until I found a peaceful bit of
earth to call my own. I lived off the land. Learned to read and
write. Tried to build a new life and not attract too much human
attention.”
My voice soft, I asked, “Did you ever marry?”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “No. As a soldier,
I didn’t feel I had the luxury of keeping a family at home.” He
smiled wistfully. “My sisters were children enough for me. I was a
coward, I suppose, that I didn’t go back to them, didn’t give them
a chance to accept what I’d become. But that was a much different
time, and I’d have been returning home a demon. A true monster. I
couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“When did you join the House?”
“Many, many years after I left Sweden, I met Peter.
He founded Cadogan House, and I joined him in Wales. And when he
was gone, I became Master. I moved the House here to Chicago”—he
spread his arms, gesturing to the mansion around him—“and here we
are.”
“And here we are,” I agreed. I knew that wasn’t all
of his history. But I knew enough about some of the more scandalous
recent parts—his affair with Amber; his relationship with Lacey
Sheridan, a former Cadogan guard turned Sheridan House Master—not
to ask more than I’d probably want to know.
“A suggestion, Sentinel,” he said. “Write down the
things you wish to remember, and keep those records close. Secured.
It’s surprising how much you forget as the years go on.” With that
advice, he pushed off the desk and walked toward me. He stopped
just in front of me, our toes close enough to touch, and just . . .
stood there. My heart began to pound as I waited for action—a touch
or kiss—some end to the anticipation that lifted goose bumps on my
arms.
I opted to end the tension myself. “You shouldn’t
have shielded me when the shots were fired.”
He offered me an imperious look.
“Ethan, it’s my job. I’m supposed to protect you,
not the other way around. Luc would have put my head on a pike if
you’d taken a hit.”
“How do you know I didn’t?”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again. “Did
you?”
His eyes went to sultry slits. “Do you want to look
and see?”
“Not especially.” Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Ethan arched an eyebrow and began to lean in. . . .
Then he reached around to pluck something from the table behind me.
When he pulled back, folder in hand, I rolled my eyes at my
reaction. The man just unbalanced me.
He opened the file and began to peruse it, pacing
across the floor as he considered its contents. I blew out a
breath, relaxing incrementally at the realization that however he
might flirt, we really were here on business. Whatever the
attraction between us, he was first and foremost a leader of
vampires.
A knock sounded at the door.
“Come in,” Ethan said without glancing up.
The doors opened, but with considerably less
fanfare than the last time food had been delivered. After giving me
a devilish look, Margot wheeled in a cart sans steel covers. The
pizza had been mounted on a footed platter, an army’s worth of
supplies around it: red chili flakes; grated parmesan cheese; small
glass bottles of water; napkins; silverware; wineglasses; and, of
course, the wine.
Ethan looked it over. “You did a respectable job of
finding dinner this time, Sentinel.”
I put my hands on my hips and looked over the tray
and the plateau of pizza. “Well,” I said, “even a born-and-bred
Chicagoan needs a break from red hots and double cheeseburgers now
and again.”
“More’s the pity,” Margot snickered, and I smiled.
I had a pretty good sense that I was going to like that girl. And
then I was distracted by chocolate.
I pointed at two three-leveled stacks of it in
varying shades of brown. “Chocolate cakes?”
“Chocolate mousse cakes,” Margot corrected. “A
chocolate genoise bottom, topped by layers of milk chocolate mousse
and ganache. We’re training a new pastry chef, and he wanted to
practice his mousse-making skills.” She glanced at Ethan
expectantly. “Anything else I can do for you, Liege?”
“I believe you’ve made our Sentinel happy enough
for the both of us.”
“Very well. Bon appétit,” she said, then
bowed a little before turning for the doors.
“Thank you, Margot,” Ethan said, and she
disappeared into the hallway, the doors closing behind her, but the
bounty left behind.
We had our fill of pizza and ridiculously fabulous
wine. Ethan had been right—expensive or not, it paired incredibly
well with the saucy, cheesy pizza.
By the time Gabriel called, we’d moved to the
sitting area, a landline conference phone and our wineglasses on
the ottoman between us. I sat cross-legged on the floor, my boots
kicked to the side. Ethan sat on the sofa, one leg crossed over the
other.
Gabriel hit it out of the park on his first at-bat.
“Kitten,” he asked, “did Sullivan give you a raise?”
I crossed my hands on the table and leaned toward
the phone. “Sadly, Gabriel, he did not. I believe my skills are
sorely underappreciated.”
“I have trouble believing that’s true, Kitten. But
vampires are vampires.”
I had a feeling shifters used that phrase quite
often, and not flatteringly. But when I glanced up at Ethan, he
wore a look of amusement. He had one bent elbow on the chair back,
his chin between his thumb and forefinger. His head was tilted, his
smile crooked and kind of drowsy, as if he were actually . . .
relaxed.
“Any developments in the investigation?” he
asked.
“Nothing I wanted to know about. Tony’s bike was
found about a half mile from the bar. The forensic team has it now.
The Ombud is serving as liaison. He let us know the CPD’s testing
it for gunpowder residue, that kind of thing.”
Ethan frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“You and me both,” Gabe said. “This meeting is
supposed to be about plotting out a new course for shifters, not
tired, old attitudes.” He sighed audibly. “Ah, well. Shit is what
it is, right?”
“That’s what we hear,” Ethan said. “So I assume
that means Tony has been bumped up to the top of the suspect
list?”
“That would appear to be the case. It complicates
things, of course. Endangering alphas isn’t looked highly upon, as
you might imagine. I don’t want to bring the Packs together with
that kind of sword above our heads, but we may not have a
choice.”
“Have you settled on a location for the
convocation?”
“We have. We’ll be at St. Bridget’s Cathedral. It’s
here in the neighborhood.”
I couldn’t stop the words from popping out of my
mouth. “St. Bridget’s? You’re meeting at a church?”
“We are indeed, Sentinel. Did you think
shape-shifters were on the outs with all things holy?”
A blush warmed my cheeks at the chastisement. “Of
course not. It’s just . . . Well, it’s a church. It’s not the first
place that comes to mind.” Especially as the location for a meeting
of, as Gabriel had put it, hog-loving and Jack-drinking
bikers.
“Fewer prying eyes and less collateral damage,”
Gabriel said. “Sullivan, I don’t know what you’d like to see
beforehand; I can have my people send Luc the building specs, that
kind of thing.”
“Fine by me,” Ethan agreed. “I assume that’s all
you need from us tonight?”
“Actually, it isn’t.” Gabriel paused for a moment,
long enough for Ethan to offer me a look of curiosity. I
shrugged.
“I appreciate what you did tonight—both of you. You
volunteered to jump into a conflict that isn’t yours, and I can’t
thank Merit enough for what she did with Berna. She took a
risk—took a chance—to protect her. You did good, Kitten. You did
real good.”
I smiled earnestly back at the phone. “Thank you,
sir.”
“Anywho, we’ve got a Pack social gathering tomorrow
night. Jeff suggested you two might be interested in joining
us—meeting a few more of the Keenes, getting a sense of who we are
as a group. Partly, it’s a thank-you. And I don’t think we’ll have
the same kind of security issues to worry about.”
I glanced up from the phone to Ethan to gauge his
reaction. His eyes were wide with surprise, his lips curled into a
very self-satisfied grin. “We’d be honored, Gabriel. Thank you for
the invitation.”
“Well, good. One small issue—we’ll be at the
Brecks’. They have a large house, as you know, so there’s room to
hold us all.”
There was an awkward pause. “And how are things
between you and the Brecks?” I asked.
That prompted an even longer pause. “They’ve
offered to host the potluck to help mend the fence,” he said.
“Beyond that, it’s between the Brecks and the Pack. Is the location
going to cause any discomfort for you?”
At my reassuring nod, Ethan offered, “We’ll be
fine.”
“Good to hear it. Ten p.m. tomorrow. I’m
out.”
With that, he hung up.
Ethan reached forward and tapped a button on the
phone, then looked at me. “Back into the den, I suppose?”
“It looks that way. I wonder if this will be
our chance to mend fences with the Brecks—”
“Or if we’ll irritate them further by crashing a
shifter party?”
“That had occurred to me,” I agreed. “Either way,
there’s only one thing to do about it now.” I unkinked my legs and
stood up again.
Ethan smiled lightly. “Two or three centuries of
peace?”
“Well, that, sure. But I was thinking chocolate
mousse.”
I’d somehow become Ethan’s culinary guide to
Chicago. I’d gotten him to eat deep-dish pizza, to try
Chicago-style hot dogs, and to dive into a double bacon
cheeseburger. I wasn’t sure I could take credit for the chocolate
since Margot put the tray together, but I figured my sheer
enthusiasm counted for something.
While Ethan called Luc to advise him that Gabriel
would be forwarding convocation materials, I plated up the
chocolate cakes. When the columns of chocolate—from the cake layer
to the pillowy mousse to the deep chocolate top—stood in the middle
of crisp, white dessert plates, I grabbed two silver forks. I
turned to carry the plates back to the sitting area, but he was
already standing behind me. I offered up a plate and fork, and
pricked the tip of it into the top of the dessert, piercing through
the layers.
I happened to glance up at him as I prepared to
take a bite, and found his gaze on me, his head tilted, a softness
in his eyes.
“What?” I asked.
A corner of his mouth tipped up. “You probably
don’t want to know.”
“Ha,” I said, assuming his thoughts were
lascivious, then lifted the tiers of velvet brown to my lips. I
closed my eyes as I reveled in it. It truly was chocolate heaven,
and Margot was a goddess.
“Good?” he asked, his voice so low and slow, I
wasn’t sure he was asking about the dessert. I told myself to focus
on the dense taste of chocolate, and not on the question in his
tone.
When I opened my eyes again, he was still looking
at me, his eyes crystal pools of green.
“What?” I asked.
He arched up a sardonic eyebrow.
I shook my head. “Chocolate or no chocolate, we’re
not doing that.”
Ethan humphed, then stepped forward. “You missed a
little,” he said, raising his hand to my face. His fingers at my
jaw, he swept his thumb across my lips.
And while we stood there, staring at each other, he
lifted his thumb to his own beautiful mouth and sucked away the
chocolate.
My lips parted. Although my very skin was on fire
and my lips felt swollen from his touch, I managed to whisper, “You
aren’t playing fair.”
“I’m not playing, Sentinel.”
For a moment, we stood silently, neither of us
responding to the obvious invitation. Ethan took the plate and fork
from my hands and placed them on the cart. Then he took my hand and
pressed it to his chest, to the crisp cotton of his shirt. His
heart thudded beneath my palm, his blood racing beneath my
fingertips.
I had a sudden memory of the blood we’d shared—me
on my old bed in Mallory’s house, Ethan on his knees before me, his
wrist offered to sustain me through the rest of the change. But
even half crazed from the bloodlust, I’d rejected it. I couldn’t
drink; I wasn’t ready to take that step, especially not with him.
Sharing blood had seemed too intimate a thing to do with someone I
was already conflicted about. But then he’d carefully bitten his
own wrist and offered it again. And while his control was usually
momentous, he had surrendered and allowed me to see the silvering
of his eyes. He had allowed me to see his want, his desire. That
was enough for me. I’d gripped his arm and brought his wrist to my
lips. I drank—for the first time really, truly drank—and
while I fed my fevered need we stayed there together beneath an arc
of hunger and desire and lust strong enough to electrify the
air.
The memory hit me like a freight train, and I
yanked back my hand, shocked by its intensity.
As I looked at him now, I saw the knowledge in his
eyes. He knew what I’d remembered, but also that the memory wasn’t
going to change my mind. “You are so stubborn.”
I gave him a pointed look. “You’ve always known
that. You’ve known who I am from the very beginning.”
“I know you aren’t the same as the rest of
them.”
“I wasn’t made like the rest of them,” I pointed
out. “I didn’t ask to become one of your vampires. I became a
vampire because you chose to make me one.”
“And what, Sentinel, did I make you?”
The room was silent for a moment, until I lifted my
eyes to his. I wondered what he saw in mine as he stared back. Did
he see the same, strong desire, tempered by my own
hesitation?
“Did I make you strong?” he asked. “Did I make you
capable?”
A corner of my lip lifted. “I am who I am. You just
made me vampire.”
While I still had the strength to do it, I took a
few steps backward. “We aren’t far to dawn. I should probably head
to my room. Did you need me for anything else?”
“I need you for many things.”
Oh, but it was so easy to be flattered by the
thought that a man so intensely handsome wanted me so fiercely. Of
course, that was exactly the problem. “You want me for
physical satisfaction.”
When I got no response, I glanced up at him again,
thinking my flippancy had angered him. But there was no anger in
his eyes, just liquid, rich quicksilver—the color of hunger.
My spine tingled, not just with arousal, but with
something baser—a kind of vampiric appreciation, an interest in
whatever game we were beginning to play.
The question was, was I prepared to lose?
He moved forward and took my hand, then joined our
fingers together, raising our linked hands between us. “You would
be worth any cost.”
“Whether I’m worth it isn’t the question.” My voice
was lush and low, and surprised me with its depth. Apparently the
bravado I’d been faking with Lindsey hadn’t been all a show—as a
vampire, I had plenty of confidence in my feminine wiles. And, more
important, I would be the one to decide whether he was worthy of my
attentions.
“Why do you doubt me?”
“Because we’ve had this conversation before. At
Mallory’s. In the library.”
“I am beginning to remember—” He stopped, shook his
head, then started again. “I am beginning to remember what it means
to need things. Laughter. Companionship. Love.” He leaned forward
and pressed his forehead to mine. “And I need you, Merit.”
I swallowed. Those were words I hadn’t expected to
hear, hadn’t been prepared to hear. I want you, sure. I
desire you, maybe. But not need—not the admission of it,
of the weakness he connoted with it. That simple, four-letter word
laid me bare, stripping away the defenses I’d so carefully
constructed.
“Ethan.” My voice was barely a whisper, barely
enough to push through the thick silence, but there was still
warning in my tone.
A warning he ignored.
That was when he moved—when he reached up, cupped
my face in his hands, and pressed his lips to mine. He stayed
there, his mouth on mine, for a long time, before he finally drew
away. But he kept his hands on my cheeks and kept his shining eyes
on my face.
“You undo me, Merit. Wholly and completely. You
don’t take me at my word. You challenge me at every opportunity.
And that means when I’m with you, I am less than the head of this
House . . . and I am more than the head of this House. I am a man.”
He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. “In my very, very long life,
I need you more than I have ever needed anything.”
This time, I didn’t wait for him to move.